


The Fall of Tony Stark

by plastic_cello



Series: The Ballad of Tony and Loki [5]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Previous Drug Use, Mid 90s, Rock 'n' roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:02:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 150,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plastic_cello/pseuds/plastic_cello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark is on a mission to find internationally beloved rock star Loki Laufeyson; who had fallen into obscurity of his own volition.  But twenty-one years apart hasn't done anything to curb Tony's fascination with him; and he is determined to find him by any means necessary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue :: Superstar

**Author's Note:**

> You asked for it and here it is. :D
> 
> And I can happily suggest listening to Sonic Youth's rendition of "Superstar", since it was released in 1994.

* * *

 

**Prologue :: Superstar**

 

* * *

 

Sedona in the middle July would have easily constituted as hell to Tony Stark; but that had been before he'd been taken captive by a terrorist cell in Northern Africa for three solid months. The Arizona heat was luxury in comparison, and well anywhere in America's borders was heaven on earth. Even if it meant sitting on a very suburban street filled with very uniform homes and orderly lawns.

He sucked in a breath, wearily eyeing the southwestern styled home. It had taken a lot of courage he hadn't known he had to drive all the way from Malibu; although, he had to remind himself this wasn't such a big deal, compared to building a suit equipped with an insane amount of weaponry, and fighting his way to freedom. This was very miniscule in comparison; and yet he was still terrified.

Pepper thought he'd come to Arizona for a spa retreat; something that would inevitably relax him and ease him back into society. But that had been far from the reason why he was there, and he didn't necessarily feel comfortable discussing the matter with her. He couldn't even explain what had happened to him in that cave, and inevitably losing his only ally during his escape; let alone conjure up memories from his past.

The situation was far too raw still; he'd only been back for the past two weeks, and it had taken some convincing to slip away to Arizona without Pepper manually chaining herself to his legs. Which he did appreciate a lot; he needed that reassurance from somebody, but this was a mission he could only do alone.

"Stop being a pussy." He murmured to himself, before he slowly reached down to unbuckle his seatbelt. "Just do this for yourself. But more importantly for Yinsen; so don't fuck this up."

Once he freed himself, Tony wiped his sweaty palms over his slacks, and peered out onto the sun baked street. Several kids were riding their bikes up and down the block; they'd even stopped to stare at him until the commodity of a stranger without candy wore out its glamour. And that was perfectly fine for him; since he didn't want to draw any unneeded attention to himself.

He finally climbed out of his '66 Shelby Cobra corvette, securing the door with a firm push; and started his way up the red rock walkway. His heart leapt to his throat as he drew nearer to the front door, and forced himself to take in several steady breaths. Yinsen had coached him through half a dozen anxiety attacks and always advised him to breathe steadily; which sounded like very basic information, but it had been information that got him through that terrible debacle.

Almost as an afterthought, Tony pressed his palm to the arc reactor firmly implanted in his chest. He was alive and he was fine; he was on American soil, and the only scary thing that might await him on the other side of that door was a sixty year old man. That wasn't scary at all; unless, of course, the aforementioned sixty year old man smelled of mothballs and Icy Hot, and wanted to talk about the good 'ol days.

"You can do this, Stark." He reassured himself, as he reached out to press the doorbell.

Tony could hear the twinkling sound of the doorbell from inside the house, and almost burst into irrational laughter by the melody. It sounded very much like an old Carpenters' song; he couldn't pinpoint which, although some of the lyrics struck too close to home for his liking.

"Goddamn Carpenters," he stifled his nervous laughter behind his hand, and waited for someone to come to the door.

Thankfully the wait was a very short one, less than a minute by his estimation. The door opened to reveal a middle aged woman, maybe in her late thirties; who greeted him with an inquisitive smile, before something akin to recognition cropped up on her face. He didn't expect anything differently, though; his face had been plastered on the news non-stop for ages now.

He'd even gotten tired of seeing his bruised and cut face, splashed across every television screen and news periodical in the country. Especially since he'd made the announcement to cease Stark Industries production of weaponry; which only garnered a slew of bad press, and gotten Obie so far up his ass he was sure they had become one entity by now.

"Uh, hi; I'm Tony Stark." He blurted out awkwardly.

"I recognize you, of course." She replied, looking stunned.

"Sorry if this is inconvenient, but I'm here to see a Phil Coulson." He tried to smile. "And it I would be really grateful if you didn't tell me I was at the wrong address. Because that would just downright suck and I'd have to destroy my A. I. for feeding me false information."

The woman stared at him for several terse moments, which only made Tony's stomach drop. JARVIS had taken several days to unearth all the Phil Coulsons within the country, and then another day to eliminate the ones who hadn't fit Tony's vague description. But in the end, there had been one result that seemed like a plausible match for the man he was looking for; and yet it looked like his hopes and dreams were about to be blown to smithereens.

"Please come in." The woman finally spoke again, stepping aside. "My dad's in the television room."

"Jesus Christ," Tony let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "I really thought you were going to tell me some bad news."

He pressed his hand to the arc reactor again, as he stepped into the house; which was exponentially cooler than the outside world. And he really couldn't tell if he liked the sudden change in temperature; it was too reminiscent of the cave at night, when he had to curl onto that dirty cot underneath a thin but scratchy blanket.

Quickly he tried to banish the thought, once the woman shut the door behind him, and motioned for him to follow her through the house; an ordinary non-descript house at that. The walls were painted an unimpressive white, but there was a continuous chair rail that was painted a bright marigold yellow. Uninteresting photographs lined most of the wall space, and even uglier southwestern art was splashed in between pictures of graduations and weddings and other important life events.

Tony observed every inch of the house warily, before he was led into a spacious room at the back of the house; where a large television set was droning on about the latest news involving O. J. Simpson. In between Tony's return from certain death and the fall of one of America's sports heroes; it was enough to make anyone sick.

"Dad, you have a visitor." The woman announced, effectively drawing the attention of an older gentleman in a recliner in front of the TV screen.

There was no denying who that sixty year old geezer was either. Tony had found him; he had found Phil Coulson, manager extraordinaire. And there wasn't that much different about him either; he'd gone balder and had salt and pepper colored hair, and a few more wrinkles about the eyes and wore a pair of black-rimmed glasses. But he was still the Coulson of the seventies with his trademark exasperated look on his face to boot.

"Thanks, Rita." Coulson smiled tightly at her, which gave her the go ahead to leave the room; and Tony didn't know that he was ready for it.

His gaze darted away from Coulson, looking from the television set and then to the fireplace tucked into the corner of the room. He looked every which way, especially once he heard Coulson climbing out of his chair; and that inevitably led to his downfall.

There was huge framed black and white print on the farthest wall of the room; it had to have been taken in the early seventies by the look of it. Coulson was grinning like a fool with his arm looped around a lanky raven-haired man with a mischievous smile; while another man, fair haired and muscular stood on the other side.

"I bet that looks familiar." Coulson said, clearly knowing where he was staring. "That was at the end of 1970; the good 'ol days when Thor and Loki could actually stand to be in a room with one another. But you'd never know that in '71."

"Twenty-four years ago." Tony murmured, feeling a lump beginning to form in his throat.

"This is very unexpected, Tony Stark." Coulson finally drew his attention away from the print. "I thought I saw the last of you eighteen years ago. And I definitely didn't expect that one of your first pit stops after what happened to you in Africa would actually be to come and visit me."

"Trust me; I didn't think I'd actually see another day. I couldn't have predicted you'd be one of the first people I'd drop by to say hello to, Phil." He looked away, deciding his scuffed up shoes were a particularly interesting sight.

It really didn't matter how much he planned out what he wanted to say; now that the moment was here, he found it completely impossible to say a thing. Of course, he had imagined cussing up a blue streak at Phil; blaming him for ruining his life in '76, but he knew how stupid that had sounded even in his own head. And well, the reason why he was there in the first place; he couldn't even say it.

"I know why you're here. There's only one reason why you'd be here, Stark." Phil piped up once more, sparing Tony from pathetically floundering about. "And I have nothing for you; not a single thing."

Tony jerked his head up, staring at Phil disbelievingly. That seemed like an impossibility if he had ever heard one; of course, he would have something for him. He'd be the only person that would; it was his only solid lead, and he'd be damned if he left empty-handed.

He and Phil had had a contentious relationship back then; so maybe this was just an extension of that. Maybe he wanted to make his life even more miserable than it had been for almost twenty years; which was pretty cruel, considering he'd been in a hijack situation, an inevitable plane crash; then had to live in a fucking cave for three months with a car battery temporarily attached to his chest.

"You're full of shit, Coulson." He snapped. "You might not owe me anything, but a little common courtesy would go a long way right about now."

"I don't have any reason to lie to you, Stark." Phil retorted. "I don't know where Loki is. I haven't spoken to him since 1983; he basically fell off the planet of his own accord. If he's even on the planet anymore,"

The insinuation was rather apparent, and hit Tony where it would inevitably hurt. But he noticed how Phil didn't get any joy from saying that either; which was hardly any consolation, since Tony had been sure he found the missing link from his past. If anyone had known where Loki Laufeyson was that would have been Phil Coulson.

"What do you mean you haven't heard from him since 1983?" Tony asked, unable to hide the faint quiver in his voice.

"Springtime '83," Phil said, before walking towards a bureau beside the TV. "Loki had recorded an extraordinary album; better than even _Hollow and Wicked_. And that album had everyone in the music industry wagging their tongues. But Loki really outdid himself with his last album; except he refused to release it. He was just done; didn't want anything to do with the music industry, no matter how hard we tried to convince him otherwise."

Tony took in a shuddering breath, watching as Phil pulled open one of the bureau's drawers, and began to riffle through bits of paper. He eventually pulled out a handful of them, before he settled down into his recliner again.

"It was the last I heard from him; anyone heard from him really."

"What about that Heimdall character?"

"You mean Hamish," Phil arched an eyebrow, before returning to his paper sorting. "Hamish died in '89 from a brain aneurysm. But his daughter Morgana eventually took over the agency. And that's, aha; there it is!"

Phil held up a lime-green sticky note, which had been brandished with an expensive looking ink pen, the kind Pepper liked to use; and a telephone number with the words _Morgana's personal line_ written underneath it.

"If anyone has had any contact with Loki, it would have been Morgana. Because I suspect that Hamish might have kept in touch with him before his death. But it was impossible to pry any information out of him; especially when it came to Loki."

"Why haven't you called then?" Tony asked, taking the sticky note (which wasn't very sticky anymore).

"I'm an old guy." Phil blurted out, but seemed to regret it almost immediately. "I'm retired and I spend my days either playing golf or watching it on TV. We're not in the seventies anymore, Mr. Stark. And well, I like to think of Loki as how he was."

"You were in love with him, you dick." Tony laughed sardonically.

"I was married with a child. Don't belittle me, Stark."

"You wouldn't be the first straight guy to fall for him, Phil. He had a magnetism that was beyond rhyme or reason. I thought you'd know that more than anyone else; you had to get rid of the garbage every other day."

"You weren't garbage to him, Stark. He was a mess after you left. And trust me, I don't get a thrill out of saying this; but considering everything you've been through, the least I can do is tell you the truth and give you a chance." Phil shifted to face the TV, setting down the other pieces of paper to the floor. "I figure if anyone can find him, it would probably be a billionaire with technological advances beyond my wildest imagination."

"He," Tony sucked in a breath, struck by his haywire emotions again. "He still means the world to me, Phil. It just took a very wise man to make me realize it. And I'm going to find him, and when I do; I want you get on the next plane out and come and see him. For old time's sake,"

Before Coulson could reply, Tony quickly spun around on his heel; clutching the sticky note tightly in his hand. He needed to get back to Malibu and peruse JARVIS's capabilities. He wanted to find out everything he could about Loki's previous management team, particularly Hamish and his daughter Morgana. And maybe then he could muster up the courage to actually telephone her.

But he feared the disappointment; there had been so much disappointment, since he'd come back home and started to search for Loki Laufeyson. Every potential lead had ended up at a dead end; every bit of hope that he had, had been mowed over. And Coulson had been his last hope; he had been absolutely certain he'd get Loki's whereabouts right away, instead of another lead that would end the same way as every other one did.

Internationally beloved rock star Loki Laufeyson had fallen off the planet; fallen out of the public's eyes in 1982. Just as he had fallen out of Tony's life in 1976; but he was determined to find him one way or another. And he would find him, even if that was the last thing he did.


	2. Chapter One :: Rediscovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first chapter, I hope you enjoy it. And thank you for the continued support; you guys have blown my mind.

* * *

 

**Chapter One :: Rediscovery**

 

* * *

 

Complaints usually garnered positive results for Tony. So long as they were loud enough, consistent enough; he generally had a tendency to get his way. But this time, he was fighting a losing battle; his opponent, after all, was uncharacteristically powerful. And after knowing one another for over twenty years, his bitching just didn't have an effect on her anymore.

"Pepper, honey," he practically threw himself into the walk-in closet, where she had disappeared. "Is this really necessary? It's already winter there!"

"You've been exposed to too many chemicals in your workshop, Tony." Pepper replied, while pulling down articles of clothing from the closet's rack. "It's only October."

"Not in England! It's a combination of January and December, which by the way isn't good for someone like me. I don't want to freeze my balls off; I like my balls. You should know that."

"The private jet leaves in three hours." She said without missing a beat. "And you'll be on that flight with me, whether you like it or not. I'm sure your balls will survive the nippy weather; so long as you keep them in your pants."

Tony let out a dramatic noise, helplessly watching as Pepper collected his clothing for the upcoming trip to London. He had sworn he had vetoed any renovation to the London headquarters; hell, he had almost forgotten there was a Stark building in London period. But knowing how inattentive he was with the business portion of the company, he might have very well signed off on a full-blown renovation without even knowing it.

Of course, the probability that he had a conversation with Pepper about the renovation was fairly high. She more than likely prattled on about it, and he probably nodded his head absentmindedly; before a pile of paperwork was thrust underneath his nose, and his antsy hand signed every line indicated, so long as he could go back to tinkering with hot rods and JARVIS's interface.

"Why am I needed in London anyway?" He whined again, more so once Pepper dragged out his designer roll-on from the farthest end of the closet. "You're my eyes and ears at the company, Pepper. I trust you with my life, and that's not an easy feat with how our last CEO screwed me over."

Pepper shot him a weary look, but that didn't stop her from overturning the roll-on onto its side, and crouching down to unzip it. Even his argument about Obadiah Stane wasn't striking the sympathy chord; and that was usually a surefire way to get her into bed for some casual sex.

Then again, he didn't necessarily like to bring up the fact that his foster father tried to kill him. It had been two years since he'd returned from Libya, and well the mental scars had yet to heal. Not after the trauma of his private jet being hijacked by Obadiah's goons; although things had gone messy when the pilot had fought back tooth and nail, which inevitably led to the plane crash.

Luckily for Tony, the plane had descended low enough that the crash didn't kill him, but unfortunately two of the hijackers hadn't died either. So while he'd been struck by shrapnel, embedded in his chest; those assholes had managed to drag him away into their little cave in the middle bumfuck nowhere.

"We had this conversation several times already, Tony." Pepper said, as she expertly began to fold his clothes and pack them into his luggage. "Due to the fact that I'll have to spend a few months in London, you wanted to install JARVIS into the penthouse. And since you are so paranoid about anyone touching your tech, you volunteered to install JARVIS yourself."

"Because anyone else would butcher the hell out of my baby," He crossed his arms, full-on regretting the fact he had actually volunteered to do that; but he couldn't trust anyone with JARVIS, even if he was privy to allow strangers to handle his most intimate body parts rather frequently.

JARVIS was different, though. He'd been working on his A. I. since his days at Berkeley; and it had only been in the mid-eighties when the idea had become a fully realized reality. It was beyond any sort of technology currently out there; and he'd be damned if he permitted anyone to toy around with it.

"Well, you just answered your own question." Pepper gave him a sarcastic smile, before swiveling on her knees to reach out for several drawers on the island in the middle of the closet; and began pulling out several pairs of socks and boxer briefs. "So I'd appreciate it if you stopped complaining. You'll be in London for a week, ten days tops; then you can go back to Malibu."

"Ten days tops, Virginia. I'm holding you to that." He pointed at her. "Or else I'm going to make you have really awkward sex with me, and then make you personally apologize to my balls."

"I am _not_ doing that again, Tony. I told you that."

"Hey, the boys need as much love as the big guy does."

"Tony," Pepper gave him a look, which meant certain danger might crop up at any moment.

So he did the respectable thing and stopped while he was ahead; choosing instead to saunter further into the closet to spy the many racks of business attire and casual wear. Pepper had been smart enough to pull down more casual wear than business, which he was utterly grateful for. He hadn't planned on rubbing shoulders with anyone across the pond, but that didn't mean he'd be exempt from it once his arrival became known.

He hated the business aspect of the company. His heart had been more in research and development, and precisely why he'd given the reins of the company to Obadiah and eventually Pepper. He just wasn't cut out for the fast-pace world of politics (because that's essentially what it was); and even when he tried, he ended up humiliating everyone by drowning his boredom with outrageous antics. Some of which had even been illegal; but who hadn't been arrested with marijuana before?

"There's been a lot of excitable chatter about several companies, who'd like to invest into the arc reactor technology." Pepper continued to dutifully pack, while Tony browsed his own closet like it was the first time he'd been in there. "Europe is way ahead of North America in clean energy technology. So we can really expand our reach, which means we'll easily surpass the company's best years."

"Our numbers have tripled since '94." Tony stated blandly, stopping at shelf filled with decorative boxes; one of them looked fairly old compared to the rest.

"Due to the fact you're a genius. And you know how much I hate admitting to that; it'll only inflate your ego more."

"Not only my ego; you should know that better than anyone." He shot out in a rush, before removing the box from the shelf, and giving it a good shake. "Hey, do you know what this is?"

"Someone found a box of your old belongings in the mansion; so they dropped them off a few weeks ago. I completely forgot about it. I just tossed that over there for you to go through at your own leisure." She peered up at the box for a few seconds, and eventually went back to rearranging his clothing in the suitcase.

Tony quirked an eyebrow; of course he remembered that they had listed the family mansion for sell a couple of weeks ago, since no one used it anyway. In between the penthouse and his permanent residence in Malibu, Tony didn't find any reason to keep the old house. And well, there were too many bad memories attached to it anyway for him to want to keep it.

Curiously, he worked the lid off the box and peered inside. He almost dropped the box by what was inside; but somehow managed not to. Pepper didn't seem to notice the sudden inhalation he made either, which was a god send, because he did not want to explain.

"Well, I'll leave you to it." He announced, hurriedly exiting the closet with the box and lid in hand, and almost sprinting into the master bathroom.

There was no way he could let anyone see what was in that box, not even Pepper. And Pepper had seen him in very peculiar situations before; ranging from that seven-way with some Playboy bunnies and that one time she caught him drunkenly fucking his couch, and singing songs from the seventies. But this was even too personal for him to share with anyone else.

Once he secured and locked the door behind him, Tony walked to the vanity; setting down both the box and lid, before he pulled out the contents one by one. When the items were spread out in front of him, he observed them almost reverently. It had been a very long time since he'd seen any of those things.

"Let's do the time warp again." He smiled mirthlessly, as he picked up the copy of Rolling Stone magazine with Odin's Sons on the cover.

It was an immaculate copy too; he ran his fingers along the cover, pausing on the brooding figure that stood in between his fair-haired band mates. Loki Odinson stared up at him, the epitome of an enigmatic and tortured artist; a dark soul, even. And Tony was struck by that realization again; when he flipped open the magazine to the main spread about the band.

He openly cringed while catching sight of his own juvenile words; before he set the magazine down and picked up the other one, but this time the name Loki Laufeyson was splashed across the cover. Loki's brooding expression was still the same; even behind the many layers of makeup that he wore. He flipped open the magazine like the last one, only for several items to fall out from between the pages.

Cautiously, Tony put the magazine back onto the counter, bending down to retrieve what soon revealed to be Polaroid pictures. His heart leapt to his throat, as he gathered them up, and peered down at them like he'd never seen them before.

"Son of a bitch; how the hell did I forget about these?" He examined the first Polaroid, which incited as much awe as it had during the actual incident.

Loki Laufeyson, one of the most well-known names of the glam scene in the seventies; was on his hands and knees, ass bright red and his swollen arousal on full display. But the kicker about the Polaroid was the open-mouthed look he directed over his shoulder; needy and wanton and begging to be taken. More precisely, begging to be taken by Tony.

The other photographs were similar in nature; tawdry and inappropriate, and meant only for Tony's eyes. He sucked in a breath, alarmed to find one of the two of them; both of them appeared winded and aroused, and stupidly and pathetically in love.

"And now I can't even find you, babe." Tony muttered forlornly, as he slowly stacked the Polaroid photos into a neat pile, and returned them to the magazine. "Trust me, I tried."

Two years after he'd spoken to Phil Coulson; Tony had immersed himself into a lengthy search for Loki. He'd done enough research to last him a lifetime, and even perused the telephone number Phil had given him for Hamish's daughter Morgana. But that resulted in absolutely nothing; aside from having a snide conversation with the woman for about twenty minutes.

Every lead had been for naught. Every person he managed to dredge up from Loki's past had been just as clueless about his whereabouts as Tony was. None of them could provide any withstanding information about him; and it proved to be impossible to even locate the former members of Odin's Sons. It was as if they had fallen off the face of the planet for shits and giggles.

It was only after Tony exhausted every lead available to him, that he finally ended his search. He'd stopped looking the year before; disenchanted and weary by his lack of progress. And if he were to be perfectly honest with himself, he had reserved himself to the inevitable - maybe Loki wasn't even alive anymore.

Loki had lived a very wild life. He'd done his share of drugs, and had an unhealthy predilection for rooftops; so maybe once he was out of Phil's diligent care, maybe he'd fallen to his death or overdosed. But even that seemed farfetched because JARVIS had found absolutely nothing about his death either.

In a way, it appeared as if Loki Laufeyson never truly existed at all. If Tony hadn't any picture proof of it, then he could have easily believed it. That Loki was only a figment of his imagination and in no way existed outside of his own head.

 _"My apologies, sir; but Miss Potts has demanded that you meet her in the lounge immediately. Mr. Hogan has arrived to fetch your luggage and to drive you to the airport."_ JARVIS's voice echoed through the room, effectively cutting off Tony's walk down memory lane short.

"I hear you. Tell her I have to go down to the workshop, you know for I can install you into our new European getaway. So she needs to calm down." Tony stacked his mementos from the past back into their box; but for some reason felt compelled to keep a hold of the magazines, if only to have something to look at during the flight. "And maybe I'll induct myself into the mile high club too, babe."

Cradling the magazines to his chest and holding the box in the other, Tony meandered out of the bathroom; having to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the sounds of Happy singing Peter Frampton _again._ And he knew it was just to piss him off.

"Mission accomplished asshole."


	3. Chapter Two :: Miss Stacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't too crappy; I tried my best to get something out. And well, something slipped into this chapter that wasn't supposed to happen for a bit. But sometimes things go unexpectedly. =/

* * *

 

**Chapter Two :: Miss Stacy**

 

* * *

 

It had been an eventful forty-two hours for Tony. The details were muddled due to his sleep deprived brain; but he had accomplished what he had been dragged to London for in the end. Even if it led to a bickering match between him and Pepper, as he took a sledge hammer to a perfectly fine wall of the penthouse suite; in order to make room for JARVIS's motherboard, which had been conveniently overlooked by the contractors, the architects, and Miss Potts herself.

So he had to improvise, working tirelessly to install JARVIS to full functionality. And maybe the wall was destroyed and the plaster crumbled and cracked; but at least, the penthouse was equipped with a piece of technology couldn't be replicated by anyone else currently on the market; and a wall could easily be repaired anyway.

Tony had worked diligently, fueled by a dangerous mixture of caffeine and alcohol; a liquid diet that would have probably killed a lesser man. But he'd put his body through the wringer for the past twenty years, and it hardly deterred him at all. Hell, he felt pretty good as he meandered up and down the sleek hallways of Stark Industries in search of Pepper.

Lack of sleep was a very common occurrence for him anyway. During his more boisterous of years, Tony had dropped wherever he may; since he spent much of his nights partying and prowling the crowds for casual sex. And that had only changed after the Libya incident; which inevitably compromised his rest with vibrant nightmares of the mental and physical torture he'd been subjected to almost on a daily basis.

That, however, was completely irrelevant now. He was on the hunt for Pepper; he had fulfilled his end of the bargain by installing JARVIS into the penthouse, and now he needed for her to book him a one-way ticket back to Malibu. He already missed the sunshine and his outdoor pool; not to mention the beautiful women in barely there bikinis that flocked to the mansion.

The cold weather did not agree with him, and he would be damned if he got wrangled into entertaining any potential clientele who were interested in the arc reactor technology. He had put Pepper in the CEO chair for a reason; so he could focus solely on the development side of the business, while still having someone trustworthy at the helm. Not to mention, Pepper was far better at being pseudo-sincere than he ever could be.

Tony continued up and down the hallway, poking his head into spacious offices and oversized board rooms; undoubtedly looking half-crazed by his appearance. White plaster, dust, and perspiration covered his body from head to toe; while a pair of workman goggles rested atop of his unkempt mop of hair. So it wasn't very surprising that whenever he peered around a corner, offering a toothy grin; that he was met with stunned silence and confusion.

"Hello," he announced in his best business-like tone; once he found a board room filled with at least fifteen people. "Have any of you seen a redhead with legs that go on for miles? And I take it from your silence that the answer is no. Well, I guess I'll find her somewhere around here eventually. So keep up the good work with your pie charts and stiff looking suits and are those tea cups?"

Instead of waiting for a proper answer, he quickly retreated back into the hallway; deciding that the elevator would probably be his best bet to find Pepper. Although, he wouldn't be having such a difficult time coming across her, had she chosen to carry her Stark Phone around like he wanted her to. It would have saved him a hell of a lot of time, and would have gotten him on that flight to Malibu within a matter of hours; but Pepper had claimed the phone was way too bulky to be convenient.

Of course, that was the utmost insult to an inventor. He had singlehandedly redefined what a mobile phone was supposed to be; and while he could readily admit the Stark Phone wasn't aesthetically pleasing and somewhat bulky, it was far better than anything else on the market currently. Not to mention its capabilities were more important than aesthetics anyway.

Eventually he found his way to the elevators, slipping into the first available one; while toying with the idea of how he could slim down the Stark Phone without losing any hardware in the process. His mind toyed with several alternatives, even expanding on what the Stark Phone could do with further research and development; and also estimating how quickly he could implement the changes and get it onto the market, only for his maelstrom of brilliance to abruptly come to a halt.

That wasn't unheard of; his mind was filled to the brim with thoughts. And sometimes his thoughts were derailed by another set that hadn't anything to do the previous ones. It often felt like he was being hit by a freight train with how rapidly they shifted and changed.

"Son of a bitch, I'm in London. I'm in England. I'm in London, England." He uttered aloud. "Why didn't I realize that earlier on? I mean I knew where I was, but I never _really_ knew where I was."

The Stark Phone was thrown to the wayside, replaced instead by the obvious fact that he was in London, England. The same London, England that Loki Laufeyson had been known to live in for years on end. And the same one that he had returned to after his tour with Odin's Sons and even after his solo tour five years afterwards. He even had a huge empty flat in London, which Tony had heard about through Bucky so long ago.

And while that information was twenty years old, the likelihood that Loki had left London seemed very slim; since he seemed to have some sort of attachment to the place. Unless, of course he became a recluse and moved to some Caribbean island or the French countryside; both of which seemed strangely plausible for someone as eccentric as Loki had been.

"I need a map!" Tony blurted out just as the elevator jerked underneath his feet. "There has to be a map around here somewhere! He was born in England; so maybe he moved back to his hometown, wherever that place is!"

Despite his ability to retain data at an alarming quantity, much of what he had retained about Loki had been flushed out of his mind. Mostly as a defense mechanism; since the first few years after their separation had been hell. Tony had drowned himself in outside substances; slept with an innumerable amount of people just so he wouldn't have to think about Loki at all, and how he lost the most important thing in his life over his own stupidity.

It had worked fairly well too; due to the fact, he couldn't recall where exactly Loki had grown up or some of the other inane details about him. And he regretted that; losing those details that had inevitably made Loki who he was. But at least he had a new lease on his search now.

Once the elevator doors slid open, Tony galloped out of from the lift and into another sleek and minimalist hallway. Modern art lined the most of walls, which he suspected was Pepper's doing. She had been the one to secure most of his art collection; so this read stereotypical Pepper, and maybe that also meant she was somewhere in the vicinity.

Regardless of the fact his goals had officially changed; he wanted to find Pepper anyway. If only to tell her the job was done and ask her to procure him a map. While JARVIS was installed, he still wasn't online due to system updates. So Tony needed to do things the old fashion way, which meant going to Pepper for help.

He hurried down the hallway, glimpsing through any open door he came across; but finding much of the floor empty of the usual suits. Which convinced him further that Pepper must have been on this particular floor; not many other people had offices on the CEO's floor out sheer principle of the matter. But mostly because Tony had implemented the practice, because he didn't want to be unnecessarily annoyed, seeing as he'd been chained to an office for several years.

After a few moments, Tony found himself in front of a receptionist desk conveniently abandoned; which meant he'd hit pay dirt. He rounded the desk, before shoving open the double doors behind it and was greeted by the welcoming sight of Pepper; who was leaning back in her chair with a fountain pen between her fingers.

"Pepper, I've been looking for you for ages now!" He announced loudly; maybe too loudly due to the fact that she cringed visibly. "Where have you been?"

"Tony, what a pleasant surprise," Pepper said tightly, almost pleasantly. "I wasn't expecting you to be done so quickly. And to burst in without knocking too,"

That was a familiar tone; the sort of tone Pepper adopted while faking sincerity in front of someone else. And sure enough there was someone sitting opposite her; someone he had completely disregarded until that very moment. He really couldn't explain how he could have done that, especially with how attractive the woman across from Pepper truly was.

"Tony this is Gwen Stacy." Pepper stood, motioning to the blonde who followed her lead. "She was just dropping off some paperwork from Tyler & Daily; the architectural firm we used for the remodel. I wanted to get a quote on how much it would cost to redo the wall you've destroyed."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark." Gwen Stacy smiled at him, before offering her hand to him; which he willingly took. "I've heard a lot about you."

"That is definitely not a British accent, American I presume?" He grinned charmingly at her. "Well, you could be Canadian; but something about you says you're American to me, Miss Stacy. And by the way, the pleasure is absolutely all mine."

"New Yorker born and raised,"

"So am I. What a coincidence."

"Tony, I think it's about time you go back upstairs." Pepper intervened, shooting him the evil eye; which only meant she knew where this friendly chat was going, and she would have been right too.

It was hard for him not to end up flirting with a beautiful young woman; it was just a part of his DNA that he had inherited from dear 'ol dad. And just because he had found a potential lead on Loki's whereabouts, that didn't mean he was very confident about it. So why ruin a perfectly good opportunity to have a meaningless fling in the meantime?

"But I barely came down, and it would be rude of me to leave so soon now. Especially since you do have a representative from Tyler & Daily; who, by the way, did an exceptional job on the remodel,"

"Miss Stacy didn't personally help with the remodel, though." Pepper explained without sounding demeaning; it was a gift that Tony wished he had. "She, however, does work for one of the architects William Fenton."

"I don't want to be rude, even though it's going to come out as rude – but why isn't your boss here himself? Since my peppy Miss Potts, get the joke, was willing to meet face to face with him?"

"Mr. Fenton's in Seoul at the moment." Gwen explained easily, in no way flustered by his question; which only made her that much more attractive to him. He liked a woman who could meet him head-on.

"He did take my telephone call, once Miss Stacy passed along my concerns about the wall. And from the sound of it, he had been in bed when I called him."

"Excellent customer service, Miss Stacy," Tony had yet to let go of her hand, so he gave it a gentle squeeze. "And just to prove to you that Stark Industries also has excellent customer service; you should let me take you to dinner. You know to show you my hospitality; especially since your boss can't be here with us, which is a shame."

Tony heard the audible noise of disbelief that erupted from Pepper; but he was hardly deterred and focused his attention only on Gwen. There was a moment of hesitation on her face, maybe even a smidgen of embarrassment and admiration too. Those were both very good signs, as was the shy smile that blossomed on her lips a moment later.

"Why Mr. Stark that sounds like a date to me. I'm sure if Mr. Fenton was in the country, he would be very receptive to that offer." Gwen released his hand, wearing that beautiful smile still. "But you'll have to excuse me; Mr. Daily will be expecting me back now."

"Well, thank you for dropping by, Miss Stacy." Pepper rounded the desk, before she escorted Gwen to the door. "Please give Mr. Fenton our best regards whenever you see him next. And I apologize about Mr. Stark's behavior."

"Mr. Stark isn't apologizing at all. He stands by his offer!" Tony retorted, only to receive that beautiful smile in return. "And I might destroy another wall, if it means you'll come back to see us, Miss Stacy."

"It was truly a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark." Gwen said, before slipping out the door; which was secured closed by an exasperated looking Pepper. Then again, when was Pepper _not_ exasperated?

Pepper turned around, before slowly advancing on him with her index finger extended; he lifted his hands in submission, but that didn't stop her from prodding him directly against the arc reactor. He back pedaled several paces only for him to come to a halt once his ass met the edge of her desk.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Being my usual charming self, of course,"

"Tony she is half your age; she's practically a baby compared to you!" Pepper prodded the arc reactor again, which probably hurt her finger by the weird angle that she jabbed it with. "And you won't be around long enough to convince her to go on a date with you. Not if you've already installed JARVIS; I'm sure you're itching to get back to Malibu."

"I am a New Yorker by heart; so the cold really doesn't bother me that much. And it's not every day I can spend a few weeks in London, and write it off as business."

"What's your deal? Aren't your balls frozen, as you so eloquently put it several times since we've landed?"

"My balls are doing just fine, thanks for the concern. But that's irrelevant for now; what I need is a map of England, ASAP."

"What for?"

"Because I want to learn about our closest ally, of course," he took her by the shoulders, before whirling her around so she was pressed against the desk instead. "Now Pep, I'm going to go upstairs for a shower and if you're so inclined to join me – my door is always open. But I really need that map pronto."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, before choosing to make a speedy exit. That, however, didn't deter Pepper from calling him a pain in the ass; and that only made him grin widely. Before he was once again immersed in how he could upgrade the Stark Phone without compromising its capabilities; although a Miss Gwen Stacy chased away those thoughts for a moment two just to keep him on his toes.


	4. Chapter Three :: Eighty Percent Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I contemplated for a very long time if I was going to update this story regularly again. Hell, I contemplated if I was going to even finish it; ultimately, I chose to do so. But I hope you understand I might not update as frequently as I had; and I apologize ahead of time if you don't like the direction of this story. At the end of the day, I hope you can trust me to do justice for this series (because this ending was conjured up at the same time as the previous two stories and hasn't changed).

* * *

 

**Chapter Three :: Eighty Percent Wrong**

 

* * *

 

Tony had poured endlessly over the map in front of him; convinced that his brain had been severely compromised by drug and alcohol use, because for the life of him he could not remember where Loki had come from. He was eighty percent sure it was Sussex, but nothing about the name stuck out to him very much.

Loki had been the type to keep mum about his past. He had only mentioned his hometown in passing a handful of times, and hadn't gone into some lengthy and inane anecdote about the place. And Tony really wished he had taken the time out to question Loki beyond his favorite sexual positions; because at least he would have some sort of launching pad to start his search again.

"Sussex it is." He mumbled to the dimly lit lounge, while circling the spot on the map with a red marker; one Pepper had gotten from her office with an exasperated look hours ago. "Yo, JARVIS; are you with me now buddy?"

"Updates have been installed successfully, sir." JARVIS answered crystal clear. "Might I fill you in on the missed calls from both New York City and Malibu?"

"Shoot," Tony tapped the marker against his chin; wondering if it would be worth the time to travel to Sussex for a look around, even if the idea was far from appealing.

"Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes had passed along his regards; he has returned from his visit to the Incirlik Air Base one day earlier. I had informed him that you escorted Miss Potts to London, but that you would return home within the next few weeks."

"Always on the run, isn't he? Anything else,"

"In fact, yes sir. The Malibu residence was telephoned forty-one minutes earlier; a Phil Coulson of Sedona, Arizona had telephoned. He said it involved something to do with a Mr. Loki Laufeyson." JARVIS explained. "I had informed him that you were not available at this time."

Tony dropped the marker to the coffee table, suddenly very alert despite it being close to two in the morning. He hadn't heard from Phil for over a year, since the ex-manager had yet to unearth any helpful information pertaining to Loki. And well, they still had a bit of a contentious relationship; especially when they had attempted to broach the topic of what had happened so long ago.

There hadn't been any real apology from Phil, when it had come to reintroducing Sif back onto tour. He had defended his actions tooth and nail, and Tony had a hard time not jumping into one of his many muscle cars and trying to take the old guy down. Because it was evident that they would never see eye to eye on that particular issue; it would be a cold day in hell before then, and both of them weren't spring chickens either.

"What time is it in Sedona?" He asked quickly, darting his eyes from one point of interest to the other; surely Phil must have had something new to talk about, and he probably knew where Loki came from too.

"It is five fifty-three in the afternoon, sir. Shall I telephone Mr. Coulson for you?"

"Please do; we got a lot to discuss, after all." Tony scrambled onto the sofa and waited for the call to go through.

His mind was filled with possibilities; mostly he hoped that Loki had somehow gotten in contact with Phil, which would end this wild goose chase for good. Tony couldn't imagine spending another year trying to find him again; not when he had neglected everything else (aside from his technology) in order to do so.

That inevitably led to the demise of his relationship with Pepper (again). They had gotten back together once he returned from Libya and Sedona alike; but it only lasted a few months, one of their longer runs. Except nothing could surpass the old college try they'd given in between 1987 and 1990; that one had felt like the real deal, until Tony had paid a male hooker with inky black hair to spend the night with him.

Pepper thankfully hadn't found out the details of his infidelity. But she had been aware of what had happened and broken things off completely for a solid month; which had been hell for Tony. He couldn't function without Pepper at all, not then and definitely not now; she was his rock.

"Hello," Phil's voice suddenly encompassed the whole room; tired but in no way hostile like it had been the last time they'd spoken.

"Phil, just the man I wanted to talk to. How are you doing? Haven't melted to death yet?"

"I'm doing just fine, Mr. Stark."

"Come on; cut it out with the formalities. Call me Stark like you did when I was a kid."

"While I cherish these moments between the two of us, I'm about to go out to dinner with my family."

"It's still weird to think you have a family."

"I had a family back then, Stark. But it wasn't like we were exactly chummy with one another."

"How could we be, when we were both gunning for Loki's attention?" Tony furrowed his brow; feeling a twinge of annoyance spark up inside of him.

Regardless of the many years that had passed by, Tony found that he still had a possessive streak inside of him when it came to Loki; which was very odd since he hadn't even had one when it came to Pepper. Then again while Pepper had always been desirable to the opposite sex (sometimes the same sex too); she still hadn't been an internationally beloved rock star.

"And of course, that's why I'm calling you." Phil said smoothly, although there was a hint of anger in his voice.

"Before you make your big reveal, because I can only imagine it would be one; I want to ask you a question first. Loki's from Sussex right; I'm about eighty percent sure of that."

"Then you'd be eighty percent wrong."

"Ouch, that physically hurt me."

"I don't know why that'll be of any use to you anyway. But Loki was born in Essex; he lived there for a good portion of his life. You, however, won't find much in regards to the Odinsons there; they immigrated to England from Norway sometime in the forties." Phil explained. "And I couldn't tell you anything about his birth parents either."

"I was close, though. They still had _sex_ at the end of it. Go figure the sexiest motherfucker I ever met came from a place with _sex_ at the end of the town name." Tony muttered only to receive an exasperated noise in return.

"May I continue? Or will you go off on an inappropriate tangent again?" Phil asked. "My grandson won his homecoming game for football last night; we're going out to celebrate. So are you ready to listen to what I have to say, because I'm not going to say it again."

That was a very familiar tone of voice; one Tony had heard from many impatient adults in his life. Pepper even had a knack for using that tone, whenever he wasn't paying attention. So he really didn't find any fault on being chided, as if he were that seventeen year old kid with a tape recorder at his disposal again.

"I am all ears, Phil."

"I have some friends in the music industry still. So I had called up one for a friendly chat, and they happened to mention they had worked with Fandral who is now a studio musician. After some digging around, I managed to get in touch with him; and he seemed pretty amused by the fact you were looking for Loki."

"Oh this is good, Phil. This is really good." Tony leapt up from the sofa, clapping his hands together while simultaneously snapping his fingers.

"I'm going to give you his number, so if you want to get into contact with him you can."

"Phil, if you weren't in Arizona right now – I'd kiss you."

"Thank god for small miracles then." Phil returned. "Get a pen; I'm going to give you the number now."

Without having to be told twice; Tony grabbed the red marker, and scrawled out the number over the greater half of England with a flourish. He barely acknowledged the fact that Phil bid him a goodbye almost immediately thereafter, mesmerized by the numbers that stood out on the map. In all truthfulness, Tony hadn't even thought much about the other members of Odin's Sons; the only exception being Thor.

But the likelihood that Loki kept in touch with Thor was slim to none. The two brothers hadn't been able to stand one another for more than a few minutes at a time twenty-five years ago. And Tony suspected that hadn't changed much at all; so tracking down Thor seemed to be a waste of time. Despite that fact, he had gotten desperate enough to try without anything solid results.

Maybe it was seventies rock band kind of thing; because those bastards knew how to go underground if they really wanted to. Tony would probably have more luck tracking down a member of the witness protection program, compared to anyone who wore bell bottoms and played rock songs back in the day.

"This changes everything, JARVIS." Tony tapped his finger against the map; needing to say something aloud to someone (and someone who knew of his year long search for Loki too). "This a game changer right here."

"I am glad to hear, sir."

"I might actually get something out of Fandral. Something solid instead of the same 'ol song and dance," he traced an eight with his finger, before he collapsed back onto the sofa. "Maybe I'll finally find out where Loki is."

The sentiment was an exhilarating one; especially since he had lost all hope not so long ago. He had been absolutely certain that he'd never locate Loki in his lifetime. But all the sudden, he'd been gifted with a bounty of hints and clues. Hell, he was in England and could actually meet up with Fandral in person; rather than just have a measly telephone conversation.

Something unexplainable, maybe something as silly as fate, seemed to point Tony to the belief that his search might very well be over. Maybe he'd finally find Loki once and for all; although he barely had any time to imagine what the reunion would be like. Or what he hoped to accomplish once he was in the same room as Loki for that matter.

The only thing that seemed to matter was that he promised Yinsen he wouldn't live his life in vain. In that dirty and dark cave, Yinsen had asked him if he had anything to live for; if there was anyone who would be waiting for him once he got back home. Not if but when he got home. And it was probably due to the fact he'd been stuck in a cave with the guy for so long, who single-handedly saved his life more than once; because Tony had spilled out the gut wrenching details of his unrequited love.

Yinsen had taken him by surprise too; that he made him promise that once he was free, that he would pursue any avenue to find real happiness. Tony had promised Yinsen that much, and he would be damned if he gave up on that promise completely. Even if it meant being thoroughly disappointed by the results; because it would only be too picturesque if Loki received him with open arms, and if there was one thing he knew unequivocally about Loki was that things were never that simple.

"Hey, JARVIS," Tony forced himself to stand. "Wake me up in, oh, five hours. I have an important phone call to make; and I'm not going to sleep the day away. So sound the alarms or sic Pepper on me if all else fails."

"I shall set your alarm accordingly, sir."

"Thanks, J. You're a lifesaver, and while you're at it – find some information on Essex for me."

"Yes, of course, sir." JARVIS replied primly. "And I hope you sleep well."

"Oh, I will." Tony smiled as he made his way down the hallway to his bedroom; and for the first time in a very long time, he actually felt optimistic about the coming day.


	5. Chapter Four :: Tracking a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind words from the previous chapter; I thought I might as well update again, since some of my stress has been resolved and so maybe I can focus on my stories more.

* * *

 

**Chapter Four :: Tracking a Ghost**

 

* * *

 

The pub was dank and dark, not very much unlike a cave; which didn't bode very well with Tony. He hated to admit small and dark places gave him unneeded anxiety; but since it was a pub, he had two glasses of scotch already, and felt his nerves slowly ease into submission. Even as his body was taut with anticipation for his bar mate; whom had promised to meet him there at eight o'clock sharp.

It was already beginning to push nine. He would have been annoyed, had he not been guilty of the same offense of lateness that made an hour look like a luxury. So he occupied his time with people watching and occasionally doodling on napkins with some of his ideas on the Stark Phone, the arc reactor, and further advances on JARVIS as well.

The telephone conversation Tony had had early that morning had been brief. He had hardly recognized the voice on the other end; then again, his memory of Fandral was limited. When he'd been seventeen years old, everything had boiled down to one set point and that had been Loki. Every other person on tour that summer held very little significance in comparison; although Tony knew age when he heard it, and Fandral hadn't sounded like he aged gracefully.

Not many rock stars had a tendency to be dazzling examples of the golden years. Many of them had died from alcohol and drug abuse; while the others oftentimes looked as if they were twenty years older than they actually were. Tony feared sometimes that Loki might have very well gone to the wayside himself, if he wasn't already six feet under.

"Well, well, if it isn't the famous Tony Stark." Someone greeted in a gruff but merry voice above him.

Tony raised his head from the scuffed bar, squinting against the tendrils of cigarette smoke in the air. A lanky guy with faded blond hair and beard stood next to the barstool beside him; before he slipped onto it and motioned for the bartender to bring him the usual. It couldn't be anyone but Fandral; aside from the fact he looked like death warmed over, and his clothes appeared much too big for his body.

"I don't have the AIDS if that's what you're worried about." Fandral shot him a sideways glance. "I had a bacterial infection; something about undercooked chicken; I lost thirty pounds in less than two months. But the doctor said I should be happy to be alive and at work again; playing the bloody bass for pop singers."

"I wasn't judging you. It's just a blast from the past." Tony chuckled into his glass, as he took a swig. "I never thought I'd be seeing you ever again."

"I thought the same thing about you, until your daft face was plastered on every magazine and newspaper for the past twenty years. Especially when your airplane went down in Libya; you were bloody everywhere. I think I dreamt of you more than once too; platonically, of course."

"Well, I am a pretty big deal."

"The difference between night and day," Fandral thanked the bartender once his pint was brought to him, not wasting any time as he took a swig from it. "You're almost unrecognizable, Starky. But old habits die hard – yours clearly being Loki."

There wasn't any point on refuting the statement; if Tony hadn't an obsession with Loki, he wouldn't have telephoned Fandral in the first place. He definitely wouldn't have trapped himself into a depressing cave-like pub either; if anything he should have been following Miss Gwen Stacy around like a loverlorn puppy dog. That would have been a lot more satisfying than cheap scotch, and reminiscing about the old times with Fandral.

"I bet Phil caught you up to speed."

"He only mentioned you were looking for Loki." Fandral eyed him, looking tired and sickly. "And I might be the last one who'd seen him, since Philly told me the last time he'd seen him was in '82,"

Slowly, Tony swiveled on his barstool in order to face him. It never really occurred to him that maybe one of Loki's former band mates would have had any contact with him after the demise of Odin's Sons. The band had fallen on rough times after Loki's departure; and while they had a mediocre single or two in the mid-seventies; they hadn't been able to replicate the success they once had.

But like most bands that lost a crucial member, Odin's Sons had eventually broken up. He wasn't quite sure when it had been, especially since he spent much of the eighties completely inebriated. It was a miracle that he even remembered much of it; although '85 was a bit of a blur, aside from his peculiar fascination with the band Motley Crue during that period of time.

"So when was the last time you saw Loki?" Tony shifted his tumbler between his hands.

"I'd say about five or six years ago; it happened by chance. I doubt that wanker would have planned to see any one of us after everything that happened between us. I can't say I blame him either, though." Fandral shrugged. "We had a decent enough conversation; nothing too personal or anything like that."

"How was he?"

"Do you want the truth, or do you want some fantastical answer?"

"I didn't call you up for a fantasy, buddy." Tony swallowed hard. "If that were the case, I could have just conjured up some sort of bullshit in my own head to hold me over for the rest of my life."

Fandral smirked at him, in a way that was absolutely infuriating. Everyone seemed to be able to read him like a well-worn book nowadays; whenever it came to Loki, he became utterly transparent. He became strangely uppity and emotional too, igniting feelings of irrationality from his young adulthood; and those were things he wished that remained bury underneath years of dust and experience.

"The bastard hadn't aged at all. He looked stupidly brilliant for someone his age; even with his trimmed hair and grim face. He looked like he'd just come out of a proper job; the kind everyone's parents wanted them to take instead of playing that racket we called music." Fandral smirked wider. "His biggest complaint was how much he loathed his shorter hair and was going to grow it out; damned his bosses, whoever they were, to hell."

"He didn't say anything about where he was working?"

"Not a word; it seemed to be a new job, though. He looked worse than when he went without sleep on tour; I imagine he didn't sleep much then either. Nightmares I suspect."

"You know more than you're letting on." Tony narrowed his eyes. "I suspected as much about Phil too. But now you've proven me right. You guys know more than you're sharing with me."

Sometime in their partnership to locate Loki, Tony began to suspect Phil had been withholding information from him. Everything seemed too clean-cut and final to him; as if Loki's disappearance was an unexpected feat without any reason whatsoever. Phil made it seem like one day Loki was creating music then the next popped out of existence, which was very un-Loki like.

Loki always had a reason for things. He wasn't completely compulsive and out of his mind, unless he was emotionally compromised or under the influence of a hallucinogen. So either he was in a good drug rehabilitation program; or something else had caused him to walk away from the glitz and glamour of being a rock star, to take up a proper job as Fandral put it.

"Have you ever considered the possibility that Loki never wanted to be found?" Fandral asked in a very serious tone; one that matched the grave expression on his face. "It was pure coincidence that I ran into him; it was in the middle of the night on a crosswalk; it wasn't a planned affair. And I think Loki felt some peculiar sort of obligation to sit down with me while I had a pint, and he smoked the hell out of a cigarette."

"Why wouldn't he want to be found, though? There is a whole story behind the why, and you won't tell me."

"I won't tell you because it's not my business to say. I might think Loki Odinson or Laufeyson is an impossible wanker; but he deserves his privacy like anyone else does. He doesn't want to be found, Starky. Not by mummy and daddy or big brother Thor or Phil or even you. He wants to be left alone, and he's done a hell of a job to make sure that happens."

"So that's it? That's all you're going to give me?" Tony raked his hand through his hair in visible frustration. "You just want me to leave him alone?"

"Here's the deal – you don't know Loki like I do. But more importantly, no one knows Loki very well at all." Fandral set down his half-empty glass, before he pointed at him. "Twenty-five years ago you met a very damaged person; he was sick then and he's still sick now. And he'll be sick until he takes in his last breath. That isn't some romanticized horse shit either."

Of course, that wasn't a new revelation. Tony had known about a very dark part of Loki's past; due to the fact Sif had tried to humanize Loki some to him when he was seventeen years old. The situation was an appalling one, which had clearly affected Loki immensely. But he had somehow overcome it in a variety of ways; not completely by any stretch of the word, but enough to function.

"I'm not exactly healthy as a steed myself."

"You don't know the dark things that went through Loki's head back then. They only came out when he was bloody out of his mind on something and a lot of it. Damn truth serum acid was for him," Fandral shot him an annoyed look. "Rest assured, though; he doesn't want to be found for a reason. And you would do good to respect his wishes one way or another."

Tony turned away to glower at the scuffed surface of the bar; unable to reel in his building anger. Optimism was a bad trait to have whenever it came to Loki; because Tony always ended up disappointed. He had really been convinced that maybe he'd get some information he could work with. That maybe he would be able to locate Loki, and yet that was the last thing he'd gotten.

He was angry and maybe a little hurt. Hurt because everyone knew something he didn't, and for whatever reason they didn't want him to find out. It could have been for his own benefit, but something else told him it was for Loki's own well-being. And well, that was a scary thought; to think there was something terribly wrong with Loki and no one wanted to share that information with him, as if he were enemy number one.

"So your suggestion is for me to just stop looking for him?" Tony asked, before downing the rest of his drink; spitting out a stray ice cube that slipped into his mouth and back into the glass.

"No one could accuse you of being stupid, Tony Stark." Fandral arched an eyebrow. "You'll be better off without trying to track down a ghost."

"Yeah, well call me a ghost hunter then; because that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to find Loki whether he likes it or not. I promised someone I'd do it, and I'm not going to chicken out because Loki wants to hide away from the world." Tony stood from his stool, wanting nothing more than to lock himself away in his penthouse and drink himself into a stupor; instead of entertaining the notion of doing so in this shitty pub.

Without so much as a goodbye, he wound through the battered tables and chairs that encompassed the compact space. No one paid him much mind; since most of them looked miserable enough that any outside source hardly fazed them at all. Which was just fine for him; he didn't want to be ogled or questioned about his grand escape from the terrorist cell again.

"Oh Starky," Fandral called after him, slowly drawing him to a halt; but he refused to look back. "I know you're going to do everything within your power to find Loki. But just remember this – you might not like what you're bound to find. He might be Loki, but he'll never be _your_ Loki ever again."

Tony's heart stuttered for a moment, leading him to press his hand against the warmth of the arc reactor. Those words were oddly terrifying to him; he had always known Loki would be different, considering he was also very different from twenty years ago too. Hell, he was different from only two years ago; but he couldn't say with any sort of certainty if he would be ready for that difference when it came to Loki.

He had grasped onto a memory of the man he admired and loved for years now. He always envisioned Loki as he was – bell bottoms and makeup and twinkling green eyes that could darken in anger and lust within a split-second. He thought of inky black hair and a pale complexion, and the voice that could melt him with both words and song. And that was his Loki and the one he wanted to find. But would he really find that one?

The answer was obvious – no. His Loki was gone and it just took Fandral to say those words to depress him beyond belief. And all he needed at that moment was a distraction in the form of good booze and a young blonde haired girl from New York. Because the dream was already fractured beyond repair.


	6. Chapter Five :: Déjà Vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite this chapter because I had a powerful hate for the first draft; hopefully this'll be better. I can only hope.

* * *

 

**Chapter Five :: Déjà Vu**

 

* * *

 

Tyler & Daily was like every other skyscraper in London; maybe like every skyscraper in every known city on the planet even. It was tall and sleek; unoriginal and boring, starkly different from Stark Tower. There wasn't any pizzazz to it; nothing to indicate that it was a high-end architectural firm. In fact, Tony thought it to be downright ugly.

"It's pretty bad for business, don't you think?" Tony asked, as he lowered his sunglasses to drink in the building in the waning light. "To have such an ugly building; especially if you've toted yourselves as one of the best architectural firms in the city."

"There's nothing ugly about that building, boss. It's a building; buildings can't be ugly."

"And I thought you'd gotten a bit more high-brow, Happy."

"It's a building; the inside's what really counts." Happy argued from the driver's seat; which was inevitably a mystery. Tony hadn't even known he could drive on the other side of the road; but he wasn't dead yet, so his longtime friend must have had far more skills than he gave him credit for.

"Oh, my apologies Socrates," he returned, before reaching across the seat for the colorful bouquet he'd employed Happy to buy before picking him up. "It shouldn't take very long. I'm going to be in and out of there before you know it; woo and charm until I got her hook line and sinker. Then you can drive me to that insufferable dinner engagement with that snotty Swiss investor."

Despite having only originally planned to stay in London until JARVIS was installed; Tony had extended his stay indefinitely until his unfortunate meeting with Fandral transpired the day before. His decision to remain in the insufferable cold, proved to be unnecessary; and he could only hope Yinsen would forgive him for his cowardice. Because that was precisely what it was – cowardice.

Tony had had spent much of the night awake, dissecting his conversation with Fandral over and over again in his head in a futile attempt to reenergize his optimism. But he found it only depressed him further, while always putting things into perspective. He had been chasing a ghost, even when he thought he had things in perspective; which he obviously did not.

So rather than chase a pointless and emphatic dream; he made a decision to enjoy his limited time in London, and pursue the only thing he knew how. He intended on wooing over Miss Gwen Stacy; whose spunk was particularly attractive, although her perky bosom was also a characteristic worth mentioning too. Which was the only reason he had had Happy drive him to Tyler & Daily in the first place.

"I should take about twenty minutes tops. I might be fashionably early for a change." He pushed open the door, before shooting Happy an award winning smile. "Wish me luck."

"You won't need it; you're the man, T." Happy gave him a reassuring thumbs up in the rearview mirror. "Go get her!"

Tony stepped out into the frigid evening air, trying his best not to cringe. Even though, he was technically a New Yorker; much of his childhood had been spent on the west coast in sunny California. He hadn't adapted very well to cooler temperatures; despite spending a large portion of his time in New York still. But that was what central heating was for.

Quickly he hurried towards the rotary doors, that was depositing people onto the sidewalk while simultaneously luring them into the lobby that appeared to be very fashionable. Happy might have had a point; maybe the inside was far more important than the outside. Then again, people had told him that for years and they were usually the types that were hard on the eyes.

The lobby was a colossally large room, although only half the size of Stark Industries'. But it was impressive nonetheless; designed to appeal to the eye, while also marveling it as well. There was a steel and modern sculpture that stood in the center of the room; a peculiar twist of metal that could be interpreted in several different ways. One could easily see absolutely nothing but curves; while someone else could see to lovers in mid-coitus.

Tony found both sentiments to be appropriate; whereas someone who adored art like Pepper could probably spew out something about repression and maybe the women's movement if she was given the chance to. And Tony would have dutifully nodded and agreed; until Pepper finally realized he actually wasn't paying attention, and slap him across the back of the head for revenge.

The rest of the lobby was as equally modern as the sculpture. Accent furniture encompassed one end of the room, and paintings that looked similar to Jackson Pollock's took up a large portion of the walls. An elongated receptionist desk sat in front of one of the paintings; occupied by at least seven or eight receptionists with headsets firmly attached to their heads.

Spotting an unoccupied woman on the farthest side of the desk, Tony made his way up to her and flashed her a similar smile that he had with Happy. Most women had a knack for swooning whenever he smiled like that; even tough as nails Pepper still did. So he was pleased by the inevitable blush that washed over the receptionist's face as she looked up at him.

"I'm looking for somebody." He greeted, amused by the way the woman gulped. "I'm looking for a Gwen Stacy. I heard she worked here; actually I know she works here. So I need your help in order to find her."

"Yes, of course sir!" The receptionist replied enthusiastically, before turning her attention to her computer screen; as the rhythmic sound of her fingers hitting the keyboard reached his ears. "Miss Stacy is Mr. William Fenton's secretary; you will be able to find her on the twenty-fourth floor."

"Thank you very much." He winked at her, struck by a weird sense of déjà vu; something he had felt on and off since becoming acquainted with Gwen.

He couldn't really put his finger on what it was precisely. But he had always chalked it up to one of his many flings over the years. It was probably a pretty huge possibility that he'd bedded someone who looked like her beforehand; and he just didn't have the mental capacity to unearth the memory.

Either way, he was quick to dismiss the thought; and made his way to the row of elevators at the back of the lobby. People were streaming in and out of the doors; some more hurried than others. Tony found the first available lift and slid in before half a dozen others did; and was pleased to find that someone had already struck the twenty-four button before he had a chance to.

The lift eventually closed its doors, before lurching to life underneath their feet; and remained in motion until they hit the sixteenth floor. Some harried young man clambered into the small space, settling himself between Tony and an older gentleman who clearly knew him.

"Simon," the older gentleman greeted the guy.

"Mr. Vincent, hello,"

"How is the Zhang account coming along?"

"It's a bit of a nightmare right now. I cannot wait until Mr. Fenton comes back; he'll be able to smooth things over. The Koreans love him for some reason." The guy named Simon said in exasperation. "Gwen said he'd be back at the end of the week; thankfully."

Tony was hit by that needling in the back of his mind once more; although he was almost convinced that it had little to do with Gwen, after all. Maybe he had heard that name before, Fenton; it could have had some significance in the past. Then again, Tony had a knack for storing up useless information at times too.

"That bloke's as tall as a skyscraper; they're fascinated by him!" Mr. Vincent chortled, before the lift stopped on the twentieth floor, and he hobbled out onto the floor. "Catch you later."

Once Simon beckoned Mr. Vincent a goodbye; the lift fell back into companionable silence. Tony shifted from one foot to the other; keeping his eyes on the numbers above the doors and he was pleased by the fact that there wasn't any further disruption. They hit the twenty-fourth floor finally; a well-dressed woman sashayed out, followed by Simon, and then Tony.

The woman turned right while Simon turned left; Tony decided his best bet was to follow Simon, who was already halfway down the hallway by the time Tony mobilized again. He made sure to keep his eye on the kid, who eventually turned into a small concave in the wall; which could only be a makeshift sitting area and receptionist area.

As he drew nearer, he noticed a large desk positioned outside of an office; there were two stiff looking chairs opposite it, and a bold placard on the wall beside the office door that read W. Fenton. Simon was peering over the partition that curved in front of the desk, talking a mile a minute; clearly distressed about something or another.

"Have you heard anything from Mr. Fenton yet, Gwen?"

"Like I told you this morning, Simon; he'll be in on Friday."

"When does his flight get in then?"

"Tomorrow, but you do realize it's a ten hour flight. He won't be in any condition to come into work right away. And I'm not going to let you pressure him into it either."

"But the Zhang account, Gwen!"

"The Zhang account can wait until Friday. So don't ask me to send Mr. Fenton a message or drop something off at his house, because I'm not going to do it. He'll be here on Friday and he'll give you his full attention then; so don't push your luck." Gwen said in a no nonsense voice; similar to Pepper's, and Tony couldn't help but grin stupidly over it.

Simon made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, before storming past Tony; too upset to even spare him a glance. Of course, that hardly bothered him at all; especially when he finally found the woman who struck his fancy. He stepped up to the desk, looking over the partition to see Gwen writing something hurriedly onto a memo pad; the words _Zhang account_ and _Simon_ and _pain in the ass_ caught his attention even from upside down.

"You have a pretty hostile guy on your hands, I'd say." He said; only to cause Gwen to jump in surprise.

Gwen looked at him with wide eyes, mouth agape. She recovered slowly, recognition brightening her eyes beautifully; and Tony found he was very happy that he'd gone through the trouble to see her again. She was really easy on the eyes.

"Mr. Stark," she swallowed, offering him a tentative smile. "I'm sorry if you're looking for Mr. Fenton he won't be back until Friday."

"Well, that's just fine with me. Because I didn't come here for him anyway," Tony lifted the bouquet and held it out to her. "For you,"

It took only a moment for Gwen to respond; her face broke out in a thousand-watt smile, before she reached out to take the bouquet from his hand. He watched her closely, already reading the telltale signs of a job well done. In fact, he knew right then and there that he wasn't wasting his time; that this could easily evolve into a partnership between the sheets.

"This is a bit unexpected; but thank you, Mr. Stark." She beamed up at him.

"Please, call me Tony."

"Thank you, Tony."

"You know, I would really love it if you did me the great honor of having dinner with me tomorrow night." He leaned against the desk, smiling. "I won't take no for an answer either, Miss Stacy. If I have to bring a three course meal to your desk; I'll do it. Don't underestimate my insanity; ask anyone who knows me."

Gwen laughed in a positive way, and gave him a reluctant nod; as if to try and put up a bit of a fight to reserve her dignity. But Tony already knew he had won her over; it was only a matter of when she'd agree to dine with him rather than if she would.

"Excellent; here's my card. Call me up whenever you're available tomorrow night, and I'll come and pick you up." Tony pulled out his business card, pleased that she didn't hesitate to take it. "Trust me, we'll have a wonderful time; if not you can always call up Miss Potts, and she'll be more than happy to beat me silly."

"It's a date then."

"I'm looking forward to it. So I'll see you tomorrow night then." He winked at her, before spinning on his heel and starting up the hallway again.

His eyes, however trailed back to the placard that said W. Fenton; and for whatever reason it made him feel suddenly and unexplainably uncomfortable. He knew that name somewhere; but for the life of him he couldn't conjure up where it cropped up before. And that spooky and uneasy feeling followed him like a specter at his heels.


	7. Chapter Six :: Loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is incredibly challenging to write; I'm trying my hardest (but I'm sure not many care that about that). Anyway, I hope you enjoy and if not - sorry?

* * *

 

**Chapter Six :: Loneliness**

* * *

The penthouse suite was elegantly furnished; stainless steel, black leather, and frosted glass encompassed much of the area. Tony hadn't much of a taste for such a sleek design; but found he was slowly warming up to it with each passing day. Then again, he was particularly enjoying it at the moment; due to the fact he had convinced Gwen to dine with him for a second time, but this time on his territory.

Their first date had been a success, even if they hadn't tumbled into the closest available bed. However, he found that he still enjoyed Gwen's company; and learned a lot about her over dinner. She had been given the opportunity to join Tyler & Daily through a family friend; and the allure of London had been far too appealing to pass up. Even if it meant she had to break up with her long-term boyfriend named Peter.

Tony normally wasn't so keen on learning about another person. His goal always swayed towards the physical aspect of things; but just this time, he allowed himself to indulge. If only to distract himself properly, until he returned to Malibu; where there was plenty of distractions that ranged from his workshop and the many promiscuous women waiting to be taken to his bed.

He needed some sort of distraction, since his mind had a knack for wandering away from him. Loki was still a very present entity in the forefront of his mind; made worse by the fact, Tony had macabrely ordered remastered copies of Odin's Sons' _Still Waters Run Deep_ ; alongside Loki's solo efforts as well. And he couldn't really explain why; aside from nostalgia, he supposed.

So it explained why the penthouse was filled with Loki's smoky voice, as he and Gwen made idle chit-chat across from one another at Tony's fully equipped bar. He was in the midst of making Gwen a cosmopolitan, while she flipped through a magazine he had tossed on the counter sometime during the day. It felt oddly domestic, which would have had Tony running for the hills; had he not needed some sort of comfort in the emotional department.

"How long have you been working for Tyler & Daily?" Tony asked with a lift of his eyebrow; watching as Gwen turned another page of the magazine.

"It'll be two years in January. Originally I was hired to assist Mr. Smith; but he ended up having a stroke and well, I almost was sent back to New York. It was only at the last minute, Mr. Fenton said he'd take me on; he never needed a secretary before, though. He's pretty self-sufficient."

"So some big shot architect didn't need a secretary?"

"Mr. Fenton has a tendency to do things on his own. He still does a lot of what I was hired to do; but then again he practically lives at the office. He's always there before I get in, and always stays even after my shift is over." Gwen smiled down at the magazine; a secretive little smile, which Tony knew all too well.

He'd been on the receiving end of that sort of smile before. It was an affectionate sort of smile; one reserved for someone important but ultimately unattainable. Gwen must have had a bit of a crush on this Mr. Fenton, which for some reason seemed to bother him; although he couldn't precisely say why.

It wasn't as if he and Gwen were more than friends at this point. Even if their relationship progressed, which it inevitably would; Tony couldn't imagine settling down with someone twenty years younger than him. The only person that could inevitably tame him was Pepper; and he doubted they would be marching down the aisle anytime soon (if ever).

Maybe what was really bothering him, was the fact he still couldn't recall any Fenton from his past. He had scoured his memory on and off for days, but nothing substantial had been unearthed. Alcohol, weed, and the occasional snort of cocaine had taken its toll on his early memories; albeit, it didn't make him any less frustrated by not being able to uncover the name Fenton.

"I'm guessing Mr. Fenton is a looker." Tony set the cosmopolitan in front of Gwen; whose head shot up with disbelief. "Just an observation,"

"He's my boss."

"Young secretary, older boss – sounds like every romantic comedy out there. Or maybe it sounds more like my personal origin story. I think my mom might have been a secretary for my dad before."

"It's not like that at all." Gwen insisted, before picking up her glass. "I'm grateful to him; if it hadn't been for him, I would have had to go back to New York with my tail between my legs. Especially when I made such a grand exit and probably made a lot of people hate me for it."

Tony hummed in understanding, but he was by no means convinced. He'd been around the block more often than not, and knew a big stupid crush when he saw one. And Gwen Stacy had a big stupid crush on Mr. Fenton; which was just fine with him. It didn't make him any less motivated to get her into bed. That was the goal anyway.

Turning away, Tony set the bottle of vodka back on one of the many shelves; before he reached for the closest decanter of Macallan. He uncorked the top quickly, and inhaled the heady scent of scotch that he enjoyed so much.

"Tony," Gwen said his name slowly; in a way that he found he liked a lot. He wouldn't have minded hearing it moaned breathlessly either.

"What's up, beautiful?" He returned, while he busied himself with finding a clean crystal tumbler.

"I thought you said you'd never met Mr. Fenton before?"

"Well, I haven't that's why I said it."

"This kind of suggests otherwise; unless, of course you just have random Polaroid snapshots of people you don't know." Gwen hummed around what could only be her martini glass.

That immediately piqued his curiosity; Tony picked up the decanter and his glass respectively, and turned to face her again. Her head was lowered over the magazine still; not exactly giving him a clue to what she was talking about. The only thing he knew for certain was that she was looking through the _Scientific American_ he had brought along with him on the flight; but other than that, he was a drawing a blank.

Then again, he seemed to be drawing a blank on a lot of things of late. For all he knew, Mr. Fenton was some snobby business type he had the privilege of being photographed with at some conference. The likelihood of that being the case was pretty high too.

Before he could even inquire about her claim, a loud blaring noise cut through the air. Gwen snapped to attention; taking only a few moments to reach over to the barstool beside her, where she had tossed her handbag only an hour earlier. She rummaged through her bag's contents, and eventually unearthed a clunky company issued cellphone that made the Stark Phone look slim and sleek.

Gwen shot him an apologetic look, while absentmindedly closing the magazine; and pressing the talk button on the phone. Tony quirked an eyebrow, watching her carefully for any telltale signs of what she had been speaking about only moments beforehand. But he honestly found he wasn't too invested on really finding out who Mr. Fenton was; especially since his previous curiosity for finding someone had been tiresome and disappointing.

"Hello," Gwen greeted into the mouthpiece, while her eyes lit up. "Hello, yes; how was your trip to Seoul, Mr. Fenton?"

There was a brief pause, as the infamous Mr. Fenton droned on over the line. Tony heard the muffled voice very lowly, and tried to strain his ears for any words that he might recognize. It was all for naught, though; whoever designed that ugly cellphone hadn't really taken sound into account.

"Everything has been running smoothly. Well, except for Simon; he's been bothering for the last week and a half about the Zhang account. Apparently, he didn't make quite a good impression with them; so he wanted to discuss the situation with you." Gwen explained, before quieting down to hear his response. "Yes, I told him you'd be back on Friday. But when you decided to take that extra week off; I told him to discuss things with Mr. Daily. Evidently, both parties still want you to handle it."

An annoyed noise suddenly erupted from the other end of the telephone conversation; low but dramatic and strangely familiar. Maybe Tony had met Mr. Fenton beforehand; except maybe it hadn't been as casual as a passing meeting. The possibilities were endless, but something told him it was important and he needed to think harder about where he had initially heard that name.

Missing bits of his memory or not; this might very well end up being key to something else. Could it possibly be a link to Loki or Odin's Sons for that matter? Had Loki ever mentioned a Fenton before or had Phil even? Was someone around Loki a Fenton?

Hundreds of thoughts sped through Tony's head; many of which weren't fully formed ideas yet. They were just ponderings, inklings of possibilities; and if he were to be honest with himself it was mostly hope. Hope that perhaps this really held some sort of significance to Loki in some way; regardless of the fact, that things weren't bound to end up in his favor anyway.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Fenton." Gwen piped up again; her cheeks had gone a lovely shade of red, although she looked anything but happy. "I didn't want to call you and ruin your time off. I know you haven't taken a proper day off in years."

Mr. Fenton made another noise, but this time not as daunting as the last. Tony didn't find any familiarity with it, though. He really wished he had; it might have very well finally enlightened him about whoever this person was.

"I understand, Mr. Fenton." Gwen continued with a nod. "Yes, I'll see you tomorrow; bright and early. Have a good night."

The telephone call ended moments later with a downtrodden Gwen, depositing the cellphone back into her purse. Clearly the conversation hadn't gone very well; if it was any indication by Gwen's need to almost down her entire cosmo in one drink. Tony had to admit he was impressed by it too.

"Didn't go so well?" He couldn't help but ask, while taking a generous sip from his own glass.

"Mr. Fenton decided to extend his leave from work. Technically, he had been on a business trip; but he decided he needed a week off to regroup, and he hadn't taken a real holiday in years." Gwen explained. "It was a well-known fact around the office; Mr. Fenton had gone without a holiday for something crazy like eight years or so."

Tony almost sputtered on his scotch; mostly because the thought of working without any sort of vacation for that long seemed like blasphemy. That Fenton guy might have had very well been some kind of stiff; because who really worked eight years without taking time off? Someone Tony didn't want to meet, that was for sure; even though, he was curious as hell about him anyway.

"But Simon,"

"The guy who was pestering the day I went to see you?"

"That would be him." Gwen agreed. "Simon was in charge of the Zhang account; apparently, they're trying to design an art museum in Busan. But Simon wasn't making any progress with the client; so he wanted Mr. Fenton to take over the account. Or at least act as the go between."

"So once the guy went on vacation, I suspect things got messy."

"They're threatening to drop the deal with Tyler & Daily. So Simon got a hold of Mr. Fenton and told him he'd told me more than once that he needed to get in touch with him. I knew that Mr. Fenton didn't want to be disturbed; except, Mr. Fenton said I should have told him about the situation because he would have come in anyway."

"In other words, your boss is upset that you actually let him relax?"

"It isn't that simple; he's cutting his holiday short and coming in tomorrow."

"Hey, there's no reason to feel down. I'm sure no one blames you for it." Tony tried to pacify her; although he'd never been very good at that.

"I'm sorry, Tony. I think I should go; I probably should go in early and explain the situation to Mr. Fenton before Simon can get to him first." Gwen said, slowly standing from her barstool.

"Uh, yeah okay. But let me take you out tomorrow night. A real night on the town; the whole she-bang – a play, some drinks, maybe a little bit of dancing, and dinner of course,"

"That's really sweet of you."

"It's the least I can do, you know. And I think you'll need the fun." Tony wandered around the bar, before taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

There was something oddly soothing about the action for Tony too. Maybe it was because he hadn't held hands with anyone in a very long time. Not when his whole world had revolved around finding an elusive and enigmatic rock star from the seventies. But he found he liked holding Gwen's hand, and even liked it more casually walking hand-in-hand to the elevator's doors.

"Eight o'clock tomorrow night?" Tony asked, before pressing on the button for the ground floor.

"Yeah, okay; sounds like a date."

"It is a date." He leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. "Now get out of here, Stacy. It's way past your bedtime."

"The night's only started old man." Gwen giggled as she stepped in the lift. "Good night, Tony."

"Night, Gwen." He waved in goodbye as the doors closed; only to feel a stirring of something uncomfortable in the pit of his stomach.

He hated to admit it, but he was suddenly very aware of his own loneliness; exacerbated further by the low hum of Loki Laufeyson's voice in the background. He never missed anyone more in his life than he did Loki; and at that moment, he could really immerse himself fully in that fact. That someone he'd only known for a few months had had a greater impact on his life than anyone else, including his dearly deceased parents.

"You are fucked, Stark. Completely and utterly fucked."


	8. Chapter Seven :: The Infamous Mr. Fenton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially intended on posting this up later in the day, but you guys were very kind and supportive so I thought - what the hell?
> 
> I have to admit there was one song that helped flesh out the details for this story; it works especially well for this chapter, I think. So I'd recommend listening to "Guilty As Charged" by Tegan and Sara.
> 
> Comments are always welcomed and appreciated too. :)

* * *

 

 

**Chapter Seven :: The Infamous Mr. Fenton**

 

 

* * *

 

The evening hadn't progressed as well as Tony would have liked. While he and Gwen had ticked off many things on his seduction list; they had fallen short of both the theater and the bit about dancing. Due in part to Happy's inability to follow directions; which landed them in a portion of the city far away from their destination. And then there was the issue of Gwen leaving many of her belongings behind at the office, that she so desperately needed.

So their itinerary had changed significantly; instead of the theater, Tony decided to escort Gwen back to Tyler & Daily to pick up her much needed belongings; before they headed towards the quaint little jazz club Tony had discovered by means of Pepper. But that really depended on Happy too; who'd vehemently argued that he knew where it was located, and no he didn't need any directions either.

Tony thought otherwise, of course. Except he wasn't in any mood to argue with Happy; especially since they had already sniped back and forth at one another for almost twenty minutes, and that hadn't been very helpful. Happy still couldn't find his way and Gwen still hadn't had the items that she allegedly needed.

In the very least, Happy did know how to find his way to Tyler & Daily; due to their previous trip there the week before. So at least the rest of the night was salvageable; just as long as they were in and out of Tyler & Daily quickly, and didn't make any further detours.

"Can you manage sitting in here without getting yourself lost?" Tony quipped meanly; once the car pulled up to the curb outside of the architectural firm. "Or do you need me to stay with you and hold your hand? Or maybe do I have to call up Pepper to keep you level?"

"Very funny; side-splittingly funny even." Happy retorted, before leaning forward to mess with the knobs on the radio/CD player. "I hope you find this equally as funny."

Before Tony could even respond in kind; the car filled with the undeniable sounds of the one and only Peter Frampton. Happy tapped the wheel to the rhythm of the song; seemingly pleased by his underhanded means of revenge. And Tony had to hand it to him – it was the best sort of revenge, since his hatred of Frampton had only grown more apparent over the years; despite the guy falling off the planet after the monster (Happy's words not his) that was _Frampton Comes Alive!_

It took a considerable amount of self-restraint for Tony not to call Happy various uncouth names; more so even, once Happy began to sing merrily along to the song of choice. But instead he chose to focus his attention on Gwen, who was already pushing open the door to step out into the nippy evening. He was quick to follow suit; deciding that Happy could wait for his inevitable tongue lashing until later.

"I'm so sorry, Tony." Gwen said, once they were both out of the vehicle, and heading towards the rotary doors. "I really needed my day planner for tomorrow. I swore I had had it with me, but I guess not."

"No big deal; we always have another day to see a play." He offered, even though he technically only had four more days in London before he returned home.

The clock was ticking and Tony hoped that he'd finally weasel his way underneath Gwen's skirt; which appeared to be a possibility. He just hoped it happened tonight, instead on the very last day of his stay. Mostly because he liked the idea of having sex multiple times; rather than having one potentially unfulfilling experience, since who really knew if they were sexually compatible at that point?

They easily walked through the rotary doors and into the empty lobby. The bustle that Tony had seen previously was nowhere to be seen; the only other individual within the expansive space was a security guard whom was stationed behind the secretarial desk on the side of the room. But he hardly paid them any attention, aside from a tilt of his head; as they moved towards the wall of elevators beyond the steel sculpture.

"It won't take more than ten minutes, I promise." Gwen said, pressing the button to open the elevator's doors.

"I'm not worried about it; I mean Happy already wasted a good hour and a half. Besides the night is still young, since it is Friday,"

"I really don't want to waste your time, though."

"Ten minutes isn't a waste of my time. The eighties were a waste of my time; especially since I can hardly remember them. But that's a story for another day." He grinned cheekily, before following her into the lift and pressing the button she asked him to.

"You know, you really do have several different personalities. Or maybe you just ham it up for the camera; I haven't figured it out yet." Gwen shot him a warm smile and then diverted her eyes to the numbers above the lift's doors. "Tony Stark is internationally well-known, of course. But you couldn't turn around anywhere in New York without hearing your name or seeing your face."

Of course, it was well established that Tony had led a very public life since he'd taken over Stark Industries. Everything he did had been put underneath a microscope; dissected by the media and the public alike. So his many mistakes had become front page news; his previous arrests were well-documented, and many of his trysts had also become gossip fodder.

Tony should have known Gwen would have been exposed to his antics early on; which he couldn't say he was exactly proud of. But he wasn't about to deny his past either; he couldn't deny it even if he wanted to. He was just thankful that his first twenty-two years had been somewhat protected; and that his whirlwind love affair with Loki had remained under wraps.

"Should I be proud or ashamed of that fact?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Why should you be ashamed? You've done some very extraordinary things; especially since you came back from Libya."

"It's pretty sad, though. That it took something like that to put me in line." He narrowed his eyes as the lift continued to rise to their destination. "I guess you become a hell of a lot more thankful for what you have; once you spent three months in a cave, being terrorized every single day. It gives you a lot of time to reflect on how much of a fuck-up you really are."

Those three months in captivity still haunted him to that day; and he suspected they would haunt him on the last day of his life too. No one could really relate to what he'd been through; Yinsen had been the only one who could, but he was long gone now. Which left him to carry the burden of guilt and fear alone; and sometimes it was far too much for him to handle. Regardless of the fact that he was particularly good at masking his emotions.

"I admire you, Tony. I highly doubt my opinion means much; but there's no reason you should be ashamed of yourself." Gwen drew him back into the present.

"Now you know why I have a huge ego; that isn't manufactured by the media." Tony managed to smile in return; although those memories of Yinsen and his terrible guilt were still in the forefront of his mind. "But your opinion does matter, you know."

They shared a look; one that Tony couldn't deny was smoldering. He felt a familiar heat rush through his body, which was a great distraction from his painful thoughts. But he was always known for shaking things off; taking everything with a grain of salt. Even if he was internally battling with himself, and trying his best not to suffocate from the sheer amount of guilt that he had; he could always put on a brave face.

But soon their prolonged eye contact was cut short; the elevator leapt underneath their feet, before the doors glided open to expose the unimpressive corridor. The lights were considerably dimmer than they were when Tony had first been there; in fact, it was eerie in a way since he hated silence almost as much as he hated dark little corners that felt too much like caves for his liking.

Gwen promptly stepped out onto the floor, leading the way towards her workspace. Tony hung back a bit to read the many placards that graced the walls. None of them sparked any sort of recognition from him; they were fairly insignificant and didn't hit a chord like the name Fenton had, much to his chagrin.

He had yet to figure out where he had heard that name, and it would inevitably drive him batty in the end. He only wished that he hadn't been such a sucker for abusing himself bodily over the years; but there really wasn't anything he could do to rectify the problem either. The damage was already done and he was just going to have to live with it; the missing memories included.

In a matter of moments, they reached their destination. Gwen rounded her desk, quickly shuffling through several bits of paper and placing them back into their rightful spots. Tony watched her open drawers and sort through office supplies; before his eyes wandered elsewhere, and noticed a warm glow creeping out from underneath the office door perpendicular to Gwen's desk.

Tony opened his mouth, about to point that fact out to Gwen; but she beat him to the punch. She quickly straightened herself, holding a stapler remover in one hand and a bottle of liquid paper in the other; she looked oddly embarrassed but the reason behind it soon revealed itself.

"Mr. Fenton, I didn't know you were still here." She was looking beyond Tony, more specifically over his shoulder.

"I had some business to finish." Mr. Fenton said lowly in a voice that was very familiar; to the point that it sent bursts of electricity immediately through Tony's veins.

That was a voice he'd known very well, too well even; one that had chided him, scolded him, laughed at him, cried for him in ecstatic, and sang for him when everything in his life had spiraled out of control. It was the voice that he had longed to hear for twenty long years; beyond the scope of his deteriorating memories and the digitally remastered CDs. And it was right behind him; crisp and regal and painfully unchanged.

Tony's whole body began to shake; succumbed by the realization that Mr. Fenton couldn't be anyone else but Loki Odinson or Loki Laufeyson. Or to him – he was just simply Loki. It was really him; he knew it without seeing him. He could tell from the soft click of his heels on the marble floor, and the looming presence that threatened to swallow him completely.

"Oh, Mr. Fenton let me introduce you to Tony Stark." Gwen slid out from behind her desk, sidling up beside Tony; and taking him by the elbow to force him to turn to see Mr. Fenton.

The shock was almost too much for him to handle; it was as if twenty years hadn't passed at all. There wasn't any entity called Mr. Fenton at all; it was purely Loki Laufeyson before him. He stood impressively tall and wiry in a pair of black trousers and a white oxford whose sleeves been rolled up to his elbows to reveal some sort of black script across his right forearm, albeit Tony couldn't read it from there. His hair was still inky black and curled at the tips in curlicues, and his eyes a poisonous green, hidden behind a pair of wire-framed spectacles.

The only discernible difference Tony could tell (aside from that tattoo on his arm and his elegant looking eyeglasses) was a thin white scar that ran from the corner of the left side of Loki's mouth and along his jawline. But time had done very little to change him, which only reinforced Fandral's previous words about how well Loki looked; despite his many years of stardom.

"Tony, this is my boss Mr. William Fenton." Gwen said beside him; although he hardly processed the words at all. It was impossible to and he found Loki was seemingly as shocked by his appearance too.

"Yes, of course," Loki finally spoke again, which sent a shiver down Tony's spine. "Mr. Stark, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I worked closely with your CEO Miss Potts on the design of your penthouse suite; I've learned that you've taken a sledge hammer to one of the walls. I hope that isn't a reaction to the design itself."

Tony made a strangled noise, but he hardly cared about appearances anymore. Instead he could only reflect on the man in front of him; the beautiful rock star that had so easily taken his heart. And the same one he injured and maimed during their final encounter so many years ago. He had hurt that beautiful, wide-eyed creature; that was now in front of him and almost untouchable.

His hands trembled, once Loki shut the manila folder in his possession; and extended his own long-fingered hand to him. It was a charade, of course; a feeble attempt to remain as their roles as William Fenton, architect and Tony Stark, billionaire playboy. And yet in all actuality, they were anything but. They were Loki and Tony, Tony and Loki; rock star and music journalist; star-crossed lovers even.

"Mr. Fenton," Tony stammered out, unable to lift his hand. "You did an amazing job; the best."

"Thank you," Loki lowered his hand.

"I just have one last request for you, if that's okay?"

"I strive to please, Mr. Stark." Loki returned tightly, almost genially savage.

It was a line drawn in the sand; one that Tony knew he wouldn't be able to cross. Not when they had an audience. To Gwen Stacy and to the whole firm of Tyler & Daily; Loki Laufeyson didn't exist, maybe never had. To them it was only William Fenton; plain and mundane William Fenton, which was a goddamn shame.

"Humor me, will you," Tony's voice cracked. "Do you mind, could you…?"

The words were stuck in his throat; words he hadn't realized he wanted to say so much that it was almost painful for him to even think of them. And yet he knew he'd regret it if he didn't say them; knew he'd regret it as much as he did when he pushed Loki away initially. He hated himself for a very long time over it, and probably always would too.

"Could I give you a hug?" He managed to say and felt both nauseous and exhilarated by his own boldness.

Gwen made a peculiar noise, but Tony didn't dwell too long on it. He was focused on Loki, who looked taken aback but had the keen ability to cover it up within a split second. Not many things changed about Loki at all; Tony could easily picture him bursting out into song at the top of his lungs right now – daring and beautiful and vibrant. If only he would, though; he desperately, fervently needed that too. He needed everything that was and couldn't be.

Wordlessly Loki held out the manila folder to Gwen; who didn't hesitate to take it. Then the unbelievable happened; Loki reached for him once more, but this time with both arms extended. And before Tony could really even begin to process it; he was drawn into an embrace that was gentle and familiar and goddamn heart wrenching.

It was Loki; it was really Loki. He was plausible and tangible, and smelled of cigarettes and cologne and gummy candies and everything he had sorely missed for twenty years. He was real and alive and beautiful and everything Tony had always wanted; and he desperately clung to him, feeling as if the world might very well come to an end if he let go of him. He held on steadfast, while simultaneously taking a stuttering breath in; never wanting for the feeling to end – the feeling of wholeness, completeness.

"Time has hardened you, Little Stark." Loki murmured into his ear emotionlessly. "But maybe it's for the best, even if it is a shame."

Loki drew away from him then, before he reached for the folder Gwen had been holding. He arched a questioning eyebrow at her confused expression, almost as if she was the one who was peculiar instead of them; which was so stereotypical Loki that it wasn't even funny. And yet, Tony felt a weird sort of hysterical laugher bubble up in his throat; ready to erupt at any given moment.

"Good night, Miss Stacy. I wouldn't want to keep you from your evening activities." Loki announced coolly; the seasoned professional. "And Mr. Stark I am so pleased that you're that gratified by my design that you would want to extend your gratitude with an embrace."

As unexpectedly as he appeared; Loki slipped away in a similar fashion. He disappeared into the safety of his office, leaving Tony behind as he did all those years ago in Washington D.C.; and he was very surprised to realize he was just as heartbroken as he'd been that day twenty years ago. Maybe even more so; because something told him that Loki was miles and miles away from him, regardless of only being several feet away.


	9. Chapter Eight :: Broken Crystal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am completely redundant (and I'm sure you are sick of hearing it) but you guys are amazing. You have blown my mind so many times; the reception I've gotten from the last chapter really surprised me. I'm just floored and I want to thank you so much.
> 
> To everyone who commented - you are guys are the best. I know it can be such a pain in the ass to review; but you've consistently brought a smile to my face and I love you all for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

* * *

 

**Chapter Eight :: Broken Crystal**

 

* * *

 

Tony was utterly incensed; it was the only thing that fueled him as he stormed the hallways, barreling into anyone who happened to be in his path, and disregarding the many greetings that were flippantly thrown his way. He hadn't a mind for the people around him; all he cared about was finding Pepper within the next two point five seconds, before he exploded. And it would be shame if he decided one of the many bustling floors below needed to be converted into the research and development department, so he could literally blow something up.

Of course, it had taken some time for his anger to develop. It had taken an entire night for it to bubble and run over; considering he had far more pressing things to deal with mentally. But now he embraced his anger, and allowed it to lead him on a wild goose chase in search of his CEO, who was in store for a proper tongue lashing.

Pepper had betrayed him; that was the only way to describe it. She had withheld information from him that would have inevitably helped him; if not completely put him at ease. His life would have been so much simpler had she had chosen to open her mouth and convey the news that she was working with Loki fucking Laufeyson on the renovations for Stark Industries' London location.

She could have very easily saved him the heartache and the disappointment; if only she had chosen to speak up sooner, even in passing. She had known, after all, who Loki Laufeyson was; they had been to his concert in the summer of '76. And that event had almost fractured their relationship beyond repair too.

Then again, maybe that was the reason behind why she hadn't brought it up. Tony had humiliated her in front of a room of thousands and thousands of people; before dumping her in order to pursue Loki at his after party. So he really shouldn't have been surprised that she'd withheld such invaluable information from him; when it could have very well been a sore spot still.

But that didn't make him any less infuriated; especially when he took into the account how many more years he had lost with Loki. Because that's precisely what it was – a loss of time and opportunity; of peace of mind even. And that was an unforgiveable offense.

He didn't care that Pepper was unaware of his vehement search; she knew what Loki inevitably meant to him. She had known he returned to Berkeley to gather his things, as a walking and talking zombie. She had known it went beyond his father's untimely death too; because Pepper always knew him too well for her own good.

They might have even had a tipsy conversation about it before. He distinctly remembered a night in Rome at dusk; where they had confessed to their deepest and darkest secrets to one another. Hers being that she had slept with three different guys in one night; his being his unshakeable yearning for a glam rock star. Neither had spoken a word of it since; he knew she hadn't forgotten his confession, as much as he hadn't forgotten her secret.

His train of thought only fueled his anger further; until he practically took out a terrified young lady whom had the misfortune of turning the same corner as he was. She let out a terrified little yelp, one that he completely disregarded as he made his way towards Pepper's office. He had made sure to reference JARVIS about where her office was, so he didn't have to take out too many casualties on his trek.

Once the heavy metal doors came into view (the same ones Tony was sure Loki picked out); he raced the last few paces towards them. The secretary situated outside the door looked like she was about to object, but seemed to think better of it by the venomous look he shot her way that only spelled out disaster if he were denied access to his CEO. And that inevitably gave him clearance into the posh space; where Pepper was sitting primly behind her desk, with a piece of paper raised to her eyes.

Tony slammed the doors closed behind him, before gracing her with the most hateful glower he could muster. Years of self-loathing and desperation suddenly erupted out of him; exposing his heartache and hopelessness, and he really didn't care if Pepper was on the receiving end of it. Not now anyway.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He yelled, storming up to her; almost overturning one of the chairs that was situated elegantly inches away from her desk. "Why the hell didn't you open your mouth and tell me?!"

Unsurprisingly, Pepper looked stunned by his outburst. Regardless of his emotionally distressed past; Tony hadn't had much of a temper later on in life. Sure, he had the occasional fit while inebriated or stoned; but he always managed to keep a lid on his bigger emotions while he was sound of mind.

"What on earth are you talking about?" She asked slowly, almost soothingly; maybe in an attempt to calm him down some, but he was beyond that point.

"You knew all this time who you were working with! But you couldn't even tell me; I deserved to know, Pepper! I more than deserved to know!"

"For one, I don't know what you're talking about. And two, if this has anything to do with business; I have tried more times than I can count to get you more involved in the company." Pepper set her paper down, pushing back in her chair as if to keep a better eye on him. "Those memos I send you aren't junk mail, Tony. They're actually very informative and crucial to the company."

Tony shut his eyes in a feeble attempt to calm himself down. He wasn't doing himself any favors by running around like a lunatic; he knew that all too well, but it was difficult to keep a hold on his emotions. Loki had that sort of effect on him like no one else had, and he couldn't help but be irrational.

"Mr. Fenton," he breathed out between clenched teeth. "You worked with Mr. Fenton on the renovation for what? Well over a year?"

Pepper looked positively befuddled, which did very little to calm Tony down. Maybe she sensed it as much because she quickly held up both her hands to stave off any further verbal onslaught. But Tony couldn't guarantee he wouldn't lose his mind, depending on what she had to say.

"I started looking into architectural firms sometime in March of last year." Pepper explained. "I chose to work with Tyler & Daily in June; initially the project was taken on by Richard Smith, but he had some sort of medical emergency. So William Fenton was brought onto the project around July, if I remember correctly,"

"So you worked with him for over a year; you admit it then!"

"I admit it, okay. But why on earth does that matter?"

"Because you knew who he was!" Tony yelled louder than before, which caused Pepper to flinch by the sheer volume of it. "You knew who he was and you never told me a damn thing! I had a right to know, Virginia! Everything else is fucking inconsequential in comparison to this! You could run my whole damn company into the ground if you wanted to; but you withheld this from me, when you knew how important it was to me!"

"How is some architect important to you?" She snapped back. "You weren't very interested in the renovation; so why should I consult with you who would be doing the renovation?"

White-hot rage overwhelmed Tony like a tsunami; it struck him harder than he ever thought imaginable, and like the destructive force that it was – it took aim at something fragile and defenseless. Tony lurched forward and shoved the precious knick-knacks and picture frames off of Pepper's desk; taking some sort of macabre satisfaction as they broke and crashed to the ground.

Pepper cried out in surprise, leaping out of her chair; before gracing him with an accusatory look that was tinged ever so slightly with fear. Although that hardly deterred him very much; he was still consumed by that blinding rage and he wanted nothing more than to break her computer too. He wanted to rip the books off her bookshelves and to destroy them beyond repair; but somehow he managed to control himself.

"Tony, what the hell is your problem?" Pepper cried out, almost crumbling to the ground by the sight of a broken crystal vase. "My vase; you broke my vase!"

"You worked with William Fenton for over a year! You met with him and you kept it from me!"

"I did work with him, I told you that!" She shrieked. "But I never met him face to face before!"

"What?"

"I worked with him through telephone conversations and email messages! I still haven't met him to this day!"

"What?" Tony repeated, feeling the anger rush out of him; which made him feel like a deflated balloon.

Once he had time to absorb this bit information; he felt the telltale signs of guilt overwhelm him. He'd been dead-set on blaming someone, anyone for their connection to Loki; especially if it meant they had withheld such crucial information from him. It never really occurred to him that Pepper might not have had met him in person. He assumed her previous trips to London over the duration of the past year, meant she was meeting up with the architect.

Dumbly Tony watched as Pepper sank to the floor, and collected the pieces of her crystal vase; the other items he had so cruelly shoved off her desk seemed to be intact still. But that didn't make him feel any better about his infantile temper tantrum. He should have asked questions calmly, instead of screaming them like he had.

"Pepper, honey; I'm so sorry." He said sheepishly; before he too sank down to help gather the pieces of her broken vase.

They collected the pieces in silence, until they both had two piles between them. Pepper shook her head almost sadly; only for her to turn an infuriated glare his way. He deserved it, of course; no one could contest that, and he felt terrible about it too.

"Tony," she said shakily, as if she might reach over and stab him in the throat with a very dangerous looking shard of crystal. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It's nothing, really. But I'm sorry and I'll replace your vase; I'll buy you twenty even. And you look like you need a pay raise too and a very long vacation."

"Don't you dare pull that elusive crap on me; don't you even dare. Now you will tell me right now why you were so angry about the architect; and you will tell me now, or so help me you'll regret it." She practically snarled him.

Something told Tony that it would ultimately be better for him in the long run if he confessed to why he'd been so upset. Due to the fact, an angry Pepper could make his life a living hell; and she had plenty of contacts who were interested in renewable energy to jam-pack his schedule. So his options were limited and he owed her an explanation; especially with the extent of his hissy fit.

"Remember the conversation we had in Rome a couple years back?"

"The one in '91, you mean?" Pepper's brow creased.

"Yeah, that one; I imagine you remember my confession." He swallowed hard, studying the shards of broken crystal.

"What does that have anything to do with William Fenton?"

"Pepper, when I was in Libya; I made a promise to someone and to myself that I'd chase after my own happiness no matter what. So when I got back I decided to find him – Loki Laufeyson; and that's why I went to Sedona once I got home because his ex-manager lived there."

"You told me you were going to a spa retreat!" Pepper almost shouted.

"That doesn't matter right now, okay. What matters is that I've been looking for Loki for a while now; I only gave up last year, because none of my leads were getting me anywhere. And then," Tony took in a shuddering breath; feeling sick to his stomach. "And then last night, I found him by chance. It was him, Pepper; he's William Fenton. Loki Laufeyson is William Fenton."

Whatever rant that Pepper initially had planned, came to a screeching halt. She appeared as stunned as he had been, when faced with Loki for the first time in twenty years. But there certainly wasn't any love between them; in fact, Tony knew she hadn't been a fan of Loki's due to his flamboyant antics during that concert so long ago.

"You can't be serious, Tony."

"It's," Tony gasped wetly; feeling a tangle of emotions overwhelm him once more. "It's him, Pepper. My Loki; it's my Loki."

He didn't know what to expect from Pepper; but he hadn't expected for her to reach out and cup his jaw. He sucked in a breath, warily raising his eyes to meet her gaze. Her eyes were strangely gentle and understanding, and in no way judgmental as he had assumed they would be.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tony Stark always has a plan for seduction." Pepper smiled at him; a trademark Pepper Potts smile that always eased his worries no matter what. "So what's the plan? Sneak attack or full-blown takeover?"

"Nothing so far,"

"Full-blown takeover it is then."

"Pepper,"

"Don't let this opportunity pass you by, Tony. You'll hate yourself forever if you decide to play meek; and that definitely isn't your style." Pepper leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Now I want you to go back to the penthouse and think it over; before I decide to kill you for breaking my vase, and acting like a spoiled child."

Tony couldn't help but chuckle, before mouthing the words _thank you_ to her. Because she really did know him better than anyone else; probably better than he even knew himself. And there was something liberating about not having to explain the why behind his connection to Loki. Or his desire to pursue it with all his heart, even if it meant failure; but he never had been one to take failure graciously and he'd be damned if he lied down and let himself be buried alive by nostalgia.

He was going to strategize and prepare, and he was going to get Loki one way or another.


	10. Chapter Nine :: Everything Went Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't a Tumblr account, I made the announcement that after I finish this story; I'll be embarking on a story called the Man Who Sold the World, which will be a based on the series but from Loki's POV. It'll be vignettes from every story (and perhaps showcase some of Loki's past as well).
> 
> Anyway, as for this chapter; I listened to "Over the Love" by Florence + the Machine; so maybe that'll set the scene. I hope you enjoy it. :)
> 
> Also this scenario came about because of bunnyfeets; thank you so much Gem for allowing me to use your amazing idea!

* * *

 

**Chapter Nine :: Everything Went Black**

 

* * *

 

Tony couldn't help but smile; pleased by how flimsy the lock was. It had popped open within a twenty second span of being poked and prodded, and now he had unlimited access to William Fenton's office. He pushed the door open, before cautiously stepping inside the darkened room; whose only light source was a panel of ceiling to floor windows.

The city was still mostly asleep; although dawn was approaching quickly. Tony had chosen to infiltrate Tyler & Daily very early, based on the information he had unwittingly gotten from Gwen. She had said in passing that her boss was always there earlier than her and later than her too. So his only means of attack was to get there earlier than Loki would; and he had at least been successful in that.

Closing the door behind him, Tony ran his fingers along the wall until he found a light switch. He flipped it on and gazed around at the semi-spacious room. A large cherry wood desk stood in front of the windows with a high back chair behind it; while another table filled with blueprints and various tools, was pushed up against the farthest wall.

The wall closest to the desk was made completely of bookcases; packed with three ring binders and titles that revolved entirely around architecture. Tony took in every nook and cranny of the office; before pausing beside the table to peer below it at several folded blankets with a pillow atop of them. That seemed to suggest that Loki practically lived in his office; if he was taking power naps in there.

It was the difference between night and day from what Loki had been and what he was now. Tony had always prepared himself for the worst; especially once he had met up with Fandral. But he really didn't know how to react to this; to the knowledge that Loki Laufeyson was only a figment of the past.

He walked up to the desk, easing the chair out from behind it; before plopping down into it. There was an Apple computer pushed to the corner of the desk; whose monitor was covered in yellow sticky notes with feminine handwriting on it, which had to only be Gwen's. The rest of the desk space was covered in ordinary office supplies; fountain pens and pencils in stylish holders and an in and out tray.

But what really caught Tony's eye was a large black picture frame, positioned strategically in the center of desk so whoever sat behind it would have to look at it. The picture frame itself was plain and unremarkable; the photograph in it was an entirely different story though. Tony picked up the frame, wordlessly gaping at the black and white photo that captured Loki as he was all those years ago.

Loki sat at the edge of a posh looking bed with a hand mirror in his possession; while his other hand was poised at the ready with an eyeliner pencil close to his eye. He was shirtless, faced half-painted and completely absorbed in his reflection; while a very beautiful and very familiar woman, dressed in black undergarments, wrapped her arms around him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

Beyond the extravagant hotel suite and its two occupants, was a window opened to reveal what appeared to be the Parisian skyline. If you squinted hard enough, it looked like the Eiffel Tower in the background; romantic and shiny, and everything that the whole photograph seemed to represent. Because really how else could you interpret it?

Tony sat down the frame with unneeded force; unaware of what to feel or what to do. Maybe that was a sign from some cosmic force, telling him to let the past stay in the past. Or it could possibly be a test of his will; another of many tests, he'd gone through over the years. And well after Libya, he could overcome anything.

Rather than run away; he made himself at home. He leaned back in the chair, before hoisting his feet up, and crossing his legs at the ankle. There wasn't much to do but wait; of course, he could have rummaged through the many desk drawers, maybe even unroll the dozens of blueprints to see what Loki was working on. But his level of curiosity had dampened somewhat; despite his motivation still being iron-clad.

The wait was oddly nerve wracking; he fidgeted with his hands, shooting looks from one end of the room to the other. He wasn't exactly sure how long he'd sat there, but he almost leapt out of his own skin once he heard the sound of a key jiggling in the doorknob. His heart leapt into his throat, as the door was eventually pushed open to reveal Loki.

Loki had a satchel in one hand, a rolled up blueprint under one arm; and a thermal mug in the other hand alongside his keys. His eyeglasses were nowhere to be seen, which made him look so much more like the Loki of old; even in his three piece suit. The alarm on his face, however, was something Tony hadn't really seen before.

Something about that look made Tony smile toothily at him; and if he sprawled his legs open a bit for the hell of it, he wasn't about to admit it. The expression on Loki's face only seemed to become even more befuddled and confused; as if he wasn't sure what he'd walked into.

"Too good to be true, I know," Tony offered. "Having Tony Stark all to your lonesome, well that's what dreams are made of."

"What are you doing here?" Loki finally moved, practically throwing the door closed behind him; before he entered his office in several long strides. "And for that matter, how did you get in here?"

"Flimsy locks," he said. "By the way, neat picture you have here. Kind of inappropriate for your office, don't you think? Especially if you don't want people to know you're internationally revered rock star Loki Laufeyson."

Loki deposited his satchel and blueprint to the floor; then slammed down the frame to hide it from view. As if that would remedy the problem any; Tony had already seen the photo, and there was no way it would leave his mind even if he wanted it to.

"I'll ask you again – what are you doing here?"

"Making sure that my eyes didn't deceive me." Tony dropped his feet down, but didn't relinquish the chair. "You sure know how to hide, Laufeyson."

"I wasn't hiding, Stark." Loki snarled. "Just because I wasn't prancing about for your amusement, doesn't mean I've been in hiding."

"Fair enough; but that doesn't explain why you dropped contact with practically everyone you've ever known."

"If you are referring to my business associates, it actually makes sense. I know you've been described as a genius, so I believe you can make the connection."

"You aren't in the music industry anymore, so why keep in touch with your manager Phil, right?" Tony arched an eyebrow. "But people still have a tendency to keep in touch anyway. Not to mention, why on earth would you change your name to…"

Before the words could leave his mouth, he was sideswiped by the answer. His eyes widened, shooting towards the overturned picture frame; Loki was still holding it down, and that's when he saw the tarnished gold wedding band around his finger.

"Amelia Fenton," he stuttered out, feeling as if he'd been punched directly in the stomach. "William Fenton; you and Sif, you two…"

"This is the only time I will ask this of you, so I recommend you pay very close attention to what I have to say. I want you to leave right now, Stark. Unless you have any concerns about the repairs to the wall you've so brilliantly damaged; then I rather you remain far, far away from here." Loki glowered at him. "If you intend on having some kind of inappropriate relationship with my secretary; I also expect you to keep it very far away from me. Do we understand one another?"

It was apparent Tony had struck a nerve; the insinuation seemed to put Loki on edge, which would suggest the state of Loki's relationship with Sif wasn't very picturesque. Why else would a happily married man spend so much time in his office, even to the point where he slept there?

"I didn't mean anything by it, you know." Tony whispered out, as he slowly stood from the high back chair. "I just, I mean I've been looking for you for a very long time."

There was a flicker of emotion that spread across Loki's face; but as was customary for him, it dissipated before it fully formed. And he hated that most about Loki; he was never transparent and he was always guarded one way or another. He always knew how to block Tony out.

"You are ridiculous, Tony Stark." Loki rounded the desk, the side farthest away from Tony; in order to set down his mug beside the Apple computer, and then snatch up the frame. "I think you have far more pressing matters to deal with than to find someone as inconsequential as me. And I suspect you have plenty to do when it comes to my secretary too."

"Goddammit, Loki." Tony raised his voice; struck by a quivering bout of anger. "Maybe those few months meant nothing to you back then. But they meant a hell of a lot to me; and I spent twenty years regretting what I said to you; almost every fucking day, you know when I was sober enough to realize it. So don't stand there and tell me you're inconsequential to me; because you're the most consequential person I have ever met. You have always been one of the most important."

Loki held his gaze for several moments; only to look away and laugh bitterly. Because it seemed pretty clear that he didn't believe him; that someone so damn important to so many people, couldn't even see it. And Loki Laufeyson was fucking important; he meant the world to his fans and even the music industry as a whole.

His fans adored him; they dressed up like him, could sing every song of his word for word. They spent hours in scorching hot temperatures just to see him in person; not to mention spent a pretty penny in order to see him too. Loki meant so much to so many, but more importantly – he meant the world to Tony and nothing was going to change that either.

"Phil said you refused to release your last album; that you completely went into obscurity after that." He managed to say, even though he wanted nothing more than to reach for Loki and shake him. "I don't know why you'd give up everything you worked so hard for, for whatever this is. Because you deserve so much more than this, Loki; you deserve the world."

"I had the world, Little Stark; oh I had it and then some." Loki smiled ruefully at him. "I was adored by thousands upon thousands; I was practically worshiped. I had it all and then everything went black. And no matter how loud the screams were, how enthusiastic those hands were to reach out and touch me – everything was _black_."

"Tell me then; what happened to you, babe?"

"Life happened to me; not all of us can live in a delusional world where you are its creator. Sometimes you have to grow up."

"Loki, what happened to you?" Tony repeated, as he watched Loki rip open one of his desk drawers and set the picture frame face-down in it.

"I lost my voice." He replied, as he shut the drawer. "It's gone."

To say that Tony was shocked, overwhelmed even, by the revelation would have been a lie. It was far more powerful than that; it couldn't be put into words. Loki might as well have said he lost a limb; since it would have had the same impact to Tony. Because it was that voice that seemed to define Loki; it was that voice that drew Tony in initially too.

Everything had started with that voice; that beautiful, soul-shattering voice. And the notion of it being gone from the world forever was unfair; so fucking unfair. But worse yet, was the pained look Loki shot his way; as if he couldn't even control how hurtful it was to be devoid of such a brilliant gift.

"I'm broken, Stark." Loki turned his back to him, picking up his satchel and blueprints. "So I hope your search proved to be worthwhile."

"Loki, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't patronize me; especially about that."

"I'm not."

"I would appreciate if you would leave now. I have plenty of work to do, and a call to make to Seoul." Loki moved purposefully back around the desk; all business again, and not a sliver of vulnerability visible on his face anymore.

Tony stepped away, but he didn't make any move to leave. He could only watch as Loki set his satchel onto the desktop, and reach for the computer to boot it on. It was somehow heartbreaking and unfair; that someone who had been such a gifted musician had been reduced to this. Loki Laufeyson was a business type; who had conference calls, and business trips, and late nights to finish up projects for clients.

There weren't any adoring fans, guitar solos, or even an elaborately designed stage. Everything was reduced to orderly offices and schmoozing other suits; Loki Laufeyson was really gone. And that hurt so goddamn much that Tony thought he might actually cry.

"Babe," Tony managed to say, although he was scared his voice would crack. "I'll be back; I'll always come back for you. Not for Gwen, not for anyone else – but you."

Before Loki could reply to his statement; Tony hurried to the door and stepped into the desolate sitting area, and closed the door behind him. He didn't want to be questioned about his declaration; he didn't want Loki to belittle him for it either. Especially since he meant every word of it; it didn't even matter if Loki was unhappily married to Sif, and that they potentially had a horde of painfully beautiful children. None of that mattered at all to him, and it never would either.

Tony would always come back for Loki no matter what.


	11. Chapter Ten :: Glitter & Fedoras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are very sweet; I have to admit your comments really make my day. I can only hope you enjoy this chapter; and thank you once more for being so kind to me. I really don't deserve it.

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**Chapter Ten :: Glitter & Fedoras**

 

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Emotions weren't exactly Tony's forte; for much of his adult life, he managed to suppress them through copious amounts of alcohol and wild, and oftentimes unprotected, sex. It was a miracle he was still alive; a blessing that he hadn't any life threatening diseases, and more importantly that he still had fragments of his sanity left.

It had been a struggle to remain even remotely sane, after everything he'd been through recently. Libya had taken a greater toll on his emotions than he would like to admit; which would explain the many night terrors he still experienced, although their frequency was dwindling. But they probably would always be there, swimming in the back of his mind like sharks that smelled blood.

Alcohol had helped, though; during those first few months as he was being reintroduced into society, Tony had drank a lot. Even his vigor to change Stark Industries' direction and his own personal mission to find Loki; hadn't really been enough to keep him away from the sauce. So he had indulged himself until he felt like he could control his demons; and once he could, he focused his attention completely on his goals.

Stark Industries was now at the forefront of reusable and clean energy, and was thriving as much as it had in its heyday of weapons manufacturing. The numbers were impressive and stocks were through the roof; which was a reason for celebration. As much as it should have been, now that Tony had found Loki; and yet it was anything but.

Things were complicated; far more complicated that he originally anticipated for. There was always the possibility that Loki had moved on romantically; hell, that was a given. Tony hadn't imagined it would have been with Sif, though. Not by how vehement Sif had been about how they were only friends; and that their brief tryst had meant nothing.

But that had also been twenty odd years ago; plenty of things had changed since then. Feelings had changed, circumstances most definitely did. So Tony really couldn't say he was that shocked; he couldn't even justify being hurt by it either. Regardless of the fact, that was exactly what he felt at the moment.

He was wounded, but he knew how to cope nowadays. It was a simple enough formula; which consisted of his best brand of scotch and his tendency to over think. Once he exhausted every avenue of thought (or became much too drunk to think any longer); he would rest on it, and feel better in the morning. Which was precisely what he was doing now; he was on his second tumbler of Macallan, and had already delved headfirst into the past. And he didn't like what he uncovered.

No one particularly liked themselves in hindsight; Tony wasn't any different. Twenty-two year old Tony had been emotionally compromised and possessive; he hadn't the ability to communicate, let alone deal with his attraction to same sex properly. It was no wonder Loki had told him to get lost – he really deserved it.

"Fucking idiot," Tony muttered around the lip of his glass; utterly disgusted by his previous actions, and what it had inevitably cost him.

Of course, even if things had worked out after Tony's sexuality crisis and daddy issues; it didn't necessarily mean that he and Loki would have been together forever. In fact, the likelihood that they would have burned out was pretty high; considering both their personalities were so volatile. But he hadn't even given himself the chance to experience a true relationship with Loki.

He had done this to himself, and he couldn't blame anyone but himself. Loki had moved on like he should have; Sif had moved on like she should have. And just because they moved on together, didn't mean Tony had a right to feel victimized. Because neither of them had done anything wrong; Tony was the one who single-handedly destroyed his own happiness not them.

Loki had been his at one point; unequivocally his, despite his insecurities. Now, well Loki was beyond his touch; he was a married man, potentially a father even to stupidly gorgeous children who probably were teenagers now. And yet Tony still wanted to be in his life in some capacity. Even if he couldn't have him romantically; he wanted him in any way he could have him.

_"Sir, a Miss Gwen Stacy is here to see you. Shall I allow her access to the penthouse?"_ JARVIS announced above the musical cacophony that was Odin's Sons; which he had put on loop since earlier in the evening.

"I guess it's the least I can do. I did leave her high and dry a couple nights ago." He mused unenthusiastically, before taking another drink from his glass. "Go ahead and let her in."

The night Tony had been reacquainted with Loki was actually kind of blurry now. All he really remembered was feeling physically ill, and maybe making a detour to the closest restroom. So the night had effectively been cut short; Gwen hadn't been very inquisitive either, which he'd been very grateful for. But he really couldn't withhold the truth from her anymore; not when his decision to woo her had been derailed.

Having meaningless sex with another beautiful woman just wasn't on the agenda anymore. Not when the love of Tony's life was within arm's length; the love of his life that seemed so incredibly broken and in need of some sort of emotional support, and Tony wanted to provide it to him too. He wanted to be there for Loki, even if it meant only being the supportive friend for the rest of his life.

He could do it too, since a life with Loki in it in any capacity; was better than a life without him. He believed that wholeheartedly, despite his heartache; which was physically painful and hadn't lessened in twenty years either. His emotional baggage was still there; ready to be sorted through, whenever Tony gotten the courage to do so.

The familiar ping of the elevator suddenly echoed through the penthouse's lounge; before Gwen emerged, looking as radiant as Tony remembered her to be. Something ached in him that wasn't emotionally based either; although, he was pretty sure if he chased his libido's desire then he might as well kiss Loki away forever.

"Miss Stacy, what do I owe the pleasure of this impromptu visit?" He called from his slouched position on the couch; pleased that she'd chosen to approach him, rather than force him to stagger onto his feet to meet her halfway.

"I hadn't heard from you for a couple of days." Gwen said, stopping a few feet away from him. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Couldn't be any better; I'm nice and cozy with my oldest friend Mac." He raised his glass.

"I knew it; I thought you knew Mr. Fenton. You did have that picture of him tucked into your magazine, after all." She tilted her head in the direction of the bar. "May I?"

"Be my guest." Tony said, having almost forgotten about the picture she mentioned; he was pretty positive that he hadn't left out one of the more nefarious Polaroids out in the open. But knowing how careless he was nowadays, well he wouldn't exactly be surprised if he had.

Then again, if he had left such a compromising photo in the open; he highly doubted Gwen would have taken it in stride. She probably would have had thrown a fit of colossal proportions; especially since she seemed to be harboring feelings for Loki. And who could really blame her? She had pretty impeccable taste.

Tony hadn't bothered to move the _Scientific American_ on the bar; so it was easy to find. Gwen didn't bring the magazine with her, though; instead she only held a Polaroid photo in her hand, which was turned to face Tony.

"That's Mr. Fenton, isn't it?" She asked, while handing the photo to him. "He looks a little different, but otherwise he's exactly the same."

"If your Mr. Fenton wears glittery makeup and fedoras; well, I guess that might very well be him." Tony hummed lowly.

"I'm not stupid; contrary to popular belief, blondes _don't_ have lower IQs based on a recessive gene."

"Oh, talk nerdy to me."

"Tony," she scrunched up her nose cutely, even though it was an apparent sign of annoyance; and well, he had some previous experience in annoying women.

The subject was a touchy one; especially since Tony was sure that Loki didn't want anyone to know about his past. How the majority of his coworkers didn't recognize him was beyond him; considering how popular Loki truly was. But on the other hand, maybe he worked with a bunch of stiffs that never paid rock 'n' roll any heed in the first place.

"What year were you born, Gwen?" He asked, studying the profile image he managed to snap of Loki before their night of debauchery.

"I was born in 1973; but I don't see how that's even relevant."

"Jesus Christ, you were only a baby back then. No wonder you don't recognize him."

"I do recognize him – that is my boss, William Fenton." She pointed at the Polaroid, visibly annoyed and probably frustrated by his evasiveness.

For some reason that statement hurt; of course, things were very different now. It was the nineties, after all. Not many people were feeling nostalgic for the seventies. The Stones had adapted to the change in genre; as had Bowie and every legendary band still staying above the water. Their pasts were just commodities now; things to be revered in a couple of years, instead of being viewed as the building blocks of rock 'n' roll as everyone knew it today.

Loki Laufeyson didn't survive the shift; in fact, some would argue he was inconsequential in the long run. Loki himself would argue that point too; and maybe no one but Tony would fight him over it nowadays, which was a fucking shame.

"You don't know very much about him, do you?" He dropped the Polaroid to the coffee table, before patting the couch cushion beside him.

"I know as much as I should about my boss like anyone else." She sat down, still very much annoyed. "What are you getting at exactly?"

"Most people know the basics about their bosses. Are they married, do they have kids? How long have they been in the business; you know obvious stuff."

"He's obviously married, he wears a wedding ring."

"So you've met his wife?" Tony pressed, unsure of why; maybe it was just his curiosity, or maybe it was the fact that something seemed amiss.

Loki hadn't wanted to talk about his marital status; which suggested that he and Sif were either in the midst of a nasty divorce or something else happened (and he didn't really want to explore it any further than that). But he needed to know what was going on, and he couldn't openly question Loki without downright resentment either.

So his only safe bet was Gwen; who looked oddly baffled by his question. It was a pretty straightforward one; as straightforward as any question could be. She either had seen Sif or she hadn't; she either knew about Loki having children or not. There wasn't anything that difficult about it.

"I haven't seen her before; actually no one has. I heard some of the other architects talking, especially Mr. Tyler's son Fredrick, saying that she must be a cow since he never brings her along to anything. But Fredrick has always hated Mr. Fenton for some reason."

"What about kids? Has he ever mentioned anything about kids?"

"Not that I know of; if he has any, I imagine they might be old enough to be in boarding school." She looked straight ahead of her, appearing deep in thought. "To be honest, I always wondered if Mr. Fenton really was married; I was left with the errand of collecting his mail, when he'd go on business trips. Then again, he's always in Seoul; so his wife could possibly live there."

Tony shook his head dismissively; there wouldn't be any reason for Sif to be in South Korea. Not to mention, even if Loki was on his second marriage; why on earth would he keep Sif's last name? So the only sound conclusion he could draw to was that they were no longer together; and maybe Loki was holding out hope for some sort of reconciliation.

"You know Mr. Fenton, though." Gwen pressed after a few moments. "That much I know for certain; it was like you were seeing a ghost, when you met him."

"I knew a very different person back then; the difference is between night and day." Tony leaned back against the couch; shutting his eyes, as if that would quiet his brain. "And I never thought I would see him again; so yeah, I was shocked. I'm still in a state of shock, to be honest."

"Mr. Fenton was in a foul mood today. He made me call a locksmith to change the locks on his office door." She conveyed and for some reason Tony couldn't help but laugh; laugh because that sounded like a Loki thing to do, not a William Fenton thing to do.

But his bout of laughter was short lived; he composed himself enough to eye her, and found she looked uncomfortable if not entirely out of place. Days ago it had felt different; she felt like a pillar of comfort and warmth, and now it just seemed wrong. She was too young, too delicate; too witty and too smart for him.

"Gwen, have you ever heard of Loki Laufeyson? He was a singer in the seventies."

"Loki who,"

"Laufeyson; Loki Laufeyson," he repeated himself, watching her expression closely.

There was a spark of recognition after a moment or two; but there wasn't any kind of a-ha moment. It wasn't like he was expecting one either; she would have been much too young to witness the rise of Loki Laufeyson.

"I think I heard a few of his songs before. But I'm not really into that kind of music." She admitted.

"Well, why don't you go to the closest record store, and look him up. I really think you'd enjoy his music; he has always been my favorite. And you look in the need for some quality music."

"You are an eccentric, Tony." Gwen gave him a curious look, before she stood. "I should probably go; I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm peachy keen as you can tell, but I stand behind my statement – check out Loki Laufeyson." He emptied his tumbler, watching her as she slowly ambled towards the elevators; as if she didn't want to catch his crazy but was polite enough to hide her concern. "And I think you'd like Odin's Sons too; I think William Fenton really loves them too."

"I'll keep that in mind." She returned, before boarding the lift. "Good night, Tony. Maybe you should keep away from the liquor cabinet for the rest of the night."

"But the night's still young and I can still think clearly."

"That is debatable, I think."

"I would marry you if you were older." He called out just as the elevator doors closed; and he was left with the sound of Loki's beautiful voice in the background once more. And he couldn't help but think it wasn't fair that it was only a reality on a compact disc; that he'd never hear it live again.


	12. Chapter Eleven :: The Girl With a Hundred Names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be perfectly honest, this was a hard chapter to write (and it probably sucks); I'm not even going to lie. And just because I'm evil, cue up "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John while you're reading it.

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**Chapter Eleven: The Girl With a Hundred Names**

 

 

* * *

 

_Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man_

_  
_"Tiny Dancer" - Elton John

 

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Despite his many reservations against it, Tony knew he could no longer avoid the inevitable. He had put it off for much too long, and now was the day to finally find out the truth. It would only take a simple utterance to JARVIS before he launched into a full-on search; scouring public files and bits of the internet that had been fully realized. And then he would have his answer; almost instantaneously even.

But he found it hard to muster up the courage to speak up because he feared the answer. He had thought about it critically for a day or so now, and ultimately he had drawn to a very bad conclusion. One he hoped wouldn't be the truth, yet he couldn't possibly continue to be delusional about the situation either.

"Hey, JARVIS," Tony licked his lips; in the midst of taking apart the protocol of the newest Stark Phone, which was still too bulky for his liking. "Do me a favor, buddy."

 _"Anything for you, sir; of course within reason and legality_ ,"

"Cheeky bastard," he huffed out a nervous laugh. "I want you to do a search on someone for me; an Amelia Fenton. But more specifically one born in the U.S. and who was probably born around 1951 or 1952."

 _"Right away, sir,"_ JARVIS replied, before the room quieted into a tense silence.

For whatever reason, Tony had asked his AI to turn off the sound system earlier in the evening; which was particularly odd, since he always liked noise. It chased away the loneliness, and was probably why he'd been such an avid fan of music back when he was a kid. Music had been an escape for him, when everything else had been so dysfunctional back then.

It was a shitty way to live as a kid; being passed between parents like a hot potato. Except the game's rules changed once good 'ol dad tried to spoil him rotten, and prove he was the superior parent; not out of any paternal need, mind you, but more so to stick it to his ex-wife. Which turned out perfectly well in the end; Tony had been orphaned by twenty-two, and had nothing but bad memories about both his parents to sustain him now.

More often than not, Tony tried not to reflect too much on his childhood. He especially kept a lid on his familial bonds, and the recent betrayal of someone who had been a father figure to him. Because it would hardly serve a purpose to brood on the many betrayals he'd been dealt with by the adults in his life; and well, it was counterproductive to all he had worked towards over the past few years.

He was different now; he wasn't as self-entitled as he was nor was he emotionally dependent anymore. He had grown up and learned from his mistakes; even if it had taken a horrible airplane crash and being held hostage for several months to draw to that conclusion. But at least he had changed; and at least he was trying to be better, despite some hiccups along the way.

_"Sir, I haven't found any recent results on the name Amelia Fenton."_

"Hmm, try Amelia Odinson." Tony gazed up at the ceiling, despite knowing full well JARVIS's motherboard was installed in the still damaged wall behind him.

The room went quiet once more; so Tony settled his focus back on the stray pieces of tech that were strewn across the coffee table in front of him. He'd drawn several messy and half-assed sketches earlier on in the day; before he decided to take apart the newest protocol and make some adjustments to it. And so far he hadn't been very successful due to other distractions; more specifically Loki.

_"There have been no results on an Amelia Odinson."_

"So no Amelia Fenton or Odinson," he paused in his work; only to arch his eyebrow speculatively. "For the hell of it, why don't you look up Amelia Laufeyson?"

JARVIS replied in the affirmative; before he went back to work. Tony, on the other hand, chose to set aside the phone; suddenly filled with a peculiar sort of dread in the pit of his stomach. Something told him he hit pay dirt once he said Amelia Laufeyson; although he really couldn't understand why.

He waited for several terse moments; trying to clear his mind, and to push the panic away that he now felt so intensely that it made it hard to breathe regularly. And he didn't know why he was panicking either; aside from his own theories, which he feared to be true.

_"The last known activity of Amelia Laufeyson was in December of 1982, sir."_

"What do you mean by last known activity exactly?" Tony swallowed hard and waited for the other shoe to fall.

 _"Amelia Laufeyson has been deceased since December 4_ _th_ _1982\. Cause of death was a punctured lung and other multiple injuries; as stated on the death certificate. Ms. Laufeyson was thirty years old."_ JARVIS reported without any inflection; he wasn't programmed to have one anyway.

JARVIS had only been programmed for efficiency; he was designed to make Tony's life easier. He wasn't supposed to lessen the blow of an emotional downward spiral; nor was he supposed to comfort Tony in any way. Not even when a strangled noise erupted out of him that sounded more animal than human; and he had to try very hard not to crumble to the ground from the shock.

His worst fear had been realized; of course, he had thought of every single outcome that came to mind. He was a genius, after all; he couldn't help but overanalyze and weigh the probability of every potential conclusion. It came as second nature to his analytical mind; his mind that was always working a mile a minute on half a dozen things at the same time. He had thought it a possibility, but he had refused to believe it was _the_ possibility.

The reality of the matter was too much for him to take. Amelia Fenton, Sif, Siffy; the girl with a hundred names couldn't be dead. Not the girl with a brilliant thousand-watt smile; who smelled of sunflowers, and called him daddy-o, and danced like a flower child and pacified a group of grumpy and volatile Englishmen.

Sif was very much alive to him. She couldn't be anything but; because she was the girl who dragged him onto tour with Odin's Sons, and had been his best friend when he had no one at all. Tony needed Sif in ways he never imagined he would; not at forty-one years old and chasing desperately after her husband.

_Her husband._

"JARVIS, how did she die?" He rasped out wetly, as he placed a hand against the arc reactor.

 _"The death certificate doesn't specify what had caused the multiple injuries, sir. However, I can cross reference all publications on December 4_ _th_ _and 5_ _th_ _in order to find any matches. But the name of Amelia Laufeyson hadn't cropped up in any other search beyond her death certificate and her marriage license."_

"Cross reference the newspapers," he clutched the arc reactor; unable to bring himself to even ask about the marriage certificate. It seemed so pitiful in comparison.

It didn't matter when Sif had married Loki; morbid curiosity would be the only reason why he would tap into that detail. And well, he had some common decency left in him still; although, it felt like he might very well vomit from the dreadful news of Sif's death.

She died almost fourteen years ago; Tony couldn't even remember where he'd been in 1982. He'd been twenty-seven then; probably at the height of his insanity. He remembered he'd been arrested sometime in the early eighties for public intoxication again and something like lewd behavior too. But the specifics wouldn't come to him, and he really didn't want them to either.

_"Sir, I've narrowed down the results; in one of the local publications there was a story about a car collision in West Hampstead. One in which an unidentified female in her late twenties to early thirties was killed. An unidentified male companion was severely injured; the authorities had to employ hydraulic rescue tools in order to free him. The female, however, had already perished from her injuries."_

"Call Phil Coulson up now,"

_"Might I advise-"_

"Call him now, JARVIS!" Tony bellowed loudly, before slapping both his hands to his face.

The gory details had really gotten to him; to think that Sif bled to death in a car wreck was ghastly and stomach churning. His greatest ally when he was sixteen years old was gone; had been for years now, and he hadn't even known it. It felt like a repeat of what happened with dear 'ol dad.

But what was even worse was that Loki had been there. It must have been Loki in that car; and for god's sake, for sanity's sake, he really hoped that both of them had been unconscious. He didn't want to even imagine if they'd been fully aware of their circumstances; trapped in mangled metal, waiting for someone, anyone, to come and save them.

Another inhuman noise bubbled up in his throat; one that sounded very similar to when he lost his cool, on the night he'd come back from Libya. He'd been alone in his Malibu house, and he'd fallen apart; crying himself hoarse for the first time in all those torturous months. He hadn't allowed himself to show any sort of weakness to his captors; he'd been so strong, and ultimately he couldn't hold it in anymore when he was home alone.

He needed to vent now too; to let out all the horrible things he just learned, before it contaminated his mind. Because he had a very vivid imagination, and the grisly details were threatening to suffocate him; so he made another awful noise and another until Tony heard the telltale signs of someone picking up the other line that JARVIS patched him through.

"Phil Coulson," Phil's familiar voice announced; coupled with the scream of children and the drone of a TV in the background. It was so domestic that it was fucking sickening.

"Phil, this is Tony Stark." He managed to say, although his voice was strained and gravelly from the noises he'd just been making.

"What do I owe another telephone call in the middle of dinner for, Stark?"

"Oh you know same 'ol thing. Sitting around wondering why you never told me Sif, no _Amelia_ , was dead." Tony spat venom, as he dropped one hand back to the arc reactor to cradle it. "Didn't you think that tidbit would have been important to me? Or are you going to play the Laufeyson avoidance technique on me? Because he was pretty good at pulling excuses out of his ass like no one's business,"

"Stark," Phil began, before taking a very long pause. "I didn't mention it for a variety of reasons; but mostly it was for Loki's sake."

"So you hide a person's death because it might make Loki feel bad? Oh, don't even get me started on that! I know they were married Phil; you know how I know? Because I found him; I found him right underneath my nose, playing businessman!"

"You found him?"

"I found him all right, and it would have been nice to be prepared for what I'd be facing!" He almost yelled. "It would have been nice to know he's obviously in pain, because his wife is dead!"

"And that's exactly why he disappeared in the first place!" Phil returned fiercely; fiercer than even Tony. "He watched his wife die, and he couldn't do anything to save her! The only thing he could do was sing to her to keep her calm, and that's why he left everything behind! That's why he couldn't be Loki Laufeyson again; because he was completely broken, Stark! He couldn't cope!"

That knowledge combined with his own discovery; hurt more than Tony thought was humanly possible. Loki had watched Sif die right in front of his very eyes. He had sung to her too; regardless of his own injuries, he had sung to her until the very end.

"He sang to her?"

"Yes, he did." Phil replied, taking in a shaky breath. "He only admitted to that because he was so delirious on pain medication. He'd broken his left leg, one of his wrists, and a couple of ribs. But they needed to sedate him every time he started to gain any lucidity; since he would become hysterical and violent."

"He didn't lose his voice, after all."

"Is that what he said to you? That he lost his voice?"

"Yeah," Tony shut his eyes; feeling emotionally drained.

"He did lose his voice, Stark. He lost Amelia." Phil replied. "I'm sorry for not telling you. I just, I couldn't bring myself to. Not when I remembered what happened back then."

"He still wears his wedding ring, Phil. He even has a picture on his desk at work too."

"Fourteen years hasn't changed anything at all. He's still running away; he's still running from himself." Phil sighed. "I have to go, I just really have to go now; but I would appreciate it, even if you think I don't deserve it; if you would call me again to let me know how Loki is."

"I will." Tony sniffed, before opening his eyes. "JARVIS do you mind closing the line for me, buddy?"

Without any further reply, the line went dead; replaced once more by the pestering silence. Tony found he had less patience for it now than he normally did. So he asked for JARVIS to put on any CD in the player; so long as it distracted him enough from the awful tremors in his hands, and the heaviness that settled into his chest.

But nothing really could distract him from everything he'd learned within the last half hour. He still knew far too much about a situation that clearly Loki didn't want anybody to know about. And it was far more tragic than Tony anticipated for; and it hurt, it really hurt.

Not only had he learned about Loki's traumatic experience, but Tony had lost a friend as well. He had lost Siffy; his carefree, nosy, and beautiful Siffy. And there wasn't anyone on the planet who'd ever call him daddy-o again.


	13. Chapter Twelve :: Apologies & Appointments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say anything momentous happens in this chapter; I just hope it isn't very boring. ;(

 

* * *

 

**Chapter Twelve :: Apologies & Appointments**

* * *

Tony knew the situation called for a certain sort of finesse. Brass and unapologetic behavior wasn't the way to approach it; which also meant any further opportunities for subterfuge and infiltration was out of the question. If he were to extend any sort of olive branch to Loki; Tony had to flex some self-restraint, while simultaneously increasing his sensitivity as well.

He had to tread lightly, be non-threatening; but more importantly than even that, he would have to learn when to back off without allowing his feelings to be hurt. It wasn't about him, after all; not everything had to be either. This was about Loki and what he could do for him; rather than the other way around.

So he had wisely given it a few days, before he made his next move. And that proved to be an asset to Tony as well; since the news of Sif's death had left him reeling as well, and he needed some time alone to collect his thoughts and mentally prepare himself for the inevitable meeting between him and Loki. Which essentially meant he needed to be at the top of his game for this; without letting his emotions dictate his actions.

It was a Tuesday; a gloomy afternoon with the promise of snow. Tony had looked up Malibu's five day forecast, even as he cancelled his flight back; and found it to be in the upper sixties and sunny. It was enough to make him depressed, well if he hadn't already been. But at least he could fake a cheery disposition, since being a very visible businessman and inventor required a hell of a lot of acting skills.

"Afternoon Gwen Stacy," he exclaimed as he approached the aforementioned girl's desk; although he didn't get an immediate response.

Gwen's head was bowed, consumed by whatever paperwork was in front of her; and writing away in long and languid motions. On further inspection, Tony noticed a thin strip of metal over the top of her head; connected to a pair of headphones that were snugly over her ears. Her head bobbed once or twice to the music she was listening to, completely oblivious to the outside world.

Tony tapped on the desk's partition with his knuckles; only to wait several seconds, before trying his luck again but with far more force. The vibrations seemed to catch her attention, due to the fact she quickly ripped the headphones from her head and peered up at him apologetically. This wasn't the first time he'd caught her off guard either, which seemed to be a running theme between them.

"Afternoon, Gwen Stacy," he repeated himself; trying to maintain his sunny attitude. "Enjoying Generation X's anthem of the moment?"

"You seem pretty cheery; don't tell me you're drunk already."

"Woman, keep talking that way and you'll have a wedding ring on your finger before the end of the day."

"Are you here to see Mr. Fenton?" Gwen asked with a sweet smile; as if she could already read him like a well-worn book. That was scary Pepper territory.

"No point in denying it, I guess. Is he in?" Tony eyed the door and immediately noticed the doorknob had been replaced by a sturdier one; although he probably could have jimmied it anyway if he wanted to.

But there was no way he would do that. Not when he knew what he was dealing with now. Loki needed to be handled differently; Tony wouldn't call it downright fragilely or anything, though. That would have been an insult to him; rather Loki needed to be handled cautiously almost like a time bomb.

The analogy was pretty fitting; especially when Tony took into account their many spats in the past. Hell, both of them had been awfully volatile; it was a surprise they hadn't ended up hurting one another physically. Then again, Loki had gotten very close to bashing his face in more than once for his outright defiance.

"He had a meeting with a very persistent woman." Gwen admitted, setting aside her headphones. "She hadn't even made an appointment, but she practically barreled in his office like she owned the place."

"I don't know if he's known for his temper or not nowadays; but I imagine he didn't take too kindly to that."

"Quite the opposite, actually; if anything he was reserved."

"How the years have changed people." Tony clucked, before turning to sit on one of the uncomfortable chairs across from Gwen's desk.

Now that Tony had time to study the small secretarial area; he noticed how very unwelcoming it was. While fully seated it was almost impossible to see Gwen over the partition attached to the top of her desk. Not to mention, there weren't any dated magazines to flip through either; as if Loki wasn't in any way up for appointments big or small. And it appeared that he tried his best to make the atmosphere as unwelcoming as possible; Loki was precise enough to do that too.

"Tony," Gwen called out to him, slowly scooting out from behind her desk on her chair. "You know, I took your advice. I went to the music shop near my flat; I asked the guy behind the counter about Loki Laufeyson."

"Oh yeah; what did he have to say?"

"The guy was pretty enthusiastic actually." She smiled. "He said Loki Laufeyson was one of the biggest names in rock 'n' roll in the seventies. That the guy was practically the messiah."

Tony tried to return her smile, but fell short of it. He looked down at his finely polished shoes; feeling an odd tangle of emotions. People really didn't have an attention span to remember the greats from every genre of music. Legends like Hendrix or Joplin or Zeppelin or the Beatles were frequently cited still; but a lot of the best, the potential legends, were forgotten.

Something made him think, stupidly maybe, that people had all but forgotten about Loki Laufeyson. Because really how could Loki live in blatant obscurity otherwise? If Hendrix were alive today; Tony knew he would be the target of a considerable amount of attention. He wouldn't have had a chance of living a life of obscurity like Loki. So to hear that there was someone out there, that still recognized Loki's brilliance was bittersweet.

"He said that Loki Laufeyson was on the same level as David Bowie." Gwen continued, while she reached for something beyond his view. "So he sent me home with this; you know to get me started."

She held up a jewel case with a very familiar picture on it; Tony remembered it like it was yesterday, flicking through record after record in a musty little record store with Happy across the way. And he had unearthed that album; Loki Laufeyson's _Death & Indulgence_, which had been a musical orgasm of sorts (although he never got to come from it, thanks to Pepper's interruption).

"Nice choice, but I would have kick started you with Odin's Sons myself." Tony stared at the album art; and remembered how he frequently watched Loki paint half his face to recreate that image for the stage.

"I wondered why you wanted me to look up some singer from the seventies, you know." She turned the CD case around to stare at it. "I figured you were just a little too drunk, and you were trying to convert me into your cult of bad music."

"Excuse me, the seventies was a stellar time for music! Aside from the Carpenters and Peter Frampton; and don't you listen to a single word Happy has to say about Frampton. He was not a beast; not then and especially not now!"

"Like I was saying," Gwen giggled dismissively. "I didn't know why you'd want me to look him up. And then when the guy handed this to me; it was kind of a shock to the system, you know. I didn't expect to see Mr. Fenton staring up at me like this."

The humor slowly dribbled out of her, which set off a chain reaction. Tony furrowed his brow, as he watched Gwen stare down at the cover. He couldn't tell what she was feeling, but there seemed to be a twinge of sadness to her features; as if she understood the gravity of what her boss was then and what he was now. And maybe it just didn't bode well with her either.

"It really made me think." She set the case down to look at him. "I've worked for Mr. Fenton for almost two years and I know nothing about him. Not a single thing; I don't even know if he's married or not."

"Oh, he's married." Tony said. "And his wife's bubbly and pushy and nosy and fucking beautiful; way too fucking beautiful for her own good."

"I think you left out completely and utterly hardheaded." Someone said smoothly above Tony.

Tony almost leapt to his feet at the sight of Loki; who again was donning his wire-rimmed eyeglasses and looked stuck between annoyed and exasperated by the situation he walked into. Gwen was quick to stand, grabbing her day planner that had already been open to a specific page; clearly she was all business again.

"Mr. Fenton, Fredrick stopped by while you were away."

"Does this have anything to do with the Yamamoto account?" Loki sneered openly, before fishing out his keys from his trouser pocket. "Because I already told him, he was responsible for it. Especially after he vehemently exclaimed that he could handle it; he spoken specifically to his father about it. I am not going to salvage that account; I already have to handle the Zhang account after Simon so rudely insulted Ms. Park. And I might very well have to fly to Busan to smooth things over completely."

"Rumor has it the Koreans love you, though." Tony blurted out, only to receive an icy look in turn.

"If one more person says that, I will see to their end." Loki unlocked his office door, and pushed it open so Gwen could follow him inside.

Despite wanting to tread lightly, Tony couldn't help but follow after Gwen; who was patiently waiting as Loki stripped off his full length coat, and leather gloves. Loki strode from one corner of his office to the other; similarly to how he dominated an oversized stage. He walked with confidence and an aura that screamed of importance.

"Mrs. Monroe called again; she was absolutely emphatic about the two of you having dinner with one another."

"Tell her no; I was not put on this planet for her to proposition me." Loki pulled a book from his bookshelf, once he hung up his coat. "Anything else, or do I only have Mr. Stark to deal with right now?"

"That'll be it, sir. But I imagine Fredrick won't take the news graciously."

"If he decides to come down here to see me; tell him I'm in the midst of a very important meeting with Mr. Stark. And if he still insists on seeing me; tell him I will be sure to ask Mr. Tyler about transferring me to the Yamamoto account officially."

"Yes, of course, Mr. Fenton." Gwen scurried past Tony, and quickly closed the door behind her; leaving them alone.

Loki continued to move from one corner of the room to the next; depositing books onto the table filled with blueprints, before picking up a roll, and sliding it into a bin beside his desk. The ritual lasted for what seemed like a small eternity; Loki fleeting to and fro, almost manic with energy until he finally sat down on the edge of his desk.

There was a ferocity to his stare, as if he dared Tony to toe the line of decency. And well, Tony couldn't really blame him for his suspicions; his antics had been well publicized, and he had broken into his office only the week before. He obviously had a problem with boundaries; or at least he had before he learned about Sif.

"So," Loki lifted both hands.

"So," Tony repeated.

"Clearly you're here for a reason, Stark. So you might as well come out with it; because I highly doubt this has anything to do with business."

"And you'd clearly be right." Tony couldn't help but quip back; almost pleased by the small quirk of Loki's mouth. "I just wanted to apologize for breaking into your office. I didn't have a right to do that."

"You would be correct in that assessment; I'm not public property anymore, Stark."

"I know that and I'm sorry for that."

"What is your goal exactly?" Loki crossed his arms, shooting him a suspicious look; which cut Tony to the core. "Why would you want to find me? You certainly didn't seem overly fond of me the last time we'd seen one another. Unless that managed to slip your mind over all these years."

Of course, that was bound to resurface; if Tony ever hoped to be a part of Loki's life, they needed to discuss what had occurred between them. It wasn't something that they could pretend hadn't happened; even though, Tony sorely wished it was only a bad dream.

"But don't you think I'm perfectly acceptable now?" Loki smiled meanly. "Your atypical businessman; nothing funny about me,"

"You were perfectly acceptable back then, babe." Tony swallowed hard, looking down at his feet in shame. "I was the biggest, stupidest fuck-up on the planet all those years ago. I really haven't improved that much, if you want the truth. But that doesn't excuse what I've done, you know. I was out of line; worse than that, and I can't even apologize enough to make up for it. I want to try, though."

"It was twenty years ago; it doesn't matter anymore." Loki said unconvincingly; before shifting back to stand. "There's no reason for you to be here."

"The only reason is you. Loki Laufeyson or William Fenton; rock star or architect, it doesn't matter to me. Because the two, I know, are interchangeable. They're the same to me." Tony raised his head to meet Loki's impenetrable gaze.

There really wasn't any telltale sign on how Loki was feeling. Maybe if they had been together for those twenty years; Tony might have very well been able to read Loki properly. But they hadn't and there was no way to tell what was going through his mind. He had an excellent poker face, after all.

"So you've come back for me. After twenty years, Anthony Stark has come to lift me out of perdition; and what do you expect once you have?"

"Nothing, actually," he returned quickly. "I mean my reasons for trying to find you were purely selfish; but now, that isn't the goal anymore. I'd like to be in your life in some capacity, if you'll let me. But if you tell me to fuck off and fuck off hard then that's exactly what I'll do."

"Unfinished business then," Loki arched an eyebrow, as he walked towards the table; and took one of the blueprints in hand.

"Technically speaking; I mean I did put a hole in my wall. And it would be nice if I could get you to check it out; mostly because I need to be able to get into that same wall for reasons."

"You are playing with fire, Stark."

"Fire doesn't scare me; not when you played with explosives in a bid for freedom." Tony blurted out, struck by how easy it was to say; especially since he hadn't discussed his escape from the terrorist cell with anyone, including Rhodey.

Loki paused in the midst of unraveling his blueprint; as if the gravity of the statement had seeped into his brain. Loki wasn't stupid by any means; Tony had always thought him brilliant, and he suspected if he went on about binary coding that Loki might very well be able to understand it within a matter of minutes. There was a hidden brilliance in there; Tony was certain of it.

Slowly Loki turned to look at him; he looked inquisitive and curious, and seemed like he was in the business of dissecting him from the inside-out. The weight of his stare was almost too heavy for Tony to handle, though. So he was particularly relieved when it slipped away and onto the unfurled blueprint instead.

"Make an appointment with Miss Stacy." Loki deadpanned, almost as if the words pained him to say. "But be aware that this is only business. Whatever else you have in mind – that's not going to happen."

"Yeah, cool; sounds like a plan." Tony returned, while backpedaling to the door. "Hopefully, I'll see you soon then."

There wasn't an immediate reply from Loki; which Tony couldn't really say he expected. In fact, he counted himself lucky that Loki would even personally take care of the hole in his wall. It seemed liked a minor issue in comparison to his other responsibilities. Then again, he was a high priority client too.

"And Loki," Tony said, once his hand was on the doorknob; but suddenly felt self-conscious once the object of his affections turned around to face him. "I'm sorry; for everything. Because you are ace, babe; you'll always be the best no matter what. And that twenty-two year old idiot, who said otherwise; well, he proved his worth, didn't he?"

"I have a feeling you aren't apologizing for what that twenty-two year old said, Stark." Loki said slowly, cautiously.

"Maybe not; but I still meant every word of it." Tony turned the doorknob with a flicker of hesitance; before he backed out, and felt the need to run into the frigid afternoon air and just breathe.

He remembered all too well, how stifling Loki's presence could be. It was far more powerful than Tony's own; and he could easily work a room of hundreds. But Loki had the ability to move thousands; to make them into hysterical messes simply by showing up. And being one on one with him, well that could kill an unsuspecting person.

"Bye, babe," he muttered under his breath; only to put on his best smile for Gwen as he approached her desk. He had an appointment to make, after all.


	14. Chapter Thirteen :: JARVIS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came out fairly quickly; I thought I might as well post it, so yeah. I'm probably updating way too much, though. So sorry for all the spam. ;(
> 
> On a side note, I think the song "Goodbye, Goodbye" by Tegan and Sara fits fairly well with Tony and Loki's relationship throughout the whole series. So it might be worth a listen!

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirteen :: JARVIS**

 

* * *

 

Not many things could automatically turn Tony on. He'd been around the block more times than he could count; and had been in very sensual, if not downright weird sexual situations over the past twenty years. He had had threesomes and foursomes and full-blown orgies. He'd been spanked, spanked others; used a variety of toys on his partners, had them used on him. And he even been tied up, blindfolded, and gagged.

So very little could sway him so easily. He needed stimulation beyond a buxom beauty or even missionary style sex. But there always seemed to be an exception to the rule; which so happened to be Loki Laufeyson.

Of course, Loki hadn't arrived to his penthouse suite in any provocative attire. He hadn't donned one of his costumes from his heyday; didn't paint his face up elaborately and colorfully. No, the bastard had shown up in a winter coat, a pair of black trousers, a green oxford unbuttoned to show his collar and rolled up the sleeves. And only to make the whole picture that much more unbearable; Loki had worn his eyeglasses too.

Tony had never been more turned on in his life. His eyes were glued to Loki; watching him like a hawk as he studied the damage to the wall that housed JARVIS's motherboard. That only stimulated him further by how he bent at the waist; contorting in a way that seemed endlessly kinky to his oversexed mind.

Regardless of his inner dialogue; he really couldn't stop himself from unearthing details from their previous encounters. The ones where Tony had licked Loki intimately, until he rutted against his tongue and came so hard that he crumbled to the bed in tangle of sweaty limbs; and then there was the first time in a dimly lit New Orleans motel room, where Loki mounted him all the while wearing a cowboy hat.

The cowboy hat; Tony had almost forgotten about it. How that was even possible was beyond his comprehension; but all he wanted at that moment was for Loki to toss off his glasses, pull on a cowboy hat and ride him until his eyes rolled back in his head. Until they were both rutting against one another, and recreating every impossibly dirty moment between them (and there were plenty too).

"Tony," Pepper hissed in his ear suddenly; almost too close for comfort.

"Why are you in my ear right now?" Tony jerked away.

"Mr. Fenton was asking you a question." She retorted, motioning towards Loki; who had unfortunately straightened himself. "And I thought you would like to answer it instead of me doing it for you."

"Can you repeat the question?" Tony asked weakly; having to swallow down any inappropriate insinuation that he might have wanted to throw Loki's way.

After all, he had promised himself that he wouldn't do anything untoward towards Loki. He was better than some horny mongrel; and Loki deserved to be treated better than that too. Tony had to remind himself of that over and over again; that this was not about him, and it would never be about him. This whole thing was solely about Loki, and how he could help Loki.

"Why exactly did you feel compelled to ruin the wall?" Loki asked in his most patient voice; but Tony recognized it as blatant irritation. "Clearly you installed something in there; brilliantly done, I suppose. But why hadn't you allowed an electrician to do it?"

Tony perked up immediately; tech talk was his element. He couldn't possibly screw up by going into the finer details of JARVIS. And maybe the sexual fantasies he had would even out some. Well, unless Loki could speak nerdy to him then all hope was lost.

"Glad that you asked," he declared as he swerved around the couch to meet Loki at the wall. "This is one of my crowning achievements; I've actually started work on him twenty odd years ago, if you can believe that."

"Is that so?" Loki asked with a hint of venom to his tone.

"Uh, yeah; when I was in college I started to tinker with the idea of artificial intelligence. Back then it was just a pipe dream, you know. But I kept developing it until I achieved a fully functional AI; who not only can interact with you but handle simple tasks. For example, telephone calls; sending email messages that kind of thing."

"And this is the heart of it?"

"Motherboard, technically; but heart is a pretty good word for it too." Tony couldn't help but smile; seeing as Loki looked intrigued by the information he was spewing. "Anyway, I'm not too thrilled by the idea of people touching my personal tech. So I had to improvise and install JARVIS myself."

"JARVIS,"

"It's an acronym – just a really very intelligent system. And that's precisely what you, aren't you buddy?"

 _"I would like to think so, sir."_ JARVIS piped in smoothly.

The look that graced Loki's face was priceless. That emotionless mask crumbled in both bewilderment and something akin to childish delight; which only caused Tony to feel giddier in return. He had finally found a happy medium between them; it was a safe zone, and while he knew that Loki was far from comfortable with him, it really was an improvement.

Loki peered between the exposed wall and the ceiling, as if trying to work out how exactly JARVIS worked. Tony watched him; having to restrain himself, once he noticed that there was a flicker of understanding in those beautiful green eyes. Of course, Loki would sort it out; he had a beautiful mind that Tony just wanted to prod and poke, just like his…

"So you'll need a way to access the motherboard; in order to say, when updates are necessary?" Loki turned back to face the wall fully. "That's doable, obviously. We only have to construct a panel that'll essentially be like a switch box; I'm sure you've already thought about it yourself, though."

"Better to consult the professionals. That's my motto anyway."

"I have a feeling that isn't the case at all. Because you would have consulted someone, who would have advised you against taking a sledge hammer to the wall; specifically due to the fact you could have very easily brought down the entire wall, and in turn the roof with it."

"Jesus Christ, you're right." Tony said huskily; due to the fact that he was very turned on again. And when he was turned on, he really wasn't up to arguing the point that he knew exactly where to break the wall without causing any real damage to the building.

If Loki noticed the change in Tony's voice; he didn't show it. He continued to study the wall and the broken plaster; some of which was barely hanging on. Loki ran his hands along the broken plaster, as if he was calculating measurements without any tools whatsoever; and that only made Tony want to press his body against his and give Pepper a real show.

"I assume you'd like to work on the switch box yourself." Loki spoke again, only this time his gaze flickered to Pepper; who he clearly assumed was the one in charge.

"He'll do just that; but I'd like for a professional to install it. I would appreciate it if we could get the same crew to fix everything up." Pepper smiled tightly, which usually hinted to some sort of disapproval.

"That won't be a problem; at most you'll only need two men."

"Pepper, why don't you be a darling and go get a drink for Mr. Fenton." Tony interrupted; allowing his eyes to linger on the swell of Loki's thigh, and wanting to feel it pressed against his hip.

But he knew he had to reel it in; he hadn't been without any physical contact in weeks or anything. The night before he'd left for London; Tony had had the pleasure of bedding a gorgeous Nigerian model, whose legs were impossibly long; almost as long as Loki's. And that had been a night of pure ecstasy; it should have satiated him for a while. Even though, he was about to practically come in his jeans just from looking at his one-time lover at that precise moment.

"Where are my manners?" Pepper returned, although unhappily. "Mr. Fenton would you like a glass of wine? Tony and I were enjoying one before you got here."

"He doesn't drink." Tony said abruptly; mortified once Loki whipped around to stare at him.

Maybe he had overstepped his boundaries by saying that. Or maybe Loki was an avid drinker now, which wouldn't be that surprising. People had a knack for changing in a period of twenty years; and Tony really couldn't judge Loki if he decided to hit the bottle after Sif's death.

"Mr. Stark's oddly correct. I don't drink; water would be fine, if you have any on hand." Loki said slowly, never once letting his eyes drift away from Tony's.

"I have some sparkling water; let me go get it." Pepper seemed to sense the tension, and wisely chose to remove herself from the situation as soon as possible.

The clicking of her heels echoed off the walls; effectively leaving Tony alone with Loki, which probably wasn't a good thing. In between overstepping his boundaries and the history between them; Tony was still very much aroused, and not even Loki's death glare could kill his buzz. He was still horny and wanted to worship Loki's ass like it was a deity.

"You're very presumptuous." Loki finally said, once the silence became too much.

"Sorry, that's me. Bigmouthed and presumptuous; I'm still learning when to shut the hell up."

"You're brilliant, though. This is brilliant." Loki bracketed his arms on either side of JARVIS's motherboard; before shooting him an actual to god smile. "A fully functional piece of artificial intelligence; sounds impossible and yet you've done it. Bloody brilliant,"

There was actual excitement to Loki's tone; it wasn't feigned or manufactured. Loki actually seemed to think JARVIS was worthy of that kind of praise; which only fueled Tony on. JARVIS was, after all, his baby and one of his greatest achievements; and to think that Loki was enthusiastic about it warmed him to the core.

"Let me show you something; you'll like it." Tony urged Loki to step aside; in order for him to reach into wall, and pull out JARVIS motherboard.

He'd mounted the oversized computer onto what essentially was a vertical drawer; which would make any maintenance that much easier to do. He learned the hard way, how his previous designs were inconvenient and frequently a nightmare to work with; especially when it meant updating JARVIS's database. And that was a basic update that had to be performed every few months.

Once he withdrew JARVIS's brain, Tony expectantly turned to Loki; who looked even more intrigued than beforehand. He almost leaned completely against Tony, so he could get a better look of the workmanship. And god, the closeness was intoxicating to every one of Tony's senses.

"You built this entire thing?" Loki asked; eyes alit with curiosity.

"From scratch; JARVIS is located in every place I own." He smiled at Loki, who had yet to look away from the motherboard. "He can answer the phone in Malibu and within the minute, tell me exactly who called and why."

"That's incredible."

"You think?"

"Absolutely; I haven't seen anything like this. No less created by one person."

"My genius is incredible, don't you agree?"

"Even though, it pains me to say it. Yes, your genius is incredible." Loki beamed at him; almost the same way in which he did so many years ago. And it really stole his breath away.

"God, you are beautiful." Tony said before he could control himself.

It was the ultimate misstep; especially since he was supposed to watch his boundaries. He wanted to be a part of Loki's life; not come in and take over, and demand to be loved. He knew he screwed up royally, and helplessly grabbed for an apology. But the words wouldn't come out; not when Loki was so close, and eyeing him like he was an alien anomaly.

Except it didn't go anywhere that Tony feared it would; instead of storming out of the penthouse and cursing the day Tony was born, Loki only rolled his eyes dramatically as if he was dealing with an invalid instead of a bona fide genius.

"One sparkling water," Pepper announced just in time; officially breaking up a potentially disastrous moment. "And a glass of wine for you, Tony,"

Tony pushed the motherboard back into place, before taking the glass offered to him. But the scent of Loki was still very much present around him; and while Loki stepped away to receive his water, Tony could feel him nearby. He'd been so close after so long; it was a mixture of foreign and exciting, and he couldn't help but want him even more now.

"You have a tattoo." Pepper spoke again, trying to sound delightful; which was so un-Pepper like, Tony almost gagged from her feigned cheeriness. "I never would have guessed; you don't seem to be the type."

"Only the one," Loki murmured back. "Very basic,"

"What does it say?"

"Nothing, really; it's just," Loki paused, which drew Tony's attention. "It's just my wife's name."

"Isn't that sweet, Tony?" Pepper said with an inflection to her voice that was undeniable – she thought he was wasting his time. "Isn't there a study out there that says the chances of a divorce go up once you tattoo your spouse's name onto your body?"

"I'll never have a problem with that, rest assured." Loki laughed almost convincingly, which in turn made Pepper laugh too for no other reason than to laugh.

But the sudden horror Tony felt, almost caused him to toss his wine right into Pepper's face. Of course, Pepper wouldn't have known not to bring up Sif. And who would have known Loki's tattoo was actually Sif's name? He hadn't even bothered to look at it; since he was so consumed with Loki as a whole; and yet, it didn't ease the mortification that he now felt.

His eyes darted to Loki, who was already halfway through his bottle of water; no doubt, wanting to take his leave before the situation could take another sour turn. Which was what Tony had wanted to avoid at all costs; he didn't want to scare Loki away, not when he barely came back into his life.

"You know what, Mr. Fenton?" Tony blurted out, in hopes of salvaging the situation. "I'd appreciate it if you could draw up some designs for the casing for JARVIS's motherboard. I imagine JARVIS would too, wouldn't you?"

 _"Perhaps a fresh perspective will do me some good, sir."_ JARVIS added, almost flawlessly perfect too.

"So what do you say? J is totally sick of me; if you can't already tell."

"Well," Loki eyed the wall wearily. "I suppose I can find some time for it; I suppose if it's a request from JARVIS, right?"

_"I'd appreciate it very much, Mr. Fenton."_

"Excellent; Pepper you talk numbers with Mr. Fenton here. And I'll be right back." Tony grinned widely, before he excused himself and hurried into the adjoining hallway. "JARVIS cut off the sound but to me; okay."

_"Communication closed but in your location, sir."_

"JARVIS you are a life saver; you might have saved daddy's ass big time just now."

_"Anything for you, sir; you seem quite enamored with Mr. Fenton, if you don't mind me saying."_

"Daddy might be bringing you another daddy home soon. You know if he isn't a fucking idiot anymore; and that'll be hard to pull off." Tony chuckled softly. "But really, that's not what I want; I mean do, but I just want him to be happy."

_"How very unlike you, sir; admirable even,"_

"He means the world to me, J. And I don't want to fuck this up; not if I can help it." He smiled at nothing in particular. "You kind of saved me, you know; really saved me."

_"It was my pleasure."_

"Daddy's proud of you," Tony started down the hallway towards the master suite. "Why don't you cue up the good 'ol stop watch feature; put up fifteen minutes. Let's see if I can get rid of this fucking hard-on without drawing any suspicion. No less having Pepper up my ass for taking off for too long."

 _"Good luck, sir."_ JARVIS returned in his emotionless tone, which made Tony grin for some reason. He lived a very charmed, albeit weird, life.


	15. Chapter Fourteen :: Plan Gone Awry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping this chapter isn't horribly shitty. I tried my best and I really wanted to update this story; so I hope you enjoy it. :)

* * *

 

**Chapter Fourteen :: Plan Gone Awry**

 

* * *

 

It was a brilliant idea; probably one of Tony's most brilliant ones within the past few years. Pepper, of course, was of an entirely different opinion; amplified by the narrowed eye stare she was shooting his way across the conference room table. They had had a heated conversation about it the night before; where finances had been discussed at length and the practicality of the situation too.

However, Tony had won by default. Pepper might have been the CEO of the company, but Tony could always overwrite her decision if it went against his vision for the company; which he had chosen to do currently. And that would explain why Pepper had decided upon forgoing words and searing him with her gaze instead; as they watched a parade of business types file into the room.

Several employees from the financial department filed in obediently enough; shortly followed by what should have been the person Tony had been eager to see. He furrowed his brows, as a homely looking gentleman and several gray-haired coworkers stepped into the room with Gwen Stacy in tow too.

Gwen had an armful of folders and files, looking flustered and distressed by her burden; but she didn't complain or even call on the men in her company, who had all but left her to flounder on her ridiculously tall high heels and to balance her load without any assistance. Thankfully, she made it to the table without incident, and quickly distributed the files and folders in front of what could only be described as her bosses.

The homely man, however, didn't bother with seating himself right away. He extended a hand across the table to Tony; who reluctantly took it, despite his reservations against the contrary. He was still confused by who these guys were and why Gwen was tagging along with them like an obedient puppy.

"Mr. Stark, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I'm Fredrick Tyler and I'll be handling the renovations for your personal workshop slash laboratory." The homely gentleman said with a toothy, albeit crooked grin.

"What happened to William Fenton?" Tony blurted out rudely, as he pulled his hand away from Fredrick Tyler's.

His brilliant plan wasn't supposed to go this way. After some serious brainstorming, Tony had decided that installing one of his trademark workshops into the London tower would extend his time with Loki. And that's all he really wanted; he needed an excuse to be close to Loki, without being too obvious (despite the fact, Loki would inevitably know why he had chosen to add on further renovations).

Fredrick Tyler had the good grace to hide any distaste he might have had by Tony's declaration. But it was evident by the tight pinch of his mouth, that he wasn't pleased. In fact, his whole group of lackeys looked offended for him.

"William Fenton has business elsewhere; it seems he fancies another vacation." Fredrick Tyler said tightly, before taking his seat with a stiff back. "And since he has been such a loyal employee of Tyler & Daily over the past eight years; we couldn't possibly deny him several days off."

"So why don't we reschedule this meeting in several days then?"

"What Mr. Stark means, Mr. Tyler is that he was exceptionally pleased by Mr. Fenton's renovations for the penthouse suite." Pepper intervened, before shooting Tony a lethal stare. "And we would love to work with Mr. Fenton if all possible; since he personally understands Mr. Stark's unique taste and flare."

"Unfortunately, William will not be available for the project." Fredrick said almost on the verge of haughty. "But rest assured I am the best in the company, Mr. Stark. And we've already drawn up some plans for your workshop, once we became aware of your inquiry."

At that statement, Gwen quickly hopped out of the chair she'd barely sat down in; speedily rounding the table to hand Pepper and Tony a folder of their own. But Tony didn't even deem it worthwhile to look at; he tossed it to the table, and crossed his arms bad temperedly. He ignored the look Pepper shot him, deciding that sulking would inevitably make him feel better.

After all, his plan had seemingly been solid. The only way he could extend his time in London was to stay on and oversee a crucial renovation; and the only one he would do that for would be his personal workshop. So he would have a reason to stay there and work closely side-by-side with Loki too.

It never occurred to him he would be stuck with the homely and young Fredrick Tyler; who had the appearance of a guy who thought he shit gold. If he remembered correctly; this was the same guy who held some sort of grudge towards Loki, and it was probably because Loki was at least fifteen years older and a hundred times more attractive.

"Why won't William be available for this project?" Tony enunciated Loki's pseudonym slowly, before sending Pepper a look. "With all due respect, of course,"

As it was intended to, Fredrick Tyler look incensed. Of course, the entitled fucker would deem his presence more important than even the messiah himself. But Tony wasn't a religious man, and he prayed at a different altar altogether (if he prayed at all).

"His schedule has been greatly reduced; I couldn't tell you why exactly."

"Well, you're his secretary, Miss Stacy." Tony swiveled in his seat, in order to interrogate Gwen. "Surely, you heard something about his sudden change in schedule. Especially since you've been transferred to play with the big shots now,"

Gwen appeared stricken by surprise; more than likely assuming Tony wouldn't directly speak to her. And normally he wouldn't have spoken to her, unless it was mindless flirting. This was a business setting between his financial department and Tyler & Daily's best fleet of architects, after all. And yet they really weren't, because Loki would have been there, instead of these schmucks.

"Mr. Fenton has been preoccupied with his clientele in South Korea." Gwen began meekly. "He also had several meetings with a woman whose name I never caught. But she was very persistent about meeting with him frequently."

That sparked some sort of recognition; Tony remembered Gwen saying as much beforehand, when he had last gone to Loki's office. Some persistent woman had barged into Loki's office, and for whatever reason he consented to meet with her was beyond all rhyme and reason. The Loki Tony had known so well wouldn't have been so kind; in fact, he probably would have ripped her head off with his bare hands.

Except the Loki he had known was ancient history. There was a new Loki in the world, and he had to remember that. He couldn't live in the past anymore; not when he had Loki in his life in some capacity.

"Well, I think we're done here." Tony hummed, before pushing the folder across the table towards the Tyler & Daily representatives; although it only made it halfway there.

"Mr. Stark, let's be reasonable here." Pepper laughed nervously.

"Miss Potts could you please do some research on Tyler & Daily's competitors. Let's see if they can deliver the service that we want; I'm sure they'll have their very best architects on the job. Because obviously Tyler & Daily don't think much of us, despite us lining their pockets pretty decently; I'm sure the financial department can attest to that."

If there was one thing Tony had learned from dearly departed Howard Stark, was that sometimes you had to play hardball to get what you wanted. And what he wanted was Loki to design and oversee his workshop; which was obviously selfish and self-serving, but if he allowed Loki to get away from him now he'd hate himself forever.

Pushing back his chair, he avoided the room's collective stare; while making his way around the table. The only person he bothered to even look at was Gwen; who looked like she might have a full-blown anxiety attack right there and then. She would probably be the first to contact Loki too; if only to save him from the shit storm that homely Fredrick Tyler would inevitably cause.

No one attempted to stop him from leaving the conference room either. Pepper would have to handle the Tyler & Daily representatives, and probably try and smooth over his rudeness. That was perfectly justifiable too, especially since that ghoul Tyler wasn't exactly hiding his dislike of Loki. And if Tony had a bit of a protective streak about Loki, he wasn't about to deny it.

He'd only made it partway down the corridor, before he heard the distinct click of high heels behind him. Quickly he spun around, knowing if Pepper was following him that he'd been in for a world of hurt. She was bound to yell at him for hours on end, for overruling her about the budget, and then wasting everyone's time by his diva-like behavior.

To his relief it wasn't Pepper, though. Gwen Stacy crossed the distance between them, looking both exasperated and scandalized. She also had that same oversized company issued cellphone in her possession that she had when they'd been on one of their previous dates.

"Mr. Tyler's furious!" She declared heatedly.

"I should be the one who's furious." Tony turned on his heel, beckoning her to follow after him. "I wanted the best the firm had to offer, and they sent me Junior and the goon squad."

"Mr. Tyler is a very talented architect."

"You didn't seem too hot on him when Loki was in the room."

"Loki," Gwen repeated in confusion; only for the realization to hit her suddenly. "Oh, you mean Mr. Fenton."

"His name's Loki." He blurted out, sounding like a petulant child.

In truth, that was how he was suddenly feeling. His plan had been all but ruined by Loki's abrupt decision to go on vacation. Maybe it was a ploy to distance himself from Tony; which wouldn't be that farfetched with how vehement Loki had been all those years ago, when he said he hadn't wanted to see Tony ever again.

But he had sworn they had made some progress; JARVIS had been a catalyst to a newfound friendliness between them. They had gotten along like old friends, as opposed to emotionally damaged ex-lovers. And the high from that meeting had carried him for several days; although the reality of the matter seemed to be far different than his interpretation.

"I think if I called him Loki, he'd probably fire me on the spot." Gwen shot him a narrow-eyed look, before she dialed out on her cellphone, and put it to her ear.

They continued to walk side by side, until they drew to a stop before a row of elevators. Tony reached forward and pushed the open button; pleased by the fact, that it slid open almost immediately. However, he didn't step foot over the threshold yet; not when he peered at Gwen, who still had the phone pressed to her ear with an intense look on her face.

"Oh hello, Mr. Fenton," she exclaimed in feigned cheeriness; or maybe she really was happy to hear from Loki, which Tony would have been if he was on the line with him. "I'm sorry to bother you on your vacation, but Fredrick asked me to telephone you immediately."

Tony motioned sharply for Gwen to follow him into the elevator, and tried to strain his ears so he could hear Loki's voice. Sadly, his voice was all but muffled by Gwen's ear pressed to the receiver. It took a lot of restraint for Tony not to rip the phone away from Gwen; especially since that's exactly what he wanted to do.

"Would you like to speak to Mr. Stark about the situation?" Gwen asked, once the elevator doors closed when they were securely inside; before she eventually held out the phone to Tony. "For you,"

Elation and panic hit Tony simultaneously, but that didn't deter him from taking the clunky cellphone from Gwen's hand. He just hoped that he wouldn't be leveled out by Loki's inevitable wrath. Because he had tried very hard to be respectful of Loki's privacy and not overstep his boundaries. But that didn't mean he hadn't inadvertently done so by his tantrum he had pulled only minutes beforehand.

Taking in a deep breath, he slowly put the receiver to his ear. Loki's breathing was hardly discernible over the line; although there was some background noise. Wherever Loki was sounded busy and there was a distinct and authoritative female voice, shooting out commands left and right.

"Hello,"

"How can I possibly help you, Mr. Stark?" Loki said in a gruff and raw voice; as if he'd recently gotten a cold.

"Uh, well I was thinking about adding a workshop to the floor below the penthouse. And I thought about Tyler & Daily taking on the project."

"And I'm sure that my colleagues will be more than happy to assist you in that."

"But you did such a good job on the penthouse; I thought it only logical for you to oversee the workshop renovations. You know for continuity." He chuckled unconvincingly.

"I'm downsizing my workload. Not to mention I won't be available for any consultation for a week and a half." Loki returned, although he didn't sound pleased.

"It's no trouble for me to wait, you know."

"Stark, please."

"What?"

"I know what you're doing." Loki sounded suddenly tired and sicker than he had before. "Send your preferences to Miss Stacy. I'll overlook them and see what I can do, but there isn't any guarantee I'll be overseeing the project from start to finish. Especially since something of this magnitude could take months, if not closer to a year."

"I'm cool with a year." Tony blurted out, only to receive an exasperated sigh for his troubles.

"I refuse to commit to a year-long project." Loki returned. "Goodbye, Mr. Stark."

The phone line cut out abruptly; the drone echoed in his ear, and it seemed to be the reminder he had tried so hard to avoid since finding Loki again. No matter how hard he tried and how respectful he was, the fact of the matter was that maybe they really weren't meant to be. Even on a friendly basis.

Dejectedly, he hung up the phone and held it back out to Gwen. She looked about to ask him what was wrong, but thankfully the elevator came to a smooth halt; opening up onto the penthouse suite. He didn't have to say a word to her, for her to get the picture; and he was very happy about that. Because he didn't know how he could articulate anything beyond the sudden and unshakeable sadness that he now felt. Since any form of Loki was beyond his reach, no matter what he did.


	16. Chapter Fifteen :: Nature Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I hit my stride, so I'm taking full advantage of it.

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**Chapter Fifteen :: Nature Boy**

 

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Enthusiasm was hardly the sentiment Tony would have used by seeing Loki again. Dejectedness seemed to be a more accurate description; considering his very brutal reality check only a few days beforehand. He had even considered canceling the meeting between them, and returning to Malibu finally. Since he knew the whole situation was inevitably unsalvageable.

Whatever had occurred between them was dead. Loki hadn't any feelings for him and certainly never would again for that matter. It had been a silly notion from the get-go to believe anything else. And that only made seeing Loki that much more painful for him, because Tony couldn't reach out and touch him or kiss him or show him any other sign of affection that he wanted to. It was all for naught.

Tony didn't bother rising to greet Loki; he instead employed Pepper to do it for him. She was quick to jump to her feet and quicker to apologize for the inconvenience they might have caused him. Of course, that was the stereotypical business jargon; Pepper probably could have cared less about inconveniencing Loki. She cared more about the inconvenience it caused her.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Fenton." Pepper continued in her professional but cheerful disposition. "I hadn't expected to hear from you until sometime next week."

"My schedule cleared up slightly." Loki replied in that sickly and gravelly tone of voice. "My apologies, I have a bit of a sore throat; not contagious, mind you."

"Why don't you have a seat, and we'll discuss exactly what we're looking for." Pepper motioned Loki to the seat directly across from Tony; before she returned to the one beside him.

They'd chosen a smaller conference room to meet in; Tony had found the idea of meeting in the penthouse to be too intimate, especially since he knew that his friendliness was unwelcome. Loki wanted nothing to do with him, and it was probably hell for him to even show up for a business meeting with him there.

Memories from the past also continued to crop up. None of the pleasant ones, though; Tony distinctly remembered those moments that he had destroyed his only chance with Loki, and how out of control and helpless Loki had looked then, and how he had been the culprit behind it. He had single-handedly ruined the only relationship that meant anything to him; and Loki was farther away than he had ever been from him at that current moment.

"Mr. Stark," Loki greeted as he elegantly slid into the chair out across from Tony.

"Mr. Fenton," he returned, although he kept his gaze elsewhere; if only to keep the hurt away.

Except it didn't work; the weight was still very much present in the pit of his stomach. It was a constant reminder of how he'd never get what he wanted most. And if he only could; he would give up everything he had to turn back time, and tell Loki the truth about his predicament. That his father had died and he was an emotional mess over everything that was taking place in his life.

Even if the sentiment was a selfish one, Tony wanted nothing more than to do that. He wanted to change his whole personal history just for another night with Loki. To kiss him and caress him and tell him how much he loved him like a mantra.

"I've taken everything into consideration, when it came to your specifications for your workshop. And thank you Miss Potts for the photographs in which the workshop will be erected. I believe we can easily create a space both functional and clean." Loki began, sliding open his briefcase and extracting several folders; in the same vein as the ones Fredrick Tyler had Gwen Stacy distribute to them. "But I also took into account my colleague's previous drawings as well."

Loki offered Pepper one of the folders, which she readily accepted. Tony wasn't as gracious; he maintained his previous stance, and forced Loki to set the folder onto the table in front of him. There was a spark of familiarity about that motion too; an old piece of Loki that seeped out from his cool business-like façade. It was that annoyed and almost hateful expression Tony had witnessed frequently when Loki was in the same vicinity as his elder brother Thor.

"The space is fairly substantial, so we can incorporate everything that you asked for without any problem." Loki flipped open his own folder. "As you can see the floor plan is very open; I know that was important to you, Mr. Stark."

"Yeah, open." Tony said noncommittally, as he swiveled slowly in his chair.

"You should see Tony's other workshops; they're absolutely chaotic. So this is a vast improvement." Pepper added in with far too much enthusiasm to be real; then again she was feebly trying to overcompensate for Tony's complete lack of interest. It was glaringly obvious.

"There isn't anything wrong with a little chaos."

"So long as it's controlled chaos, and that's what I envisioned for your workshop."

"You know, I've been having second thoughts about this workshop deal." Tony declared, already feeling the heat of Pepper's gaze on the side of his face. "London is a pretty dreary place, as opposed to say Malibu. And if this has the potential to take well over a year; then it's probably not worth my time."

His statement was met with a deafening silence; the kind that could easily suffocate someone. It felt claustrophobic too, but that was only a minor discomfort compared to the look on Loki's face. While Tony was unaware of how this newest Loki ticked; he suspected it wasn't as differently as the one he had known from the seventies. So it was a safe guess to assume he was both stunned and irked too.

Of course, Tony felt badly for the briefest second or two for wasting his time. But then there was another side of him that wasn't very sorry at all. It was the wounded and childish part of him; which he found no joy in at all.

"Miss Potts, if possible, may I have a word with Mr. Stark alone?" Loki drawled out roughly.

"Certainly; I should check in with my secretary anyway. But I'll be back very soon."

"Please, don't rush on account to me."

"It'll be brief." Pepper smiled as she pushed away from the table; clearly avoiding looking at Tony, as if she thought he was some sort of leper.

Maybe she could sense the danger behind that harmless request; considering the fact that Pepper frequently used similar means to tear people apart. So she was very quick to excuse herself from the conference room; hurrying towards the door on her stiletto heels, as if her life depended on it. And Tony felt a weird sort of panic claw at his throat, once she slipped into the hallway.

The door closed softly behind her, leaving him in close proximity with Loki; who had followed Pepper's progress across the room like an animal of prey. But his eyes soon made contact with Tony's; unobstructed by his eyeglasses, which hung from his waistcoat casually.

"This needs to stop right now, Stark." Loki said gravely. "I don't know what your intentions are, but I don't appreciate them in the slightest."

It was oddly heartbreaking to hear that statement, but it wasn't because of the message. Tony was struck by how tired and exasperated Loki truly was. There had been moments in the past, where Loki's mask would slip and reveal his true emotions underneath. And this was one of those times; where he was temporarily stripped bare for all to see.

"I honestly haven't a clue why you would want to find me again. After twenty years, I suspected any desire to see me had all but dissipated. And yet here you are, conjuring up inventive ways to keep me at arm's length." Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. "So I would be very grateful if you would explain to me exactly what you want from me. Instead of taking advantage of my profession for your personal gain,"

"You really don't know, Loki." Tony laughed in spite of himself. "Or maybe you're intentionally being thick."

"It was twenty years ago; twenty!"

"Yeah, I can tell time! I own a calendar or two; I even own a watch!" He shouted, losing all pretense of humor from his voice.

The situation was hardly funny to him; in fact it was horribly serious. The past twenty years had been nothing but an attempt to overcompensate for being without Loki. His wild and crazy antics had been a coping mechanism; his one nightstands had been a desperate attempt to bury away the pain that he felt for losing _the_ one. And it never got better, regardless of what he'd done.

"Maybe it didn't mean anything to you; hell, I'm sure it didn't. But to me it meant everything; I spent twenty years trying to get over you and I can't. I never loved anyone like I loved you, and I never will either. So that's why I'm here; I'm a fucking idiot trying to just be near you." He exclaimed; the words flowing out of his mouth easily.

He should have been mortified by the confession, but he was anything but. He'd waited twenty years to confess to Loki; so really why should he wait any longer? It wasn't as if his previous plan to maintain his distance was doing him any favors anyway. So what did he have to lose?

"Don't you dare minimize my emotional range, simply because it'll make you feel better about your previous mistakes." Loki uttered darkly; pinning him with an unwavering stare. "Might I remind you, you were the one who ultimately made the decision about what happened between us. Your self-loathing and hatred of me was very apparent then, Stark. So don't you dare turn this around on me, while simultaneously victimizing yourself."

"I am not victimizing myself! I fucked up with you; I made the worst decision of my life when I said those things to you! And I'll never stop beating myself up for that!" Tony suddenly leapt to his feet, overturning his chair in the process. "I took the most important thing in my life, which is you and always will be you, and I fucked it up because I was an insecure piece of shit! I love you, Loki Laufeyson with all my heart! And I bet you anything I love William Fenton just as much too!"

Loki leaned back in his seat, before the telltale signs of an unhappy smile crossed over his lips. The crow's feet around his eyes deepened, and made him almost look his age; but even more than that, Loki looked hollow and tired and inexplicitly bemused. As if Tony's words were lies told twenty times over, and there was no way that they could possibly be true.

In retrospect, Tony understood why it sounded like a lie. They had had only a few months together and most of it had been sexual. Both of them had declared their love for one another, but the basis of their relationship had ultimately been lacking. They'd been passionate lovers and fighters, and they both lacked the stability a relationship truly needed.

Furthermore, Tony had never had a successful relationship either. The only one that remotely counted had been his relationship with Pepper, and that had all but gone up in smoke too. He had somehow managed to keep her by his side for all these years, but he never could commit to her fully. Whereas, Loki had been married to Sif for god only knows how long; only to have her die in a car collision, which made their previous tryst seem that much more insignificant in comparison.

"You are in love with an image, Tony Stark." Loki laughed mirthlessly. "And that image has been dead and buried for thirteen, almost fourteen years. The reality of the matter is that Loki Laufeyson no longer exists, so you're chasing after a ghost. Not a very good one either."

"I haven't any right to minimize your emotional range, but you can just throw that out there and belittle me in turn?"

"You aren't the first person who looked at me in the past several years, and told me how much they loved me. People have come up to me in the streets; cried even and said how I changed their lives, and how much I meant to them. But the truth of the matter is, I never did; not me anyway." Loki shook his head. "It was always an image; a creation forged by myself and my management team. Loki Laufeyson never really existed, not really anyway.

"Loki Odinson was real, though. William Madden more so than either Loki Odinson or William Fenton, to be frank,"

There was a peculiar mixture of amusement and self-loathing on Loki's face; as if he was in the midst of some sort of internal battle. Tony wanted nothing more than to reach out for him, and bury his hands in his inky black hair and kiss every inch of his face; in a stupid hope to keep him rooted to the present.

"I didn't love your persona. I loved you; I still do." Tony feebly said, before reaching helplessly for Loki's hand.

The contact was easily avoided, though. Loki raised his hand out of his reach; only to touch his fingers lightly across the back of Tony's rough and work weathered hand instead. It was a light and whimsical touch, which sent tingles down his spine. Because it was an intimate touch; small but powerful, and Loki's musically inclined fingers danced along his knuckles and between the webbing of his own fingers with slow, diligent ease.

"There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy; they said he wandered very far, very far; over land and sea; a little shy and sad of eye, but very wise was he." Loki recited slowly, as he drew his hand away from his and pushed away from the table.

Wave after wave of emotion overcame Tony; he distinctly remembered Loki singing that song to him. And he selfishly wished that he would do so now; he wanted to hear that deep but sweet voice of his and watch those thin but beautiful lips move around those words.

But his wish didn't come true; Loki instead climbed to his feet and closed his briefcase with his deft hands. Tony found it almost impossible to do anything but stare. He desperately wanted to say something, anything to open up further dialogue; or simply to keep Loki there in some capacity, even if it meant in a haughty way.

"I'll leave the floor plan with you." Loki took possession of his briefcase, while also unhooking his eyeglasses from his waistcoat. "But I think you should also take note of Fredrick's own design; his is by far more superior than mine. And honestly, he might be an unpleasant cad but he is by far more talented an architect than I will ever be."

"That's not true."

"Fredrick was born to be an architect." Loki smiled sadly. "I wasn't; I was born to be a singer. But a singer without a voice is really not a singer at all. I'm a passable architect, nothing more Mr. Stark. It would be beneficial to use him instead; if you still choose to go forth with your plans."

"Will I see you again or is this really goodbye?" Tony asked, despite the lump in his throat.

"It's goodbye for now." Loki winked at him tiredly, before he slid his eyeglasses onto his face; and then opened the door.

Tony watched him go, and only allowed the bark of laughter gurgle out of his throat; once the door was securely closed behind him. Maybe there was some hope, after all. Although to what capacity was beyond him; Loki hadn't changed in the way that he ran both hot and cold. He was unpredictable, a wild card of sorts even; but maybe that was a good thing. Because that also meant he could be easily swayed to allow Tony into his life little by little.

"Goodbye for now, babe. But I'm coming for you with guns a' blazing. You can bet your sweet ass on that."


	17. Chapter Sixteen :: Hard, Cold Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much a filler chapter; I had some difficulty writing this out on top of it too. But I think this'll inevitably move the story along in some way. I just hope it isn't too lackluster in comparison to the other chapters. ;(

* * *

 

**Chapter Sixteen :: Hard, Cold Reality**

 

* * *

 

"Tell me about Loki Laufeyson." Gwen Stacy peered at him from across the smartly arranged dinner table, with her fork and knife poised to cut into her fillet mignon.

"Only if you tell me about William Fenton," Tony returned with his trademark smile, despite it being forced and insincere.

His extended stay in London had begun to takes its toll on him; an emotional toll, to be precise. While he hadn't lost his hope completely when it came to integrating himself into Loki's life; things hadn't gone particularly smooth either. He hadn't heard from Loki since their previous meeting, and had to rely heavily on Gwen to find out about his comings and goings of late.

Loki had been absent from the architectural firm for days at a time; before he would inevitably reemerge tired and haggard, and none too pleasant either. Gwen was obviously concerned, which only heightened Tony's already growing concern and his deep-seated paranoia. It was easy to draw to dire conclusions, especially when it involved a former rock star that lived an unhealthy life for so many years.

"The difference between you and me is that you were actually friendly with Mr. Fenton beforehand. I'm only his secretary, so my knowledge is limited." Gwen looked thoughtful. "You've even pointed out how I don't even really know him."

"I don't know if I really knew him either." Tony admitted, as he reached for his wine glass beside his plate. "The fact of the matter is that Loki has always been very private; unnaturally private. The only time he'd really open up was when he was bat-shit crazy with rage."

"But he must have been different than he is now."

"Different is an understatement," he chuckled, struck by several snapshots from the past.

Many of those memories had gotten Tony through some tough times. But they also served as a reminder of how much he lost by his stupidity too. Every waking hour since the seventies had been a reminder of his stupidity, though. It was a stigma that he couldn't escape from, and ultimately his reunion with Loki only solidified it further.

"Initially I met him as Loki Odinson," he took a sip from his glass, unearthing that moment when they were formally introduced. "He headed a band called Odin's Sons back then. He was so damn elusive it wasn't even funny. But he was also really eccentric and dangerous and terrifying; so fucking terrifying."

In retrospect, Tony realized how ill-equipped he was to be on the road with a rock band. He had made too many mistakes during his stead on the Odin's Sons' tour bus. Due in part to the influence of Loki himself; whom had dictated his madness like a puppeteer would. And that only extended five years later, but on an even grander and messier scale than before.

At least when Tony had only been the boy reporter, he had some sort of protection from the madness. He had a shield that prevented Loki from chipping away at his sanity; which had drastically changed once he became an adult and was hungry for Loki and attacked him with tooth and nail. Until they mangled one another, and devoured one another in a sweaty heap of limbs and panting mouths bruised from kissing one another breathlessly and demandingly.

Tony swallowed a mouthful of wine, in hopes of disentangling himself from the past. He could feel Gwen's eyes boring into him curiously, and he knew falling down the rabbit hole as he was would only be a deterrent. That hunger would come back in full force and he'd do something impulsive, despite being older and somewhat wiser.

"The Loki I knew had a bad temper; he was depressed and angry and violent and foolish too." He murmured around the brim of his glass. "But he drew you in anyway; he was charismatic and god when he laughed, the world seemed to stop spinning."

"He was a real rock star then." Gwen peered at him, almost entranced; as if she could somehow envision the creature Loki had been. Or maybe he was still that way in some capacity.

"I've met rock stars; a lot of them actually. But none of them were like Loki; not a single one of them." Tony licked his lips, ensnared by the many ways Loki differed from every other musician he'd previously met.

Of course, he knew he was probably biased. Loki had always been his greatest desire; the thing that his money could never buy. He could have taken an innumerable amount of musicians to his bed, and have them stay over the commodity of fucking a billionaire; damaged or not. But he never really could have Loki, after his initial fuck-up, and in a way he knew he'd never have him completely.

It would be silly to believe that Loki could be his in the way he had been twenty years earlier. Even if it had been brief, Tony had had Loki body and soul; everything that Loki was had been his. Now, well that wasn't possible; Sif owned a greater part of Loki than he ever would. And there was no way that bond could easily be broken; hell, it probably never could be.

"Tony," Gwen drew him back from his thoughts, with a heavy-lidded stare; which automatically made his body stir with heat.

"Yeah,"

"You love him, don't you?" She said it so matter-of-factly, it stunned him.

His initial reaction was to deny her claim; to laugh it off even. While his closest of confidants knew about his love, undoubtedly his obsession with Loki; no one beyond that did. Hell, not many people had known that he had moonlighted as a reporter for Rolling Stone magazine in his youth. That part of his life was shrouded in mystery, which he preferred really.

Gossip columnists had already exhausted his escapades to hell and back. So knowing of his previous tryst with Loki would only stoke the fire again, and that was something he did not want. He hardly cared about his privacy per se, but when it came to Loki it was an entirely different story altogether. And he was fiercely protective of him.

"You're pretty presumptuous, Miss Stacy." Tony cracked a mirthless smile.

"Maybe I am." Gwen agreed, as she reached for her own wine glass. "But the thing is I know how I look when I'm faced with Mr. Fenton. I know how I could ramble on end about him, if anyone cared to listen. I could tell you how it's rare for him to laugh genuinely, or even smile for that matter. How he's ruthless and business savvy, but he can be genial and witty too. And people love him or really hate him."

"You're in love with William Fenton then." He said as conversationally as he could, without betraying the sudden resentment that possessed him.

It was irrational, really. Of course, much of his feelings for Loki could be categorized in the same way. He should have grown out of this years ago, and yet Loki still had a powerful hold on him. And while Gwen wasn't competition (Loki was his biggest obstacle of all); he couldn't help but feel affronted by the knowledge that she was in love with Loki too.

"As much as you're in love with Loki Laufeyson," she smiled at him. "But I think we both have a problem – he's married."

"Was," Tony blurted out, before he could control himself; which he immediately regretted.

It was that impulsivity that had caused so many problems between him and Loki beforehand. He knew how precious Loki's privacy was to him, especially when it involved his dearly deceased wife. Hell, he could understand it on the basis of losing someone so important to you; but this was Sif on top of that. Beautiful, carefree Siffy; who'd pulled him into the madness of Odin's Sons in the first place.

He hadn't any right to say anything involving the matter. And yet he had put himself in between a rock and a hard place. Gwen shot him a wide-eyed and inquisitive stare that undoubtedly wouldn't cease until Tony explained himself properly.

"I shouldn't be saying this at all." He swallowed down the rest of his wine, hardly even tasting it. "He's such a freak about his privacy. He always has been; I wouldn't know half I know about him if it wasn't for…"

"If it wasn't for what?"

"Siffy," he finished lamely but was somewhat surprised by the unsteadiness in his voice.

He really didn't want to discuss Sif, and yet it was now in the open. He hadn't any choice but to explain to Gwen who Sif was, and what she inevitably meant to him. Not to mention the complexity of what she meant to Loki, which really didn't feel like was his story to tell. But once he opened his big mouth, it inevitably became his responsibility.

"I shouldn't call her that anymore; Loki never did." He dropped his eyes to his untouched dinner and the beautiful cutlery that surrounded the plate. "Amelia was someone I met on tour with Odin's Sons; she was actually the one who got me backstage, and essentially on tour with the band. But more importantly she was Loki's wife. Not back then anyway; I don't know when they got married, but they did and now they aren't."

"Why would he lie about being married then? Why would he wear his wedding ring still?"

"It isn't like that, Gwen." Tony set down his glass and crossed his arms tightly across his chest, taking in a deep breath. "I only found out myself recently; a couple of weeks ago, actually. Amelia died awhile ago; so Loki didn't lie, I bet he still considers himself married."

That realization suddenly struck him like a pile of bricks. He hadn't even truly considered that possibility until the words escaped him, and were now out in the open. The likelihood that Loki was still convinced he was married to Sif, explained so much. He hadn't simply been masquerading with the past, but he might very well believe his commitment to Sif hadn't died with her. Which would have meant that Loki might have been alone all this time too; sentenced to a life of self-imposed solitude.

Tony reached up to touch the arc reactor, and felt strangely at ease by the familiar hum underneath his fingertips. But that didn't alleviate the sudden heart sickness he felt; because that was the only way to describe it – heart sickness. Even if it sounded like something plucked directly out of the pages of a harlequin romance novel; he couldn't deny how it made him feel.

All this time he had been convinced he was the one who was really suffering. He had stupidly believed his life was difficult before his plane went down in Libya. When in all actuality, he lived a luxurious life; he had whored and gambled and drunk and drugged until his head spun. While Loki, on the other hand, had to live with the loss of Sif every miserable day for the past fourteen years.

"I don't want you to say anything to him about what I told you." He lifted his eyes, unsurprised by her stricken expression. "He deserves some sort of privacy, even if I just shit all over it."

"I won't say word to him; I promise."

"I don't know what's going on with him right now, but the last thing we need is to exacerbate the problem. And I'm worried, maybe scared to be honest."

"Do you think something's wrong; really wrong?"

"Health wise, probably; Loki didn't live a dormant life back then. I'm pretty positive he's a smoker still too."

"He is." Gwen confirmed, reflecting his mounting concern too. "Do you think that's why his workload has been cut back so dramatically?"

Tony shook his head, plunged back into a bad place; one he hadn't been in for some time now. The last time he'd really been in such an awful head space had been when he came back from Libya. It had been horrible being thrown back into his old life like that; after everything he had seen and experienced, and the loss of his only companion who made sure he would live after he was struck down by his god awful injuries.

This too was horrible in its own right, especially if something was medically wrong with Loki. Forget being integrated into his life in any shape or form; if he lost Loki after finding him after so long, he really wouldn't know what to do with himself. The thought almost killed him, to be honest.

"This is all speculation, of course. Just do me a favor, for both of us; keep an eye on him, okay."

"That woman has been back several times, you know." Gwen bristled visibly; clearly wanting to steer the conversation away from the bleak spot that they wound up in. "Demanding and loud and domineering as ever too."

"The Loki I knew would have probably ripped her head off with his bare hands."

"I wish he would, to be perfectly frank. She just barges into his office, as if she owns it."

"Maybe next time you can find out her name." Tony slid his hand away from the arc reactor, before lifting up his fork to dig into his meal; although food wasn't very appealing to him currently. "My AI can probably find out all about her; so long as I get a name."

"I'm on it." Gwen smiled at him. "And Tony, you probably shouldn't give up on him. Mr. Fenton can be a pain in the ass, but I think we both love him because of it. Besides, I know I don't stand a chance against a billionaire with striking good looks as you."

"Keep talking like that, and we'll be married by sunrise." He smiled, even though it wasn't very genuine.

His mind was elsewhere now; a thousand miles away even. Worry consumed his mind, overlapping his many ploys to remain close to Loki. He hadn't even considered the possibility that maybe Loki was truly unwell, and it was a terrifying prospect.

Tony couldn't lose him again, not now; not permanently. The thought of that was enough to kill a little part of him, and threatened to cause him to fall into a full-blown panic attack. But somehow, by the grace of god, he managed to plaster a stupid smile on his face and continue his dinner with Gwen. Which he had arranged, simply because he had wanted to learn more about Loki; and her curiosity had been piqued as well.

Except now, there was an awful realization at hand – the real possibility that he'd lose Loki forever.


	18. Chapter Seventeen :: Happy Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Tom Hiddleston for my lack of updates.

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**Chapter Seventeen :: Happy Birthday**

 

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Bad ideas oftentimes masqueraded as brilliant ones, especially when Tony was sleep deprived. Worse yet when he had several glasses of the best liquor in his cabinets. So he shouldn't have been surprised to be faced with a 1959 Gibson ES-175D PAF vintage hollow body electric guitar, and a receipt with the hefty price tag of seven thousand pounds printed on it.

Somewhere in the murky depths of his mind, Tony had thought buying a vintage guitar for Loki's birthday would break the ice between them. But he suspected it would do the exact opposite; especially since it was another reminder of the past, which Loki didn't seem too privy to remember. Not to mention, he was only proving Loki right by gifting him with something musical.

Loki seemed convinced that he only loved him for what was his stage persona, as opposed to the man behind the glamour and splendor. Not many architects needed a guitar of this caliber, unless they thought they were going to hit it big someday, despite being gray-haired and pot-bellied. And yet it would be a waste to try and get his money back; it was a very nice guitar. Or so Tony was told by the sale's person whom helped him pick it out.

"I wonder if he'll break the guitar over my head." Tony mumbled, as he shifted the guitar case across his thighs.

Regardless of his reservations, that hadn't stopped him from instructing Happy to drive him to Tyler & Daily; in order to hand deliver the guitar himself. He figured he should be there to see the absolute outrage on Loki's face, once he gifted it to him; rather than allow Happy to suffer the fate of being plowed over by a Gibson to the face.

If anyone deserved Loki's unwavering ire, it was definitely him. It was only fair, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe Loki might actually like the guitar; although that seemed so farfetched it wasn't even funny. There was no way a guitar would make the guy happy; not when he removed himself completely from the music industry, and chosen a career as a suit instead.

But there was a small hope that it would. He clung to that flicker, even if it threatened to burn him from the inside-out; because he believed, knew certainly twenty years prior, that there was a soft side to Loki. He wasn't just hardened rock and impenetrable steel; there was a fragility to him that he only allowed very few people to glimpse upon, and Tony had been one of the lucky ones. Or at least he had been at one point.

"Kind of funny you're taking a guitar to see your architect." Happy called from the front seat, as he toyed with the radio's knobs; before settling on station that boomed with Eddie Vedder's voice.

"Have you ever heard about interior design?" Tony returned brusquely.

"Yeah, I have. That's why you go to an interior designer, not an architect; stupid. Unless, of course, you're stopping by to serenade that cute little blonde you've been seeing."

"I might be a genius, but that doesn't mean I mastered the guitar in a night."

"And you sound like a dying cat when you sing." Happy guffawed in a way that always drove Tony crazy; mostly because it always followed some sort of mockery.

But mockery and belittlement had forged their friendship, and solidified it too. Tony was self-deprecating enough to not take offense to that; since it was hard to deny the truth. After all, he had only been a music journalist, not a musician like Happy had been. Then again, Happy hadn't been a singer either but a drummer instead.

"Yeah, well my architect has an eye for interior design." He said, although he couldn't be certain if that were a lie or not; since he hadn't engaged Loki in any conversation about interior design before.

Hell, they had very few conversations to mention. Tony couldn't even definitively say he knew very much about Loki, beyond what he had been so long ago. Seeing as he only got bits of information from outside sources about his current life, and even then it had been vague at best. And it hurt to know how far removed they were from one another.

He didn't know if Loki would ever grant him any insight into his current life either; especially if his health was declining. That thought made his heart ache, but he forced into the darkest recesses of his mind; where he housed the many unresolved pains from Libya and the many from his childhood too. Things that a psychiatrist would probably get a hard-on over; Tony knew he was the ultimate basket case.

The drive to Tyler & Daily took shorter than Tony thought it would; although much of his time had been consumed with hundreds of thoughts, most of which were inherently negative too. He barely noticed the looming building that stood erect against the city smog and the heavy rainclouds. Or even the hurried business types that ran in and out of the rotary doors.

At least he hadn't until Happy announced their arrival, while adding _asshole_ to the end of his statement; in other words, the norm. Rather than spending any unnecessary time with a rebuttal, Tony climbed out of the backseat and into the nippy afternoon air; which he begrudgingly was beginning to get used to. He'd spent too many weeks there not to adapt.

He cut across the busy pavement in a rushed stride, before combatting against the many that were coming in and out of the architecture firm; carrying the heavy weight of the guitar with him. It felt much heavier than it should have, as if all his doubts had accumulated into the case in his right hand.

Once he freed himself from the rotary doors, he made his way through the bustle and commotion that made up the large lobby. The row of elevators was no better, though; harried businessmen and women were rushing into any available lift, some glued to their mobile phones while others flipped through datebooks and manila folders filled with paperwork.

Tony didn't dare force his way into the confined spaces, when he was carrying such precious cargo. So he waited until a mostly abandoned lift presented itself, and climbed on with several people who slapped their hands against the buttons as they passed. He was the only one to press the twenty-four button, and felt suddenly isolated by the notion.

The lift rumbled to life eventually, depositing the majority of individuals onto lower floors. Only two people joined their ascent, both of which pressed buttons for upper floors beyond twenty-four. No one mingled with one another, though; it was a silent ride, which Tony found frayed his nerves worse than when he realized he had actually purchased a guitar for Loki in his drunken state.

But he hadn't much time to brood on the matter very much longer; the lift lurched underneath his feet and the doors opened onto the twenty-fourth floor. He quickly hurried into the hallway, which hadn't changed at all from his previous visit. It was still underwhelming and unremarkable, as opposed to the person who worked here day in and day out. The great Loki Laufeyson was confined to a bleak and unimaginative world now.

Tony moved sure-footedly down the hallway, even though he was anything but confident. His palms were uncharacteristically clammy, which forced him to tighten his hold on the guitar case; so it wouldn't hit the floor and destroy the precious cargo inside. He just hoped, futile as it may be that it would bring some joy to Loki somehow.

Within moments, the familiar nook in the wall appeared in front of him. Gwen Stacy's blonde head was bowed, while in the midst of a business call. She spoke a mile a minute; phrases like architectural integrity, business schedule, and South Korea sprouted from her mouth. Many of those words had been a constant when it came to William Fenton; so unlike the words that Tony heard twenty years ago while associated with Loki Laufeyson.

He approached Gwen's desk, only to have her lift her head with a wide smile; all the while she continued the conversation in a slew of apologetic lines of dialogue. From what he could gather of the conversation as a whole; it appeared as if someone was in the market to work with Loki on a project, and was having the same luck Tony had in that respect.

Seeing as the conversation appeared to have no end in sight, Gwen motioned towards the door; she then clutched her hand into a fist, in the universal sign for knocking. Tony nodded in understanding, leaving her to finish up her telephone call; before approaching the office door and rapping on it loudly enough to be heard.

Even so, there wasn't an immediate answer. Tony knocked again, and when he still hadn't gotten a proper response; he reached for the door handle, and turned it. The door slid open without any problem, to reveal an empty and tidy desk at the center of the room.

Stepping into the office, Tony closed the door behind him; searching the room with a sweeping look. Things had been tidied up considerably since his last visit, which didn't bode well with him. It was like Loki was leaving somewhere and wouldn't be returning anytime soon. And that reminded him of what could be his pressing health issues.

The concern he felt suddenly flared up even more, once he laid eyes on Loki; whom had huddled underneath his oversized drawing table, belly-first on the floor. A pillow cushioned one side of his head, while a thick blanket covered him; although it only fell to the back of his knees.

"Loki," he breathed out, on the verge of being desperate; before he set the guitar case down, and allowed himself to hurry over to the man in question.

Loki didn't so much as stir, even as he fell to his knees beside him. Tony was struck by a memory then, a conversation from so long ago; he was utterly surprised that it even came to mind after all the abuse he had subjected his brain to. But it was there and very vivid; he remembered Sif saying that you would have an easier time waking a dead man than Loki.

Shaken by the memory, particularly the wording, Tony bowed his head so he could get underneath the table; and placed his hands on Loki's shoulders. The touch was electrifying, despite its subtly. He hadn't really gotten an opportunity to touch Loki beyond their initial meeting, and the contact was enough to make him shiver in spite of himself.

"Loki," he repeated with a bit of a quiver to his voice, as he shook him. "Hey, you aren't that elderly."

There wasn't any reply, though. Which only made Tony choke on fear; he grasped Loki's shoulders tighter and shook harder, and felt his mouth explode with a mantra of Loki's name and pleas for him to wake up.

"Baby, come on!" He almost howled, although this time Loki didn't remain dormant to his touch.

Life seemed to slowly work its way through Loki's body; he squirmed and stretched, and arched his body underneath his persistent grip. Relief rushed through Tony at an alarming rate that he almost buried his face into the nape of Loki's neck, and sobbed in joy.

Loki mumbled something indiscernible out, before he turned his head to finally look at Tony. His eyes were bleary with sleep and his face slack of understanding; but to Tony it was the most beautiful look he'd ever seen. He wanted nothing more than to kiss him, until warmth filled his eyes and his lips melded under his and…

"Stark, what are you doing here?" Loki asked in the same gruff voice he had during their last encounter.

"Happy Birthday," he blurted out stupidly and wetly too. "The big five-two,"

"One foot in the grave; yes, I remember."

"Don't say something like that." He released his hold on his shoulders, and was momentarily consumed by that horrible fear and angst once more.

Loki didn't readily respond, aside from shoving the pillow away from him, and freeing himself from the blanket; before he climbed out from the table, and inspired Tony to follow suit. They both got back to their feet, which changed very little. Loki looked worse for wear; his navy blue trousers were wrinkled from his impromptu nap, as was his matching waistcoat and white oxford.

But what was more telling than his ensemble, was the dark circles under his eyes and the heaviness in which he carried himself. There was obviously something wrong; it appeared as if Loki hadn't slept in days, and Tony had effectively disrupted him when he finally got a chance to.

"Why are you here?" Loki asked again, before collapsing into his chair situated behind his desk.

"Like I said before, Happy Birthday," Tony returned, as he took possession of the guitar case, and held it up for Loki's inspection.

The moments that followed were nothing short of tense. Something dark almost sorrowful passed across Loki's face, although Tony couldn't tell what he was really thinking. Loki was guarded as ever, and continued to stare at the guitar case if it were some foreign entity instead of an inanimate object.

Wordlessly, Loki stood again and crossed the distance between them. His eyes were still on the guitar case, which was soon followed by his hands; he took the case from Tony's grasp, and looked anything but awkward with it in his possession. It almost appeared as if the guitar case had been made for his hands, and every other item that passed between them was unsavory and blunt in comparison.

Tony watched as Loki took the case to his drawing table, and set it down with care. Within seconds, Loki had opened up the case to reveal the guitar in all its pristine glory. There wasn't any sudden burst of either positive or negative reaction to it, though. Loki only stared at it still, which made Tony antsy and even a little terrified that he really had done the wrong thing.

"Very expensive," Loki uttered. "Beautiful, really; I imagine any musician would kill for the opportunity to play such an instrument."

"Well, you are a musician." Tony almost whispered back.

"No, not really; I gave that up."

"You lost your voice not your hands."

"I lost my voice and my hands, Little Stark." Loki peered at him somberly. "Did you know today is not only my birthday, but my wedding anniversary? And what a milestone it is too."

"I didn't know that."

"October 22nd 1976; Amelia Fenton and Loki Laufeyson were married in Brighton, England of all places." Loki smiled. "And we were married for six years; I had my Amelia for six years before she was taken away from me without any preamble. One minute she was here, the next she was gone."

Despite the emotionally fueled account, Loki was anything but emotional. He looked numb, dead even; as if he couldn't possibly muster up the will to show his emotion anymore. Tony wondered how many times he had cried over it; how many sleepless and lonely nights he experienced before he'd gotten to this point of numbness, of brutal acceptance.

"I haven't touched a guitar since 1982." Loki touched the guitar's neck. "I'm afraid something of this caliber is totally wasted on me."

"No, it isn't." Tony moved to stand beside Loki, before slowly drawing his fingers down to rest over Loki's hand. "I don't care if you never play it. Or even if you throw it out a window, for that matter; but I was told this was a great fucking guitar and a beautiful one, and for fuck's sake I wanted to give it to someone who I think is great and beautiful. Someone who really embodies everything this guitar does."

"Stark-"

"I don't want to hear it." He said seriously. "I'm sorry about Amelia; you don't know how sorry I am. But do me a favor and don't be alone tonight; go down to the local pub and hang out with the drunks. Or take Gwen Stacy out on the town; something or anything. Just don't be alone tonight, baby."

Before he could convince himself otherwise, Tony leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Loki's smooth and pale cheek. He inhaled that all too familiar scent of cologne, cigarettes, and gummy candies; which would sustain him for now, or maybe even the rest of his life if need be.

"Happy Birthday, baby," he drew away and spun on his heel to leave.

Loki didn't call out to him in either anger or exasperation; he let him go without any trouble whatsoever. And it would be a lie if Tony didn't admit that it hurt; that he wished that Loki would chase after him in some capacity. But it never happened, and that was just another emotional burden he was bound to carry on his shoulders for the rest of his life.


	19. Chapter Eighteen :: The Start of a New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you enjoy this. And admittedly I was inspired to write this after hearing Puscifer's cover of "Rocket Man".

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**Chapter Eighteen :: The Start of a New Beginning**

 

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London was blanketed in white; heavy snowflakes wafted from the clouds above, and covered the skyline that twinkled appealingly in the late evening hour. Tony marveled at the sight; losing himself in the beauty of it all, as he sat beside the wall of windows next to the wet bar.

It reminded him of home; both homes, really. He had breathtaking views in New York and Malibu; different in their beauty, but a feature that he always wanted. Especially next to his personal bar, since he did have a knack for wallowing in his sorrows more frequently than not; and a good view always served as a distraction from his maelstrom of thoughts.

He needed the distraction now most of all. Somewhere out there, he knew Loki was about; maybe in a dank, dreary pub like the one Tony had met Fandral in. Or maybe he was at an airy high class restaurant with his secretary in tow; which might very well led to a romp between freshly laundered sheets, and Gwen Stacy throwing back her golden head with cries of ecstasy.

It would be good for Loki too, to have that physical contact. Tony knew how cathartic intimacy could be for one with emotional ailments; he had, after all, soothed many of his emotional hurts by losing himself in his base needs. While, it definitely wasn't a long-term remedy; life certainly didn't look so bleak once the afterglow kicked in.

In fact, that would probably do him good too. He hadn't been intimate with anyone since leaving New York, and it seemed as if Gwen was no longer a pliable option. But London was filled with women, beautiful women, and he only had to go out there and find them. Hell, he was sure JARVIS could find a high-class escort service if he wasn't up for the game of cat and mouse.

He considered the possibility, as he took another healthy swallow of his rum and coke; weighing the pros and cons of inviting an escort into his home. Conversation was ultimately the hump he couldn't get over; he really wasn't up for any verbal exchange with a stranger. Physical contact always appealed to his sensibilities, and yet another night alone seemed more appealing in comparison.

His hand was a lackluster substitute for a warm body, but then again not any warm body would do either. If he was honest with himself, he only wanted one body against his; panting and moaning his name, and drawing him between their pale and strong thighs. He wanted Loki, tall and sinewy and youthful despite his fifty-two years.

Tony wanted to kneel between Loki's outspread legs, to grab him by his hips, and drive into him slowly but surely until he convulsed. Then he would shower his aquiline features with wet kisses; letting his tongue to trail along that subtle scar along his face, and bury his face into Loki's inky black hair. And god only knew how much he wanted Loki to cling to him as if he was his lifeline; to maybe cup the arc reactor with both hands, as if to solidify the fact his heart was safe from not only the shrapnel but from the pains of the world too.

The thought made him shiver in pooling arousal, but even more than that – warmth. He hadn't allowed anyone to touch the arc reactor, beyond Pepper whom had to help him replace it once. Otherwise, it had gone untouched by everyone; including his various bedmates.

 _"I apologize for the interruption, sir. But it appears that you have a late night visitor."_ JARVIS chimed in softly overhead.

"What time is it?" He replied, before looking at his wristwatch.

_"It's fifteen 'til ten o'clock."_

"Get a name; if it's anything business related, tell them I only consult every other Thursday." He took another sip from his glass; patiently awaiting whatever JARVIS had to say in return.

It wouldn't be the first time, nor would it be the last; that some business associate tried to catch him after business hours. Of course, Tony frequently had a knack for not being around most of the time. He had left Stark Industries to the best person for the job; although some people were more privy to him than Pepper, and he suspected it was because he was far more compliant than she was.

He pondered who could possibly want an audience with him at such an ungodly hour for business; as he slid off his stool and circled the wet bar for a refill. There weren't many people he'd known since his time in London that really would bypass Pepper to speak with him. He had had several meetings with company heads who were interested in the arc reactor technology; but they had happily engaged Pepper about striking a deal, since Tony made himself as unavailable as possible.

 _"Sir, it is Mr. Laufeyson."_ JARVIS announced in a deadpan tone, which almost caused Tony to sputter as he raised his newly filled glass to his lips.

"Let him in!" He coughed, before setting his glass down with a clink.

His heart leapt to his throat, suddenly very self-aware of himself and how unkempt he must look. He was in a pair of faded blue jeans, scuffed work boots, and a thin Soundgarden tee-shirt; far removed from the suits he oftentimes wore for business purposes, and when he wanted to make a good impression. And he had wanted to make a good impression every time he'd seen Loki.

There wasn't any time for a wardrobe change, though. So he raked his fingers through his hair, and peered at his reflection through the chrome fixtures of the bar; to ensure he hadn't made a worse mess of himself.

By the time the lift arrived with a joyous little ping, Tony was a tangle of emotion; awkwardly meandering in between the lounge area and the wet bar. He paused in between the steps that separated the two distinct areas, and held his breath by the sight that greeted him. Loki was a vision in black; he wore a knee length, nicely tailored winter coat, black leather gloves, and a fedora that partially shaded the left side of his face where his scar was.

Somewhere in his possession, he had a Polaroid of Loki in a fedora; the same Polaroid that Gwen had glimpsed upon only a few weeks beforehand. And to be perfectly honest, nothing much had changed about Loki since the original photograph was taken. Not outwardly anyway; the inner turmoil of his mind was another matter altogether.

Loki stepped across the threshold of the lift, only to stop and eye the room warily; almost as if he suspected some sort of ambush. Once he appeared certain there wasn't anyone lurking in the shadows, Loki peered at him from below the brim of his fedora; although Tony couldn't discern the look on his face very well.

"You said I shouldn't be alone tonight." Loki offered in means of a greeting.

"Oh yeah," Tony swallowed hard, awkwardly climbing down the steps to the lounge area. "I did say that; I just didn't know that you would, you know, want to spend time with me."

"Familiarity breeds contempt." Loki slowly pulled off one glove then the other. "But maybe I was quick to draw to that conclusion; both of us aren't the people we once were. You certainly aren't a child anymore with a fantastical dream."

"Well, my CEO would say differently. She says I act like a kid more often than less."

"Children don't have a tendency to get arrested on several choice occasions. Nor do they have unfortunate sex scandals either."

"You've been keeping tabs on me, Mr. Fenton. Or do you prefer Mr. Laufeyson, instead?"

"Either or," Loki stepped further into the room; studying every nook and cranny. "And I wouldn't say I've been keeping tabs on you; I just so happen to read various news publications. You have a knack for being front page news, after all."

"Sometimes unwillingly," Tony shifted uncomfortably, once he felt the weight of Loki's eyes on him.

The distance between them slowly began to close; Loki was the instigator of it, though. He moved soundlessly across the granite floor, weaving in between pieces of furniture; in a curious manner, as if he hadn't been there before. But the last time had been tense and business related; this, whatever it was, didn't fall into that category.

By no means would Tony call this an intimate meeting; one he had briefly fantasized about only minutes beforehand. Yet it held some familiarity, as only two long lost lovers could. At one point, Tony could envision every part of Loki's body without photographic evidence. He could recite every sensitive spot of his anatomy, and stimulate it until Loki screamed. But now he couldn't say anything similarly.

They had been that close that even a few minutes apart had been agony. Tony had oftentimes believed he couldn't breathe without Loki by his side; and then he was forced to adapt to being alone. Not being able to reach out and touch him, and kiss him until they were both breathless and flushed, and so desperate to join together that it was nothing short of lunacy.

"I thought you dead." Loki was suddenly within reaching distance.

"You weren't the only one, sweetheart." He grinned, but felt his heart hammer in his chest in anxiety.

Libya was bound to come up in conversation; it always did in one form or another. Tony had only wished that they could avoid it tonight; maybe they could focus on Loki and the inner demons he regularly faced instead. But the bastard had sunk his claws into his vulnerability with practiced ease.

"I should have known better, though. My Little Stark is absurdly bullheaded."

"Basic need for survival, really,"

"And that I must admit, I admire." Loki smiled, except it was as sincere as Tony's grin.

"You got married four months after everything happened with us." Tony blurted out; maybe just so they wouldn't have to talk too much about his kidnapping and torture.

That wound was far too fresh to have an open conversation about it. Even though, he became keenly aware of how Loki's eyes lowered and were now focused onto his chest. In between the lettering of his tee-shirt, the icy blue light of the arc reactor glowed brightly.

He was tempted to cover it with his hand; to try and somehow block that curious pair of eyes, that seemed to see directly into his soul. Only stubbornness prevented him from doing so; because the last thing he wanted to show was any further vulnerability in front of Loki, whom seemed hard as stone, even while discussing uncomfortable issues of the heart.

"Oh, yes I did." Loki diverted his eyes to peer at his face. "Was I supposed to wait for you to come back to me and apologize? Because I clearly remember that I told you I never wanted to see you again."

"And yet here we are, back together."

"You came looking for me, not the other way around."

"Initially, yes; but you came and found me this time around, Loki."

"Did you know I spent three months after our separation utterly out of my mind?" Loki shifted gears once more, arching an eyebrow. "I cannot even remember those few months very well. I always had a penchant for psychoactive drugs; acid particularly. I couldn't possibly tell you how much I'd taken or how many times James had to calm me down.

"Amelia was particularly instrumental on weaning me out of my bad behavior. That woman was too good to be true; regardless of how insufferable I could be, she stayed with me. Made sure I was sober enough to play a show or pose for a photograph, and saintly enough to toss out my stash."

"She was good for you then."

"Once autumn came, I realized there was no point on mourning for you anymore. I couldn't hurt myself anymore because you loathed me; found me to be some vile creature that tried to corrupt you."

"I didn't think that way at all, Loki!"

"Let me speak my piece and I'll listen to yours without any interruptions. I imagine this is why you've come to find me. So let me finish." Loki crossed his arms over his chest, in a stance that left no room for argument.

Begrudgingly, Tony nodded for him to proceed; even if he felt the need to argue his motives back then. Of course, he had a slew of reasons why he had acted poorly when it came to his relationship with Loki. His father had died on him; the man he had stupidly idolized despite his many flaws. And his father's homophobia had chosen to rear its ugly head, in the form of his own big mouth.

But he also knew that excuses weren't going to mend his relationship with Loki either. He had chosen to be dishonest with Loki, and held back many of his problems from him; which inevitably boiled over into the hysterical mess that they had eventually evolved into.

"I hope you realize I loved you dearly back then. No matter how brief our time was together, I never lie about my feelings. I would have never told you I loved you, if I hadn't meant it." Loki touched the brim of his fedora, but didn't take it off. "Anyway, once I realized the futility of continuing to mourn over someone I had assumed did not love me; I found solace with Amelia, but no time during our relationship. Afterwards yes, but never during."

"Good to know."

"The silly girl that she was, had her heart broken by Jimmy Page of all people." Loki chuckled, almost on the verge of being sincere. "So we ended up clinging to one another like a pair of lovelorn fools. But it was a week before my thirty-second birthday that she looked at me and said and I'll never forget it – I haven't the foggiest idea what to get you for your birthday, Lo. You are the worst person to buy a gift for; what could you even possibly want?

"And there was only one thing I wanted then; so I looked at her and I said – I want you. Not just physically or even emotionally but legally too. I wanted her in name, heart, body, and soul; and she gave me all of it and then some."

Tony felt an ache run rampant through his chest; an emotional pain, that he hadn't a clue existed. He reached for the arc reactor, unable to stop himself from gripping the outer rim that was warm to the touch.

"She gave me everything, and I couldn't give her a damn thing." Loki looked away, but Tony could see the shine in his eyes; a well of unshed tears that he knew wouldn't ever fall.

"Hey, let's get a drink." Tony motioned behind him towards the bar, before he turned and made the short trek back to where he originally had been; and where his rum and coke had remained abandoned.

Without looking back to make sure Loki followed him; Tony relied on his other senses. He could feel Loki's looming presence, despite being unable to hear his footfall; which put him somewhat at ease, but not as much as he would have liked. Seeing as the reality of the situation still ripped him asunder on the inside.

Tony never imagined Loki would remain by himself for very long. He just hadn't been expecting for him to move on so soon; months after moaning into his ear, and uttering sweet nothings to him, he had married Sif and still mourned for her until this day.

"I know you don't drink, but I have water." Tony walked behind the bar, and leaned down to open the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of water; which he then set in front of Loki, who had settled onto a stool. "And lookie here, a rum and coke for me; already premade."

"Your father died while you were on tour with me, didn't he?"

"What?"

"As I said, I read the news publications available to me. You became the CEO of your family's company less than a year afterwards; while the company chose to delay the news of your father's demise from the public." Loki said smoothly but not arrogantly as he would have twenty years ago.

Tony sipped at his now watered down rum and coke, and wondered if it was worthwhile to admit that Howard had died while they toured the eastern part of the United States together. He highly doubted that the admission would gain him any extra points, or even detract from his overall score. But he also took into account how Loki had offered up information so readily to him, and figured it was only fair to do the same; especially since it was his birthday.

"That's right; he died while I was being a self-centered little shit. I knew he was dying and I was even being begged to come home, but I didn't. And I took my guilt out on you; you didn't deserve it, and there aren't enough apologies in the world I can say to make up for it."

"I didn't come here for apologies."

"Then what exactly did you come here for?"

"That I cannot tell you," Loki reached for his bottle of water, sliding his fingers across the condensation on the glass. "I'm fifty-two years old today, and I don't have any answers; absolutely none. Not even to the simplest of questions."

"Did you know Gwen Stacy has a huge, colossal crush on you?"

"Spare me."

"No, I'm serious. And you know what I think you should do? I think you should ask her out to dinner one day and put the pieces of your life back together." Tony dared to touch Loki's hand that wasn't distracted by the bottle; only for that hand to twist around, offering itself palm-up.

Within moments they connected hands; long and pale fingers against tan and oil stained ones. They contrasted one another and yet there was something beautiful about the differences between them. Maybe that extended directly down to their personalities too.

"You don't want that at all, Little Stark." Loki peered up at him, slowly running the pad of his thumb across his knuckles.

"Okay, Einstein; tell me what I want then." He returned, regardless of the growing lump in his throat and the ache that seemed to come from his arc reactor.

"Happiness, your own happiness,"

"Oh, you're good. Maybe you should give up this gig as an architect and take up psychology. I could really use a good head doctor and a good looking one too."

"I'm too old for you, Stark."

"And I'm too old to care about age."

"I'm too damaged."

"Me too; two halves can make a whole."

"Maybe I have children."

"I'm excellent with kids; I have a child-like mentality."

"There's a great chance I find you insufferable."

"No, you don't. You wouldn't be spending your birthday with me then. You know when you could be going to strip clubs and getting lap dances."

"That's your birthday, not mine." Loki smiled; a genuine one too, which warmed Tony from the inside-out.

"You're right; too bad my birthday's already passed." Tony squeezed Loki's hand. "Hey, JARVIS buddy find me a bakery still open and get me a cake that says Happy Birthday Loki on it. Tell them we'll pay triple and for home delivery."

_"Any flavor in particular, sir?"_

"Something tells me devil's food cake; be prompt. We want that sucker before the clock hits twelve and Loki turns back into an angry businessman named William Fenton again."

"There isn't a chance I find you insufferable, at all. I know this for a concrete fact." Loki scowled at him, and that too only seemed to warm his heart.

Without even realizing it, Tony had somehow leapt over the boundary between them. Or at least scaled it by some miraculous happening, and he really couldn't ask for more. It felt more like his birthday, Mardi Gras, and Christmas combined than Loki's even.


	20. Chapter Nineteen :: Reality Rears Its Ugly Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a bit shorter than the norm, however the next chapter will answer some pending questions!

* * *

 

**Chapter Nineteen :: Reality Rears Its Ugly Head**

 

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"I think you should go back to Malibu." Pepper stepped out of one of her stiletto heels, before pulling off the other. "You've been away too long, and you really haven't accomplished much of anything by staying here either."

"Well, that's your opinion." Tony eyed her warily, although he hated to admit that she did have a point.

He hadn't been very productive in terms of business; while he had been tinkering with the newest Stark Phone pretty regularly, he just hadn't made very much leeway without a proper workshop. But the trip hadn't been a total loss either; in fact, it had been successful beyond his wildest dreams.

Finding Loki had been one of his biggest accomplishments to date; and yet more so than even that, he had somehow crossed the distance between them in some way. Not merely in the physical sense either; he had actually gotten Loki to open up to him, maybe even trust him to an extent.

"There's work to be done, Tony; especially when it comes to the arc reactor technology." Pepper padded barefoot towards the sitting area, where he'd taken up residence. "You can't do anything here without the proper tools; you and I both know that."

"Maybe I want to take a couple of weeks off. I don't think that's too much to ask; we practically have investors lining up outside the door for a piece of the action. And they know it's only the first prototype that we still have to hone the technology for better results."

"Even so, you should go home and work on it."

"Pepper, we had a conversation several weeks ago. Do you remember it?" He lifted his eyes away from the sketchpad in his hand; one in which he was jotting down ways in which to vastly improve JARVIS and his capabilities.

His CEO and former girlfriend shot him a weary look, before she all but collapsed onto a nearby armchair. He remembered that look all too well; mostly since it had a tendency to appear several times a day when they had been a couple. It also simultaneously served as a reminder of the fact that Pepper wasn't the girl she once was when they first began to date.

She had been so timid and shy back then. It was hard to believe she'd grown into a no-nonsense businesswoman, who could make a grown man cry out for mercy by her words alone. But then again, twenty years had a way of changing everyone him included.

"Yes, Tony I remember it." She confirmed.

"Then you would know why I want this time off. And I kind of hope you won't give me grief about it either; I mean I finally got into a good place with him, so don't take it away from me."

"I told you to follow this through, despite having some reservations about it. Who could blame me really?" She eyed him, almost in a way that a shop-keep might eye a glass vase, while unruly children ran through the aisles. "I worry about you, and I know you'll all but put your life on pause over this. But how long will you stay here and wait for results? A few weeks, a couple of months, maybe years even?"

That brought his thoughts to a screeching halt; if truth be told, Tony hadn't honestly thought about how long he would stay in London now that he forged a peaceable relationship with Loki. He hadn't thought about anything long-term; or he hadn't thought about the aspects of his life that weren't connected to Loki in some way.

The company, while maintained by Pepper's capable hands, still needed his input and consultation. The arc reactor technology was his baby, and needed to be raised to maturity by him. Every bit of tech that came from Stark Industries was a direct result of his genius. He had shifted the company's direction and had made it flourish as his father had beforehand, when they manufactured weapons.

He had a life beyond Loki; loath as he was to admit it, Pepper did have a point (another one to be precise) too. He couldn't put his entire life on pause for Loki, even if he felt like it was the right thing to do. And he couldn't stay forever in London, not when there was so much to do back home.

"I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for the rest of the year." He said slowly, as if that would gain him any favor.

"Absolutely not; Tony you have several charity galas in both Malibu and New York to attend within the coming weeks. Not to mention, we do have a Stark Expo to put on in the spring of next year."

"What are the exact dates for the expo?"

"April eleventh through May seventeenth," she recited without any hesitation whatsoever.

The Stark Expo next year was bound to be a huge event; far larger and more exciting than the previous ones over the past several years. The arc reactor technology was going to be showcased in all its glory, no less a slew of other products that Tony had worked on over the past few years and only just now perfected.

That was an event he had to have the majority of control over. Pepper knew as much, which essentially put him between a rock and a hard place. He had to plan the expo with his board of directors, and he highly doubted that they would rush to London just because he couldn't be bothered to return back to the States due to his personal life.

"There's no way I could make this work; no way whatsoever?"

"I respect the fact that you want to make it work with William Fenton-"

"Loki Laufeyson-"

"However, you can't stay here forever. Unless, of course, you're willing to uproot your whole life and the company's main headquarters, and operate from here instead. And trust me; it'll take more than a few months to make that happen, more like a year or more."

"Just when I'm making some serious headway here," Tony tossed the sketchpad onto the other side of the couch, and tried to keep his temper in check.

Yelling at Pepper wouldn't change the situation any. No less, Pepper wasn't to blame for it either; she was just his acting CEO that knew his responsibilities couldn't be put off forever. Not even for true love and happy endings and potentially mind-blowing sex. Or more realistically speaking, a tight-knitted friendship with the potential for mind-blowing sex some time in the future (he could only hope).

"Be honest with him then. Tell him you have only a few more weeks in London, before you have to go home and run your company."

"I'm sure he'll run right over and help me pack then." He returned glumly, although he wasn't so sure that his words were accurate.

Loki had warmed up to him a little. They had spent the last few hours of Loki's birthday together, talking about everything and anything. Tony had babbled on about JARVIS's capabilities and how he initially thought of creating artificial intelligence had come to him during his first year at Berkeley. And they even spoke of Loki's career in architecture, but they had chosen to steer clear of their shared past after the initial discussion in the beginning of the evening.

It had been a pleasant encounter; Tony drank very little and Loki actually ate some of his birthday cake that came forty minutes 'til midnight. Much of the cake was still in Tony's possession, since Loki had downright refused to take it; even though Tony pressed for him to take it to his non-existent children that Loki refused to confirm or deny that he fathered.

"Tony, the expo is more important. I'm sorry to be insensitive, but that's the truth."

"No harm, no foul. The expo is more important, I agree."

"I think you could stretch your stay about three more weeks. Otherwise, you just can't do it."

"Understood, boss lady," he saluted her, but felt his mood sour by the moment.

Reality always had a way of rearing its ugly head one way or another, though. He really couldn't continue living in limbo for very much longer; and while three weeks seemed like a substantial amount of time to forge a stronger bond with Loki, he couldn't be quite sure that it really was. Loki always had knack for running hot and cold, and he knew he couldn't get his hopes up too high; lest they crumble into tiny pieces around his feet.

Pepper shot him an apologetic look, but he was spared any condolences or sweet words. He wouldn't take them very graciously either. So he was pleased that JARVIS saved him the trouble, by announcing that he had a telephone call.

"Connect the call, J." He slouched into the couch cushions, and noticed from his peripheral, Pepper climbing to her feet, and padding down the hallway where her room was situated.

"Hello, Tony?" A familiar and feminine voice called out to him, which made him relieved that Pepper had decided to give him some privacy.

"Gwen Stacy, what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"Something funny's going on over here. That woman was back again at the office, but this time she had three other people with her; men specifically. One looked like he was in his sixties, while the other was around your age, and the last one looked like a scrawny walking scarecrow."

"Covert affairs, Miss Stacy,"

"They're still in Mr. Fenton's office actually; they have been for hours now."

"Are you suggesting I run down there and poke around?" He arched an eyebrow, but found a horrible wave of curiosity crash over him regardless.

"Mr. Fenton sounds sicker than has before, you know."

"Gwen Stacy, you're going to get me into trouble."

"I highly doubt that, Mr. Stark." She returned in an almost cheery tone, but he suspected it was feigned. "I think you get into plenty of trouble without my help, and I think you're just dying to come down and find out who this woman is. Since I haven't gotten her name, and well it doesn't seem like she'll be leaving any time soon. So I bet you could get here in record time."

"One step forward, two steps back, Stark." Tony pushed off the couch then. "I'll be there before you know it. But if this blows up in my face, you're going down with me, Stacy."

"See you soon." Gwen ended the call then, and left Tony to collect his winter things in a rush.

Without having to be directed to, JARVIS had already contacted Happy and was ever-so-kind to announce to Pepper as well that he was leaving the building. And regardless of how ill-advised it was to rush down to Loki's office unannounced, no less by a not a very anonymous tip, Tony couldn't help himself.

That woman might have been bad news, and if Loki was sounding worse than before that was cause for concern. Caution be damned for the moment; he needed to find out what was going on.


	21. Chapter Twenty :: Lady Stardust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is; I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> And on a side note, how many of you would be interested in my potentially getting a few copies of Fifteen Cities printed and giving them away for a giveaway (it would be on Tumblr so you would have to have an account)? So far this is just a musing, no more. But if there's sufficient interest, it could become a possibility.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty :: Lady Stardust**

 

* * *

 

Tony wasn't used to waiting. Due to his status, everything tended to happen instantaneously. Queues were a thing of the past, as was being put on hold. Whenever he came through the door of any establishment, may it be office or restaurant, he was given immediate access. He wasn't used to waiting forty-five minutes for anything, regardless of it being on a covert mission of sorts.

The door to William Fenton's office remained securely closed, while a steady stream of conversation continued inside. Muffled voices conversed with one another; back and forth they went since Tony first arrived, and there didn't appear to be an end in sight. If anything, it seemed like the meeting between the mystery woman, her potential henchmen, and Loki would continue on forever.

He slouched back in the uncomfortable chair he occupied across from Gwen Stacy's desk, and prayed that something would finally give. There was only so much he could do on his Stark Phone, and only so many things he could say to Gwen before it became too much to bear. His sanity was on the line, worsened by the fact that his thoughts were bursting with unrelenting negativity.

Since his encounter with reality earlier on in the day, Tony had a lot to mull over. Once he left London, he had an uncomfortable feeling that his progress with Loki would stall completely. That they would return to their former lives, and have no place for one another in them. Or at least, Tony feared that would happen on Loki's end.

To be honest, that sort of rejection would be too much for him to handle. It had been too much to handle when he was a young man, but it would be a brutal blow at forty-one years old. While he was emotionally strong, iron-clad to a degree; being separated from Loki would only be a catalyst to his previous behavior, and he surely couldn't survive anymore boozing and schmoozing. Especially to the degree that he had done so in the past.

That legitimately worried him; his self-control was brittle, and while he managed to keep himself on the straight and narrow after Libya, he might not be able to continue if he was emotionally injured for the umpteenth time. But he also knew he couldn't rely on Loki for his happiness either, which only made the situation that much more difficult to deal with.

"How long have they been in there?" He asked finally just to break the silence.

"Almost three hours I would say." Gwen replied, peeking up at him from across the partition along the front of her desk. "Mr. Fenton said he didn't want any interruptions either. He said it was an important meeting."

"Must be really important; I never had a meeting last that long. Then again, I try to avoid all meetings."

"Why am I not surprised to hear that?"

"Hey, shut up." He pointed at her, only to receive an eye roll to end all eye rolls; although if Loki had been there, he probably would have blown Gwen out of the water.

"So do you have any master plans of seduction at the ready?"

"Because trying to seduce a potentially terminally ill man is the righteous thing to do."

"Terminally ill," Gwen repeated. "I think Mr. Fenton might be sick, but I highly doubt he's terminally ill. I think he's exhausted and might have a bad cold, but otherwise I don't know about the state of his health."

"We've spoken about this before. He still smokes, Gwen."

"That doesn't mean he's dying either, Tony."

"It doesn't mean he'll live to see his fifty-third birthday either." He said crossly, although he couldn't say where that anger came from necessarily.

Loki's ailment could very well be a cold, nothing more. Yet Tony had grown so accustomed to the negative, that he could only assume the worse. Even when he was trying to remain positive, the looming presence of reality always struck him down. And it would be just typical of Loki to die on him, now that he found him again.

His outburst quieted any further conversation, which he supposed was for the better anyway. There were only so many words he could say before they became redundant, no less meaningless too. So he chose to brood some more, until he was sure his sanity was being compromised entirely.

But he was saved from his thoughts, after several more minutes. The voices grew louder, less muffled beyond the office door; suggesting that finally the occupants were about to step out into the waiting area and grace Tony with their presence.

Tony straightened in his seat, taut as a bowstring as he heard a peal of laughter. He wondered if one of the people who laughed was Loki, and he hoped so. Because it seemed as if Loki lost the ability to show any kind of mirth beyond a few choice moments; and those too were few and far between from what Tony had witnessed.

The moments ticked by at a crawl, and served to only drive Tony a bit mad. Even though the voices had grown clearer (their words not so much), the door remained shut and impenetrable. It was as if the people on the other end were trying to push him to his limits; as if they knew they were waiting to be seen and gawked and ogled, and were putting it off for as long as they could.

Then it happened; the door slowly drew open, and a beautiful woman stepped across the threshold. She might have very well been one of the most beautiful women Tony had ever seen too. She was extraordinarily tall and lithe with wide almond-shaped eyes, with sharp features that appeared to be chiseled out of obsidian. Her laughter was throaty and melodic, and made the hairs on the back of Tony's neck stand up.

He had never seen her in his life; couldn't remember a passing introduction either. And he was pretty sure if they had crossed paths at one point or another, that he would remember it. Simply because he knew he would have tried to bed her almost immediately.

The woman was soon followed by a scarecrow of a man, whose cheeks were hollow and pallor bordering on a sickly grey; and he wore a cabby hat pulled down to shade his sunken eyes. Tony knew him; in fact, he had seen him in a dingy little pub during his first few days in London.

Before he could even process why Fandral would visit Loki at his office, his attention was drawn to the next person who walked out of the office. He too was a familiar face, although they hadn't seen one another for two years. Phil looked healthy despite the tautness of his body, and the stiffness of his two piece suit; one that made Tony yearn for his suede abominations from the seventies suddenly.

But the next individual really made Tony's eyes widen in surprise. It had been so long ago that he laid eyes on Bucky Barnes that it almost seemed to be impossible that he was there. Tony knew it was Bucky right away; he hadn't changed very much, aside from the stubble on his face and the obvious streak of white at his temple in his otherwise dark hair. But time hadn't done much to sully him as it had to Fandral.

Bucky had his hands stuffed in the pockets of a worn leather jacket, grinning largely at Loki whom trailed him out of the office. Which reminded Tony without any warning of how they once been lovers, and how jealous he had been by that revelation back then; no less, he also remembered how he and Bucky had had a fleeting moment of intimacy between them as well.

The seventies, to put it lightly, had had been a very wild time for him. No less for the whole group in front of him; although he couldn't say anything about the beautiful woman, who oozed of superiority and dominance that rivaled Loki's own.

"We'll have to discuss things further come Monday." The woman said in regal voice.

"Yes, of course. Miss Stacy, do I have anything planned on Monday?" Loki asked which caused Gwen to jump visibly in her seat, before her eyes shot towards Tony seemingly unconsciously.

That action didn't go unnoticed either; Loki shifted his gaze and pinned Tony with an indiscernible look, which seemed to be that much more indiscernible due to his spectacles perched on his face. He was very much the businessman today, despite having forgone his blazer and rolled up his sleeves to reveal the blaring reminder of his dearly departed wife in terms of body ink.

"You have a luncheon at noon with Mr. Daily and Mr. Tyler, sir. And a conference call at four o'clock to discuss the Zhang account; Simon will be there as promised." Gwen grasped Loki's attention once more, but the damage had already been done.

Almost simultaneously, every single person had turned to look at Tony. Flickers of recognition ignited in every set of eyes, even the obsidian chiseled woman's. Of course, Tony was a well-known face; most people knew who he was, especially since Libya.

No one readily spoke, as if they couldn't understand why he was there; which reminded Tony far too much of those alienating stares he once received, when he had first went on tour with Odin's Sons. He had been a teenage reporter then, and hadn't been equipped to handle the madness of the road. And at that very moment, he felt like nothing had changed at all; he was an outsider looking in.

"Groupie until the day you die, eh Stark?" Fandral was the first to speak, and chuckled in a gruff and tiresome way soon thereafter.

"Well, if I were a groupie, I imagine you would have taken me to bed already." Tony grinned cheekily in return, although he couldn't be sure if it was very convincing.

"You could only wish for the honor, dear boy."

"It isn't '71 anymore, buddy. I haven't been a boy for a very long time."

"Oh, I'd beg to differ; I remember '76 pretty well. Thankfully the pot didn't destroy my memory." Bucky chimed in then.

Tony didn't know why, but hearing Bucky's voice after so long sent him head-first into nostalgia. Many times over the years, he had wanted to go back to those times; they had been some of the best and some of the worst. But they had definitely been focal points in his life, and god only knew how much he would give to return to them now.

There was no doubt that he would do things differently. That he wouldn't mindlessly dwindle his time away by being utterly stoned and self-righteous; he would actually sit back and cherish those quiet moments on the tour bus, and watch Loki as he either strummed his acoustic guitar and burst into song; or when he would quiet down and look inquisitively out the window towards the sprawling miles of nothingness between one city and the next.

"And what rock have you climbed out from underneath of, Barnes?"

"More like an iceberg," Bucky shrugged his shoulders, before he eyed Loki; almost as if he was seeking his approval.

"Oh, where have my manners gone?" Loki drawled out abruptly. "Mr. Stark clearly you know Phil, James, and Fandral already; but let me introduce you to Morgana. You had met her father Hamish once or twice, I do believe."

Tony was struck by sudden recognition then. Two years earlier, he had had an unpleasant conversation with Morgana during his fruitless hunt for Loki. Phil had supplied the number to him, and that been his best lead back then. Everything else had led to a dead end, so Tony had put a lot of hope into Morgana.

Their telephone conversation hadn't gone very well, though. It had been brief and curt, and the woman before him had brushed off any notion of knowing where Loki was; which clearly seemed to be a lie, unless she and Loki had suddenly struck up a friendly relationship within the past two years. Or maybe it was something else entirely, something unimaginable even.

It was then that the realization hit him much harder than anything could. Every piece of the puzzle suddenly seemed to fall into place; the unexplained happenings, the odd little things that Tony had all but disregarded now made perfect sense. More importantly, the appearance of everyone in front of him made everything even clearer than before.

His eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat, before he turned to look at Loki; who had returned his own gaze back onto him, as if he knew he drew to such an obvious conclusion finally. There wasn't any smugness on his face, though; there was just an infinite blankness there that was impenetrable and steely.

"You have got to be kidding me." He blurted out, unable to truly embrace the idea; not when it felt so outlandish and out of reach. "You seriously cannot be serious."

Laughter erupted around him then; loud and rambunctious and joyous. Loki, however, didn't join in; his eyes remained pinned to Tony, and refused to slide away. Even as everyone went back to talking in elusive but excitable tones; their babble hardly seemed to matter at all. Tony felt as if he and Loki were the only ones on the planet, and nothing could dissuade him from that thought.

He needed to know from the source if it was really true. He didn't want to hear from Phil or Morgana or Bucky or Fandral. They were all secondary players, hearsay really. Loki was the one he needed to hear those words from; he had to hear them or he'd never believe it. He would openly reject them otherwise.

" _People stared at the makeup on his face; laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace. The boy in the bright blue jeans, jumped up on the stage; and lady stardust sang his songs of darkness and disgrace."_ Loki sang, as if he never stopped and never would again. _"And he was all right, the band was all together. Yes, he was all right, the song went on forever. Yes, he was awful nice; really quite out of sight. And he sang all night long."_

A swell of emotion overtook Tony; numerous and innumerable feelings that threatened to suffocate him. But he hadn't any way to articulate them, and wasn't given an opportunity to do so either. Loki backpedaled away and towards the open door of his office, before he turned his back to them all, and shut the door behind him; leaving them only with the dying sound of his voice, and the promise that Loki Laufeyson was alive and well.


	22. Chapter Twenty-one :: Nostalgia & Thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was surprised by how easily this chapter came to me. I really do hope you enjoy it; I know people weren't sold on the previous chapter, so hopefully this'll clear up some things.

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**Chapter Twenty-one :: Nostalgia & Thanks**

 

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Loki Laufeyson was a reality. No longer was he an entity confined to vinyl or grainy film; nor was he a specter that haunted Tony's memories. He was fleshy and palpable and touchable. Tony only had to cross the distance between them and reach out his hand to prove it. But he didn't; he wouldn't.

Instead he watched Loki from several feet away; surveyed the heavy knee-length winter coat he wore, the woolen green scarf tied loosely around his neck, and gloved hands one of which held a newly lit cigarette. The cherry glowed brightly in the waning light, although there was very little daylight to come by of late.

Heavy snow clouds loomed overhead, giving the city a glum and bleak atmosphere; typical English weather, really. And while Tony had gotten used to it, he still pined for the sunny California weather and his outdoor pool that overlooked the ocean beyond. He also yearned to see sunlight play in Loki's hair as the spotlights once did and would again.

It was precisely why he was there; once Tony had heard Loki sing again, he had been cemented into place and hardly noticed as his former acquaintances bid him goodbye. He had been much too shocked by the revelation, and could only gape in wonder at William Fenton's office door; before Gwen had suggested a bathroom break (any kind of break) in order for him to gather his wits.

But it hadn't helped at all; convoluted thoughts and half-baked realizations had dominated his mind, as did more questions than answers. Loki had said he was no longer a musician, only days beforehand and it felt like an honest admission too. It hadn't been a fabrication of emotion or reservation; it had been real.

Tony never believed that Loki would even strum his newly obtained guitar, let alone sing again. And yet that's precisely what he had done; his cavalry of yes people were there for a reason, and all the puzzle pieces fell nicely into place too. Every peculiar nuance now made perfect sense; the resistance to help Tony with his workshop renovation, the gruff and irritable voice, and his prolonged meetings with Morgana.

Everything made so much sense now. Tony didn't know whether he wanted to laugh or cry over it. He didn't even know if he had well-acquainted himself with William Fenton yet; didn't know if he could handle the shift back to Loki Laufeyson. Or whether or not there was any obvious difference between the two personas.

It was hard to say what was true and what was false. Things had been skewed beyond his comprehension, and he was horribly confused even shaken. Because there had been an apparent shift in Loki; there was now that intoxicating aura that permeated off of him while in bell-bottoms and tightly fitted oxfords, while painted up like a shiny new toy in a three piece suit. That was far removed from William Fenton and his oddly unassuming air.

Perhaps it was just a perception, a trick of the mind. No one could possibly have an off and on switch like that. Tony must have been influenced by Loki's voice, nothing more. Except that didn't seem feasible either; there was something different, as if Loki Laufeyson had slithered into William Fenton's skin and taken possession of it.

"Why did you lie to me?" Tony forced himself to call out to the enigmatic creature before him; swallowing the lump of apprehension that settled in his throat.

Loki glimpsed over his shoulder; his glasses had been removed from his office to the rooftop, although his face was impenetrable still. Tony watched as Loki lifted the cigarette to his lips, and took a long and calculated drag from it; before he blew out a plume of smoke moments later.

"I owe you nothing, Little Stark. But when I said those words, the ones you're undoubtedly referring to, they were the truth."

"You said you weren't a musician anymore."

"Some could argue that I'm not. Just because you sing into a microphone in cupboard doesn't necessarily make you a musician. I suppose it's all a matter of perspective."

"Well from my perspective, you are a musician." He couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice. "Unless, of course, you're being manhandled into this; what does Morgana have on you? A breach of contact maybe, since you didn't release that last record you were working on."

Loki didn't reply; instead he turned away to gaze across the expanse of the skyline. Lights were coming on one by one; soft pools of yellow that starkly contrasted the endless white and grey of the sky above. But that didn't make things any more comforting; Tony still felt cold and hollow inside.

Maybe it would have been better to leave well enough alone. Loki Laufeyson would always be a significant part of his life, and maybe that chapter of his life should have remained in the past. Yinsen probably wouldn't fault him for that; after all, he was an emotional well of regret while being held captive, and sometimes regret was put into perspective when faced with reality.

"My record company could have released the record with or without my consent." Loki said slowly, almost carefully. "The record was done and they could have made money from it. But they respected my wishes and my contract was already up by then. Hamish was set to go into negotiations after the holiday to extend my contract, but…"

The unspoken truth hung heavily in between them. Tony didn't need to hear the words, and quite frankly he didn't want to either. It would be much too difficult to hear Loki speak of Sif, especially when it came to her final hours alive. Phil had already told him of the gory details; of how Loki had sung to Sif in the mangled wreckage of their car, while he had also been pinned inside and helpless.

Tony's body shivered with emotion, although he suppressed any further reaction. Loki was graceless when it came to his privacy being impended on, and those details of his life were by far some of the most intimate to date.

"Morgana and I had spoken of a potential comeback for years. Hamish hadn't any reason to pressure me, though. I served him well and I had helped him garner plenty of revenue for years to come." Loki continued, as he raised the cigarette to his lips. "But Morgana is different from her father; she is very persistent about what she wants. Which was only exacerbated by some sort of idol worship she had for me when she was just a girl, and well it would be a dream realized if she could convince me back into the studio and onto the stage,"

"So she strong-armed you into this."

"Not entirely true, when have I ever been strong-armed into submission?" Loki turned to face him fully. "Well, after the debacle with Odin's Sons anyway?"

Tony studied Loki closely then, but he couldn't discern the lift of his lips from the quirk of his eyebrow. The only thing that continued to present itself without fail was that powerful aura that had been very much dormant since they'd become reacquainted. Or at least dampened to a manageable degree.

"What convinced you otherwise?" He asked.

"This wasn't a rash decision, mind you. It weighed heavily on my mind recently."

"So what pushed you into that direction then?"

"Amelia did, of course." Loki's expression changed for a split-second; his blank mask slipped and revealed a pained and wounded and lost look.

While he expected as much, Tony couldn't hide his own pain. Some small and hopeful piece of him had hoped he had influenced Loki in some way. But no matter what he did, he hadn't the power to do that. His presence was expendable to Loki, whereas Sif was forever with him.

Of course, he couldn't fault Loki for that. Sif had been his wife and had died tragically beside him. Not many people could recover from something so traumatic. Hell, Tony knew he couldn't have if their positions had been switched.

"There were very few reasons why I would have retired from music." Loki tossed his cigarette away and snuffed it with the toe of his shoe. "We had discussed them beforehand. Or at least we'd spoken about touring; much of my time had been dedicated to touring, and well she'd been growing tired of following me around from New York City to Moscow to Tokyo. And who could have faulted her in that?"

"No one," Tony uttered, although he knew Loki wasn't looking for a reply.

"When she'd turned thirty, she had so kindly reminded me that I was three years short of forty. That I had been consistently on tour around the world for so many years that it was a miracle that I was still alive. And I couldn't be touring almost year round if we had a baby."

Tony felt his heart quicken by those words; his whole body froze up, and he couldn't say why. A child had always been a possibility; in fact, it was almost a guarantee that Loki and Sif had had a baby. They'd been married for six solid years, and most couples had children within the first two years.

Regardless of knowing that, nothing had mentally prepared Tony for what he believed was to come. He didn't know if he could seriously handle a child with black hair and hazel eyes with a sunny, thousand-watt smile and lanky limbs and lily-white skin. Or if he even wanted to meet the kid, despite the big game he had spoken to Loki about the possibility.

"I never wanted to be a father." Loki looked away again. "I told her as much; I told her I'd be a horrible one. I hadn't any basis in which to be one, and…and my father was a lush, a violent lush."

"But you and Thor-"

"Not Thor's father, _my_ father." Loki's head snapped up to stare at him; seemingly pained by the admission. "I was adopted by Odin and while he was hardly an ideal parent; he was in comparison to my birth father."

Tony didn't try to intervene again. Loki, for whatever reason, was revealing a personal piece of himself that he hadn't before. A piece that was shrouded in shadows and a piece that seemed to haunt him to this day; it might have very well been the part that Tony should have never known about, but had received the knowledge from Sif when he was young and stupid and ill-equipped to handle such a secret.

"I could never be a father; I could birth a child, but I could never raise one. But Amelia refused to believe that and persisted until I gave in; we would try for a baby and we would certainly have one within the year." Loki pressed his gloved hands to his face, and let out a strained chuckle from behind them. "There had been a scare in '78; Amelia had picked out names during that time too. Scarlet Rose for a girl, Richard Thomas for a boy; imagine that, the possibility that I could have had a child who was eighteen years old now."

Whatever unease that Tony had briefly felt was overridden by sympathy. The sorrow that radiated off of Loki was palpable and made Tony's heart break bit by bit; as if he was the one who had lost Sif and the possibility of a child. That his potential happiness had been stolen because of a reckless driver, and that he had to watch the love of his life die in front of his very eyes and couldn't do anything to prevent it.

Loki's hands dropped from his face, unveiling a bitter smile on his lips. But it was impossible to mask the maelstrom of emotion in his eyes, and the unshed tears that made the green of his eyes that much more brilliant.

"I can't do anything to bring Amelia back. I can only do this, authorize the release of the last album in homage of our twentieth wedding anniversary. But more than that, maybe I can remember her a little more vividly because of it." Loki ran his hand across his cheek, over his brow, and into his perfectly coiffed hair. "Sometimes I go a whole day without even thinking about her. I can't even remember what she looks like sometimes either, and her voice…I don't know what it sounds like anymore."

"I couldn't remember what your speaking voice sounded like either." Tony almost whispered, but the words carried to him nonetheless. "And it's scary, I know. You don't want to lose her, but your mind can't keep up. My mind couldn't keep up either."

Awkwardly, Tony approached Loki in all his grandeur. Even in his misery he was brighter and more beautiful than any light that twinkled across the skyline. There was no one that could draw Tony's attention away from him; no one that could even compare, which was so painfully obvious at that moment that it was almost laughable.

Once Loki was within reaching distance, Tony lifted his hands and cupped his wind-beaten cheeks and pulled him down until they were forehead to forehead. Something told him that he was being too presumptuous with his touch, moving far too quickly; but it felt right to be that close again. Loki's scent was strong in his nostrils, and every small detail of his face was close enough to admire.

They stood like that for some time; two people ravaged by time. Two people that had met on a New York rooftop in the past, and made a promise of sorts; Loki had promised him within five years that they would be together, and they had no matter how briefly it had been. And maybe Tony too wanted to promise Loki something as well.

"I only have three weeks left here; I'll have to go back to California for work." He began slowly, in hopes of controlling the emotion in his voice. "But I want you to know, I'll be here for you no matter what. If you need me, if you _want_ me; I'll be here. I'll get on my private jet in a snap; maybe not always, but ninety-eight percent of the time. For any reason, babe; if you need me to remind you of how Sif called me that annoying nickname daddy-o or tell you how her hair smelled like sunflowers, don't hesitate to ask."

"You insufferable fool."

"Twenty years and nothing's changed. You're still my babe." Tony chuckled softly, peering up into his eyes. "And I'm still your insufferable fool; friendly or otherwise. But I won't lie to you and say I don't want you, Loki. I do; I'll always want you but I want you in any way I can get you. Even if that means just being your friend; your occasional buddy that you call up to reminisce with and nothing more,"

"Such a fool, Stark," Loki's eyes softened, before he reached up to take Tony's wrists in hand and ease his grasp away from his face.

There wasn't any ruthless malice in that action, though; only gentleness that Tony had briefly known, which ignited a flurry of long forgotten memories. One being the only time Tony had allowed himself to be taken sexually, where Loki had treated him delicately as if he might break by any sudden movement and then sang to him as he took him too.

He had blocked that memory, since it was the catalyst to his emotional breakdown; and caused the separation between him and Loki in the first place. But for that brief moment he cherished it, as Loki pulled away from him with his renewed self-confidence.

"How have you become a weakness of mine, I will never know." Loki shook his head dismissively. "I have work to do; blueprints to overlook, clientele to call in Seoul. You are wasting my time, Little Stark."

"Ouch," Tony pressed a hand across the arc reactor, which was thankfully indiscernible underneath his layers of clothing; but that didn't stop Loki's eyes from drifting towards it nonetheless.

"I should send you away right here and now and never see you again." Loki said gravely then, as if a switch had been flipped again. "You will cause me more harm than good, Little Stark. You always have. And yet that weak, stupid side of me won't allow it. Not yet anyway."

"Loki,"

"Thank you, Anthony. I'm lost but not as lost as I once was." Loki suddenly offered him a small smile, before he strode past him and towards the exit.

But Tony didn't follow after him; his words pinned him to the spot, and warmed him too. Regardless of the many doubts that he had, all the uncertainties and misfortunes that seemed to follow both of them; there was still a sliver of hope, and Loki's gratitude was enough to make Tony grin stupidly and feel ten times more optimistic than he had in years.

Maybe they weren't to the place that they once were, but they had progressed forward and that was all that mattered.


	23. Chapter Twenty-two :: Blessing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There isn't much to say aside that I hope you enjoy this chapter.

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**Chapter Twenty-two :: Blessing**

 

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The hotel bar was brightly lit; airy and elegant, as opposed to the pub Tony once visited to meet Fandral in. He felt at ease underneath the crystal chandelier, while he lounged against a high-back stool with a tumbler of scotch loosely grasped in his hand.

"It looks like my past has caught up with me." He smiled genially, before lifting his glass.

"I heard you came searching for your past, Stark." Bucky Barnes returned, as he took a swig from his beer bottle. "As Phil told it anyway; but the details were murky. And I wasn't very nosey about it either."

Tony observed the other man closely. It had been Bucky who had contacted him, and asked for them to meet up; the purpose behind it wasn't very clear, though. He didn't know if Bucky simply wanted to reminisce about the past or if there was an ulterior motive to it.

It was hard to say if there remained any friendliness or not between them. Maybe their rivalry was bound to be sparked again, seeing as they all might have been on the same boat as twenty years beforehand. Then again, Tony had been the one who saw Bucky as a romantic rival rather than the other way around.

"Well, sometimes you have unfinished business from the past. So sometimes you have to revisit it and handle it appropriately." He set his glass onto the granite countertop. "But that doesn't explain why you wanted to meet up, Barnes."

"I think that explains everything, actually." Bucky grinned. "You don't want to reminisce about the past; about the drug-fueled seventies?"

"That all depends on what exactly we're reminiscing about."

"You're suspicious of me, aren't you?"

"Not suspicious per se; curious would be a better term." Tony admitted, although he had a hard time believing that Bucky came to do him any harm.

Whatever was going on between him and Loki was purely innocent, but also fragile. It was hard to say what could tip the scales out of his favor; so he was being very careful now, and selectively choosing the best time to approach Loki, and how to do it. So far it had worked in his favor.

Once Tony learned of Loki's musical ambitions, and learned about the delicate situation and how Loki was feebly holding onto the memory of Sif; he had only seen Loki twice over the past five days. And luckily he'd been received without any hostility or coldness; but Loki had been hard pressed for time, in between finishing his many pending projects with Tyler & Daily, and apparently recording his newest record simultaneously.

While Tony's time was also limited, he knew that it wouldn't serve him any good to be too pushy. Pepper certainly continued to remind him of how his flight back to Malibu was approaching very soon. And he had to admit, the prospect was suffocating.

"Phil told me that you knew about Amelia." Bucky said seriously. "But I highly doubt he went into the gory details, and if you plan on pursuing a relationship with Loki; I think you'd need to know about a lot of it. Loki won't disclose it himself, though; I don't blame him for it either."

"So you aren't in the business of winning him back?"

"Now that you mention it, maybe I will now. I think my wife would appreciate that after sixteen years of marriage."

"Jesus Christ, you're married?" Tony gaped at him, only to chuckle by the annoyed look on Bucky's face.

As much as it was hard to imagine Loki married, it was equally hard to imagine Bucky married too. But it probably was unimaginable that a former Rolling Stone reporter and frequently stoned kid was the world renowned Tony Stark too. Twenty years had changed everyone to a degree, he supposed; sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much.

"Did you think I'd pine away for you instead?" Bucky rolled his eyes, before taking another drink from his bottle.

"Well, I am pretty desirable; playboy, billionaire, _genius_."

"As opposed to my redheaded, voluptuous, gracefully aging wife; yeah, I missed out on you."

"Are you talking about Natasha?" Tony asked.

His first time seeing Odin's Sons had been with Natasha; a groupie who had been determined to bed Loki. She hadn't exactly gotten what she wanted, though; aside from blowing Loki in a dirty alleyway in Las Vegas, and bedding Fandral on top of that. Which had soured whatever camaraderie they had during that period of time; but five years later they had been pretty amicable with one another thanks to Bucky.

Then again, Tony found he had been pretty insufferable when it came to Loki in the past. He was as possessive and easily fueled by jealousy; although, the same could have been said about Loki too. So it probably was for the best that they hadn't remained together for very long, even if the sentiment stung badly.

"I like to call her the missus nowadays." Bucky ran a hand through his hair, before offering him a smile.

"Apparently everyone found their soul mate on the road." Tony replied, feeling another bout of nostalgia in the pit of his stomach.

He really wished he had utilized his time on the road better. In between being emotionally compromised and high, Tony had effectively wasted time. Of course, he hadn't realized how fast time flew by and how precious his youth really was until it was gone. He had a lot of regrets; too many to count, really. But he knew it was pointless to reflect on them now, since there was nothing he could do to remedy time anyway.

There wasn't a time machine to take him back to the seventies, so he could reverse the bad he'd done and right the wrongs he committed. Strapping, young Tony Stark would forever be known as a hormonal mess; who, while having an exceptionally big mouth, couldn't communicate properly for the life of him. And well, some things hadn't really changed in that field; but he was trying to improve nonetheless.

"Unfortunately, things are never that simple." Bucky frowned suddenly. "Most of us carry scars around that never heal; all of us are the same in that respect."

"Vietnam," Tony said, although he regretted it once Bucky shot him a weary look.

"Just because you stop fighting and come home, it doesn't mean the war's over. Not for me anyway; it'll never be over for me. I'm still in that fucking jungle; sweaty, exhausted, and scared shitless." Bucky admitted. "I left Vietnam in '71, but I'm still there. I'm still twenty years old and I've done _things_. I've seen things too, and it'll never go away. It gets better, but it'll never go away completely."

The implication was pretty obvious on more than one account; it applied to Loki but it also applied to Tony too. The scars from Libya would never go away, he knew that. Sometimes he dreamed about what had happened to him in that cave, and woke up in a cold sweat; momentarily convinced that he was still in that cave, and his entire escape had been a falsehood.

No one could really understand that cold, hard fear that he felt; as much as he couldn't understand what Bucky had experienced in Vietnam or what Loki went through in the twisted metal of his car when Sif died. And he definitely wouldn't be able to understand the childhood abuse that Loki had been a victim of either. Which only made a future relationship that much harder to navigate, if they managed to find mutual ground; Tony hoped for that, but knew he couldn't be naïve enough to believe that things would be picturesque right off the bat.

Maybe they'd never be picturesque; seeing as they were two very different people, with the uncanny ability to ignite insanity in one another. They were both very passionate people, and that resulted in both very good things and very bad things. Tony just hoped he wouldn't make the same mistakes twice, though.

"How do you deal with it? If it doesn't go away, then how can you possibly get better?" Tony asked softly, almost timidly even.

"Time helps; it doesn't heal all wounds, but it can take the edge off." Bucky murmured, as he shifted his beer bottle between his hands. "Life can be a distraction too; I have a kid, so he keeps me busy. Sometimes I want to strangle him, though."

"Married and with a mini-me too, Jesus Christ; how old is he?"

"Eleven going on thirty,"

"Puberty's going to rear its ugly head soon, Barnes." Tony cracked a smile, in response to the grimace that overtook Bucky; a grimace that he hadn't imagined possible, especially since Tony hadn't even imagined a scenario where Bucky actually had a child.

"I think he'll be an early bloomer too."

"Lucky for you,"

"Yeah, I know; lucky me. But I didn't call you here to talk about Alexei the life destroyer." Bucky sobered up again. "I think you should know that Loki isn't exactly the heartless, cocky bitch he used to be. He changed a lot since you've known him; although one thing has remained the same – he's fragile. And I don't know if he's fully recovered yet; so you can only imagine my surprise when he called me out of the blue to say he wanted to get back to work."

"In other words, you're telling me not to overstep my boundaries and break his heart." Tony returned blandly.

"Don't be fucking stupid; Loki would eat your heart, before he let you break his again. And you left us a mess to pick up, once you took off, but that's a story for another day." Bucky scoffed. "Both of you are in a fragile state; so I hope you don't fall back into your crazy dependency with one another, and fall back into the same routine. Because I honestly think you two might actually improve each other, if you have some sort of self-awareness. But that'll be impossible to say to Loki still; he can still play the bitch when he wants to."

To be honest, Tony hadn't expected some sort of blessing from Bucky. Condemnation had seemed the more likely response to his presence in Loki's life; then again, things really weren't the same as they once were between them. They had both matured and could speak to one another like adults, while also managing to keep their emotions in check.

There were slip-ups, of course. Tony had a hard time keeping his hands to himself, and fell easily back to referring to Loki by pet names. But that didn't seem to invoke any sort of ire from him, and Loki too seemed to fall back into those old habits as well.

Unlike their previous relationship, both of them were slowly getting to know one another and throwing their dirty laundry out there. Although, Tony found it almost impossible to talk about Libya of yet; regardless of the fact that Loki had offered painful details of his life over several encounters readily.

"So this whole meet-up was to make sure we're both okay?"

"Our situations are different, Stark. But we both went through some very trying times; I'm not going to ask for details, as much as you haven't asked for details about Vietnam. I respect your privacy, but I know how it feels; it's traumatic and difficult to move past. You might never move past it, but at least you can have someone with you that'll be empathetic and listen to you, if you ever decide to talk about it. And Loki might be that person."

"Do you think?"

"Back then I used to have night terrors all the time. Once I had one while sharing a bed with Loki; he held me, calmed me down, and never brought it up again." Bucky smiled then. "You know, I never told anyone that before; not even the missus."

"I doubt she would have taken the information gracefully; seeing as she tried at one point to sleep with Loki, and her husband ended up doing the deed instead."

"In my defense, I was very cute when I was younger; better yet when I was in uniform."

"You're still fucking adorable." Tony reached out and lightly pinched his cheek. "Look at you all grown up now."

"I'm still older than you, you know." Bucky swatted away his hand, but good-naturedly all the same; before his mood switched back to somber. "I have to admit, I thought you died in that plane crash. But I'm glad that I was proven wrong; seeing as I think you're the only one on this planet that could make Loki happy again."

That sentiment briefly floored Tony. Many people had thought him dead, once his plane had been hijacked; hell, the majority of the world had thought he died. Rhodey was one of the few exceptions, and had somehow convinced his superiors to allow him and a few good men to search the wreckage site and the surrounding areas to look for him. And that too might have very well saved his life; after all, his suit of armor (dubbed Mark I) had all but exploded around him after he'd taken flight away from the carnage.

When he'd returned to civilization once more; everyone had told him how glad they were that he was alive. None had told him that they were glad he was alive for a particular reason, though. His life had meant something to someone, but they hadn't the gall to say why. Bucky, on the other hand, wasn't as sensitive and maybe that was a good thing.

"Trust me, that's the goal. I want to make Loki happy one way or another."

"Good; Loki's in good hands then. Just don't make me regret saying that, Stark; I might have to kill you. And Alexei the life destroyer still needs a father, even if he denies it." Bucky lifted his half-empty bottle in toast.

"To happiness," Tony lifted his glass. "And Alexei the life destroyer; may he continue to do his title justice."

"Trust me, he will."

"But more importantly, to Loki Laufeyson,"

"To Loki," Bucky clicked his bottle to Tony's glass, before they exchanged quiet chuckles.

Somehow Tony felt even more secure in his pursuit of Loki now; as if Bucky's blessing meant he was doing the right thing. And maybe that was a sign that he could take things a step further; maybe he should test the boundaries that he essentially erected to keep Loki close. His time was limited, after all; and perhaps it would be a move in the right direction.

Whatever he chose to do, though; Tony felt more confident and at ease than he had beforehand. At least someone out there thought he and Loki were good for one another, and that meant the world to him.


	24. Chapter Twenty-three :: No Invitation Necessary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be my last update until later next week (which means for all my stories). I'll be out of town attending Dragon*Con, so I won't have any computer access and I'll be fairly busy too. But if any of you are going, I'll be hanging around somewhere; you can always message me on Tumblr if you want to meet up and say hi. :)

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**Chapter Twenty-three :: No Invitation Necessary**

 

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Tony stood on the front step of the property that Loki supposedly inhabited. Happy had gotten turned around several times, before he found the address in Knightsbridge; although they had passed the home more than once. For whatever reason, Happy had been under the distinct impression that the property was much too pricey for a former rock star to be living in; especially if they hadn't had any further success since the early eighties.

Real estate within the area was rather extravagant, after all. Tony knew money when he saw it, and he couldn't deny he was a bit bowled over by the fact that Loki could afford to live on such a high scale. Certainly his architectural firm was a successful one, but that didn't mean Loki was making enough money to subsidize a lifestyle of this magnitude; unless, of course, he had been very cautious with his money from his music career.

Money issues hadn't been discussed between them beforehand. Not many young adults with rich fathers were interested in the status quo of rock star's earnings. And he learned that money was never a topic of discussion unless you intended on doing business with the individual in question. That only led to a substantial amount of issues, when there needn't be any.

Loki's earnings hadn't anything to do with him anyway. Even if he was intrigued by his living quarters, and inevitably what was in the inside of them. But he hadn't come all that way to discuss Loki's income; he had come to, once again, test the boundaries between them.

Taking in a much needed and calming breath in, Tony pressed the doorbell and waited; which proved only to reawaken previous doubts that he had had. He had agonized about the decision to visit Loki at home, since that could very well elicit unease between them again. Loki might not be very receptive to Tony's continuous need to violate his privacy; regardless of his good intentions either.

However, it was a gamble that he was willing to make; simply because time was beginning to slip away from him, and he feared once he returned to the States that his progress so far would become null and void. Once he was effectively out of sight, Loki might very well pull away from him again. And all his efforts would have been wasted; so it was inevitably crucial for him to poke and prod Loki in an attempt to establish something between them.

Moments ticked away very slowly as he waited. He felt compelled to ring the bell a second time, but chose to restrain himself. The property appeared to be rather expansive, so Loki might very well already be on his way; although the trek might take a bit of time. Which was a favorable thought, as opposed to Loki peering out a draped window and seeing it was him, and choosing instead to pretend as if he wasn't home; and that would undoubtedly be a reality check that Tony sorely wanted to avoid, ever since he'd gotten some positive reactions from Loki, no less his blessing from Bucky too.

Unease began to ebb its way up Tony's spine, but he remained rooted to the spot. He stuffed his gloved hands into his coat's pockets, and tried not to focus too much on the bitter chill in the air. It was already dusk and while it hadn't begun to snow of yet, the clouds in the sky threatened to blanket the city in another offering soon enough.

Just then the door slid open to reveal Loki, who looked in the midst of an identity crisis. From a quick glance, Tony noticed heavy black circles around Loki's eyes that made his irises pop brilliantly; whereas his attire was a mixture of business casual. But the door hid much of his body, almost as if it served as a protective shield from his prying eyes.

"Oh hey," Tony smiled, trying to maintain a laidback air.

"Have you taken up stalking in your pastime, Stark?" Loki returned, although without any true bite to his words.

"It's not stalking if it's public knowledge, Mr. Fenton."

"What do I owe the pleasure of your visit then?"

"Truthfully," Tony smiled wider out of nervousness. "I missed you; so why not drop by for a hello?"

Loki didn't readily reply, rather he continued to stare at Tony in a suspicious manner; which was stereotypical Loki behavior. He learned early on that Loki had a knack for running hot and cold, and while it could drive a normal person insane; Tony was insane enough to deal with it without too much difficulty.

The door gradually opened further, granting Tony permission to enter. Without a second thought, Tony crossed over the threshold and into the posh interior of Loki's home. It was beautifully designed too, highlighting many of the historical details of the home but without giving it an antique and old look. The foyer wasn't particularly large, but the overhead chandelier upped the extravagance level a tenfold and made up for the lack of space.

A narrow stairwell was several steps away, while to either side were entranceways to two separate rooms; one appeared to be a sitting room, and the other could have very well served as a study of some sort. But he wasn't given much time to observe either; Loki instead beckoned him towards the stairwell, before he mounted the steps two at a time.

Tony followed him without any objection. The ascent didn't take very long; within twenty seconds or less, they were on the second floor that opened up onto a living area and an open kitchen. Several pieces of clothing were strewn about; some had landed across the back of a cream colored davenport, while a pile had been constructed on a chaise lounge positioned in front of a large window with a stunning view of the neighborhood outside.

The space was exquisitely constructed, and drew Tony's eye every which way; although his attention had found its way to the white marble fireplace in the center of the room with a crackling fire in its hearth, and a large portrait that hung above it. He was frozen in place by the occupants of the photograph; of course, he shouldn't have expected anything less with all things considering, and yet it still pulled uncomfortably at his heart nonetheless.

Loki and Sif were captured in their formal attire, more specifically their wedding clothes; Sif had thrown her arms around Loki's neck, who then had hoisted her up so they could staring lovingly into one another's eyes. It felt far too intimate to stare at, but Tony couldn't turn his gaze away from it either.

"Does it make you that uncomfortable?" Loki suddenly spoke, which drew Tony back to the present.

"What does?"

"The photographic proof that I was married, of course,"

"No; why would it?"

"The expression on your face," Loki replied, but busied himself with picking up a leather jacket from the chaise lounge; before he scrounged through the rest of his clothing pile, seemingly in an attempt to avoid the conversation despite being the one who brought it up in the first place.

It was a difficult topic to converse about still. Tony didn't know how to discuss it without causing unrest between them, and they had finally gotten to a semi-comfortable place. He feared if he prodded Loki with questions that he might clam up again. After all, it was a delicate matter for a slew of reasons; many of which Tony found were very self-centered too.

His emotional duress was a secondary concern though, and while he tried to remain levelheaded and understanding about it; he found it to be a trying feat. Rather than venture further down that pathway, Tony instead stalked towards the couch and picked up the offending item that had been thrown across the back; which happened to be of a pair of trousers that probably would cease circulation if worn.

"What's with all the clothes?" He asked as casually as he could.

"Occupational venture,"

"So you're not going to bust out the white three-piece suit anymore?"

"It's no longer 1975 and I'm not thirty years old." Loki tossed aside the clothing he had in hand, before reaching for the back of his shirt and yanking it off with practiced ease. "Things are far differently in the musical arena than they were back then, Stark."

Tony couldn't so much as contest that observation for many reasons. For one, it was true; secondly it was hard to concentrate when seeing Loki shirtless after so long. Very little had changed on that front; Loki might have been a smidgen thinner than he had been, but otherwise he was in excellent shape. Sexy was a word that Tony would freely use too, even if he knew his thoughts should remain somewhat pure at this stage.

"That doesn't mean people aren't up for a shot of nostalgia, though."

"The nostalgic bit is the record that'll finally be released. But I intend on releasing a more updated sound, which will also need an updated look." Loki explained as he picked up a tee-shirt, and examined it. "Glam has died a horribly brutal death. Then it was resurrected by subpar musicians, who only ended up butchering it further. I'm not in the business of trying to revive it to its former glory."

"So what's the next big move; grunge rock Loki Laufeyson? Alternative, maybe," he closed the distance between him, until he could smell Loki.

Loki glimpsed at him, which was almost reminiscent of how he once looked at him. There wasn't any sort of cautiousness or even wariness; Loki looked at him, as if he was a welcome presence in his life and maybe there was a twinge of affection in that expression too.

"Where will the fun be in revealing my plans so soon, Little Stark?" Loki smirked, before pulling the tee-shirt over his head and disheveling his hair in the process.

Before he could even process what he was about to do, Tony's hand shot out and smoothed down Loki's hair; reveling for the briefest moment in its softness. Regardless of the fact, he felt something akin to panic build up in his chest like an air bubble; his hand lingered, when he peered at Loki to gauge his reaction to the sudden touch.

There wasn't any distinguishable emotion on Loki's face, though. But his eyes seemed livelier with something indescribable. For some reason, Tony wanted to believe it was satisfaction; as if he had been waiting for Tony to touch him again. Which made his eyes widen with a dawning realization, that he hoped wasn't true; simply because the considerable weight of it would have suffocated any normal human being.

"Friend to friend, when was the last time you went on a date?" Tony withdrew his hand then.

"What kind of question is that?"

"A harmless one; I mean you had to have been on dates after Sif, right?"

"Amelia, her name was Amelia." Loki emphasized with a spark of annoyance to his voice. "Thor called her that, due to Norse mythology. The goddess Sif was Thor's wife; Amelia was never Thor's wife. She was my wife. But I didn't call her Sigyn. And to answer your question – no, I haven't spent my time with any other woman; or even a man for that matter."

"You haven't been with anyone for almost fourteen years?"

"Didn't I just say as much?"

"Not even sexually? You haven't found someone to bring home for a night of mindless, anonymous sex?"

"I've been celibate for fourteen years. Does that answer satisfy you?" Loki practically snarled, obviously affronted by having to admit that out loud.

Tony, on the other hand, was hit by disbelief. Sex was an imperative part of his life; something that he needed fairly frequently to remain sane. Of course, he'd gone through his dry spells from time to time; but they never lasted beyond a few months. And it was his choice to abstain for a while; as he chose to abstain currently. But there was no way he could live fourteen years without the touch of another person; to be buried to the hilt in someone else's heat, and to come so intensely that his whole body shook from the sensation.

To go without such a luxury sounded like pure torture, especially when he took into account the passionate, vulgar moments that he and Loki shared in the past. He had photographic proof of how wildly uninhibited Loki had been. How he was comfortable with his body, and even more comfortable with receiving pleasure regardless of how it came to him.

The memory of that seared his brain, while simultaneously invoking an inappropriate response from his body currently. The last thing he needed was to become aroused; yet that hardly seemed to matter to his body, when his mind visualized how Loki had been spread out before him, gasping and moaning and writhing underneath his hands and his mouth.

"How are you not dead?" Tony blurted out, if only to stave away those tawdry thoughts.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, sexuality is natural. So going without any sexual touch seems like a punishment. Unless, of course, you took care of yourself; and as a very good friend, it would make me very happy to know that you did that at least. You know for your own well-being."

"Are you asking if I touched myself in fourteen years?" Loki asked in a deadpan voice.

The question hung in the air for several moments, until Tony mustered up the courage to nod. He should have steered the conversation elsewhere, rather than give Loki further ammunition to kick him out of his life. But the morbidly curious and perverse side of him wasn't as smart, but it was far more powerful and refused to be ignored.

Loki's eyes bore into his, as if he was attempting to throttle him with his mind. Thankfully, he didn't appear to possess such powers, because Tony remained very much alive and unharmed; although his level of discomfort was progressively becoming worse and worse. To the point, where he seriously thought about excusing himself and flagging down Happy to take him back to the safety of his tower.

"For being a well-documented genius, you oftentimes ask very stupid questions." Loki rolled his eyes then. "I'm a widower not a eunuch; I'm sure you can tell the difference between the two, but I'll be more than willing to explain it to you if I must."

Just like that, the tension dissipated into nothingness. Loki reached for the discarded leather jacket once more, and slipped it on; before he walked towards a decorative mirror mounted on the space between the living area and the kitchen. Leaving Tony to breathe, and laugh aloud at the absurdity of his own question.

"Someone once said there aren't any stupid questions, only stupid answers."

"They haven't met you, clearly."

"Well, here's a brilliantly smart question. When was the last time you masturbated? And can I watch you do it?"

"You'd have to pay for admission, and unfortunately for you my fee is astronomically high. Far beyond the means of a billionaire like yourself, I'm afraid."

"I'll show you mine, if you show me yours. That within itself is a good bargain."

"I've seen it beforehand, although I suppose it didn't leave much of an impression. Because for the life of me I cannot recall anything about it," Loki narrowed his eyes in thought, before giving Tony a cursory look. "Perhaps you weren't very impressive, after all."

Tony gasped in mock offense, hurrying across the room so he stood side-by-side with Loki. Within a matter of minutes, it felt like another barrier had crumbled in between them, and left them with a comfort level that had previously been lacking.

"How dare you! Might I remind you, you came a lot with my cock in some orifice of your body! Not to mention back then I was horribly inexperienced! So just imagine all the pleasures I could give you now; right now, I could make you come harder than you have in years! Drop trou, buddy; let me show you what daddy can do!"

"You are utterly insufferable." Loki enunciated each word, before he leaned down until they were nose to nose. "You'll have to do a better job at wooing me, if you intend to bed me, Little Stark."

"Is that an invitation?" Tony replied, suddenly losing the humor from his voice.

"Did you really need one?"

"No, no I didn't." He murmured, momentarily drowning in the green of Loki's eyes.

"No, no you did not." Loki half-smiled, but the implication was there nonetheless.

Maybe it wasn't written consent to woo Loki, yet he knew consent when he heard it. And he was undoubtedly given the opportunity to, at least, try and win Loki over in some capacity; which he wasn't about to blow, no matter what.


	25. Chapter Twenty-four :: Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame this on Bon Jovi's "Always".

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**Chapter Twenty-four :: Sweet Dreams**

 

* * *

 

The progression happened naturally. Tony couldn't say for certain how he and Loki begun to spend time with one another without any conscious effort to do so. It just happened without any explanation; although Tony didn't find a reason to complain about it. Not when watching Loki, as slyly as he could, seated in front of his baby grand piano.

The piano had been an impulse buy; one that could solely be blamed on Pepper, since she'd been in charge of the remodel. Neither he nor Pepper was piano players, but considerable wealth seemed to dictate unnecessary purchases such as this one. Tony, however, was pleased by having it now; due to the fact the penthouse was currently filled with beautiful music.

Loki had plopped down onto the bench twenty minutes earlier without any prompting whatsoever; and began to play an array of songs that ranged from very simplistic lullabies to classical pieces and inevitably his own compositions from years ago. That only captivated Tony's attention, and made it particularly hard to breathe; let alone to think properly when his deepest of desires had become a reality.

While he had hoped to hear Loki's musical abilities once more, Tony hadn't believed he would. He hadn't even expected to share Loki's company after their fall-out. So this was better than he could possibly imagine, and he didn't know why he'd been gifted with such an opportunity. He wasn't sure if he was worthy of it either.

Tony set aside his sketchpad that he'd been jotting concepts for JARVIS's casing on; one that he had yet to share with Loki, although he presumed that was a secondary concern for the two of them. And if it meant compromising his quality time with Loki, well he wasn't about to do that. Not when they could focus their attention elsewhere, especially if they were getting to know one another again.

"You'll soon be leaving." Loki said above the twinkling music created at his fingertips.

"Unfortunately so; then again, I'm kind of sick of freezing my balls off. Born New Yorker or not, I'd favor the California sun any day of the week."

"To each his own,"

"Don't tell me you like being cold." Tony shifted on the couch cushion underneath him, pleased that Loki deigned him with a precursory look; before his eyes returned to a spot ahead of him.

The music grew louder, slightly frantic and desperate; before it tapered off back into a soft, unassuming melody. But it only lasted for several more moments until it drew to a close, and Loki turned on the bench to fully face him with something akin to a smile on his lips.

"You can be so simple sometimes."

"Hey, I take offense to that. I'm completely complex; I mean no one could surpass you in that department sunshine, but still."

"No one said that simplicity was a bad thing." Loki shook his hands, and then furled them into fists. "Complexity is worse; I know because as you said, no one can surpass me in that department. It's nothing to be proud of either."

Tony mulled that statement over in his head. In a way he understood why being so complex wasn't flattering; specifically when it meant dealing with Loki in any capacity. However, there was a definite change between Loki in the seventies and Loki now; he still was horribly enigmatic but hardly as aggressive and vicious as he once was.

Of course, there were many things Tony had yet to learn about Loki still. Much of which was based in tragedy, which could be said about him too; and while they hadn't very much time left, Tony was determined to make the best of their time together nonetheless.

"But you can always lessen the complexity, you know." He arched an eyebrow. "We can always, you know, talk. And make everything that much more simple; only if you want to, that is."

"That's a matter of give and take, Little Stark."

"I'll tell you anything you want me to, babe." Tony couldn't help but smile, especially due to that familiar nickname.

That nickname had become more and more prevalent of late. While Loki had referred to him that way since they had become reacquainted; it had become more frequent. More often than not, Loki referred to Tony only as Little Stark; rather than reverting to the emotionless use of his surname instead.

Loki slid off the piano bench, approaching the couch in a way that could only be called seductive. Regardless of the fact, that Loki was in his fifties and a former abuser of psychedelic drugs; he was absolutely gorgeous still. His hips swayed with every step that he took, and drew Tony's eyes to them; and made him think of nefarious things that those hips could do, if only given the opportunity to do so.

Heat suddenly pooled in Tony's stomach; wanting nothing more to reach forward and grab Loki around the waist and toss him to the couch cushions, before smothering him with wet and demanding kisses. Tony wanted to taste him again, to whisper endearments against those kiss swollen lips, and roll his own hips against the narrow but attractive ones that brought him to this fantasy in the first place.

"Don't look at me that way." Loki joined him on the couch then, but much too far away for Tony's preferences. If he had it his way, Loki would practically be sitting in his lap; maybe grinding his ass against his groin.

"What way are you referring to?"

"That perverse way of yours,"

"Maybe if you stopped being so incredibly hot then I wouldn't look at you that way." Tony grinned, unable to hold back his laughter at the grim expression that fleeted across Loki's face.

It was always a gamble to vocalize his attraction to Loki; he really didn't know how he would react. But he was grateful that Loki's fiery temper had subsided some, and that he didn't reach out and slap him for daring to express his affection for him.

"You're going to have to try harder than that." Loki scoffed, as he angled his body towards Tony.

"I mean I'm great with words, but actions oftentimes speak louder than words."

"Try harder than that." Loki pointed at him, flicking his nose like he would with an unruly child. "I would have expected more from someone who is an apparent Casanova."

Before Loki could withdrawal his hand, Tony struck out and grasped him by the wrist. For the briefest of moments, it looked like Loki might actually hit him. Something unpleasant flashed across his face, although it evened out to a picture of nonchalance; which only fueled Tony's actions further.

Tony caressed the inside of Loki's wrist with his thumb, drawing small circles against his skin; and it was hard to ignore the slight tremor that Loki reacted with. It reminded him of how many years Loki had gone without any physical contact; as much as he went without sexual interaction, Tony had to assume that no one had been granted permission to touch him casually or otherwise. So a touch like this was momentous, especially since Loki didn't rip his wrist away and storm towards the lift in protest.

Gradually, all the while maintaining eye contact, Tony glided his fingers lower until he touched the width of Loki's palm. Regardless of the fact that they held hands beforehand, it had been Loki who had initiated the touch; so this was a continued gamble, and yet Tony couldn't stop himself from testing the waters. He continued to stroke his palm, and then traced his fingers along Loki's; that twitched ever-so-slightly from his touch.

Something shifted in Loki's eyes; a combination of guardedness and reluctance, but maybe a desire to entertain Tony's notion too. Except there wasn't an immediate response; Tony continued to stroke Loki's fingers, and furl his own around them. Until Loki returned the gesture, effectively hooking their hands together in a loose grip; which made Tony's heart leap to his throat, as if he were a prepubescent boy about to experience his very first kiss.

"I'd put up with the cold for you, you know." He blurted out, unable to look away from Loki's eyes. "I really don't want to leave, but duty calls. I have an expo to plan; the annual Stark Expo, and this coming year there's a lot to showcase."

"I'm not holding it against you."

"Of course, you wouldn't. I'm sure you really wouldn't miss me anyway. And I'm not saying that to be petty either."

"Why do you always minimize my feelings?" Loki furrowed his brow, squeezing his fingers gently. "You treat me as if I'm an emotionless monster."

Shakily Tony took in a deep breath, and looked away for a split-second; but he couldn't keep his eyes off of Loki for an extended period of time. Not when he finally had him in close vicinity; where he could lose himself in the brilliant green of his eyes, and that almost unnoticeable flicks of gold in them too.

"It would be easier if you felt nothing for me, that's why. Because maybe it wouldn't hurt too badly once I go back to Malibu." He admitted, before smiling his trademark fake smile; one he wore more often than not for the press.

"So you believe you can impact the world, Little Stark; but you couldn't impact me?" Loki asked.

"The rest of the world is easy to impress, babe. You're not like the rest of them; you're better."

"You have a very high opinion of me."

"That hasn't changed at all, obviously." He leaned in then, still maintaining that smile; although it threatened to fall away by how close they were now, and how much closer he wanted to be.

Even though he wanted to close the distance between them, Tony knew better than to try. Things were much too fresh to attempt anything that bold, or to press his luck too much. He needed to maintain some sort of finesse, even if he hated it and wanted to kiss Loki breathless instead; which only frustrated him further because he couldn't, he _wouldn't_.

"You aren't a child anymore, Little Stark." Loki leaned in further, until they were nose to nose. "I'm no better than you; there isn't a stage, an audience, separating us anymore. If anything is separating us, it's your legion of businessmen and the adoration of the media; seeing as you are a beloved headline."

"The only reason they stay around, the media, is to watch me fuck up again."

"You haven't, though."

"Not since Libya, no; but that doesn't mean it isn't possible." He dropped the smile, only to tilt his head to the side so he could continue to look into Loki's eyes. "To be honest, I'm surprised I haven't gone on a bender yet just to make the nightmares go away. It's easy to pretend I don't have any, though; regardless of the fact, they still wake me up at night."

Loki squeezed his fingers again, in a reassuring fashion. One that made him want to spill out every horrible detail, every little nuance that always had him on the edge of a panic attack. And god only knew that was exactly what he needed – someone he could confide in without any fear of being judged unnecessarily.

Of course, Tony knew that Pepper, Rhodey, or even Happy would have never been judgmental towards him. They were his closest of confidants and would always be there for him, if he needed them to be. But something held him back, and something still held him back; even though he wanted to tell Loki everything, and pour out his soul to him. Something wouldn't let him.

"You're stronger than that, Little Stark." Loki smiled then. "You're impossibly hardheaded, after all. I know that for a fact, because why else would you be here now? Not even a plane crash or captivity could kill you. Nightmares won't kill you either."

"Give me something good to dream of then." He whispered, unsure of what he wanted; if he really wanted anything at all.

Without any hesitation at all, Loki turned his head and nuzzled his cheek. The sensation temporarily stupefied Tony, but he couldn't stop his arm from hurriedly slinging itself around Loki's back and drawing him closer; dizzy from the contact, and the warmth that radiated off him, and the stench of tobacco and cologne too.

"Loki," he rasped into his hair, trying his damnedest not to pelt him with kisses; despite wanting to only do that and so much more.

"My Little Stark, you are so hopeless; so bloody hopeless and simple." Loki's free hand slowly snaked in between their bodies, before coming to rest on the hard, unforgiving casing of the arc reactor that jutted from Tony's chest.

Something akin to panic temporarily flooded Tony's senses, at the unfamiliar weight against the center of his chest; one that he could almost feel without even looking down, due to his hyper awareness when it came to the arc reactor. And yet he managed to stifle that hysteria, even when he was certain that Loki had grasped onto the corners of the reactor, and held onto it as if it were an anchor between them.

"You're going to kill me one of these days, Laufeyson." He tried to laugh, although it betrayed his unease rather apparently.

"Nothing could kill you, Little Stark; absolutely nothing." Loki returned with a hard edge of determination to his voice, before his hand crumbled away from his chest and landed on his side instead. "Now maybe you will have sweet dreams; at least for tonight."

Loki's mouth pressed against the apple of his cheek, while simultaneously squeezing his fingers once more; and filling Tony with a warmth that he had thought he'd never feel again. It was a feeling of contentment, one that he had only truly felt while in Loki's embrace, and it was an intoxicating thing. And he knew without any doubt in his mind, that he would find solace in that memory that evening when he went to bed.

"Sweet dreams, my Little Stark."


	26. Chapter Twenty-five :: Stupid But Smart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will wrap up the series the Ballad of Tony and Loki. The Man Who Sold the World has been scrapped; so this story might be a tad longer to compensate for it.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-five :: Stupid But Smart**

 

* * *

 

There weren't any proper goodbyes, tearful embraces, and declarations of undying love. Tony didn't receive any sort of fanfare as he departed London; the only sort of goodbye he'd gotten was a fleeting telephone call from Gwen Stacy, who had wished him a safe trip home. Otherwise, his departure had all but been ignored; as if it didn't matter to anyone at all. But more specifically, it didn't matter to Loki.

Tony knew once he was out of arm's reach, that Loki would all but dismiss him. That the progress they had slowly built between them would inevitably become null and void; and he wasn't very far from the truth either. While he was now in possession of Loki's personal telephone number, it felt like a hollow victory. Because he really wasn't to the point where he could call without any wariness on Loki's behalf, and he suspected Loki had only given him his number to placate him in some way.

It was a difficult pill to swallow, but one he had to swallow nonetheless. At least for a couple of weeks, Tony had been able to believe that things had finally shifted in his favor in terms of Loki. And now he had to accept that he couldn't recapture the passion that they once shared. Life had made sure of that and Loki reinforced it too.

As much as he preferred not to wallow in the past, it was practically impossible not to; especially while on a nonstop flight from London to Malibu. He had a solid twelve hours to reflect on every word and every action that transpired between him and Loki during his stay in London; which was only followed by a continuous loop of his childish hissy fit during the seventies.

No matter how many times Tony had beaten himself up over his behavior back then; it never proved to be enough. He was never satisfied by the many unsavory names he called himself, or how frequently he dissected his behavior and tried to find some justification in his actions. After all, nothing could have excused his reaction back then; not even a dead homophobic father.

It was hardly productive to repeat such pointless lamenting. So it was a god send, once the private jet touched down in Malibu and he was greeted by the sunny weather. He could almost pretend as if his life hadn't been turned upside down by Loki once again; even if that was a colossal lie.

Faking his way through life was easy for Tony, though. He'd been bred to please the media, whenever he was of sound mind to do so. He could slap on a stupid smile, trade barbs with dignitaries, celebrities, and paparazzi alike; and pretend that everything was hunky-dory, and that he wasn't slowly dying on the inside. That Libya wasn't a constant shadow over him or the fact that his love life was effectively in shambles either.

That was precisely why, it was so easy to greet Rhodey as if he'd come back from the best holiday of his life. He really was happy to see Rhodey after several months, and was pleased that he decided to camp out at his mansion until he returned. But the weight of Loki's potential rejection weighed heavily on him still.

"Rhodey, long time no see." He announced, as he pulled off his designer sunglasses, and opened his arms for a brotherly embrace; once he'd stepped into the living room. "How was Turkey?"

"I imagine as it always is." Rhodey replied, before hugging him briefly. "But how was London?"

Once Tony pulled away, he felt his smile waver; struck by the emptiness in his body that Loki seemed to have left behind, although that emptiness only seemed to have grown even more after they'd become reacquainted and friendly to an extent.

Rhodey furrowed his brow, no doubt picking up on that brief moment of weakness. Then again, Tony found it difficult to mask many of his troubles from his best friend. He tried valiantly, though; he wore several faces of differing degrees of emotion. But Rhodey always seemed to have a good hold on his emotional range nonetheless.

"I found him, Rhodey. I found Loki." He smiled thinly.

"Is that why you were in London for weeks on end?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"No, not really," Rhodey admitted with a sigh. "So how did it go?"

It was difficult to describe those couple of weeks; they had been a roller coaster ride. There were plenty of highs, but there were far more lows. The greatest low being the discovery of Sif's death, while the greatest high had been the many simple moments he had shared with Loki; and the friendly physical gestures they had exchanged really had sustained him.

Now, however, it was just a bittersweet memory. One of many that he now had of Loki, which made it practically impossible to be optimistic; regardless of wanting to be and hoping that maybe they could maintain the progress that they had made. And yet, he knew it was a pipe dream.

Things couldn't be sustained with so many miles between them. Tony couldn't reach Loki across a whole continent; unless, of course, he telephoned him and that was such an impersonal way to keep things going between them. He needed to be there, to touch him, to remind him of what they could have; friendship or otherwise.

"Good and bad, I guess." He said slowly, before he plopped down onto the leather sofa. "But any progress that I made doesn't count now."

"Why's that?" Rhodey followed him to the sofa, but took a seat on the other end.

"Rhodey he's always been fickle. Twenty years hasn't changed how temperamental he is; so while I did get him in a good spot, I had to come back here for work. So it was probably a waste of time."

"No, it wasn't."

"I think I'm a better judge of that, Rhodey. I was there, after all."

"And you have a skewed perspective about it too." Rhodey crossed his arms, and shot him a critical look; one that dissected him to the very core. "I think you've built Loki Laufeyson into some sort of idol to be worshiped; you know, instead of realizing he's only a human being. And maybe that's why you think you don't have an impact on him, because he's some kind of deity while you're some insignificant little ant in comparison; which, for the record, you aren't."

"You don't know him like I do."

"Quite frankly, I never want to know him to the extent that you do. But that doesn't make your perspective any less skewed. If anything that only compromises it further. Since you've clearly set him up onto a pedestal and refer to him as the one that got away. So yes, you know him better; while by the same token, you see him through rose-tinted glasses."

"Okay, then you tell me, from the limited information that you have, what the hell is going on between us." Tony twisted to face his best friend better; all the while trying to keep a cap on his irritation.

Even when he tried to keep his emotions in check when it involved Loki, Tony found that he was slowly falling back into his old ways. While they were hardly as bad as they were when he was a crazy twenty-something year old; it wasn't a very flattering response still.

"I don't need to know all the details; you're oozing of the most important information." Rhodey smiled then. "And you've already given me enough information to draw to a conclusion; a simple conclusion, really."

"That being 'o wise one?"

"Clearly there's an emotional attachment still. But not only on your part, Tony; there's one on Loki's end too. And it's pretty easy to see it; why else would he even entertain seeing you otherwise?"

"Because," Tony shot out lamely, although nothing came to the forefront of his mind.

Initially, the only way Tony could get Loki's attention was by surprise attacks. He had to forcefully insert himself into Loki's world, even if he was an unwelcome presence. That changed as time went along, though; especially at the end. Loki almost welcomed his company; he even cropped up at his penthouse more than once without an invitation.

They had somehow established a comfort level between one another. One that included hand holding and leaning into one another until they could feel one another's breaths on their skin; and then there had been the hug. It had only happened that one time (by Loki's insistence anyway); where they melded together into what felt like one entity, as if nothing had changed at all between them.

Loki had even grasped onto the arc reactor, and while Tony panicked by the bold motion; he hadn't thrashed away and distanced himself considerably, which really spoke volumes. Tony trusted Loki and while he'd never be comfortable with anyone latching onto the arc reactor (because who really would?); he could ease into it somewhat without screaming and fleeing from the room.

"Come up with anything yet?" Rhodey piped up, sounding uncannily smug.

"Fine, you got me. I can't think of why Loki would entertain me, unless he actually had an emotional attachment to me. Happy now,"

"Why on earth would that make me happy? Shouldn't that make _you_ happy?"

"There's more to it than that. There's a shit more than that."

"Well, I came here to check in with you. So you might as well spill your guts, seeing I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"For one, he'd gotten married and I'm pretty sure I told you about that girl named Sif." Tony swallowed hard around those words; hating the past tense in which he said them.

Rhodey nodded in confirmation, but seemed contented to not interrupt Tony's dialogue; which was strangely disquieting. Mostly because Tony found he had a predilection for enjoying the sound of his own voice. And he loved to prattle on whenever the occasion arose, which was more often than not. So for him not to want to hear himself speak was odd, to say the least.

"They got married and were apparently happily married. I mean they had to be with all things considering." He muttered, turning his eyes elsewhere. "Well, they got married a few months after everything happened between me and Loki. And they stayed married for a couple of years, before Sif died in a car crash. Worse yet, Loki was behind the wheel when it happened and was pinned into the car, and had to watch her die; which he's never gotten over."

"Understandable, obviously,"

"Yeah, well that's when he went underground. He quit music and became an architect; the same architect that worked on the penthouse. But even more importantly, he's been hung up on Sif for almost fifteen years now."

"So that's why you have reservations."

"Wouldn't you?" Tony pinned him with a hopeless look. "I mean we got close; we even hugged more than once. The first by my insistence, but we _really_ hugged a few days before I left."

He looked away again, although he really didn't see anything at all. His mind was filled with pictures of Loki and how he looked the final day that he saw him. Loki had been wearing his glasses again and had partially pulled back his hair, which contrasted his navy blue oxford and suit trousers oddly. It had looked as if Loki Laufeyson had melded with William Fenton into a weirdly attractive hybrid.

Their exchange had been a brief one; Loki had some sort of conference to attend, and Tony had caught him in the middle of prepping for it. So there hadn't been any chance for a hug or a hand squeeze for that matter; which left Tony wanting physical contact without any relief whatsoever.

"You can be so stupid, regardless of being so smart." Rhodey suddenly chuckled.

"Hey, I take offense on two counts. I am not stupid and I'm not smart either. I'm a genius; there's a total difference."

"A stupid genius, that's an oxymoron."

"Make your point, before I throw you out of my house."

"Fine, I will." Rhodey shifted in his seat, sitting up straighter. "Tony, he obviously harbors feelings for you; not just some simple friendly attachment either. He wouldn't entertain you for that long, if he was completely passive towards you. In all actuality, he probably was unearthing some of the same feelings he had for you back then."

Something heavy settled on Tony's chest by those words, although it wasn't a bad sort of heavy. It was a good kind, maybe a filling kind of heavy; as if the hollowness that seemed to reside in his heart, in the gaping hole that was dug into his chest cavity, was filling up with warmth. And not the warmth of the arc reactor either.

"Don't say stuff like that."

"Why not; isn't that what you want to hear?"

"I do and that's the problem." He couldn't suppress the smile that slowly slid across his lips. "Because I'll hop back on my private jet and go back to him. And Pepper would kill me, since I'm here to work and plan the Stark Expo."

"Like I said, for being so smart you are stupid." Rhodey rolled his eyes. "Handle any pressing matters you have happening here within the next week or so. And then transfer the rest of the work back to London; I'm sure your board of directors won't be _that_ put off, especially if you are working. You know, unlike all those times in the past when you were just procrastinating."

"Rhodey, you beautiful man, you,"

"I'm going to order a pizza and it'll be on you. Since I've single-handedly solved your romantic drama within a ten minute period of time,"

"Remind me again, why I don't listen to you more often?"

"Like I said – you are stupid even though you're smart."

"That definitely sounds like me." Tony grinned widely, before hopping off the couch. "I'm going to freshen up while you order that pizza. And I also have an important phone call to make; to a one Loki Laufeyson."

"Can I call you Tony Laufeyson from now on?"

"It does have a ring to it, doesn't it?" He laughed then as he hurried towards the stairwell at the back of the room; suddenly energetic and filled with a lot more optimism than he ever thought was possible in his position. Because now he was convinced that Loki did have feelings for him, and it only took an outsider to make him see the forest through the trees.


	27. Chapter Twenty-six :: Make It Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're on the road to completion; I feel like we're in the middle right now, and slowly ebbing our way to the finale.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-six :: Make It Happen**

 

* * *

 

"That is out of the question." Pepper glowered at him through the video screen; a pillar of what a shrewd businesswoman, who wasn't about to let her company owner drive their contracts into the ground, should be.

"Jesus Christ, Pepper; I'm not asking for much." Tony argued, although he was beyond exasperated at this point.

"Oh, you don't say. Because I think you're asking for quite a bit, by even going to the board of directors and your shareholders with the harebrained idea of moving Stark Expo from New York to London on such short notice. Especially when we don't even have a designated spot to hold it, which takes at least a good year and a half to set up; if you didn't already know that,"

"I trust in your abilities to get it done, though."

"This isn't about my effectiveness, Tony. This is about your flippancy and irresponsibility." She seethed, already turning a lovely shade of red.

Of course, Tony knew she wasn't about to react favorably to his brilliant idea to move the expo from point A to point B. But he couldn't help but at least ask about it. And he knew Pepper could easily procure a fitting venue to hold it in.

They might have to reel in some of the celebratory atmosphere; axe the fireworks and can-can dancers, and make it a more demure affair based around the arc reactor technology. That was the point of the expo anyway; it was meant to showcase Stark Industries technology advancements, although it had evolved into an over the top event over the years.

"I know I've thrown you a curve ball here-"

"A curve ball, _a curve ball_ ," Pepper said shrilly. "This isn't a curve ball, Tony! You're asking to move a huge event months before the fact! And I know it has nothing to do with your interest in swaying European investors to your cause either!"

"Cool it, Pep." He held up his hands in a placating way. "Might I remind you, you gave me your blessing."

"I gave you my blessing to pursue a relationship with the guy. I didn't give you my blessing to uproot the expo, move it to London, so you could do that! And quite frankly, I don't think you're going to be very successful in doing the former either!"

"Ouch, that kind of hurt,"

"Stop it, Tony; just stop it." Pepper demanded, putting on her no-nonsense face. "You are being ridiculous; whether or not you want to hear that is irrelevant. You cannot move the expo to London; there are too many reasons why it's improbable, which I'm sure you don't want me to fire off right now or ever."

Tony couldn't help but roll his eyes; he certainly hadn't expected Pepper to roll over and go along with his decision, but he hadn't expected the sheer amount of venom in her voice either. Without a doubt, she had a point; she was a businesswoman, a successful one at that, and she knew what she was talking about.

Everything boiled down to figures and permits and legalities. It would take a lot of time and energy to accomplish everything within a short period of time, yet he knew it was possible. Pepper would be able to pull it off for him; no less her trusted group of professionals that she kept at arm's length. It was just a matter of getting it done.

"I understand what you'll have to do to pull this off. But I'm confident that you can do it."

"And I'm telling you no!"

"Technically, you work for me so if I want my expo relocated; it's your job to make it happen."

"That might be true, but you hired me for one reason and one reason only – my competence." She argued. "You handed over the position to me, because you knew I would do everything within my power to ensure Stark Industries would be successful and well taken care of. And that's exactly what I'm doing, Tony. It's also the reason why I will not uproot the expo, especially since it's only to further your personal life."

Unhappy laughter bubbled up in Tony's throat; he couldn't contain it even if he wanted to. What made it worse was that he knew she had a point; a very solid and impenetrable point. He had put her in the CEO position because she was competent, and could always wrangle in his spontaneity. Pepper was the perfect person for the job because she could tell him no, even when he didn't want to hear it.

There were too many yes men already on his payroll, so he had chosen someone to overrule them all. Someone who he could trust to have his best interest at heart, which she inevitably did have; no one else would have so boldly told him no. Instead, he would have had yes men already trying to find a location for the expo and probably striking up deals with anyone and everyone within reach by now.

Pepper hadn't even made a move to pick up her telephone, though. She chose to stare him down, as if her fiery glare would somehow change his mind. But while Pepper could tell him no, Tony wasn't about to take it lying down.

"Make it happen; you have six months." He said stonily.

"Are you high?"

"What?"

"Are you high, Tony?" Pepper enunciated, while she leaned into the screen. "Because there isn't any other explanation for this, aside from the fact that you have gone temporarily insane; which I suppose is very feasible with your behavior of late."

Tony shot her a warning look, one he reserved only for underhanded businessmen who oftentimes thought they could fuck him over. Although, Pepper didn't back down; not even an inch. She remained too close to the screen in a challenge; daring him to repeat himself.

"I'm sober as ever, Pepper. My sanity's intact too. So when I say make it happen, I expect you to make it happen. And I highly doubt you want me to go behind your back to the board of directors and tell them I'll be moving the expo myself without my CEO's consent. Because how would that look for the company if they found out there's so much discord between us?"

It was a dirty tactic, he knew. But he wasn't above playing dirty if he had to; not when he had the end goal in mind. Which was technically selfish, and yet Tony couldn't bring himself to care very much; even when he spent so many years being selfish already.

The company had suffered somewhat, when he had gone on benders and binges. The negative media attention had a way of affecting the numbers, more than he had initially thought. Yet Obie had forced him to study spreadsheets for hours, during a very bad hangover, and explained to him what his outrageous behavior had done in terms of the annual report; which currently left a very bad taste in his mouth.

He didn't like to think of Obie, not after what transpired between them. In fact, his name was forbidden to be spoken in front of him in general. No one dared to say it, and quite frankly no one really cared to either.

"Why are you pushing this so hard, Tony?" Pepper bit out, obviously incensed by his gall.

"You know why, _Virginia_." He leaned into the screen too, as if to put them on even ground. "I know it's selfish and pigheaded of me, but I have to do this or nothing at all. Either I work on the expo and the arc reactor technology in London or not. Because I plan on flying back within the next week or two, and you can't stop me from doing it."

Frustration marred Pepper's face, which had become a commonplace occurrence. Tony had seen that expression too many times to be offended by it. He had caused it more often than not, so he'd grown used to it and knew it was only the catalyst to a very angry tirade.

"You are willing to put the company at risk for your love life?"

"This will not put the company at risk; you're being overdramatic. What this will do is open Stark Industries up for further overseas business. And we did just renovate the London headquarters, so it'll just reinforce the fact that we're ready and willing to do business with the European market." He said smoothly, before leaning back in his seat. "Foreign investors will get the first look at the arc reactor technology at its best, and the domestic market will be scrambling for it too. Because the good 'ol US of A can't be outdone by their European counterparts."

"But in all actuality, you're doing this for your love life."

"Which no one needs to know about, since it doesn't concern them. Quite frankly, it doesn't concern you either, Pepper."

"Actually it does concern me, especially when you pull this on me." She narrowed her eyes, but some of the fight seemed to have drained out of her.

Tony knew he had convinced her, even if begrudgingly so. Of course, it would drive many people in the ground by how much they had to accomplish in so little time; and it would honestly stress Pepper beyond belief. But Tony swore he would make it up to her; he'd hike her pay, regardless of her protests about the budget; and he would make sure she got a very long vacation on a private island. Hell, he'd buy her her own private island if it meant things worked out accordingly between him and Loki.

"Well, I'll make you the best maid of honor or best gal at my wedding. Whatever they call that."

"Tony, this serious; I'm being serious."

"What do you want me to do, Pepper?" He asked, all pretense of good humor melting out of his voice. "I have an opportunity to be with him in some capacity. He hasn't turned me away; hell, I think he might even like me a little bit more than he did twenty years ago. And I mean that as a person; he likes my personality and maybe my wit. It isn't physical at all like how it was back then."

Pepper shot him a skeptical look, but didn't say anything unsavory. Something told him that there were still some hurt feelings between them based on what happened back then. Tony couldn't hold it against her; not when he was still carrying around the old wounds from what had happened between him and Loki.

While they never actively spoke of it, not beyond a few choice words a year after they had initially broken up, Tony suspected that Pepper hadn't exactly forgiven him for humiliating her. Except they'd been through far too much to dwell on that; and she hadn't begrudged him the opportunity to try and carry on a relationship with Loki either.

"I want you to be happy, Tony. That's why I _won't_ fight you tooth and nail over this." She pointed at the screen then. "You might have a point about foreign investors, but don't think for one second I'll give in again to your harebrained ideas. Especially when this will potentially cost the company millions and cause unneeded stress on everyone involved, aside from you."

"Send all the paperwork you want to me, honey. I might as well pick up a lot of the slack myself." He couldn't help but smile. "And I'm sure you could find me a nice workshop to work on my projects on over there too."

"Despite your hissy fit about Mr. Fenton-"

"Loki-"

" _Loki_ not working on your workshop, I already got construction underway. You'll at least have some space to work on projects. But it won't be nice as what you currently have in Malibu or even New York."

"So long as I have a work space, I'm happy. I was getting sick and tired of sitting on the couch and tinkering with things."

"Whose fault is that?"

"I love you too, Pepper." He snorted softly, before giving her a serious look. "I mean it; you're the best."

Pepper's face softened for a split-second, although her no-nonsense expression immediately slid back into place. He admired that about her; sometimes he thought she had a better poker face than he did, and her power to pretend like everything was fine in the world easily surpassed his own abilities. And that was admirable, since he was the master of wearing a happy face even when he felt like he was dying on the inside.

"Don't make me regret this, Tony. Or you'll regret it in the end; got it?"

"Loud and clear, honey."

"Don't call me that; people will talk."

"Let them."

"Loki might hear it."

"Okay, boss lady; I get it."

"You'll get your paperwork by tomorrow. And I expect to have it faxed here before you come back." Pepper pointed at him again, before she reached over to the monitor to end the call. "Be good."

"Yes, ma'am," he saluted her just as the monitor went black.

He grinned stupidly to himself then; pleased by his power of persuasion, regardless of the headache that was bound to hit him alongside all the paperwork, and the inevitable meetings he would be forced to attend thanks to his decision to move the expo out of the country. But he knew it would all be worth it in the end, once he saw Loki again; which was all that really mattered to him anyway.


	28. Chapter Twenty-seven :: Dream of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up enjoying writing this chapter; I think it's a pivotal one in the progression of Tony and Loki's relationship.

* * *

 

**Chapter Twenty-seven :: Dream of Me**

 

* * *

 

He could taste the coppery undertone of blood on his tongue, and felt grainy particles of sand between his teeth. Every part of his body hurt and ached, but those sensations were almost pleasant compared to the excruciating pain in his chest. The kind of pain that should have preceded death, due to the sheer level of agony that threatened his sanity and caused his body to writhe of its own volition; he moaned in a hoarse and childish way, and he was positive in the belief that this was truly the end.

But as quickly as the pain enveloped him, it disappeared; leaving behind nothing more than blackness and coldness that squirmed its way behind his eyelids and underneath his skin. He gave into the nothingness, the absence of being, and floated ethereally through the abyss; glad that he couldn't feel the pain anymore, even though he suspected it was only a brief reprieve.

The pain was bound to come back, he knew that almost instinctively; as if it were at the edge of his consciousness. And oddly enough, that's when it decided to make its presence known again; pulling and dragging him out of the darkness and back into the flare of pain that seared his whole body. Except this time around it wasn't as intense; it was more like a dull thud that pounded through him from head to toe.

His eyes warily opened onto a pressing blackness, illuminated by an ugly yellow light somewhere out of sight. That's when he knew, unequivocally, that he was in the very same-

"You're finally awake." A familiar voice said, before an even more familiar face loomed above him; one that he hadn't forgotten down to the smallest of details.

Ho Yinsen hovered above him, thin with hollowed cheeks, and wearing wire-rimmed eyeglasses. He neither smiled nor frowned; the picture of neutrality in a dire situation, which Tony would have admired if it wasn't for the sudden realization that everything had been a dream. Every beautiful moment of freedom had been conjured up in his delusional mind, in hopes of escaping the reality of the matter.

He was somewhere in Libya, after his private jet had been hijacked and had crashed. That he was in some dingy, nondescript cave and was attached to a car battery. He had never gotten out; he had never escaped, and he was _still_ attached to a car fucking battery.

"Loki," he rasped out, as if it were a call to the actual god instead of the raven-haired man he'd once known.

"You've been calling that name a lot, Mr. Stark." Yinsen offered him a sympathetic look. "Unfortunately, I don't believe Norse deities are about to help you; no less the god of mischief."

"Not the god, no." Tony moaned, before his fingers found the wires that ran from the magnet in his chest to the car battery beside him. "Loki Laufeyson, not a god."

There was a moment of silence, heavy and suffocating; it was even more terrifying than the darkness of the cave and the chilly air that filled it. Yinsen arched an eyebrow in thought, before he seemed to understand what he had hoped to convey. But Tony couldn't be certain if someone like Yinsen knew what, or more precisely who, he was talking about.

"Wasn't he a popular singer in the seventies?"

"Yes, that's him. He's my, he's my…"

"He's your…?"

"I don't know." Tony admitted and felt a renewed pain in his chest, that hadn't anything to do with the shrapnel lodged too close to his heart.

He honestly couldn't say what Loki was to him, especially once he realized the reunion had been a fever dream; a delusion that he sorely wanted to believe that was real. So in present time, he hadn't seen Loki for eighteen years; hadn't spoken to him or touched him or felt the familiar warmth envelope him while simply being in his presence. That had all been a lie; every moment of it.

Hysteria suddenly clawed at him; dug its unforgiving nails into his psyche, and threatened to tear him apart. Everything had been lie; every step of progress was all for naught. He was slowly dying a painful death, only kept alive by Yinsen's expertise, and Loki was thousands of leagues away; unaware and uncaring that he was taken hostage and mortally injured.

"I don't know." He repeated in a hollow way, regardless of the fact that his mind was in shambles. "He's no one; nothing. He never was."

Yinsen pressed a heavy hand to his forehead then, seemingly satisfied with the motion within a five second span. But he didn't step out of Tony's view, as if he was worried that he might actually fall apart without an anchor to keep him grounded. And Tony supposed that wouldn't be that far from the truth either, once he took in account the elaborately beautiful dream he had had.

"You aren't feverish anymore, but you are undoubtedly dehydrated."

"I had a dream; a wild and crazy dream, Yinsen."

"Tell me your dream, Mr. Stark."

"It was bad and it was good." He croaked, still touching the wires that connected him to his life force. "You helped me build this suit; kind of like a suit of armor but brought up to the twentieth century's standards. It had weapons and enough fire power to get us out of this shit hole, which it did. But you didn't make it; somehow I did and I really didn't deserve to. It should have been you not me."

"But what about your Loki?" Yinsen asked gently.

"What about him?"

"If you hadn't gotten out of here alive, what would have happened to him?"

"I don't know; he's fine, Yinsen. We're the ones in trouble here. I'm hooked up to a car battery for Christ's sake!" Tony allowed some of the hysteria to touch his voice, while tugging on the wires connecting him to the aforementioned car battery. "And we're both being held captive by a bunch of terrorists! I think that takes precedent over how Loki's doing!"

Just as those words left his lips, Tony heard the sound of many voices; all rapidly speaking in a language he was unfamiliar in, and drawing closer and closer. He knew what those voices meant; he always knew what they meant, and that was that they were coming for him in their aggressive attempts to make him build weapons for them. And every time he refused, Tony experienced another torture method and another trauma that haunted his mind.

Jerkily he sat up and wrapped an arm around the car battery; unprepared for the door to open, despite the fact he knew it was about to happen. He found that he was never prepared for it; no matter how many times he wore a nonchalant expression on his face, or when he and Yinsen exchanged subtle barbs about their captors. He was always anxious and terrified, and for good reason.

The door pushed open and the same stocky, cold-eyed men marched in one by one. There seemed to be more than he remembered there to be; almost duplicates of the same person. They filled the space until one, the original it would seem, grabbed him and almost sent him careening to the floor; since his arms had protectively held onto the car battery for dear life.

The man spat something hatefully at him, but it didn't compute at all. Regardless of remaining in captivity for so long, Tony had yet to grasp the language. Or maybe he had unconsciously chosen not to; preferring the honeyed words Yinsen might be feeding him instead.

"Too bad he was very talented." Yinsen translated abruptly, which only served to befuddle him further than he already was.

"What? Who?"

"Your Loki, of course."

"What does this have anything to do with Loki?" Tony tried to stay on his feet, even as he was being dragged away. "What do you mean? Tell me!"

"Everything has to do with your Loki, Mr. Stark; absolutely everything." Yinsen nodded slowly, almost forlornly as Tony was jerked away and almost taken off his feet.

"What about him? What about Loki?" He cried out desperately, and felt true terror overwhelm him. "What about Loki?"

Without any warning whatsoever, his whole body convulsed and jerked forward. A yell escaped him before he could suppress it; loud and horrified which echoed off his bedroom walls. Cold sweat covered his body, running down his naked back to the waistband of his boxer briefs and made the freshly laundered linens stick to his skin.

Tony lifted his hand to grasp onto the arc reactor, which glowed comfortingly in the dark. But that gesture did very little to calm his pulse or to chase away the nightmare; not many things could comfort him beyond the light of day, and that seemed to be several hours in the making still.

"Loki," he suddenly said, as if he was picking up the conversation that the nightmare had left off on.

Just the sound of Loki's name seemed to reinforce the unknown terrors that awaited him by those many cold-eyed men. And that made his whole body tremble in fear, even though he was almost certain that he was rooted in reality and not a dream within a dream. Or at least, he had to believe that was the case, lest he lose his mind completely.

"JARVIS, do me a favor buddy."

_"Anything for you, sir,"_ His AI replied within a split-second.

"Call Loki, okay." He commanded, before he begun to take in several steady breaths; almost deaf to the affirmative of his AI and the eventual drone of the connection coming to life throughout the expanse of his master suite.

It felt like a small eternity that the phone continued to ring, and the still paranoid side of Tony was convinced that maybe he hadn't reacquainted himself with Loki again at all. Maybe he had fallen prey to a delusional episode, which was gnawing holes in his sanity. And that only sent another panic-addled reaction through his body.

Reality and fantasy were indiscernible all of the sudden to him. They practically melded into an alternate universe; where everything had been turned upside down, and rattled him to his very bones. But as quickly as he was certain that he'd remain in limbo for the foreseeable future, something drew him back to the present and hopefully to reality too.

"Hello?" Loki's voice cut through Tony's panic, and left him temporarily speechless.

More than even that, Tony felt an enormous wave of relief roll over him; which also opened up a well of emotion that he had been so good at hiding from the world. Whenever he found himself experiencing nightmares about Libya, he always shielded the people around him from the trauma he inevitably felt. It was a well-hidden secret; but he couldn't hide it now nor the emotion that quickly overwhelmed him.

"Baby; baby it's me." He choked out, as his hand clutched protectively around the arc reactor. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have called you that."

"Stark, what's wrong?" Loki asked.

"God, I don't know. I'm a fucking idiot that's what, but you would know that by now."

"Did something happen to you?"

"I had a dream, a bad one; it was about Libya again." He rambled, seemingly unable to stop himself from exclaiming as much. "I thought I was in that cave again; I was certain of it, and that everything else had been a dream instead, you know. And it felt so real; I saw Yinsen again and we talked, talked about you."

"Who is Yinsen, Anthony?"

"We were, he was, _fuck_."

"You don't have to tell me, Anthony. You need to calm down, though."

"He was taken captive too; he was a doctor and he was the one who saved my life. When my plane went down, some shrapnel worked its way into my chest and almost into my heart. But Yinsen saved me; hooked me up to a car battery – long story short, he kept the shrapnel from puncturing my heart. And now I have this thing in my chest called an arc reactor that does the job for me." He spat out the words without any thought whatsoever. "That doesn't matter, though! Yinsen died when we escaped, when _I_ escaped, and fuck I dreamt of him and we talked about you; before those lowly terrorist bastards came to take me away like they always did and demand I build them weapons. And I always refused them and when I did they'd…they'd…"

Suddenly words failed Tony entirely. He was speechless and worn and tired and emotional beyond belief. Without his consent, tears pooled in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks; followed by hoarse and humiliatingly loud sobs that made his shoulders shake. He was consumed by the horror of his captivity and the horror of losing Yinsen; the only other person who would understand those three months of hell.

It was like it had barely happened; the nightmare was that vivid, that it was hard to believe it happened two years beforehand. And all his emotions felt justified; felt like they deserved to come out, despite the humiliation he felt. He'd never shown the extent of his pain to anyone; he refused to, but now he couldn't reel it in.

Sobs wracked his whole body; he was blinded by hot tears, and gripped by fear, regret, and guilt. Guilt because he couldn't save Yinsen, and that he survived that hell after all the bad he'd done. He really, truly didn't deserve a second chance; not when he wasted so much time, drowning himself in a bottle, and losing himself between a pair of firm thighs wherever he could find them.

Yinsen had deserved to live; he should have been the one in the suit. Tony should have insisted on that, but he had always been selfish and that had cost a man his life. Even if Yinsen had given him his blessing, it wasn't right; it would never be right.

"Hush, my Little Stark." Loki spoke again in a soothing but firm voice. "It's okay, you'll be all right; you always end up on your feet."

"No, you're wrong!" He managed to say, before he fell victim to uncontrollable, pathetic sobs once more.

Softly almost indiscernibly so, several words strung together across the phone line; as if Loki wasn't quite sure what he was doing exactly. Tony's sobs tapered off a bit, once he realized that Loki was indeed singing but without any of the conviction that he was known for. Even the last time in his office, Loki had sounded so self-assured; yet he was holding back now.

The hesitancy remained for several more lyrics, until some strength came to Loki's voice; which sent chills up Tony's spine, and drew his emotional outburst into dormancy. And that permitted him to hear the song that Loki had chosen to sing and the shocking beauty that it was sung with; albeit Tony couldn't pinpoint its origins, despite knowing he had heard it not so long ago.

Tony glimpsed blearily up at the ceiling, where the speakers were situated, and found some peculiar comfort in it. His nightmare slowly slid away from the forefront of his mind, replaced by the gentle and lush song that came from Loki's lips; which seemed to lull Tony into some semblance of peace and slowed his heartbeat to its regular pace.

Much too soon, the song came to a close; only leaving behind the echo of words in its wake, and Tony's breath that had evened out again. Even though he felt white-hot humiliation from his hysterical crying session, he felt oddly light too; as if he had hoisted off a giant weight from his chest after years of being trapped underneath it.

"That was beautiful." He said in a gruff tone. "What song was that?"

"I plead the fifth. Isn't that what you Americans say?"

"Are you ashamed? Because the only one who should be ashamed is me,"

"There isn't any shame in what you've done, Little Stark." Loki replied gently.

"Will you tell me the name of the song?"

"Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes, it would." Tony laid back onto the tangled linens, while still keeping a protective hand on the arc reactor.

There was a moment of hesitation on the line, before Loki let out a deep breath in a way that could only be called exasperation. Tony couldn't help but smile; picturing Loki in his business attire, probably in his kitchen with a cup of tea in front of him. He probably had feasted on a handful of some gummy confection earlier on too, and smoked a cigarette or two as well.

"Popular music nowadays is like a virus." Loki murmured. "It was the first song that came to mind; sadly even my own took second prize to one of Madonna's."

"I knew I heard that somewhere; it's the one with the music video with the bullfighter isn't it?"

"Is it?"

"Sometimes you can be so transparent, Loki."

"But do you feel better, my Little Stark?"

"A little; it would be better if you were here. Next to me in bed," he admitted without any regret.

He knew if Loki was there with sleep tousled hair and heavy lidded eyes; he knew that any night terrors would have been gone in an instant. If he had woken up to Loki sleeping beside him, everything would have been better. He'd burrow close to him and wrap his arms around him, and take comfort in their closeness; something that he had craved for for so long.

"Even in the worst of times, Stark,"

"I mean it; I didn't mean it sexually. I want you here to hold you; fuck just to touch you."

"Every word you speak breaks my heart." Loki returned in a way that was strangely casual. "Sleep well, my Little Stark. Dream of happy things,"

"I'll dream of you; I always do."

"Dream of me then," Loki said in means of goodbye, before the line disconnected.

Tony kept his eyes on the ceiling, but easily drew up an image of Loki in his head; the current Loki, not the one he had lusted and yearned for over the years. He imagined the Loki Laufeyson and William Fenton hybrid that had a visible scar along his jaw and a perfectly drawn tattoo on his forearm that spelled out _Amelia_. And the Loki who obviously cared about him, regardless of the fact that he hadn't openly admitted to it yet.

"I'm coming for you soon, baby." He whispered as he allowed his eyes close.

Once he drifted off again, he kept his promise – he dreamt of Loki and only Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in question is Madonna's "Take a Bow".


	29. Chapter Twenty-eight :: Patience is a Virtue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoy this chapter; I also wanted to thank everyone who commented on the previous chapters. It means the world to me that you're still keeping up with this story. I appreciate it immensely!

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**Chapter Twenty-eight :: Patience is a Virtue**

 

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His hand ached; Tony couldn't say how many forms he had filled out, how many pieces of paper he signed off on. However many they were, it was enough to last him a lifetime; maybe it would sustain him for the afterlife too. He just had to remind himself why he'd intentionally put himself through that sort of hell in the first place; and why, despite his cramping fingers, he was smiling like a maniac.

It hardly mattered that he had swapped the perfectly sunny Malibu weather, for the bitterly cold dampness that was London. He wasn't even particularly bothered by the fact that his many layers didn't keep away the chill, or that he was hit face-first with sleet and rain; or that he even had to endure Happy's slew of japes and complaints for hours on end.

Happiness had taken precedent over all the annoyances. He could survive stacks and mountains of paperwork; he could even endure horrible weather, so long as he reminded himself of the end game. He actually found the evening traffic jam to be almost endearing; even when Happy cursed up a blue streak and cut off several vehicles in an attempt to change lanes.

Usually Tony would have made an obnoxious comment at Happy's expense, something about how he found a driver who couldn't drive; or maybe something about firing him on the spot. But his thoughts were elsewhere, in a cozy corner where only Loki resided; which was enough to stave away things that would have made him irate by now.

"Do I seriously have to drive you to Knightsbridge?" Happy asked in a haughty tone, which could have easily been blamed on the jet lag.

"Yes, you seriously have to. And maybe we'll get there some time this century, you know if we're lucky."

"I don't control the weather or the traffic, T."

"If you did, you'd get a raise." Tony quipped with a cheeky grin, although he suspected Happy wasn't in a very good mood; especially since they'd hit so many obstacles once they'd driven away from Heathrow.

"Are you spending the night?"

"What? No, no, no."

"This whole trip is about climbing into the guy's bed, right?" Happy peered back at him through the rearview mirror, almost in a sly and self-satisfied way.

Of course, Happy had been his driver for a very long time and his friend even longer still; so he had witnessed many of Tony's insidious behaviors. He frequently drove Tony from one party to the next, and had been behind the wheel when things ended up getting hot and heavy in the backseat. It was only natural to think that Tony was on a mission for sex; hell, he still had a predilection for anonymous sex, even if his partying had settled down exponentially since Libya.

But that hadn't been the goal in mind, when Tony had decided to visit Loki. He had only wanted to see him, to be in the very same room as him without interruption. He wanted to talk with him about inane little things that no one else would care about; he just wanted to be close to him after almost two weeks apart.

There wasn't a chance in hell that they would ever go to bed with one another. Not now anyway, and Tony would be a liar if he said he didn't want to. In fact, he had several unsavory fantasies of late that spoke otherwise. He also was still in possession of those Polaroid pictures that he had taken during a very adventurous evening between them; the same night, unfortunately, that dear 'ol dad kicked the bucket too, which had ridden Tony into the ground with guilt for a solid ten years or so.

Now, however, he saw the situation rather differently. Howard Stark might have been his father, but that didn't mean he was a good one. It also didn't mean Tony should continue to feel guilty for the rest of his life because he hadn't been there for Howard's final moments; especially when he took into account how absent his father had been throughout duration of his entire life to that point.

So he refused to belittle and chastise himself any longer, and instead chose to fondly look back on that night between him and Loki. Hell, it was impossible not to look back on it without quivering in arousal. Tony had experienced innumerable things that night with Loki, and to date it was probably one of his best sexual experiences throughout his lengthy history.

"Not everything's about thinking with your dick, Hogan." Tony flexed his fingers one by one. "I'm just dropping by to say hello."

"You just got off a twelve hour flight, where you were practically clawing the walls and going between drinking scotch and coffee, and you just want to say hello? Come on, T; I'm not an idiot."

"Obviously, you are because I'm not going over there for sex."

"Is he not putting out or something? I mean isn't he too old to be playing hard to get?"

"Shut up while you're ahead." Tony demanded, before returning his eyes to the many vehicles that were slowly inching towards their locations.

Happy wisely took his advice, despite saying something under his breath that was probably unflattering. But even that couldn't dampen his mood that much. He instead focused on Loki and the uncontrollable warmth that enveloped his body at the mere thought of seeing him again; especially since Loki had sung him down from a cliff, when he had had one of those horrible nightmares about his time in captivity again.

It had been embarrassing to say the least, yet Loki hadn't seemed to hold it against him either. They had only spoken once since then, and there hadn't been a mention of that previous telephone call. In fact, they had only spoken about common day occurrences; the weather and the news, which would have seemed like impersonal chit-chat had it not been with Loki.

The traffic jam eventually loosened up, and Happy made good use of it. Tony watched sleet and the city lights blur by his window; only vaguely aware of how the excitement in him, threatened to overflow and come up to the surface. He, somehow, kept a cap on it though; he really didn't need Happy hassling him over how sentimental he was being, and to even cue up Peter Frampton for the occasion.

For the rest of the long drive, Tony was pleased that he hadn't been subjected to any truly inane music; but he had been quickly reacquainted with every grunge rock band that had ever come out of the Pacific Northwest. Somewhere in the midst of Chris Cornell's crooning and Kurt Cobain's wails, Happy steered the car onto the familiar neighborhood in which Loki lived.

Nothing had changed about it, aside from the dirty snow that lined the streets. The house itself was untouched; it was brilliantly lit up like a Christmas tree, which sent Tony's heart into his throat. He was excited, stupidly excited even; and it took all his willpower not to scream for Happy to hurry up and pull up to the curb two doors down.

Once the vehicle pulled to a halt, Tony hurriedly tossed open the door; only to recoil by the coldness that greeted him. It felt much colder than he remembered; then again, it had been several hours since they touched down at the airport too.

"I'll be right here, whenever you're done." Happy snorted, as if he could sense Tony's excitement.

"Why don't you settle down at the tower; Pepper can send another driver."

"Sounds good to me,"

"Don't wait up."

"You'll be back once the early bird special's over, unless you decide to stay for Jeopardy."

"Fuck you, asshole." Tony scowled, before he climbed onto the icy pavement, and slammed the door closed for emphasis.

Without any hesitation, he started up the street and tried to avoid ice patches as much as he could. Thankfully, he made it to Loki's home without falling onto his ass or breaking a hip for Happy's amusement. He mounted the steps that were thankfully free of any water patches, and rang the doorbell with a gloved finger.

Tony then wrapped his arms around his body to retain some heat, and turned his thoughts from the unaccommodating weather to other things; more specifically the look of surprise on Loki's face, once he saw him on his doorstep. Because Tony had purposely not told him about his return London, and in a way he wanted it to be a surprise.

His imagination ran away from him for those few moments; he imagined Loki throwing open the door and his face breaking into a lovely smile, before drawing Tony into a tight and suffocating embrace. And before long things would escalate from there; chaste touches, unsure kisses, and…

The door swung open abruptly to reveal someone who definitely was _not_ Loki. Tony blinked several times in confusion; surprised by the fact that Bucky was there instead of the person he had envisioned would be on the other end of the door.

"I thought you went back to the States." Bucky said in means of greeting.

"Yeah, well I'm back now." Tony returned slowly. "So can I come in or what?"

"Well, we were about to have a filthy, obscene orgy. But I guess one more body won't hurt; so I guess so."

"Let's make reference to the fact we both slept with Loki years ago again. Because that hasn't been brought up in a while,"

"More like hours," Bucky stepped aside with a mischievous wink.

Despite knowing it was a silly barb, Tony couldn't help but feel his mood darken. He hadn't expected for anyone else to be at Loki's home, no less Bucky who had matured just as well as Loki had. Of course, he knew any jealousy he might potentially feel was unjustified; Bucky was married after all, and had a child who was almost a teenager. So he shouldn't have felt as affronted as he did.

Once he stepped over the threshold and into the foyer, he turned to eye Bucky; who had closed the door with a soft click. He wanted to say something, anything really; but he was beckoned upstairs as he had been when Loki had first invited him into his home, and not given the opportunity to question Bucky. Or at least, he chose not to, especially if Loki were anywhere close-by.

Wordlessly, he followed Bucky up the flight of steps and was soon assaulted by a mixture of voices and music and commotions of all sorts. Not until they made it onto the second floor landing did Tony see the level of activity that had taken up residence in the living room and kitchen. There were several people who had taken up the space; some attached to bulky mobile phones as they blabbed away, whiles others were in the midst of browsing through racks of clothing that had been pushed to the back wall of the living area. And then there were others that hovered around an oversized ottoman, where Loki was seated with his legs crossed underneath him.

Loki was shirtless with a cigarette perched between his lips, as some nameless woman ran a brush through his hair and begun to partially pull it back. In front of him, Phil was crouched down and was animatedly speaking with robust hand motions. Loki only got a word or two in between Phil's many, although he seemed far more interested in every drag of the cigarette he was taking instead.

"Your boyfriend's here, Loki." Bucky announced to the bustling room, before he headed towards a pile of paperwork that had been left unattended to on the coffee table in front of the fireplace.

Several people stopped what they were doing to stare; recognition marred some of their faces, while others didn't seem to know him or care about his appearance for that matter. But the only person that mattered amongst the six or seven that were in the room was Loki.

Loki peered up at him from the smoke that wafted from the lit cherry of his cigarette, and regarded him with an expression that wasn't easily discernible. In fact, Tony felt for a split-second like an idiot kid again underneath the potential scrutiny that Loki was viewing him with. He recovered quickly, though; sauntering into the room as if he had every right to be there as all the busy-bodies in the room did.

"Stark, I thought you left to take care of your business responsibilities." Loki arched an eyebrow, as he brought his cigarette back to his lips and inhaled a toxic plume of smoke.

"I did; trust me. My hand's sore as hell from all that paperwork I had to fill out over the past two weeks."

"I imagine running a billion dollar company takes more effort than that." Phil intervened with a spark irritation; no doubt because he was back in manager mode after years of playing a Sedona retiree.

"That's where you're wrong, Philly boy. I have people to take care of the heavy lifting for me."

"Miss Potts, of course," Loki hummed in understanding. "But if you'll excuse me, everyone; I think Mr. Stark and I should have a private conversation. I imagine it won't take very long either."

The woman behind Loki stepped away, once she secured his hair back; although Phil seemed reluctant to move, even though he did so in the end. Tony felt an unpleasant sense of déjà vu by the look Phil shot in his direction; as if all the pleasantries they had built up over the years were now officially null and void. And they were back to the hostile relationship they once had. Or maybe it was just his imagination; maybe it was the jet lag even. God only knew.

Loki unraveled his long legs and stood to his full and impressive height. He was clad in leather trousers and a pair of riding boots with a linked chain attached on each boot. For some reason, Tony believed the ensemble would have looked far better with a cowboy hat; and he had to stop himself from cracking a smile at the visual.

Thankfully he wasn't given any further time to fully imagine the thought; he knew he would end up with a rather apparent erection, regardless of his many layers of winter clothing. Especially since he has officially been living with a critical case of blue balls for weeks now; he hadn't even imagined touching another person, let alone done so, and more importantly no one had touched him either.

"Come," Loki instructed as he walked past him and towards the stairwell that led to the third story.

Tony flashed a cheeky grin at the other occupants of the room, before he followed after Loki; who had already started up several steps with practiced ease. Of course with legs like Loki's, it was only natural for him to scale stairs with ease; whereas Tony struggled to keep up, since the stairwell to the third floor had far more steps than the second one had.

They climbed in silence, as the echo of their footfall followed them. It would have been uncomfortable, if Tony hadn't had something to distract himself with; which just so happened to be Loki's perfect ass, encased in those suffocating leather trousers. And that made him wonder if Loki could have even been wearing underwear underneath them, due to the fact that there weren't any discernible brief lines.

As they came to the landing, Tony felt a slight twinge in his knees; one that had unfortunately developed due to his age. Which at least, served as a reminder that any feelings of inferiority he might have while on the other end of Phil's stare were null and void now; he was already well into being middle aged at this point, too old to be intimidated by the likes of manager extraordinaire.

"What do I owe the pleasure of another visit?" Loki asked, while heading down a narrow corridor with several framed photographs on the walls. Many of which were black and white ones of landscapes and cityscapes alike.

"I don't know; it just felt right to me."

"Have you had any more nightmares?"

"No, thankfully not; then again I've been listening to a lot of Madonna of late." Tony chuckled at the sneer Loki threw over his shoulder at him. "Hey, it helped!"

Loki didn't deign that worth a reply; instead he drew to halt outside of a door, and easily pushed it in before stepping inside. Tony followed suit, although he halted only a few steps in, once he realized what room he was in; which happened to be the master suite and Loki's bedroom.

There was a cherry wood four post bed in the center of the room, and a matching and elongated chest of drawers across from it. Mounted on the wall were two well-played guitars, one that Tony recognized from '76; unsurprisingly between them was a large photograph of Loki and Sif. It was a candid shot of the two backstage at some gig; Loki was in full makeup with his shirt unbutton and a cigarette in one hand, while the other hand held Sif's, who walked a step or two behind him.

"I have something for you; it's been in the clutter of a downstairs wardrobe for years." Loki said, stubbing out his cigarette in a conveniently placed ashtray on the bedside table. "I almost had forgotten about it, until that morning when you telephoned me."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Laufeyson?"

"I wouldn't have to; I could simply lie on this bed, and you'd be wrapped around my little finger." Loki knelt down next to the bed and disappeared from sight.

"Okay, I'll give you that. But you can't fault a guy for wanting to be wined and dined."

"Neither of which you would want. And quite frankly, why on earth would I need to wine and dine you?" Loki reemerged with a decent sized picture frame in his hands. "Now here, this is for you."

Tony hesitated for a split-second, but threw his reservations aside and walked further into the room. He rounded the large bed with a sleek quilted white duvet on it that would have looked wonderful underneath Loki's long-limbed body. Although, he banished the thought from his mind; especially when he took the frame out of Loki's grasp.

He hadn't necessarily had any thoughts about the frame; hadn't even pondered about it for a moment. So he found words failed him utterly, once he looked down at it. Some time during the first tour with Odin's Sons, he remembered a hired photographer snapping candid pictures of the band. It had only been for an hour or so in between cities; so briefly that Tony hadn't remembered it until that very moment.

The photograph was colored palely, a feature that coincided with photography twenty years earlier; it captured him at the breakfast nook on the tour bus, sitting with a bored look on his face with a pen poised between his fingers, while Sif sat beside him with a tiny almost indiscernible smile on her face, as she cradled her chin in her hand. Her long brown hair cascaded from underneath her floppy hat, and for the briefest of moments Tony swore he could smell sunflowers and feel her body heat against his side.

"Wow, blast from the past." Tony felt a heaviness settle in his chest, as if he was really struck by the realization that Sif was gone. "I don't even remember this being taken."

"Understandable, it was taken in '71." Loki plopped down onto the foot of the bed. "Amelia kept it; I imagine she wanted to pass it onto you. Then again, we never specifically spoke of you; not after everything occurred."

"It would be weird dinner conversation, I imagine."

"Amelia still considered you a friend, I know. She didn't have to say anything, though."

"So you had some kind of psychic connection? You know like some lovey-dovey couples do?"

"There was an understanding between us, yes." Loki turned to the huge photograph on the opposite wall. "We had known one another for a very long time. There was a familiarity there that obviously couldn't be replicated by only being lovers. We had a friendship first; begrudgingly so, on my part, but ultimately that made our relationship stronger."

"She was the love of your life."

"She was, yes. My darling Amelia; my beautiful little Amy," Loki lowered his head, before a humorless laugh bubbled out of him. "But Anthony, you're forgetting something very important that I once told you."

Tony lowered himself onto the bed beside Loki, cradling the frame in between his hands. Loki turned to look at him then with a stern look on his face. Any heartbreak that Loki might have felt appeared to have gone dormant again, leaving behind that impossibly nonchalant mask in its place.

"What's that, babe?"

"We had a conversation in New Orleans, I believe it was on your birthday."

"We had a couple of conversations; we also went to a strip club too."

"Sometimes you miss the opportunity to find the love of your life. Or maybe you lose them tragically. But you aren't restricted to only one either; you can have multiple loves and on the same level of ferocity as _the_ one." Loki's words sounded very familiar to him; maybe even verbatim to what he said to him on his seventeenth birthday so long ago.

Even more so than that shock of nostalgia he felt, Tony was struck by those words. His heart suddenly pounded faster in his chest and his breath quickened considerably too. In that moment, he knew he was a goner; regardless of his attempts at self-restraint and self-preservation, he couldn't control himself. He knew what he wanted and what he needed, and it was right in front of him within arm's length.

Before his mind could stop him, he reached one-handedly for Loki. He grasped onto the side of his neck and leaned in until he could see the flicks of gold in Loki's irises. Loki's lips parted, as if he was about to say something to dissuade him; maybe to remind him that this was bound to be a terrible decision on his part. But Tony was determined and he always got what he wanted in the end; whether or not he deserved it.

His lips found Loki's then. It was an electric feeling, both familiar and unfamiliar and even bittersweet. But he wanted it; wanted it more than he wanted anything else in his entire life. So he kissed Loki hard and demanding, silently begging for a response, any response; even if it was a punch to the face.

Gradually but reluctantly, Loki responded to his advances. His lips melted and melded underneath Tony's and within moments he returned the kiss for the briefest of moments; before he pulled away just as quickly with a grunt.

"Not yet, Little Stark," Loki gasped then, before prying Tony's hand away from his neck. "It's too soon."

"I know, babe." Tony swallowed hard, feeling lightheaded and unbalanced. "It's too soon for you, but I've waited twenty years. Twenty insufferable years,"

"Patience is a virtue; restrain yourself now, and you'll be surprised by the rewards you reap because of it."

"Patience is a virtue." He repeated, although he wanted nothing more than to kiss Loki once more. "I'll remember that, even if I'll hate it and hate you a little too every step of the way. But for you, I'd do anything."

And he meant it too. He might have suffered twenty years without Loki, but he knew he could wait a little longer for him. He'd always wait for him, even if it killed him; which he suspected it might actually do.


	30. Chapter Twenty-nine :: Bittersweet Illusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't very thrilling, but I think it moves the story along nonetheless. And I might very well do some sort of Q & A over on Tumblr; so if you're interested you can always send some asks to me (winterfells-winter-soldier), and I might answer them with an audio post just for fun.
> 
> I also listened to HIM's "All Lips Go Blue" while writing this; I always thought of Loki having a voice that is a mixture of Jim Morrison and David Bowie with a hint of Ville Valo too.

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**Chapter Twenty-nine :: Bittersweet Illusions**

 

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It had been years since Tony had involved himself so fully with the company's business. He had been manhandled into every small detail, when it came to the upcoming Stark Expo; had been forced to scout out sites with Pepper and several board members, who had decided to join them in London. He had also been bestowed with the great displeasure of entertaining the board, whenever Pepper was taken away for unrelated business.

So he had very little time to himself; let alone time to indulge in things that brought him pleasure. He hadn't even been able to contact Loki, beyond a two minute conversation over the telephone in between field trips. And both of them had been pressed for time; Loki had been rushing to his office, to finalize the last bits of work he had to do for Tyler & Daily, while Tony had Pepper breathing down his neck to hurry him out the door.

But at least his diligence had afforded him an evening off; where he could kick back and bask in the warmth of a job well done. Tony slumped back into the couch cushions, and flipped through the many available TV stations at his disposal. He wasn't big on TV, but the weather was too frigid to go out; not to mention, his feet were killing him after his busy day.

To be honest, it was nice to do absolutely nothing; not to worry about anything too. His mind was contentedly occupied by the flashing pictures on the TV screen. The constant and relentless mulling had temporarily gone quiet, which was a god's send. Because he really didn't think he was up for the task for new tech rushing to the forefront of his mind; or even the mess of his personal life either.

There was only so much he could do in terms of Loki at this point. The ball was officially in his court now, and Tony could and would wait for him. But by no means, did he expect a great shift to happen between them anytime soon. He would have been a fool to believe that his presence could heal all wounds, and that any of Loki's personal hang-ups would go away within a few weeks' time.

Both of them had problems, and both of them were far from healed of yet. It would take time, but Tony was confident that things would inevitably work out in his favor. In fact, they already were; Loki had returned his kiss, even if it was for a split-second. In all actuality, it was something he could gloat about when he thought back on how volatile their relationship had been beforehand; and how chilly things had been between them once they had become reacquainted.

Tony could be patient if need be, and it was time to flex that particular muscle. Being pushy was only bound to ruin things between him and Loki; so he needed to show some self-restraint, even though he'd been having a slew of inappropriate fantasies of late. And he had been viewing those unsavory photographs sometimes up to two times a day; whenever he had a spare moment free.

But even self-restraint couldn't dampen Tony's growing need for intimacy. So much so, that he had contemplated briefly if he should find some sort of release elsewhere. Technically, he and Loki were not a couple, which meant that any physical release he pursued couldn't be held against him in any way. Loki couldn't hold it against them once they had come to an understanding and potentially decided to form a relationship. And yet, that only stunk of betrayal to Tony for some reason.

He'd come too far to sabotage himself somehow. Therefore, he had spent his nights alone; satiating his appetite with twenty year old snapshots and fantasies that were filthy enough that they could even make him blush a little. Then again, his intimacy with Loki beforehand had been downright obscene at times.

Mindlessly Tony continued to flip through the TV stations, spying cooking programs and cartoons and sitcoms; none of which were particularly interesting. Although, he stopped in his endless flipping once he came across a music station. A busty and bubbly blonde was in mid-sentence, going on about the latest music news, except that seemed pretty irrelevant to him. He liked the look of her, and maybe if he was in the business of wining and dining someone; he could have easily gotten her number and probably a slot in her bed too.

For several moments, Tony entertained the notion. It would be fairly easy to get into contact with the woman if he wanted to. His name had weight, after all; his looks weren't bad either, no less his reputation could easily work in his favor as well. Before long, his mind wandered off into several choice possibilities; only come to a stop when a familiar name suddenly burst from her lips.

The screen shifted from the busty blonde announcer and onto a graphic of a globe that read _world exclusive_ in bold print across it. Tony shifted from his casual position on the couch, pushing himself into a stiff seated position instead. The image on the screen turned again; this time displaying an empty stage with a microphone stand at the very center and a pale spotlight streaming from the rafters of the darkened auditorium.

On the left hand side of the screen, some white text cropped up with the artist name, song title, album name, record label, and the music video's director. The only familiar thing amongst the text was the bold and unapologetic name of Loki Laufeyson, which made Tony's whole body break out into gooseflesh.

A tall and lanky figure slowly emerged onto the empty stage; they wore a pair of tight-fitted leather trousers, riding boots, a plain white V-neck tee, a heavy chain around their neck, and a leather jacket to finish off the ensemble. It wasn't Loki, though; Tony knew with a quick glance, even if the resemblance was pretty impressive. The only difference being that the person in question was clearly female; she was a doe-eyed model type that could have been Loki's twin if he had a sister or maybe even his daughter for that matter.

The Loki impersonator leaned into the microphone then, before a heavy tempo came to life around her; louder and heavier than anything Loki had ever produced previously. Loki's voice overrode the music, dark and entrancing and seductive but forlorn too; mouthed by the impersonator, who did little else but push her hands into her back pockets. But that was enough; her mannerisms were oddly in tune with Loki's, as if she had spent her days watching grainy old concert footage of him and shadowing him whenever she could so she could emulate him.

Tony was fascinated by the bob of her head, the sway of her hips, and the way her lips formed the lyrics that were bittersweet and even somewhat angry. Soon enough the scene turned to another; a four piece band played enthusiastically in what could have been in an abandoned factory. Fandral's gaunt face passed across the screen, as he played his bass; while a fairly young drummer, whose features were partially covered by his hair, pounded away at his kit. Another familiar individual, Loki's tour guitarist, swam past the camera; although the person at the front of the band wasn't shown beyond their flying V-guitar that was strummed by strong, pale fingers.

The scene shifted several more times, in between the Loki impersonator and undoubtedly the real one; who had yet to be seen beyond his lower extremities. Meanwhile, the music struck Tony as all of Loki's previous music had. Despite it being utterly different from his former style, Loki still knew how to captivate and how to invoke interest. He was a genius in his own right.

Once again the impersonator was showcased on the screen, illuminated ghostly by the spotlight. Her hands had gone into her ebony colored hair, as her face twisted with emotion; which reminded Tony of that anguished, lost expression Loki had adopted during the argument that effectively ended their relationship so long ago.

It struck a chord; so much so, Tony feebly reached for the arc reactor and loosely gripped it. But what really hit it home for him was the sudden change of scene again. This time the camera roved up those impossibly long legs, across the body of the flying V-guitar, past a broad chest, a swan-like neck encircled by a thick chain, and eventually to an aquiline face with brilliant green eyes circled by heavy eye makeup.

Loki's face was a mask of indifference, as he uttered out the last few lyrics as the tempo slowed into a melodic lullaby-like close; before his likeness was replaced by the impersonator's again, who pulled away from the microphone, smirking knowingly, before she trudged off the stage. The spotlight flickered off in closing then, and the busty blonde announcer came back onto the screen.

" _Bittersweet Illusions_ is Loki Laufeyson's first album in over fifteen years. It's slated for release sometime early next year, and rumor has it that an unreleased album entitled _Amelia_ will be released alongside the rock legend's newest effort." The blonde reported brightly. "Word of a comeback tour has yet to be announced, but here's one girl crossing her fingers and toes for news of one and hopefully soon!"

Another music video eventually came on, although Tony hardly noticed it. His mind was preoccupied by everything he had just seen and heard; consumed by every aspect of it. It felt almost surreal to know that Loki had returned to the music industry once more; as if a lost part of Loki had been revived and set loose onto the world again.

Loki Laufeyson was a completely different entity than any Tony had known before. There were plenty of characters and talented individuals that he met at business parties, and in dirty alleyways behind nightclubs. But none of them were as distinctly unique and special as Loki Laufeyson was. Hell, there was a huge difference between Loki the person and William Fenton the architect.

Strangely enough, Tony felt disquieted by the notion. He knew Loki Laufeyson; he had even known Loki Odinson, but all of them seemed to be personas. They were the same person, but their own people too. And maybe Loki Laufeyson was the one that would utterly reject Tony; since he was the one that had been hurt by his previous actions twenty years earlier.

"Get a grip, asshole." He blurted out then, in hopes that he didn't spiral into a wealth of over-analysis.

He was too tired and taxed for an unneeded dissection of Loki's personality. Not to mention, it probably wouldn't serve much of a purpose beyond poisoning his thoughts negatively; which was just another form of self-sabotage that Tony had displayed over the years.

Even though, he tried not think of Loki in terms of his separate personalities; it was hard not to. The Loki of old, Loki Odinson more specifically, had been evasive and emotionless, except when it came to bouts of annoyance and anger. He also had a predilection for psychedelic drugs that impaired his cognitive abilities exponentially, and gave him a fondness for rooftops and ledges alike.

Then there was Loki Laufeyson, who also had frequent bouts of anger but seemed utterly vicious from time to time. He also was strangely lovable and insatiable in the bedroom. Except there was something toxic, almost dangerous about him as well; and Tony really couldn't imagine getting caught up in some of his more passionate outbursts now, even if he did love him.

William Fenton was peculiar blend of Loki Odinson and Laufeyson, but with an added twist of age to him as well. He was calmer of the three, levelheaded yet with that furious spark still. Tony was surprised by how much he enjoyed this new Loki, and he really didn't want to lose him either; which could easily happen with Loki immersed in the music industry once more.

Luckily his maelstrom of thoughts came to an abrupt halt. The elevator chimed open before Pepper stepped into the lounge with Happy at her heels. Tony peered up at them warily from his position on the couch, and for good reason it seemed too. There was a thick manila folder in Pepper's hand that she offered to him, once within arm's length.

"I'll need you to overlook all those documents, initial and sign them. I think I found you an appropriate location for the expo. So we need to start the process almost immediately." Pepper explained as she took a spot on the other end of the couch.

Happy collapsed right next to Tony, and snatched the remote control away. Rather than snap at his friend and driver for it, Tony instead flipped open the folder and scanned the contents. But nothing was truly computing; not after he had seen Loki on television for the first time, and singing his newest and heavier material on top of that too.

"I'll get on it in a few hours."

"I want it done by tomorrow afternoon, Tony."

"And you'll get it by tomorrow afternoon, Pepper." He closed the folder, briefly contemplating either telephoning Loki or maybe going over for a visit; but he knew maybe it would be better not to do so at that particular moment. Not when his emotions were at their apex.

"Something wrong, T?" Happy asked, although he didn't look particularly concerned.

"Same old, same old," he replied, while tossing the folder to the coffee table. "Just saw Loki Laufeyson's new music video and having an emotional crisis right now. You know no big deal at all."

Before either of his friends could say a word, Tony lurched onto his feet. It seemed like a pointless endeavor to explain his sudden pessimism. Neither Pepper nor Happy would understand his reasoning; they didn't know Loki like he did. Hell, the only other person who knew Loki that well had been gone for almost fourteen years now.

Sadly, the only way to put his worries to bed was to speak with Loki. It could wait for the time being, though; once his emotions were in order and the site for Stark Expo was secured, then he would pursue Loki and see if anything had truly changed about him or not. But something told him that it probably had for better or for worse.


	31. Chapter Thirty :: Insufferable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no idea how this happened.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty :: Insufferable**

 

* * *

 

The bookshelves that lined one portion of the office's wall had been emptied. The many architectural periodicals and volumes had been removed and placed into several large boxes, alongside all of the personal affects that once decorated the room were packed away too. William Fenton's office was barren now, as the man himself boxed away everything that belonged to him.

Tony wondered if Loki would ever glimpse at any of those books again, since his career change couldn't get any further away from architecture. But he didn't verbalize his thoughts, content instead to watch him box up his office without offering any help. He doubted if Loki would have wanted his help anyway, since he seemed to be a control freak of sorts; which really wouldn't be that shocking, to say the least.

Loki was in the midst of rolling up several blueprints currently, while dictating some inane information to his soon-to-be former secretary Gwen Stacy. She busily jotted down every word, occasionally asking a pointed question or two; otherwise it seemed like a perfectly normal day at the office. Aside from the fact that Loki had opted for an odd mixture of business casual and tamed rock star for his attire.

The hybrid style appealed to many of Tony's sensibilities; he liked the black trousers and the stupidly tight green oxford with several buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to the elbow, and the heavy chain that encircled Loki's swan-like neck. It was the same necklace that he and his impersonator had worn in his music video. But what really made the ensemble for Tony were the spectacles and the ghost of eye makeup that had remained despite what could have only been a thorough washing of Loki's face.

"I imagine the Korean accounts will transfer to Fredrick then." Loki said, while sliding the newly rolled blueprint into the bin beside his barren desk.

"As far as I know, that's the plan; although I'm sure the Zhang account won't be particularly happy about it."

"So long as Simon is kept away from the account, then there shouldn't be any problems."

"Even so," Gwen began, but balked as Loki eyed her critically. "They'll miss you."

"They'll survive, Miss Stacy; rest assured." Loki looked away a moment later, before he rounded his desk and began to pull out the drawers. "I'm confident in the fact that I've already submitted any and all pending paperwork. I'll hand deliver the blueprints to Fredrick myself before I leave. And I'll have someone take away all these boxes before the end of the day too."

"Yes, of course; I'll let you finish your packing, Mr. Fenton."

"Laufeyson,"

"Pardon,"

"My name's Loki Laufeyson not William Fenton, Miss Stacy."

"Of course, I'm sorry, Mr. Laufeyson." Gwen swallowed hard, before she hurried out of the office and shut the door behind her.

That abrupt declaration struck Tony to his very core. While he had been harboring some uncertainties and several unfounded fears that Loki would adopt his former eccentric behaviors; he had assumed they would potentially remain at bay, if he was anchored by the Fenton name. But that appeared to be a lost cause, since Loki seemed to have embraced the Laufeyson name once more.

Except maybe that it really wasn't a bad thing. Tony had been hopelessly in love with Loki, regardless of his irrational behavior; and even if the idea of an emotionally unstable rock star wasn't exactly appealing to him nowadays, he could probably deal with some of the mood swings and cringe worthy tantrums. On the other hand, just because Loki embraced his stage persona and the name attached to it, that didn't mean he would revert back to his insufferable behavior either.

"Do you intend on standing there with a ponderous look on your face all day?" Loki glimpsed at him from over his glasses, which had slipped slightly down his nose and gave him a professor-like look to Tony.

It was strangely arousing, and while Tony never was much into roleplaying beyond some boss and employee back and forth between him and Pepper; he wouldn't have minded playing the role of an unruly student if Loki were his tight-laced teacher. He could almost envision being shoved roughly over that desk with Loki looming over him, enunciating every one of his infractions into his ear; while his hands slide underneath Tony's shirt and touched his bare skin…

"Apparently so," Loki broke through his fantasy with an annoyed look on his face.

"Sorry, I was just thinking that's all." Tony crossed the room as casually as he could, then sidled up beside Loki; who was still pulling out drawers and pulling things out of them.

"I don't know why you insisted on showing up here."

"I had some free time finally, after Pepper's been working me like a dog. And well, I thought it was noteworthy to mention to you in person how I saw your music video; your first one, actually."

"Technically, yes that was my first one. We didn't really delve into the visual portion of it twenty years ago; not like nowadays anyway."

"It was an interesting concept, to say the least."

"That's not what I honestly hoped to hear." Loki shot him another annoyed look, before he flipped open a manila folder that he promptly tossed in the trash bin underneath his desk.

Tony hadn't anything to say in return; he really didn't know what to say. The music video had only unearthed some of his insecurities and worries, instead of being a form of entertainment him. Not to mention, he was keenly aware of the fact that there was an album entitled _Amelia_ on top of that, that was coming out; which had a way of dampening his previous excitement about reuniting with Loki.

"There wasn't enough _you_ in the video, that's what I meant."

"The visual is inconsequential to the music, Stark." Loki sniped back. "The music is more important than any visual stimulation; whether or not, I dabbled in such practices beforehand. Appearances mean very little if your music is subpar."

"You don't need me to say it, though. You're brilliant and too fucking talented for your own good, and you know that already." Tony reached out and gently touched Loki's side; unable to stop the smile that graced his features by how Loki didn't stiffen from his touch or even lurch away for that matter. "I mean you changed your sound, but glam rock is kind of dead now. You had to adapt and baby you did so flawlessly."

Loki turned to face him, peering at him suspiciously at first; although, the expression crumbled away within moments. For a split-second, Tony was almost convinced that Loki might actually grace him with a genuine smile. Unfortunately, it didn't come into fruition but at least he seemed to have gained his undivided attention.

His fingers brushed up and down Loki's side, before taking things a step further. He withdrew his hand and chose instead to loop his arm slowly around Loki's thin waist, and slipped closer until they were pressed side-by-side with one another.

"You are a legend, babe; and the world will remember it too with your comeback."

"You're being very presumptuous, Anthony."

"Genius is genius, that isn't up for interpretation." Tony leaned into Loki, reveling in the closeness between them. "I mean some idiotic journalist might make a stink, but I'm sure you're used to that by now."

"I remember an idiotic journalist who wrote a very defamatory article about me, while I was a part of Thor's band. You might have heard of him, I believe his name was Tony Stark."

"Ouch,"

"But that wasn't what I was referring to." Loki smirked coyly. "You are presumptuous with what you are doing currently. You've never been able to keep your hands to yourself."

Tony couldn't help but smile toothily in response. While he should have stopped while he was ahead, maybe even take some of his previous concerns into account; his impulsivity took over as it was prone to do. Without any real thought against the contrary, Tony reached up with his free hand and cupped Loki's cheek; before he planted a kiss on his jaw.

"You are insufferable." Loki grumbled and twisted in his embrace.

"Sounds like me," Tony agreed, kissing along his jaw; grinning by the sound of Loki's sudden peal of laughter.

The sound was enough to lift his spirits, even more so than the kiss they shared beforehand. There was something joyous about hearing Loki laugh, genuinely laugh too. And that only spurred Tony to pelt Loki's jaw further then his cheek and his chin and eventually across the expanse of his whole face, purposely avoiding his mouth; even as Loki weakly struggled against him and tried to avoid his lips as much as possible.

It was futile, though. Tony continued to kiss every inch of Loki's face, practically giggling like a teenage girl due to Loki's infectious laughter; which was even funnier due to the fact that they should have been beyond such foolishness at their age. Then again, both of them had been pretty morose over the past few years and maybe they deserved a moment of childishness.

"Keep your filthy mouth to yourself!" Loki managed to say in between laughs, before pressing his palm against Tony's forehead. "Stop it, Stark! Stop it right now!"

"It's your own fault; you were the one who decided to age gracefully!"

"You're acting like a child!"

"You started laughing first! It's your fault!" Tony chuckled, even as Loki managed to wrench away from him and force him back with a tender shove to the forehead.

Loki rounded the desk, in an even greater attempt to put some distance between them; affording Tony the opportunity to admire the slight flush of Loki's cheeks and the redness where Tony's facial hair rubbed against his jaw. But what was even more telling was the brightness of Loki's normally emotionless eyes.

It was a pleasure to see; no less Tony felt a swell of accomplishment for bringing that sort of mirth to Loki, when nothing really seemed to possibly be able to. And he wanted nothing more than to extend that moment; to make Loki laugh again, before pressing his mouth to his and muffling that laughter until pleasure took over them both.

"I'm surprised Miss Potts hasn't gone utterly mad by now. It's impossible to take you anywhere." Loki pushed up his glasses, although the happiness had yet to fade from his eyes. "Especially if you act that way,"

"Don't worry, she's already bat shit crazy. She just hides it well." Tony guffawed. "And you'll learn to hide it well too. She might even give you lessons."

"Could you be any more self-satisfied?"

"Nope, you got me at my zenith."

"I haven't any time for this. I need to finish collecting my things."

"No one's stopping you, babe."

"Keep your hands to yourself, Stark. I'm warning you." Loki pointed at him, while cautiously returning to his previous position behind the desk and closer to Tony.

Even though he seriously wanted to attack Loki again, Tony maintained his distance. He smiled stupidly up at Loki, as he picked up another manila folder and began to flip through the contents of it. Soon enough the atmosphere returned to its neutral state and silence fell between them. But that didn't overwrite what had happened between them either.

There was still a lightness between them; one that had only cropped up in dribs and drabs beforehand, albeit never to this magnitude. Tony could even argue that they had finally come to a level of comfort with one another that hadn't even existed twenty years previously. And that was a reason to smile, stupid and unashamedly too; which was exactly what Tony did, even when he was called an insufferable bastard minutes later and had that manila folder thrown in his face.


	32. Chapter Thirty-one :: Letter to Amelia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up feeling a little down in the dumps when I wrote this; enjoy!

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-one :: Letter to Amelia**

 

* * *

 

Colorful lights were strung along the avenues; brilliant displays of red, white, and green were everywhere. Christmas trees shone beautifully from shop windows beside white-bearded old men in red garbs, and reindeer and festively wrapped boxes too. Tony had never been an enthusiast for the holidays, although the decorations reminded him of the rare but good memory from his childhood.

He remembered being no more than six years old, sitting beside the fireplace that had been draped with holly and the family's stockings; one for Howard, one for Maria, and one for little Anthony. Dear 'ol dad had been sitting in his lounge chair, reading the newspaper with a cigar between his teeth; and mom had been knitting a red and yellow scarf for Tony, humming as she worked.

The ambiance had been sickeningly Norman Rockwell-like; the picturesque American family. But the Stark family couldn't have been any further from that. They had been dysfunctional, poisonous, and psychologically damaging; and Howard and Maria had left behind a child, who had coped with distress and conflict with booze, drugs, and anonymous sex.

Six year old Tony would have been horrified to know how he ended up just like dear 'ol dad. Or maybe he would have been excited by the prospect, since he was still ignorant to the extent of his parents' toxicity. But it would have reared its ugly head several years later; he knew that all too well.

"It's already Christmas time." Tony murmured, as he scanned the busy London streets from the backseat of his luxury car.

"That's how it usually works. You hit December and all the Christmas shit comes out." Happy replied in a cheery voice. "Maybe I'll buy a CD of Christmas carols, you know to get into the spirit."

Tony couldn't help but roll his eyes; he kept any snarky remark to himself, though. He was too tired to even come up with anything witty. His day had been filled with conferences and business calls, discussing the upcoming expo. It was only four months away, so that meant since he'd chosen to relocate; that there was far more work to be done, and all within a shorter period of time too.

Less than an hour ago, Tony had been wining and dining several board members. He had charmed the pants off every single one of them, easily convincing them that he had made the right decision by moving the expo to London. Then again, their opinion wouldn't have swayed his decision anyway. Since while it was made in moment of selfishness, his secondary reasons were inevitably best for the company as a whole; no one could really argue with that.

"I don't know how anyone can walk around in this frigid weather." He slouched back into the plush leather seat, still admiring the festive atmosphere and the many people who seemed to be enjoying it despite the cold.

New York was similar in that respect; the population was used to the nasty weather, some even enjoyed it. But Tony couldn't imagine frolicking carefree down the icy streets, struck from every direction by the winter wind. He was a Californian to the bone, and yet he could imagine himself giving away the sunshine and glorious weather if only for Loki.

A smile fleeted across his lips, simply from thinking of Loki. After all, their last encounter had been the best to date; far beyond his expectations, if he were to be perfectly honest. They had shared something special in Loki's barren office that day. While it hadn't been any sort of intimacy or declaration of love, they had shared genuine laughter with one another.

Somehow Tony had gotten Loki to laugh, and not in a condescending manner either. It had been jovial, unfiltered laughter; the sort that warmed Tony to the core. And he wanted nothing more than to hear it again, to be the cause of it and to bask in the happiness that exuded from him.

It had been a perfect moment; one that only continued after his childish assault on Loki. Tony had helped lug all of Loki's personal possessions into an awaiting taxi cab, and even had been given the privilege (or chore really) to help him take everything back to Loki's home and onto the second floor no less.

But it had been worth it; any moment spent with a relaxed Loki was. Because it meant that Tony was actually gaining his trust, and not in the sense from twenty years earlier either. They were actively building a solid foundation for a strong relationship, and Tony really couldn't ask for anymore than that.

"Hey T," Happy called out to him, before jutting a finger towards the windshield. "Maybe I'm seeing things, but that looks like your rock star boyfriend over there. The tall and lanky one with the flowers,"

Lurching forward in his seat, Tony followed Happy's finger towards the direction he had pointed in. As his friend so eloquently described, there was a tall and lanky figure carrying a bouquet of flowers in both hands; a huge bouquet of red and white flowers.

It only took a moment or two to positively identify Loki. Despite his demure clothing, he was easy to spot in a crowd. He towered over a good portion of the people around him, and even from a distance his features were striking; which probably had made anonymity hellish for him while at the peak of his fame.

"It's him, all right; pull over." Tony slapped Happy on the shoulder, although he needn't say as much; Happy had already drifted towards the curb, a few feet ahead of where Loki had been walking.

Once the vehicle was securely in park, Tony tossed open the door. The icy cold wind slapped him in the face with enough force to make him cower, but he still slipped out of the backseat and cautiously stepped onto the pavement. He then maneuvered his way through the onslaught of people, dressed in innumerable layers and seemingly content nonetheless. Loki seemed no different in that respect; aside from the fact his cheeks were pink and his huddled shoulders.

Tony hurried towards Loki, whose gait was quickened as if he had somewhere important to be. But he managed cut Loki off before he got out of his range; he practically leapt in Loki's path, and almost laughed by the jerk of surprise that the normally graceful man made. Except something seemed amiss; Loki should have said something untoward to him, rather than shoot him a weary and displeased look instead by his sudden appearance.

"Fancy seeing you here; out of all the millions of people in the city, we happen to run into one another again. This is what I call fate, Loki." Tony grinned at him, brushing away the uncommon reaction Loki had given him.

"Fate, indeed," Loki replied without any enthusiasm whatsoever.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Usually not many people are looking for friendly conversation in these chilly temperatures; no less at nighttime either."

"Well, I guess you have a point." Tony admitted, but he found he was hardly deterred. "Hey, would you like to go to dinner? I'm sure you know some great restaurants out there, and I have the money to pay for any and all of them."

Loki exhaled suddenly, expelling a plume of breath that visible in the air. Tiredness seemed to envelope his whole being then, as if the weight of the world had fallen squarely on his shoulders; which wouldn't have been that surprising with all things considering. Loki had been juggling two careers simultaneously and both were equally demanding too. So it might have very well caught up with him finally.

"Not tonight, Stark. I have other plans; important plans."

"Oh, _oh_ ," Tony said, drawing to an unpleasant sort of conclusion. "You have a date; probably with a hot little number who loves roses and rock stars alike."

"Your skills of deduction are staggering." Loki made an annoyed noise in the back of throat, before he stepped past Tony and started up the street again.

Whether it was out of jealousy or simple curiosity, Tony couldn't say definitively. What he did know though was that he couldn't just leave Loki alone; so he followed after him, eventually falling into step with him even when he was shot an unwelcoming look. And that should have been a deterrent, but he was determined and he wasn't about to let something poison their progress; even if it was Loki himself.

"You know twenty years hasn't changed your attitude at all." Tony declared haughtily; hit by a wealth of annoyance all of the sudden. "One minute you're receptive to me, and then the next you act like I'm the biggest asshole on the planet. I don't get you at all; I mean I've tried to be patient, even when I've had doubts about this. But there's only so much a guy can take, before he just throws in the towel."

"Then give up." Loki came to a halt, looking even wearier than before. "I only asked for some of your patience, but if that's too much of a sacrifice for you; then by all means be on your way, Stark. But I will not have this conversation with you tonight. Tomorrow maybe, the day after certainly but not tonight,"

"Because you're in a hurry, of course; you couldn't conveniently squeeze me into your busy schedule even for twenty whole minutes."

"Very well then, come along; by all means!" Loki glowered heatedly. "Tell your driver to leave you and _my_ driver will take you and me to my destination. Would that make you feel better?"

"Actually it would, incredibly so even; stay here." Tony narrowed his eyes, still consumed by bubbling fury.

Without another word, he strode back into the previous direction that he had come from. The vehicle was still parked in the same position with Happy behind the wheel; who had been spying the busy streets with little interest. But once he caught glimpse of Tony, he immediately perked up like a puppy who had spied their owner from afar.

Rather than approach and verbally tell Happy he would be accompanying Loki, Tony jutted his finger behind him and made the universal shooing sign; hoping that it would get his point across. Happy was fast on the uptake, thankfully; he gave Tony a thumbs up and then an okay sign to prove that he understood, which Tony returned in kind.

With that taken care of, he swiveled on his heel and found Loki in the same spot that he left him at. Only when he came into reaching distance did Loki become mobile again, wordlessly hurrying down the street once more. But this time, there wasn't any conversation between them. It was clear that both were harboring some annoyance and anger towards the other and further verbal interaction would only worsen things between them.

Tony brooded for the rest of the walk; he thought nonsensical things, which didn't do him any favors in terms of his mood. In fact, it only seemed to blacken it with every step that he took. So it was an absolute god send, once Loki stepped towards the curb and towards a sleek black SUV that was being piloted by a pleasant looking guy with a fluffy mustache.

Loki yanked open the door, while clutching the large bouquet in one hand; giving Tony permission to climb inside first. He did so, immediately pleased by the fact he was finally out of the cold again; so much so that he almost moaned in contentment by the cozy compartment that made up the backseat.

"We can go now, Martin." Loki said, when he climbed into the seat beside Tony, and secured the door closed.

"Yes, Mr. Laufeyson." The driver returned, slowly turning the steering wheel; before he managed to merge into the evening traffic.

"When the hell did you get a driver?" Tony blurted out then.

"When Morgana hired one for me." Loki shot back, as he set the bouquet on the space between them; he then swiveled backwards and reached behind his seat to pull out a guitar case, which he eventually set on top of his feet.

Silence fell between them after that brief and haughty exchange; while it wasn't utterly insufferable, Tony could sense the tension nonetheless. It reminded him of the silences that oftentimes fell between him and Pepper, when they had been a couple and had gotten into a spat. So very much unlike the awkward silences that had a tendency to grow between him and his one nightstands or people he absolutely loathed.

At least there was a semblance of affection there, even in unpleasant situations like this one. Their progress hadn't been completely destroyed by their tiff; despite the fact, that Tony had all but been given permission just to give up on Loki, who didn't seem too torn up by the loss. Which should have outraged him more than it really did, except Tony knew that maybe the sentiment was spoken in anger or just exasperation at this point.

The drive seemed to last a lifetime; the SUV wound up and down several busy streets, driving past even gaudier displays of the Christmas spirit and even larger packs of people. Eventually it came to an end, just outside a beautiful stone and iron-wrought gate that extended for as far as the eye could see. Snow decorated the high stone walls, although the pathway beyond the gates had been newly shoveled.

The SUV drew up to the curb, but didn't drive up the pathway; which it easily could have done if the driver had decided to. Loki seemed unperturbed by the driver's decision though, as he pushed open the door before taking possession of the guitar case as he climbed out. He then took the bouquet in hand, and waited for Tony to follow him outside.

Tony clambered back out into the unpleasant cold, unable to hide the shiver that racked his body. It felt much colder than before; then again, he had been spoiled by the heater that had been at full blast while in the SUV and unfortunately wherever they were planning on going only seemed to promise further cold.

Wordlessly, Loki led Tony through the iron-wrought gates and up the pathway that was speckled with ice-melting salt and lined with light posts emitting a buttery-yellow glow. Beyond them were majestically tall trees, bared of leaves but cursed with heavy snow mounds on their branches instead. Shrubbery lined some of the pathways further along the way, yet they too were covered in snow; as was the roll of the lawns that seemed to stretch on forever.

They walked in single formation; Loki led Tony further along the pathway, past stone benches and statues that were indiscernible underneath the veil of snow. Tony stuffed his gloved hands into the pockets of his designer coat, about to ask where on earth that they were headed to; before the realization struck him head-on with the speed of a freight train.

His steps slowed for several paces, as he wildly looked from one side to the next. Small lumps of snow dotted the lawns, although there were several that had been dusted off and stood forlornly against the endless whiteness. Withered flowers and even Christmas wreaths decorated the plots, but so many more were all but forgotten.

Tony's tongue felt like it had turned to lead in his mouth; words refused to come to him, and he wasn't very sure if Loki would have wanted to hear any inane sentiment he would have said anyway. So he kept quiet, even as Loki made a sharp turn and treaded through the snow that went well past their ankles. Before he came to a halt beside a plot that was visibly grey underneath the white; a stone bench stood to the side of it, although it was covered in a thick layer of snow still.

"If you don't mind," Loki held out the bouquet to Tony, which he took without any commentary. Instead he watched as Loki dusted off the snow from the bench, and then placed his guitar case onto it.

Loki then stepped closer to the tombstone and crouched beside it, before he began to uncover it too. Within moments, Tony was assaulted by the bleak reality of the situation. The tombstone wasn't overly extravagant, but it was large and engraved with beautiful cursive lettering on one side; alongside a glass encased oval with Sif's likeness embedded in it.

The engraving above read _Laufeyson_ in large scrawling letters, followed by the title of beloved wife and the name Amelia Elizabeth; and then the dates came next: April 7th, 1952 – December 4th, 1982. The other side of the tombstone was unmarred, unwritten on which Tony already understood the implications of. Eventually that would be where Loki's birthdate and death date would be written.

"Hello, Mrs. Laufeyson." Loki said softly. "You'll have to forgive me for my absence; my week has been utterly hectic of late. But rest assured I haven't forgotten about you."

Loki swiveled around, reaching out to Tony for the bouquet; which he hurriedly passed along. Once the bouquet was in his possession again, Loki laid the flowers onto the ground in front of the tombstone with an amount of reverence Tony hadn't ever seen before in his life.

"Oh, where are my manners? Someone else has come to see you too. It might be a little surprising, to say the least; I know. But Anthony has come to see you; and yes I realize it's been a very long time. He's been busy as we both know; as everyone has been." Loki continued in a soft and heartbreaking way. "As for Mother and Father, I spoke to them this afternoon; they were unable to make it today, love. But they will be here, I believe on the eleventh if memory serves me, and I'm sure they'll have a lot to tell you about Portugal, and how much they enjoy the warm weather. No doubt, you would have preferred it as well.

"Although, you always loved Christmas time the best especially when it snowed. And it has been very cold and snowy season of late; frigid weather, really. You would have loved it."

Tony swallowed around the newly developed lump in his throat; struck by a wall of sadness so great, that he could hardly breathe. Because he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Loki did this during every visit; spoke to Sif as if she were still alive, instead of a memory long since skewed by time.

"Recently I remembered the conversation we had about Christmas gifts that year, in '82 more specifically. Remember that you had stopped trying to surprise me with gifts; because you always said I was far too hard to buy for. So you decided to just ask me for what I wanted as you had on my birthday in '76. And to be honest, you were equally as hard to buy for; so that's why we decided to get one another exactly what the other wanted for a change.

"I wanted a holiday to Barcelona and you wanted," Loki heaved loudly, almost painfully. "You wanted a baby, and do you remember how dismissive I was with the idea? You knew how much I feared being a terrible father, and yet you kept telling me otherwise. That I would be fantastic and stellar and utterly devoted; and I've been thinking about that quite a bit lately.

"We had a bit of a scare a few years beforehand, and I thought about how it would be like to have a child; our child. I even thought about how I would have loved to have a girl, our Scarlet Rose; who would have looked like her mother and had her stubborn, but trusting nature too. But she would play the piano like me, because I would be determined to instill some sort of musical ability into her. Even if you would have told me to let her decide for herself, and that maybe she didn't want to be a musician because her father was one, but instead she might have wanted to be an attorney or an engineer.

"Scarlet Rose would have been eighteen years old now, love. If it had worked out; we would have had a beautiful child, and now that I think of it, if we did have her, then I wouldn't have bought that bloody stupid car. Because a family of three couldn't have fit in it; it would have been a bad investment, really." Loki chuckled mirthlessly. "Maybe if we had Scarlet Rose, perhaps you'd be here with me still."

Another laugh escaped Loki, but it was the polar opposite to the one that Tony extracted from him days earlier. It was like an arrow to the heart; the kind that made Tony's protective instinct kick in. If he could, he would have somehow taken Loki away from all the pain of the world. And god only knew how he wanted to turn back time, righting all the wrongs he'd personally committed against Loki; which inevitably led to all of this.

Maybe if he hadn't reacted so badly to the news of his father's passing, then they could have extended their time together; and maybe they could have made it work somehow. Even if it was selfish to a degree, Tony couldn't help but wish for it nonetheless.

"Anyway, love; I brought my guitar and I'm going to sing for you. And don't worry; my voice is far better than it has been. I've actually been singing of late; I told you I was returning to music." Loki stood from his crouch, before unlatching his guitar case and pulling out an acoustic guitar. He then shut the case and set it onto the hard-packed snow beside the bench.

Loki motioned at the seat, inviting Tony to join him. After a few moments of contemplation, Tony sat on the edge of the bench; as Loki settled comfortably onto the other end. He watched Loki closely, when he peeled off his gloves and tossed them carelessly to the ground, and then began to strum at his guitar.

"I probably can get away with playing two songs this time; I think my fingers will freeze otherwise." Loki hummed. "I told you this before, but I think it deserves repeating. Every time I sang Bowie's _Letter to Hermione_ , it was for you. Since I was so terribly green with envy that you chose Thor over me back then, and you were so naïve when it came to my affections; so bloody naïve."

Without any further preamble, Loki launched into the song that Tony had fallen irreversibly in love with him to when he sang it during Odin's Sons first and final American tour. That moment had been electric and Tony had been so young but precocious; although stupidly unaware of the feelings he had been struck by while Loki had performed on stage in front of him.

Despite the years, the change in atmosphere, and the hardships that separated them so wholly currently. Tony felt the very same way he had when he was sixteen years old. His heart pounded erratically in his chest; beating only for Loki, and he clung onto every word for dear life that spilled out from his mouth.

It was love, it couldn't be anything else. It was too strong, too all-encompassing, and it brought unshed tears to his eyes. Because he knew that Loki was the love of his life; the moon to his stars, the very essence of his being. Even as he sang to his deceased wife, strummed his guitar, and exuded every heart-wrenching lyric from his very soul to Sif; Tony loved him so immensely that it hurt.

Slowly the song dwindled into the silence of the cemetery, but only briefly. Loki began to play a second song that Tony hadn't ever heard him play before; even if it was well-known and recognizable song. But he soon understood the meaning behind it; _Tiny Dancer_ just felt like a song for Sif. Tony didn't know how he hadn't made the connection beforehand; yet he knew he'd never forget it now.

The lyrics washed over him like a tidal wave, while simultaneously unearthing long forgotten memories of Sif. Tony remembered the smell of sunflowers, her vibrantly perfect laugh, and the way she held onto his hand and dragged him from one place to the next. How her eyes radiated with happiness, and how she'd roll them whenever she was exasperated; but more importantly, he remembered her kindness and beauty and sincerity.

He had ultimately taken all those things for granted the last time he had seen her. As a stupidly cocky and arrogant twenty-two year old, Tony hadn't cared if he would see Sif again or not. All he cared about was that she had betrayed him somehow by sleeping with Loki. That they both betrayed him, when he knew that it really wasn't the case; they hadn't betrayed him, and they hadn't meant to hurt him and that was something he'd never forgive himself for either.

In retrospect, everything made so much sense now. Regret weighed down his mind too. If anything, he should have wished to heal the broken bond between him and Sif, as opposed to the one he had with Loki. At least, he had been given the opportunity to find Loki again; to try and fix the fractured relationship between them, but he'd never have a second chance with Sif.

Tony was gradually jarred from his forlorn thoughts by Loki standing from the bench and returning his guitar to its case. He slid his gloves back on afterwards, before resuming his position in front of the tombstone. While the whole situation was strangely intimate, Loki had yet to ask him to go away. Even as Loki pressed his forehead to the tombstone and whispered several more sentiments that Tony couldn't make out from his vantage point; although he suspected he really didn't want to hear any further, he still didn't tell him to leave.

There were already too many personal things Tony had learned within a short period of time. Regardless of knowing about the children's names Sif had chosen for her potential son or daughter and even the pregnancy scare, Tony hadn't been privy to Loki's desire to actually have a child. But he also suspected that it might have been a wave of nostalgia that unearthed such a desire. Maybe when this horrible anniversary was over with, Loki would return to his former position on the matter.

Loki climbed back onto his feet, after he readjusted the bouquet in front of the tombstone, and brushed off any excess snow from it. Before he picked up his guitar case, and trudged back through the trail that they had created. Tony climbed to his feet too, only to approach the tombstone and press a gloved hand to the top of it. Words failed him, though; so he settled on an awkward goodbye instead.

With one final look, he turned and followed after Loki; who had already made it to the paved pathway. Soon enough Tony joined Loki, and was now keenly aware of how much his face hurt from the cold in the air; not to mention how damp his trousers were, from wadding through the snow. He couldn't suppress the chill that ran through his body, but he was glad when they began to walk the way they came and towards the promise of warmth.

The distant sounds of the city became more apparent as they continued onward. This time around, Tony walked side-by-side with Loki; whose eyes were devoid of any emotion, as if the visit to Sif's grave had sucked the energy out of him. Which was perfectly understandable to Tony, since he felt equally as drained from the visit too; and he hadn't even been that close to Sif either.

"Thank you." Loki spoke abruptly, emitting a large plume of breath into the air.

"For what; I didn't do anything."

"For coming to see Amelia, of course; her parents are already well into their seventies and cannot visit as often as they had. So I am the only one who can, and with work obligations I haven't made the trip for a week. And unfortunately, I might not be able to come very frequently with my upcoming schedule."

"I'll come and visit, don't worry." Tony smiled up at Loki, although it wasn't returned. "Even if it'll freeze my balls off; I'll come as much as I can."

"I don't deserve your affections, Anthony. They would be better placed elsewhere." Loki suddenly offered his hand to him. "But I'm much too selfish to send you away."

It only took half a second for Tony to take Loki's hand in his and squeeze it tightly. Something warm pooled in his stomach, as they continued walking hand-in-hand towards the iron-wrought gate in the distance. Even though, they had a long way to go in understanding one another and a serious need to discuss everything in detail; specifically how they wanted to proceed next. Tony felt some kind of peace of mind now that he knew Loki still wanted him around.

They were getting there; they were _finally_ getting there.


	33. Chapter Thirty-two :: Home at Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit I'm pretty excited about Christmas; so this made me happy to write. And on a side note, I listened to "Gratitude" by VNV Nation a lot while writing this chapter.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-two :: Home at Last**

 

* * *

 

_My god, look at what we are now -  
without regret for all the things that we have done._

**"Gratitude" -**  VNV Nation

 

* * *

 

"Can I open it now?"

"Is it the twenty-fifth yet?" Loki wrenched the small package from Tony's grasp, before thumping him over the head with it. "Because the last time I checked it was the ninth."

"Semantics, really," Tony tried to take the demurely wrapped gift back, but Loki had other plans in mind; keeping it above his head beyond Tony's reach. "Come on, it wouldn't hurt to let me open it now."

As young as he could remember, Tony had always been infuriatingly impatient. When it came to his work, well that was a different matter altogether; he wanted to produce a product that was superior and beyond any on the market currently. His ego dictated his level of patience in that respect, but otherwise he couldn't stand to wait for anything.

Gift opening was just one of those instances; Pepper had to literally hide any present she purchased for him on any occasion, because he would find it and he would open it before the allotted date. Which would inevitably explain why the huge artificial Christmas tree was mostly barren of colorfully wrapped gifts; Tony had already rummaged through the few packages and found nothing with his name on them.

There had been several for Happy, some for Rhodey, plenty for Pepper, and some for random business associates and shareholders; but none had been for him. And when he asked his CEO and ex-girlfriend, she had only rolled her eyes and told them he'd get them on twenty-fourth if he was lucky. So he was determined to at least open one gift before Christmas Eve.

"You're worse than a child." Loki scowled down at him, but continued to hold the gift over his head still. "You will open it on the twenty-fifth."

"You have to go home eventually!" Tony persisted, before shooting him a wide grin. "Well, technically you don't have to go home. We can forget about the present, and focus on each other instead."

The insinuation hung lightly in the air; except Tony didn't have any reason to worry. It seemed like him and Loki had come to a point where inappropriate jokes weren't a serious violation anymore. As much as it only made Pepper roll her eyes and Rhodey sigh in exasperation; which was another step in the right direction.

Loki fixed him with an unreadable stare, before whacking him over the head harder than previously. He cowered from the hit, vocalizing his displeasure with a loud and whiny _ouch_ ; but that hardly dampened his determination to get what he wanted. And what he really wanted was to know what Loki had deemed appropriate to give him for the holiday.

"Shall I leave this with Miss Potts? Because it appears as if you're untrustworthy in every sense of the word." Loki arched an eyebrow, as he lowered his hand that was in possession of the gift.

"You're no fun; what happened to the crazy, fun loving rock star I once knew?"

"Clearly, you didn't know me very well. I've always been shrewd about when one can open their Christmas gifts."

"Come on, I'm excited! Excitement's good!"

"Delayed gratification is better, Little Stark." Loki smirked then; a seductive little quirk of his lips that sent a bolt of want through Tony's heart.

It had been there all along, of course. But Tony had gotten used to shoving it to the back of his mind, especially since that eye opening incident only several days beforehand. Once he had been exposed to the tragedy that encompassed Loki's life, it had put everything truly into perspective for him. He had witnessed it firsthand, instead of just experiencing the hearsay of it all.

Some of Loki's words had even haunted him now; like little specters on the edge of his consciousness, waiting to spring up out of nowhere and remind him how far removed they were. Yet it also served as a reminder that they couldn't be any closer either.

"You drive a hard bargain, Laufeyson." He patted Loki on the chest, keenly aware of his thinness all of the sudden. "You might as well leave the gift with Pepper; I don't have any self-restraint whatsoever."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that."

"Okay, maybe I do have some. But honestly I'm teetering on the edge already with you."

"And the years haven't done anything to squelch that?" Loki asked.

"Have you seen the articles about me? I'm pretty sure my arrest record was highly publicized."

"No, that wasn't what I was referring to." Loki folded his arm behind his back; shielding the gift from Tony's eyes. "I was referring to your reaction to me. I'm no longer the spry thirty year old I once was, Stark. In fact, I am far from what I used to be in terms of appearance; age hasn't been particularly forgiving with me."

Of course, the duration of twenty years was bound to change people physically. Not many people could tote the fact they were unable to age, but it seemed like Loki had tapped into the fountain of youth somewhere along his travels. Whether or not he believed it was irrelevant; Tony, however, saw him for what he truly was.

Loki had aged gracefully; while there might have been some crow's feet around his eyes, that visible scar that ran along his jaw. It hadn't detracted from his appearance at all. Loki's hair was still ebony without any visible sign of white in it, as opposed to Tony's own. And his body seemed to be in tip-top shape beyond the thinness of it.

Even if he hadn't looked as well as he did, Tony still would have wanted him anyway; it wouldn't have mattered if he was as sickly and skinny as Fandral, or hazy-eyed and wrinkled like some of his other contemporaries. Tony wanted Loki because he was Loki.

"You have a funny definition of forgiving, babe." Tony chuckled softly. "You look great; better than twenty years ago to me. I mean have you seen Mick Jagger or Keith Richards or Robert Plant? That is called aging badly; whatever you're doing, well that's beyond scientific reason. You might be part alien; it would explain a lot, actually."

"Very funny,"

"Besides, even if you did age badly that wouldn't matter to me. I'd still think you were perfect and I'd still be stupidly pining over you for the rest of my life." He turned away, choosing instead to stare at the artificial Christmas tree that Pepper had erected in front of the penthouse's wall of windows.

Pepper had gone all out with the holiday decorations. Twinkling lights ran from the crown molding along the wall, as did wreaths and holly and anything else that was considered festive but still maintained some elegance too. But the tree was the centerpiece; it stood well above seven feet, and was wound with colorful strings of light and an assortment of baubles that really brought the whole picture together.

Tony fixed his eyes on the pale blue star perched on the top of the tree, although he couldn't help but sense Loki behind him. His much taller frame slid up from behind him, before the gift Loki had bought for him was dangled over his right shoulder.

"What could you possibly give the man who has the world?" Loki whispered out the sentiment, almost in exasperation. "Open it up then; you'll find only disappointment."

Automatically Tony reached for the gift; once it was finally in his possession, he studied the gift paper and the elegance in which was wrapped with; no doubt wrapped by Loki himself. It wasn't very large and it was lightweight too, which heralded very few ideas in what it could potentially be without opening it.

Without any thoughts against it, he slipped his thumb under the paper's flap at the end of the box; then methodically began to unwrap the gift. He didn't want to tear the paper into shreds, which he normally would have if it hadn't been from Loki. So he took as much care as he could, until a black, thin box was revealed underneath the wrappings.

Absentmindedly, Tony set aside the wrapping paper onto a side table; before he shimmied off the top of the box and peered inside. Sitting at the bottom of the box was two elongated, sturdy pieces of paper; or the best way to describe them – tickets. He picked them out of the box and read the bold text across them, then whipped around to stare at Loki who was still uncharacteristically close to him.

"These are…?"

"You are a difficult man to buy for, Stark." Loki chuckled mirthlessly. "Of course, these aren't any better. In fact, I'm sure it really isn't much of a gift at all; maybe it's more self-promotion than anything else."

Tony reread the text again, as if the words couldn't possibly be true. Except they were; they were written in black and white, and drew him back to 1971 and 1976 respectively. It was almost like going home again, after years of avoiding it like the plague; making up ample excuses on why it was a bad idea, but now finding it unavoidable and impossible to ignore.

"You're really doing it; you're actually going to do it." He glimpsed up at Loki again, who now looked uncomfortable.

"I'm only doing a limited amount of performances. I won't be going on any yearlong tours anymore. So far I only have three shows scheduled, and that's the first of them. But maybe it was presumptuous of me to believe you'd like to go; worse yet that I gifted them to you. I imagine some would call it uncouth of me to do."

"No, no not uncouth; it's everything that I ever wanted."

"Don't make fun of me, Stark."

"I'm not making fun of you, Loki." Tony stared into his eyes. "Thank you; thank you for this. I mean it too."

Maybe it was a trick of the many rainbow lights, but for a split-second something like relief washed across Loki's face; overlapping the hesitation and anxiety that gleamed through his well-positioned mask.

"You've officially ruined the holiday for yourself, Stark."

"No, I haven't. I just gave myself something to look forward to for next year. Not every day can you say you'll be able to see your favorite singer on stage again; especially one who went into retirement so many years ago."

"I suppose you chose the wrong singer then."

"Definitely not," he grinned at Loki, before he set the tickets and box aside, and took him by the wrist.

Loki didn't resist him either; he allowed Tony to pull him across the lounge and closer to the wet bar parallel to the Christmas tree. Inquisition filled Loki's eyes, but he didn't question Tony; even as they drew to a halt in the place where Tony inevitably wanted him in.

Wordlessly, Tony pointed skyward and watched as Loki lifted his head to reveal the lovely expanse of white flesh that made up his throat. But he truly reveled in the dramatic roll of Loki's eyes, once he realized what he'd been up to by being dragged there by him in the first place. And he really hadn't expected any less.

"Really, Stark," Loki scoffed. "I would have expected far better from the likes of you. Unless all the women you've bedded within the past twenty years have been dodos without any want or desire for finesse."

"Hey, I take offense! Some of the women I've slept with might have been questionable in the intelligence department; but there were plenty who actually were charmed by my boyish attempts to get them into bed."

"Evidently, I'm just blind to your boyish charms."

"But this is the rule of the land; where's your spirit of Christmas, babe?"

"It died when you opened the gift I gave you."

"You gave it to me to open!" Tony protested, before he reached up to grasp Loki by the biceps.

"That's because you were clearly pouting like a child."

"Aha, you aren't blind to my boyish charms after all!"

"You are bloody insufferable." Loki glowered down at him, but there wasn't any true disdain behind it; which was a good sign for Tony, who drew closer to Loki until they were almost chest to chest.

Just as he tilted his head up, Loki's palm slapped unceremoniously across his face and held him back. For a moment or two, Tony could only stand there; vision obscured by Loki's fingers, before something akin to a snort of laughter came out of him. He pulled away enough for Loki's hand to slide off his face, and couldn't help but laugh at the annoyed look he was pinned with.

"Okay, I get it; the boyish charm doesn't work on a regal gentleman like yourself." Tony released his hold on Loki's arms with a smile. "You want to be wined and dined and taken to the theater. And I am totally down for that; I mean I've done worse for less."

"Regal is another word for old."

"No, regal is another word for _kingly_."

"You aren't using it in that context, though." Loki's face pinched up in further annoyance then.

"Hey, I think I know the context in which I used that word. If I wanted to call you an old man, I would. But you aren't one, so, you know, shut up." Tony pointed at him just as Loki's mouth opened in retaliation.

When he was certain that Loki wasn't about to argue anymore, Tony spun on his heel to make his way to the bar and for a much needed drink. But he was stopped by a firm hand on his arm; he turned to look over his shoulder at Loki, and was forcibly made to face him once more. He was compelled to say something sarcastic or witty in reply, except the expression in Loki's eyes halted him from doing so.

They stared at one another for several impossibly long moments, until Loki draped both his arms over Tony's shoulders and stepped forward; eliminating the space between them. Tony tilted his head up to maintain eye contact, but suddenly felt breathless because he had been in this position before. A position that he swore he'd never be in again, and he feebly reached up to keep Loki close to him by winding his arms around his waist.

"Anthony," Loki uttered, as he bent his head; only a hair's width away from Tony's face. "My Little Stark, such a brilliantly splendid genius."

"Don't talk to me like that; my self-control can't handle that, Loki."

"Patience is a virtue, Anthony." Loki pressed his lips to Tony's gently; sending a shockwave of pleasure coursing through Tony's body.

His hands clutched painfully against Loki's waist, as he kissed him back with as much softness that he could muster; even though his base needs wanted him to do otherwise. Every fiber of his being wanted him to deepen the kiss, to meld himself with Loki until they became one entity. But he abstained and permitted Loki to slip away from him, before he pressed another kiss to his lips.

"Next time, dazzle me with your _manly_ charm instead."

"Yes, sir," Tony whispered dreamily back; marveling in the way the Christmas lights haloed around Loki's dark head and made him seem otherworldly.

Neither of them spoke another word; they were too preoccupied with one another. Tony found Loki's mouth again, and allowed himself to kiss him with as much fervor as he could. And Loki returned it without any hesitation whatsoever, which made his knees go weak and his heart to thud painfully in chest. But he was home at last.


	34. Chapter Thirty-three :: All My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone appreciates the fact that this story is killing me. You'll see why in this chapter. And I listened to "Sirens" by Pearl Jam a lot while writing this, but my main muse was "All My Love" by Led Zeppelin.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-three :: All My Love**

 

* * *

 

It was domestic; oddly domestic even. Tony peered over the top of his newspaper, and studied Loki on the other end of the couch; who was busily jotting down in his day planner. They'd been seated in peaceable quiet for almost an hour now; enjoying one another's company at the end of a very trying day.

Tony had had several meetings back to back to attend to earlier on, which left him both cranky and exhausted. So it had been a pleasant surprise to have found Loki waiting for him outside the elevator's doors; nonchalantly playing off the meaning behind the visit. While it wasn't a momentous occasion, it still meant progress and that was something to celebrate over.

More importantly, it meant that Loki wanted to be around him as much as he wanted to be around him. Even if Loki wasn't bound to vocalize this desire, actions frequently spoke louder than words anyway. And words were only bound to complicate things more than they already were at this point.

"Busy schedule, I take it." Tony smiled as Loki looked up and pushed his spectacles up his nose; funnily enough, he hadn't really known he had a glasses fetish until recently.

He definitely wouldn't be opposed to Loki wearing only his glasses to bed; sprawled out and glistening with sweat across the linens, begging between pants to be fucked or to fuck Tony. It didn't really matter, so long as he wore those glasses during the act in some capacity.

"The ongoing struggles of a musical comeback," Loki muttered, before he returned to his writings again.

"Don't you have a personal assistant or a manager to keep track of your schedule?"

"You know that I do; however, it's nice to have my own record of it. I loathed being herded from one location to another without any forewarning."

"You're definitely a control freak, babe." Tony folded over the newspaper, and tossed it onto the coffee table. "But I like that; it's nice to hand over control every once in a while to someone else, if you catch my drift."

As smoothly as he could, Tony sidled up beside Loki; pressed close to his side, which earned him a wary look in response. But that didn't deter him from throwing his arm around Loki's shoulders, and pressing a chaste kiss to his smooth cheek.

"I'm in the middle of something." Loki stressed every word, as if that would somehow make Tony flee with his tail between his legs.

"It's time to take a break, actually." Tony insisted, grabbing onto the day planner and pen with his free hand; before tossing both haphazardly onto the coffee table, where his newspaper was balanced on the edge.

An angry protest erupted from Loki's mouth, but Tony quickly silenced him by a hungry kiss. Within moments, the rigidness that emitted off of Loki slowly ebbed away; leaving behind a compliant mouth that chastely kissed him back, and sent a tidal wave of heat through Tony's body.

It was becoming harder and harder to deny the fact, that he was starved for physicality. His hand could only do so much for him, although he had become far bolder of late; more so, when the certainty of Loki's interest had been shown within the past few days. So he had toyed with further methods of self-pleasure; awkwardly trying to implement penetration into his usual masturbatory sessions.

Discomfort had gotten the best of him though, once he managed to nudge his forefinger into his body; but he still persisted until he managed to weasel another finger inside of himself. Except, it hadn't garnered anything pleasurable; the only thing that it had caused was a sharp ache in his ass, yet it hadn't dampened his desire to continue the practice. Especially if it meant that he could eventually explore the possibilities with Loki without disastrous results.

Heat swelled and continued to build in the pit of Tony's stomach, as he lapped at Loki's bottom lip. Almost shyly, Loki opened his mouth; giving Tony the opportunity to delve his tongue between his lips. Regardless of the fact, that they had dabbled in deepened kisses days earlier; it didn't lessen the excitement he felt or the pleasure he inevitably experienced either.

Tony reached up to cradle Loki's cheek, while tangling his tongue with his. A soft almost indiscernible mew slipped out of Loki, which went directly to Tony's groin and made him kiss Loki harder and more passionately than beforehand. But they soon separated, once air became a necessity again.

"Remind me why we haven't done this sooner?" He chuckled breathlessly, as he pushed an errant strand of hair away from Loki's face.

"Because we are not animals; or at least I am not an animal."

"There's nothing wrong with following your heart."

"That isn't what you're following, Stark."

"When did you become such a comedian?" Tony kissed him softly, only to trail kisses across his jaw; more specifically along the thin scar that stood out starkly against Loki's skin.

"Remind me why I'm allowing you to ravage me like this." Loki sighed in contentment; tilting his head to the side, and giving Tony permission to lavish the curve of his neck with undivided attention.

Tony didn't bother to reply; he was too preoccupied by the skin at his disposal, and wanting to taste every inch of it. He was urged on by the hand that slowly made its way into his hair. It felt right; unlike his many trysts with hundreds of nameless faces with hungry mouths and demanding hands. But he'd known that from the get-go; he'd known Loki was the one for all this time.

They shifted closer to one another, which made it easier for Tony to wrap his arms around Loki. Before he returned his mouth to Loki's that appreciatively returned the kiss; both were quick to deepen it and tangle their tongues together once more. Tony could taste the familiar combination of tobacco, tea, and some kind of candy on Loki; something he had sorely missed without even realizing it.

As they continued to kiss, his hands shifted and roamed across Loki's back; going up to the width of his shoulders and then downwards to his tailbone. His fingers slipped underneath the waistband of Loki's trousers, although it was a tight fit due to his belt. It didn't stop him from trying to weasel his way further into the space, in hopes of finding flesh to make contact with.

Unfortunately, his actions didn't result in a positive outcome; so he busied himself with removing his fingers and grabbing desperately onto the swell of Loki's bottom. Loki groaned into his mouth; low and almost melodically, which only spurred him on even more. Tony squeezed his ass, unable to control his mounting his arousal, and his desire to relieve it somehow.

His hands familiarized themselves with the firm mounds; struck by his many fantasies all at once, more specifically the one where Loki was sprawled across his bed, wearing only his eye glasses. And it could easily become a reality, if he played his cards right too.

"Mm, Stark." Loki pulled away from his mouth. "Stop it; slow down."

"I can't help myself; you're irresistible." He nipped at Loki's jaw, while his hands continued to roam and fondle and grope Loki's ass. "God, it's been so long since we've done this."

The only response Tony received in return was a hard shove to the chest, which jarred him from his cozy position against Loki. Except his hands remained firmly in place still, even when Loki glowered at him from behind his spectacles.

"I said stop _now_." Loki reached behind him then and wrenched Tony's hands away. "Don't take liberties that aren't yours to take."

"I didn't mean, wow, I'm sorry." Tony shook his head, in hopes that the haze of lust that settled over him would go away.

But it was almost a guarantee with the unhappy look that Loki was shooting at him. The last thing he wanted to do was cause any disharmony between them, especially when they were at a great place now. He had been so careful not to cross the line up to that point; so it was horrifying to realize he had really pushed it.

Tony shimmied backwards on the couch, before raising his hands in a placating way. Or so he hoped was a placating way, although it was hard to discern if Loki took it that way or not. Seeing as he continued to look at him with an annoyed stare, that probably would have killed anyone who hadn't been on the receiving end of it beforehand.

"I'm sorry, Loki."

"It's fine, truly." Loki touched the corner of his mouth, before diverting his eyes away. "I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe some time in the near future, but not now. And I need you to respect that; if you can't then there really isn't any reason to continue like this."

"I have no excuses; I got over enthusiastic, and I didn't mean to back you into a corner." Tony felt a well of panic grip him suddenly. "But I can respect your decision; I'll keep my hands to myself from now on. I won't cross that line again; I promise. Cross my heart and all that bullshit. But I don't mean your concerns are bullshit or anything!"

"Anthony, shut up."

"Okay, I can do that. Even if I rarely do it, but this time I will; promise."

"I don't mean to be utterly and overly sensitive about this, of course." Loki peered up at him with a bitter smile. "It's just been a very long time since I've been intimate with anyone. I've almost forgotten how it feels and I couldn't imagine how inept and useless I would be in this area of my life; especially when I had such a _colorful_ sexual history, to put it lightly."

"You don't have to explain anything to me. I'm at fault here."

"I should be flattered, really. That a well-documented casa nova would want an emotionally decrepit individual like me; no less not even at their physical prime on top of that, which makes me question your sanity, Anthony."

"Question it as much as you want; I still want you, even if you can't believe it." Tony held out his hand, and was immediately relieved when Loki took it with his own. "I told you that you're perfect to me. And if I have to wait a little longer to show you how much I love you, then I'm just going to have to have a horrible case of blue balls for a while. So don't be surprised if I lose it two seconds in, when we finally get to that point. Because trust me, I can usually last longer than that."

Loki shook his head with a flicker of annoyance in his eyes, which was a good sign. But he surprised Tony by leaning towards him and kissing him softly. It was short lived, though; just a press of lips that fleeted away within a five second span of time. Yet it had held a lot of significance to Tony nonetheless.

"You are positively absurd, you know that."

"Yeah, well you couldn't expect any more from an eccentric billionaire. One that happens to be a technological genius; that was kind of a given."

"Birds of a feather, as they say,"

"Loki, I love you." Tony said without any hesitation; convinced at that moment, he had to say it and cement his position once more.

There was an importance to it; a repetitiveness to it even, however he needed to reiterate it. He needed Loki to know it, and that he wasn't about to find someone else to warm his bed; even if he was severely sex deprived and a little loony because of it.

"And I you, Anthony Stark," Loki said and squeezed his hand, seemingly unaware of the significance of his declaration.

But the sentiment cut Tony to the quick; shot him directly through the heart, and manifested itself in a loud and joyous laugh. Before he could even overanalyze his reaction, he grabbed Loki by the side of his neck and kissed him hard and happily; exuding the maelstrom of emotions that threatened to consume him whole.

"Say it again, say it again!" He pulled away with another bubble of laughter.

"And I you, Anthony Stark," Loki replied with a tinge of confusion to his tone, before Tony kissed him again.

"Again; say it again!"

"And I you, Anthony Stark,"

"Again," he laughed between kisses, which seemed to cause a chain reaction.

"And I you, Anthony Stark," Loki chuckled, only to be silenced by Tony once more; until both of them were taken over by laughter completely.

It felt good, better than the previous moments of arousal even to Tony. He never imagined he'd be able to laugh so freely with Loki ever. Even in his wildest of dreams, that hadn't been in the scope of possibility. So he cherished that moment for all it was worth, and engraved the lightness of Loki's expression and the twinkle in his eyes into his memory. Because he knew no one had made Loki laugh like this in fourteen years, and he was glad to be the one who did.


	35. Chapter Thirty-four :: Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am, updating for a third time in three days; I know people were complaining about how I haven't done this lately. Well, here you go; blame Pearl Jam.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-four :: Always**

 

* * *

 

Led Zeppelin was set to repeat; every album from their self-entitled debut to _Physical Graffiti_ and every one in between. Tony hadn't managed to garner any strength to tell JARVIS to switch up his musical preferences; not when he was in such mind-numbing pain, which was unfortunately frequent when it came to the arc reactor.

The majority of the time, there were very few symptoms to having a piece of machinery in his body. But sometimes there were bursts of discomfort and waves of agony too. Most of which would keep him down for several hours, before they would eventually subside and leave him a little sore but nothing more; so it really wasn't very surprising to him, even if it was an unfavorable outcome.

Tony lied supine across his bed with his eyes closed, and tried feebly to will the pain away. When that didn't work though, he shifted his thoughts elsewhere; to an innumerable amount of topics and ideas that roved his mind so freely. He thought of the upcoming holiday and what Pepper inevitably bought for him. He thought of the upcoming Stark Expo and the tireless piles of paperwork that still needed to be initialed and signed. And then he thought of JARVIS's many upgrades, and what would make his AI work vastly better than he already did.

More often than not, Tony thought about Loki; tried to focus more on his physical features than all their miscommunications and complications and successes between them. It was so much easier to toss aside the exasperating things, and instead turn his thoughts to the simplistic. Even if that didn't dampen the pain or silence the hisses of distress that wafted out of him periodically; but not even Loki's infinite beauty could trump a medical issue like Tony's.

But it was a nice distraction to have nonetheless; any distraction was a good one, well aside from Pepper's constant pestering. While it was good-natured, he couldn't stand being coddled like an infant. He preferred absolute solitude instead; except he was never lucky in that respect, especially if one of these episodes came on while in close proximity to his former girlfriend. And that had been the case this time around, although he wasn't very sure where Pepper had gone once he fell unceremoniously onto the bed in his business attire.

His hand cupped the arc reactor, as he exhaled deeply several times. The pain hadn't lessened any within the past hour, but he knew it would. It always did and at least these bouts of agony weren't as frequent as they had been in the beginning. He imagined within a year or so that they would all but cease altogether; well, if he was lucky.

Robert Plant continued to croon through the speakers overhead; loud enough to make his head ache in time with his chest. He was close to mustering up the strength to call out to JARVIS about the volume, but drew up short by the sound of the door being pushed open and a concerned looking Pepper crossing into his vision.

"JARVIS lower the volume." She commanded, before she offered him several pain capsules. "These might help some."

"Doubtful,"

"Maybe a proper distraction could." She glimpsed over her shoulder then, and beckoned someone into the master suite and eventually into Tony's sight line.

Confusion and surprise overwhelmed Tony temporarily, before a wide smile spread across his lips. He hadn't expected any sort of fanfare or for Pepper to even consider contacting Loki, due to a few hours of unrelenting agony. But he could easily say that he was glad that she did.

Regardless of his happiness on seeing Loki, he really couldn't articulate much beyond a feeble _hey_ ; especially since another bolt white-hot pain flooded his senses and made him clench his eyes and jaw closed in protest. He groaned in spite of himself, temporarily deaf to the curt conversation above him and the background music that continued to play uninterrupted.

It took some time for him to gain a fraction of lucidity again. Once he had, Tony opened his eyes to see Pepper gone but Loki hovering above him, statuesque and unmoving; as if he feared that any little movement would jar Tony's pain further. Which it probably would, if Loki were the type to stomp around and jump on beds; and well, Tony knew he was far from the type even if the visual was absurdly funny to imagine.

Now that he had a brief reprieve from the pain, he remembered he was still clutching the tablets in his hand. He tossed them into his mouth, forgoing any water, and swallowed them down dry. A bitter taste spread across his tongue, which normally would make him gag if he had been mobile. Instead he only rolled his tongue across the interior of his mouth and smacked his lips; but that did very little to eliminate the aftertaste.

"May I join you?" Loki drew his attention again; sounding uncommonly timid and uncertain.

"Sure," he managed to say, before he succumbed to another cringe of pain.

As he worked through another knot, while not as intense as many of the previous bouts, it was still horrible nonetheless; Tony felt the mattress sink to his right, and lifted his eyes to see Loki looming over him. Loki had settled onto his side beside him; face colored by visible make-up. The green of his eyes popped even more than usual due to the grease-like eye shadow painted onto his face.

"Apologies; I've only come from a bothersome photo shoot. I hadn't any time to clean up, before I received Miss Potts's telephone call about your condition." Loki explained, as he reached for Tony's tie and attempted to untie it one-handedly. "She said you have bouts like these sometimes. But she also mentioned how they are few and far between nowadays."

Tony nodded weakly, watching as Loki sat up; freeing his other hand, so he could unknot his tie appropriately before sliding it off and tossing it to the floor. His nimble fingers then began to unbutton his shirt, and appeared to take caution when he had to make contact with the arc reactor; probably because Tony tensed and sucked in a breath when his touch came too close for comfort.

"Have you seen a proper physician for this?"

"Plenty,"

"And there isn't any feasible alternative than this magnet?"

"Surgery; high risk of death, though." He groaned, really not up for a detailed conversation about his medical history.

He and Pepper had already discussed his options at length, and both of them had agreed that surgery was far too risky to consider. Not to mention, the arc reactor seemed to be doing its job decently; aside from these episodes of pain that came and went at random. And well, a few hours of sporadic pain was far better than dying on a slab in some hospital somewhere.

Loki pushed open Tony's shirt once it was fully unbuttoned, before leveling him with an unreadable look. No matter how many times Tony had studied Loki, tried to interpret every little nuance about him; he still couldn't read his facial expressions all that well. Maybe Loki didn't want him to either.

"Will this magnet last you long term?"

"God, I hope so." Tony chuckled gruffly. "But I can always make another one if I need to."

"Maybe you should make another once you are well." Loki returned, as he laid a cool palm to Tony's belly. "Don't procrastinate on something so important, Stark. Not when your life could easily be at stake."

Tony shuddered, although he couldn't say from what. Those words were weighted and heavy; yet the look Loki gave him really struck him hard. There was a well of sadness there, one that he really hadn't taken notice of beforehand. Or maybe he wanted to ignore it for long as humanly possible, beyond brief moments when lucidity dictated his sight and it became so damn obvious that even feigned ignorance couldn't help him.

"Sounds like a plan."

"I'm glad." Loki settled down beside him again; close enough that their bodies touched.

Loki's hand remained on his belly still, as his fingers drew indiscernible patterns across the definition of his muscles, and eventually ebbed higher along his torso. Only when Loki's fingers sprawled underneath the arc reactor, did Tony notice something amiss. Even a whitewash of pain, couldn't draw his eyes away from Loki's hand; more specifically his _left_ hand and the absence of the gold band around his ring finger.

There was a slight difference of skin tones on Loki's finger; Tony wouldn't have necessarily called it a tan line, but where the band once sat was paler than the rest of his hand. He looked up at Loki, wordlessly trying to express his confusion.

"I won't touch it, even though it's fascinating." Loki replied, about to lift his hand away; but Tony stopped him with his own hand and kept it firmly on his chest.

"I don't like people touching it; I kind have a phobia about it, you know." He managed to say without too much difficulty. "But I'll let you touch it, after you answer my question."

"The pain medication must be working already. But I will humor you, Stark. What would you like to know?"

"Where is your wedding ring; you always wear your wedding ring." He made eye contact and for a split-second he wished he hadn't.

Something dark quickly passed across Loki's face, before he suddenly shook Tony's hand off his and placed it directly over the arc reactor. His fingers curved around the outer casing, which stole the breath out of Tony's lungs; knowing it would only take a twist, a turn, and a yank and the arc reactor would come out of his body and send him head-first into cardiac arrest.

Loki leaned into Tony, so close that their noses almost touched; except the darkness didn't leave Loki's face entirely. It seemed determined to remain fully transfixed on his features for the rest of his life; although Tony found himself far more focused on his hand clutched around the arc reactor instead. His life literally was in Loki's control.

"It's around my neck, my wedding ring." Loki whispered it out, on the verge of being venomous. "I put it on a chain around my neck for safe keeping; so it would always be close to my heart."

"Why take it off at all, though?"

"Because," Loki flattened his hand across the arc reactor, and dropped his gaze; seemingly deflated. "Because it was time for me to let her go; I have to let her go now. Even if I don't want to, even if it kills me; I have to let her go. For you, Anthony,"

The words echoed in Tony's mind; breaking through the haze of pain, and leaving him speechless. He hadn't expected Loki to ever give up his wedding band; in fact, it never seemed like much of an issue. And yet it was the truest thing to a commitment between them.

They might have expressed their feelings for one another both verbally and physically; but there had always been something holding Loki back. His feelings for Sif weren't bound to disappear overnight; not when he had mourned her so apparently for fourteen years, and Tony hadn't expected him to let go of her anytime soon; maybe never.

So this was it; they weren't struggling to find one another. They weren't taking baby steps in the right direction. They had finally gotten to their destination; they were there. They had reached the mountaintop, so to speak. _Finally._

"Loki," Tony spoke once again, feeling a different sort of pressure in his chest; as he folded his hand over Loki's that was still on the arc reactor.

"I'm terrified, Anthony. The only time I was this scared, I lost her; utterly lost her. And in a way, I'm losing her again but I'm willingly letting her go. Simply because I can't let _you_ go; not now, never again."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"This magnet could give out at any time; any given moment." Loki lifted his eyes; unable to hide the fear in them, and maybe he didn't want to hide it either.

Tony managed to lift his other hand and cupped Loki's cheek, before he smiled as reassuringly as he could at him. There was never a hundred percent guarantee that the arc reactor wouldn't give out; but Tony was confident enough that it wouldn't. He knew his own workmanship and he hadn't cut any corners or used substandard materials when it came to the arc reactor's construction. So he was confident that it wouldn't give out anytime soon, and if it did; he would have a back-up for it. He'd make another; twenty more if he had to.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about that." He smiled more confidentially than before. "I'm a genius and a master craftsman; I'm practically the Picasso of advanced computer technology. This baby isn't going to give out anytime soon, honey. I'm not going anywhere; you're stuck with me for the next fifty years in the very least."

Something akin to a laugh erupted from Loki's lips, although the fear hadn't disappeared from his eyes an iota. It probably wouldn't go away anytime soon either; not until the arc reactor proved it was a viable life source for Tony.

"But you are still in pain." Loki insisted after a moment, once his laughter subsided.

"The last time this happened it was in February. It's becoming infrequent; Pepper told you as much, and she's the biggest worry wart around. But in this instance, I'm glad she was because you came to see me."

"I would have come anyway; eventually."

"I'm going to hold you to that from now on."

"By all means," Loki pressed his forehead to Tony's then; an intimate gesture that Tony couldn't remember ever doing beforehand, not even with Pepper.

Tony shut his eyes, losing himself to the closeness between them; his hand tightened on Loki's, and while the pain hadn't completely subsided it was manageable. Or maybe he had found the perfect distraction from the intensity of it. Whatever the reason may be, Tony was grateful for it. But more importantly, he was grateful to know that things were officially happening now.

He and Loki were not participating in an endless game of cat and mouse anymore. Nor did they have to worry about the other's desire to remain rooted to the spot; it was clear now. Tony knew without a shadow of a doubt that Loki wouldn't stray from him; not after he took off his wedding ring. That was an unshakeable gesture of commitment.

"Stay with me for a little while." Tony whispered and tightened his hold even more on Loki's hand.

"Always," Loki murmured back and Tony knew it was the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing as I'm not a licensed doctor (I'm sure you're surprised by this revelation); I couldn't really say why Tony was having some pains involved with the reactor. I don't know if I want to go into the whole poisoning spiel or not. So yeah, sorry if that was out of left field.


	36. Chapter Thirty-five :: The Fountain of Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't turn out very good. ;(

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-five :: The Fountain of Youth**

 

* * *

 

The number of people on set was impressive, if not entirely out of hand. There were well over a hundred busy bodies running to and fro; some yelling out instructions, while others set off to accomplish the tasks with professional expressions etched onto their features. It was quite the production, made possible by a single entity that was currently nowhere in sight.

Tony sauntered through the sound stage, paying attention to every detail. For whatever reason, he felt a swell of pride inflate in his chest; knowing that Loki had caused such an orderly chaos. That so many people were here to make him look and sound good.

Everyone legitimately wanted Loki to succeed; they were rushing about like chickens without their heads to ensure that everything was perfect for the upcoming filming. And Tony believed Loki deserved as much, if not more. Because he truly was an icon of the glam scene; maybe not as influential as Bowie, but his star shined just as brightly and garnered adoration from across the globe too.

Loki deserved to be waited on hand and foot, to have the best crew that money could buy. Which seemed to be the case, as Tony continued to study every portion of the crowd; no one was idling or sitting back or showing any sort of unenthusiastic behavior. Everyone seemed to be busy and full of energy, and ready for Loki to grace them with his bigger than life presence.

Tony couldn't wait to see Loki back under the spotlight again either. While he'd been blessed with the opportunity to hear Loki sing once more, and for him to even play both piano and guitar in front of him; it was nothing compared to seeing him dolled up and on a stage. There was nothing else like it; it was almost like a religious experience, a _come to Jesus_ moment even.

Anticipation welled up inside of him; almost on the same level, when he had waited outside a Los Angeles theater to see Odin's Sons. But this time around, there weren't hours of sunshine beating down on his head, or the company of three groupies whose ambitions were big but achievable. And there was nothing really keeping him away from Loki either.

There wasn't an invisible barrier between them; a tightly-knit cluster of people, whose job was to keep any enthusiastic fans away from Loki. Tony could have easily waltzed towards Loki's dressing room and gain access to the room without any troubles whatsoever. Well, aside from Phil; who had a knack for acting like an over-protective mother hen whenever he was in close proximity to Loki, even after so long.

"I told you he would come." Someone announced loudly behind Tony, before chuckling in a way that could only be described as intentionally obnoxious.

Turning towards the source of the voice, Tony wasn't surprised to see Bucky; although he couldn't help but gaze at his companion that sent him back to the past for the umpteenth time since he had come to London in search of Loki. Of course, he had been informed by Bucky of his marital status, no less his parental one, but Tony hadn't believed he would have gotten the opportunity to see Natasha again after so long.

Natasha had aged as well as Bucky had claimed she had. She was still petite and voluptuous with a waterfall of scarlet colored curls that framed her doll-like face perfectly. It was hard to overlook how truly gorgeous she was; no less to stop any unsavory fantasies from clawing to the forefront of Tony's mind. Then again, he hadn't been sexually satiated in so long; and he was getting tired of his hands and the alternatives too.

"Look at you guys." Tony opened his arms in greeting. "It's like both of you fell into the fountain of youth. And you'd forgotten to give me an invite to it too."

"The only fountain of youth we've drank from is Loki's dick." Bucky guffawed, before looking to Natasha for approval; and received a roll of the eyes for his efforts.

"Well, none of us have been drinking from that one in twenty odd years." Tony added on, although he felt a bolt of annoyance by the reference to Loki's former promiscuity.

It was highly doubtful that Loki would have taken any legitimate offense to it, though. After all, Loki had been involved in sexual situations with the three of them during the seventies. Tony remembered all too vividly how he had caught Natasha performing fellatio on Loki in a dirty alleyway in Las Vegas. But more importantly, he remembered how unjustly upset he had been about it too.

Much of his behavior back then was uncalled for. He wouldn't say it was his most stellar of moments, whether or not he was sixteen going on seventeen; or even being a twenty-two year old pot head with a chip on his shoulder. It was still pretty humiliating in hindsight.

"Who would have ever guessed, we'd meet again?" Natasha smiled thinly at him. "No less, that Loki Laufeyson would be returning to the music industry. Now that is a miracle of sorts."

"I think what was more miraculous is Stark's getaway from Libya." Bucky offered him a somber look suddenly that was strangely fitting for his face; as if he spent too many years to count, wearing that expression. "Now that was miraculous."

"That was beyond miraculous, actually." Natasha nodded. "I'm happy that you managed to escape intact. Not many people believed that you would."

"I got lucky; very lucky." Tony said and meant it completely too. "But no one wants to talk about that. I'm more interested in this Alexei the life destroyer. Where is the kid?"

Bucky and Natasha exchanged a look that could only be described as mischievous; as if they shared an inside joke that no one else was privy to. It was fascinating to watch a non-verbal conversation take place between them, before they seemed to come to a conclusion of some sort.

"For one, Alexei is in school," Natasha almost broke into a grin.

"And secondly, we don't let him be anywhere in the same vicinity as Loki." Bucky wrapped his arm around Natasha's shoulders. "After all, the missus and I have a predisposition for falling head over heels for tall, dark, and pasty rock stars. So it's basically written in our son's DNA that he'll perform impossible feats of madness anywhere near men of that caliber. And rather than risk it, we keep him far away from Loki at all times."

Maybe it was in the way Bucky adopted an almost paternal voice, or the absolute absurdity of his words; either way, Tony couldn't withhold the bubble of laughter that burst out of him. He had to turn away from the amused looks on both Bucky and Natasha's faces, since that only fueled the laughter even more.

It took several moments, before he managed to calm down. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he laughed that hard in a long time. While his previous kissing battle with Loki had resulted in him in bursts of laughter; that was on an entirely different level. It was happiness not humor that spurred it on, after all.

"That kid doesn't stand a chance with you as a father, Barnes." Tony gasped for air, before pressing his thumb to the corner of his eye; hoping to stop the watering in his eyes.

"I'd take offense, but you're probably right." Bucky snorted good-naturedly. "But I'm sure you're looking for the head honcho; he's in his dressing room down that hallway over there. Second door on the right,"

"I should probably drop by and say hello, before he gets busy." Tony raised his hand in goodbye while still biting back a chuckle or two, and then started in the direction Bucky had pointed out to him.

Clusters of people were hurriedly at work between rows and rows of clothing; some yanking down trousers, while others pulled down tee-shirts and jackets. Most of the wardrobe was black with only a sporadic burst of color; but even those weren't very cheery colors either. Then again, the whole backdrop for the music video seemed to be dark and cheerless.

Tony managed to sneak his way past the chaos, and walked down the hallway in question; before he came to a door with a printed sheet that read _Loki Laufeyson_ on it. Without any hesitation, Tony knocked on the door and heard a ruckus suddenly break out in the room. It was impossible to say what exactly what was going on, beyond someone hurrying to get the door; and well, he couldn't precisely say he was surprised that moments later he was face to face with Phil Coulson.

The older man shot him an annoyed look, but wordlessly stepped aside to permit him access into the room; which was considerably large and well-furnished. The walls were painted a mulberry color and gave it a dark but cozy look to it. There was one side of the room made up of nothing but mirrors and a make-up station, where Loki was hunched over in front of.

Loki was immersed entirely with his own reflection; lips parted, as he drew a heavy line of black around the underside of one eye. It was reminiscent, like many things, to the past. Except, it was better because Tony had confidence in his footing with Loki now; they were equals, and there was true affection between them too.

"I'll see if Morgana has arrived yet; I'll be back soon." Phil announced, leaving before Loki could respond; although Loki didn't look too concerned either.

When Tony was positive that Phil wasn't about to burst through the door, he moved closer to where Loki was busily putting on his make-up. On further inspection of Loki's appearance, Tony noticed the tight leather trousers that Loki wore; so tight in fact, they looked like they were painted on. He also wore navy blue oxford that was completely unbuttoned that exposed both pale skin and two necklaces that fell to his clavicles; one being the chain that held his wedding band on it.

Tony felt a pang of lust in his loins, although it was pushed to the back of his mind. Whether or not he was prepared to take their relationship to the next level, Loki wasn't to that point yet. And he had to respect that decision, even if he was going crazy with want.

"So you've come to see me, darling." Loki spoke, but remained focused on his make-up application still. "Would that mean you are in good health then?"

"Healthy as a horse," Tony stopped beside Loki, before leaning against the make-up counter; where numerous cosmetics were stacked in orderly lines across the surface. "But I feel much better now."

"Why's that?"

"Because I get to see you, of course; not to mention you're looking like a fox on top of that too,"

"Is that so?" Loki paused in his ministrations, and peering at him through the mirror with an impish look on his features.

Before Tony could reply, Loki set aside the eyeliner pencil and reached out to cup his cheek. Almost automatically, Tony leaned into the touch; pleased by the fact, Loki had initiated the contact.

"How about you give me some sugar, babe?"

"Insufferable," Loki rolled his eyes, but still leaned in and pressed a kiss to Tony's lips.

Their mouths melded together naturally, as if they had never been apart. Tony wound an arm around Loki's back and drew him closer; only to have Loki pull away a split-second later with an infuriating little smirk. One that Tony desperately wanted to kiss off his face.

He didn't follow that line of thought, though. He instead allowed Loki to twist free and take up his eyeliner pencil again; seemingly pleased to continue with his previous actions, before he kissed the breath out of Tony.

"I imagine you have a long day ahead of you." Tony cleared his throat, before absentmindedly picking up some make-up product that he didn't exactly know what it was or what it was meant to do. "Big video star now,"

"Music was so much simpler twenty years ago."

"Oh, you mean it was simple to dress in a three piece suit while completely dolled up; and have this huge, trippy wonderland themed stage performance going on? Damn, you have a funny definition of simple." He said, tossing the make-up jar to the counter again.

"Very funny, Stark; I'm practically in stitches."

"Aren't you prickly?" Tony positioned himself behind Loki, looping his arms around him; then rested his chin on his shoulder. "Whenever you get some free time off, I want you to come to my place. We can have a nice evening in; you can smoke and I can drink, and we can make-out a little. But nothing further than that, well unless you insist; I mean I am irresistible."

Loki snorted but didn't give him any response beyond that. Of course, he really wasn't expecting one anyway; Loki came and went of his own accord. He was a tough guy to pin down, especially now that work picked up exponentially for him. And well, Tony's schedule wasn't any better. Or at least it hadn't been, but since the holidays were nearing; he had some spare time on his hands now.

Pepper had insisted on it also, after the aches and pains he experienced a couple days ago. He wasn't about to complain about it either; he liked the idea of being able to go down into the workshop and tinker around, as opposed to tending to board members and meeting with clients and signing copious amounts of paperwork.

"Do you mind if I stay and watch you in action?"

"If you wish to; I doubt it'll be very interesting for you."

"I'm sure it'll be; maybe this time you'll use that guitar I bought for your birthday."

"I hate to break it to you, my Little Stark; but that guitar is more of a _jazz_ guitar than one for rock 'n' roll."

"And why didn't you tell me that beforehand?"

"Because it's a very nice guitar, and I rather like having it in my collection. Whether or not I choose to play it is actually irrelevant."

"You are so lucky that you're hot, or you'd be in trouble." Tony grumbled, pressing his face in between Loki's shoulder blades. "I swear to god, Loki."

"Well, so long as we established who happens to be the one in charge."

"Fuck you."

"Maybe we can arrange something over the holiday; only if you are good, mind you." Loki replied in an indiscernible tone, which immediately piqued Tony's interest; if not other body parts as well.

Just as he was about to vocalize his eagerness, a loud bang on the door silenced his thoughts. Loki muttered something unsavory underneath his breath, before again unwinding himself from Tony's arms; and tossing the eyeliner pencil back onto the counter.

"No rest for the weary, I'm afraid. Now come along, Little Stark; there is work to be done."

"Yes, sir," Tony followed after him; despite his thoughts being swept away with the possibilities of something else entirely. And he really couldn't help the wide and stupid smile that overwhelmed his face either.

He might actually get lucky.


	37. Chapter Thirty-six :: Mummy Never Came

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a forewarning; the contents of this chapter could very well be triggering. I've tried my hardest to write this tastefully as I could; so I'm sorry if you feel otherwise.

* * *

 

**Chapter Thirty-six :: Mummy Never Came**

 

* * *

 

Loki Laufeyson stood stiffly in the center of the room; his body was tense and taut, unmoving even as Tony walked a circle around him, and tried to discern why he was acting so off-putting. But even an examination of his face didn't enlighten Tony an iota; although it never really did. Loki was masterful on hiding his emotions; he knew how to lock them away, while simultaneously allowing them to control him completely.

Tony eyed Loki warily. It was late afternoon on a Sunday, and there was a stack of paperwork waiting for Tony's signature. Pepper wanted everything completed by eight o'clock tomorrow morning, seeing as many of the high-ranking board members were going on holiday and wouldn't be back until the first of January. And they needed the paperwork to finalize the greater details of the Stark Expo.

There was a lot to be done, and while Tony cherished his time with Loki; he didn't know if he could afford any time for what might be brewing underneath the surface of his cool façade. It couldn't be anything good; not the way Loki refused to meet his eyes and the way his jaw tightened, in what appeared to be a feeble attempt to maintain some semblance of control over himself.

"Fancy seeing you here," Tony greeted for the umpteenth time; only to be ignored every single time. "Don't get me wrong, I love when you come by. But you seem kind of out of it right now; I'm kind of worried."

Loki didn't say a word; he pinned Tony with a look that was reminiscent of the first few months they'd been acquainted with one another. Those looks always stole Tony's breath away, and suffice to say it wasn't any different now.

"I want to talk to you." Loki muttered, somehow growing tauter than only moments ago.

"You want to talk." He repeated slowly, in order to let the thought ferment.

Anyone could tell you that the _we need to talk_ thing wasn't a good sign. Tony had been on the receiving end of it more often than not, when he had been with Pepper. They had plenty of talks and plenty of fights, and inevitable break-ups too. And it always originated in those little words; maybe not verbatim, but close enough to make him feel sick to his stomach.

After all, things had been going rather smoothly between him and Loki of late. They had a firm understanding of their current state of affairs; or at least Tony thought they did. They had spoken about how Loki wasn't truly ready for intimacy, even though he teased at the possibility a couple days beforehand. Yet Tony hadn't pushed it; he was going to let Loki dictate that bit of their relationship, and patiently sit back until the time was right.

He had been under the distinct impression, that they had moved beyond petty misunderstandings. That they were finally in a secure place; one they never been in before. He had hoped they had found some stability, but that hope seemed all for naught now.

"It's important; very imperative, really." Loki turned away from him, before he made his way towards the end of the couch, and sunk sullenly onto the arm.

For a split-second Loki's age seemed to catch up to him; all the wild and crazy antics he'd been a part of seemed to pin him down under their impressive girth. Tony had frequently seen Loki downtrodden and exhausted, but he never seen him look both young and old at the same time. There was something terrifying about it.

"Is something wrong?" Tony asked, before he cautiously approached Loki; although he maintained some distance between them just in case.

"You need to know something about me." Loki looked away; features pinched and strained. "I contemplated a lot about telling you this or not. But it's crucial that I do; I can't hide it forever, even if I wanted to."

"It's something bad, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's something bad." Loki said gravely still avoiding his eyes.

Tony didn't know how to reply to that. Scenario after scenario ran rampant through his head; horrible and mangled and macabre things poisoned his thoughts. He really couldn't say what he feared the most; there were too many things to fear, after all. So he could only helplessly stew in fright until Loki decided to enlighten him.

As much as he wouldn't push the intimacy issue, Tony wasn't about to force Loki to talk yet. It was obvious that it was taking a lot of willpower for Loki to even bring up the topic. And it would be in bad taste to demand answers, when clearly Loki couldn't even articulate it readily of yet.

"It's okay, you know. Take your time." He murmured, while placing a cautious hand onto the top of Loki's head; thankfully which he didn't reject, as Tony initially feared he would. "There's nothing in the world that'll change my opinion of you; make me love you any less."

A mirthless laugh burst out of Loki, which struck a chord in Tony that he didn't like. After all, he loved Loki for who he was; whether or not he was an internationally known rock star, or a singer that played in dingy little pubs around the city, or even a staunch miserable businessman; Tony loved Loki. There wasn't any escaping that fact, and he wanted to say as much; to shake some sense into Loki even. But he drew up short, when Loki finally met his eyes.

"You are so naïve, Stark." Loki grinned sardonically, although his eyes were drowned in terror and heart-wrenching sadness. "I know you believe what you say, but you cannot possibly anticipate for what I'm about to tell you. And you would be a fool to love me at all, once you've become the wiser to it."

"Don't count me out yet, babe."

"This isn't something minor, Anthony. It's not some bad habit that I have. Or some unsavory quirk either; this is something I've never spoken about before. Not even with Amelia; I never said a word. I was too ashamed; so utterly and terribly ashamed."

"All of us have done things we're ashamed of, Loki. I could give you a laundry list of things I've done that even the media hadn't caught onto. Thank god for that." Tony reached out to Loki and cupped his face between his hands; ensuring that they wouldn't break eye contact. "Whatever you have to tell me won't change a thing; I promise you that. Scout's honor,"

Loki stared up at him hopelessly, in a way that seemed to suggest that he wanted to believe him; but he'd been disappointed too many times in the past to put any faith behind it. Which only served to make Tony feel worse about their past together, and his vicious bigoted speech he had recited when everything went to hell between them; he hated himself with an unrelenting fury over it still.

"You don't understand." Loki said in a teeny voice, before something that sounded like a sob came out of him. "You don't understand at all; you really don't."

"Then make me understand, babe." Tony returned firmly and unwavering.

"You're insufferable, I hope you know that."

"I've been told that once or twice. Maybe bordering on a million times now." He smiled at the small chuckle that came out of Loki, although he sobered up almost immediately afterwards.

Loki shut his eyes and took in a deep breath, obviously trying to prepare himself for whatever he was about to say. And it almost broke Tony's heart, when Loki looked up at him with unshed tears in his eyes; seemingly convinced that everything was about to change, once he revealed his secret to him.

Regardless of the many assurances that Tony had given him, Loki truly believed that things would change maybe shatter underneath the weight of his words. Which terrified Tony in ways he really couldn't articulate; he didn't know what Loki was about to say, and his fear became his too.

"It was a very long time ago; maybe '48." Loki gasped, before turning his gaze away. "So well before you were born,"

"You were just a kid back then, baby."

"Please, Anthony; let me just get it out." Loki refused to look at him still, but Tony's silence seemed to fuel the tale on. "As I said, it was '48 and I lived in Essex with my mum and dad. Not Thor's mum and dad, but mine; my biological parents, who happened to be very violent alcoholics. The sort who'd get so sloshed, they'd leave the kettle on the stove unattended to and almost burn down the house; you could only imagine how much they watched me.

"I have vague recollections about that time still. Somehow I'd gotten out of the house, made my way to the little old lady's house, who always told my mother what a beautiful boy I was. Always greeted her with a: 'hello Missus Madden, might I say William looks lovely today; he's such a beautiful boy, he'll be fighting the girls away with a stick.' And she kept me for several days, until my mum sobered up enough to panic about my whereabouts."

Tony felt a prickle of nostalgia in Loki's words; he could relate to a degree even, especially since his own parents had been alcoholics. And his mother had seen her end at the bottom of a bottle too.

"My parents frequently had parties too; loud and obnoxious parties, which kept me up all night. My mum would tuck me into bed, but the sounds were so loud and scary. People screaming and singing and _fucking_ and fighting; the noise was the bloody worst." Loki swallowed hard, suddenly clenching his hands into fists. "And come morning they'd be on the floor, in pools of vomit and blood, and in no position to care for me.

"They'd leave me to fend for myself; suffice to say, I wasn't any good at it. I remember eating dirt in the garden and sipping from a gin bottle because I couldn't get any milk. And I cried because I felt funny, only to have my dad slap me to shut up before he went back to bed.

"But that, that was _lovely_ ; I liked the taste of dirt actually. I could eat dirt and drink gin and cry and be hit. I could be happy that way; I didn't know anything else. That was happiness to me that was everything that I had known. And then it was ruined; everything was ruined by _him_."

Loki made a terrible noise, as he wrenched free of Tony's grasp; followed by several moments of heartbreaking silence. Tony didn't know what to do, although he suspected it was for the best to allow Loki to gather his bearings without any intervention. The fragility that Loki was currently displaying wasn't necessarily something he would have shown willingly; Tony knew that all too well.

"Excuse me; I'm sorry." Loki cleared his throat after several moments, somehow regaining his composure. "I'm never this emotional; it's embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed, babe. Trust me, I've done things worthy of being embarrassed over."

"I haven't spoken about this before; it all seems rather dramatic, really. Who bloody well admits to eating dirt as a child?" Loki peered up at him; eyes still glistening with tears. "I'm sure everyone has eaten dirt before; only my story seems so over the top."

"You had to eat dirt because you didn't have any food to eat. How the hell is that overdramatic?"

"Maybe I've over embellished; I've always had a flare for dramatics as you know."

"Loki, god you wouldn't make up something like that. Why would you?" Tony cupped his face again, before planting a kiss onto his forehead. "Jesus Christ, only lunatics would come up with sob stories like that. Besides if you wanted the attention, you'd have written a tell-all book about it already."

"The dirt bit was fine; lovely as I said, dandy even." Loki smiled glassily at him, fragile and childishly lost. "My dad had a friend; drinking buddy really. They made me call him Uncle Donald; big brutish sort of guy, although I remember my mum saying he was very popular with the ladies."

Realization suddenly struck Tony then. He had tried more often than not, not to think about what he had learned all those years ago. For whatever reason, Tony hadn't ever imagined that Loki would relay such a horrible incident to him; especially when he hadn't spoken about it to anyone including Sif.

Nausea rolled in Tony's stomach, and he felt like he might collapse at any given moment. How could he even react to the situation? Could he even pretend that he didn't already know about it?

"There was something strange about that man." Loki grimaced, as he reached up and pulled Tony's hands away. "I couldn't say why; I was just a child. I just remember that I didn't like him very much. And I suppose my instincts were spot-on even for a four year old, unfortunately.

"During one of my parents' parties, I remember lying awake in the dark. I hated the dark, so I was happy when someone had opened my door and some light flooded in. I thought," Loki swallowed hard. "I thought my mum came to check up on me but it wasn't her. It was _Uncle Donald_ ; big and brutish Uncle Donald, who staggered towards my bed and smelled like booze and cigarette smoke.

"He came up to the side of the bed and placed his big hand on my head like this," he laid his own hand onto the top of his head, lightly stroking his hair. "And he said: 'shouldn't good boys be asleep now?' and I could only nod but said it was too loud, mummy and daddy were being too loud again. They always were too loud and I couldn't sleep; I never could sleep."

Tony wanted nothing more than to tell Loki to stop; to keep that horrible memory to himself. He didn't want to hear it; didn't want to know how he could possibly hold onto all those details, and how it felt to carry that weight around for almost fifty years. He didn't want to know, but he couldn't bring himself to tell him no either.

"Goods boys always find a way to sleep, that's what he said. Then he touched my cheek with his big calloused hands and whispered out: 'you're a beautiful boy, William; such a beautiful boy'. And that's when he leaned over me and, and well he showed me just how beautiful I truly was.

"He was so big, so heavy and I couldn't stop him; couldn't even cry out because I couldn't breathe. He had flipped me onto my front, pushed my head down so no one could hear me. And the pain, the pain was so excruciating; it felt like I was being ripped apart. I thought I was going to die; I _wanted_ to die. God only knew that I wanted to die; it hurt so badly, so so badly." Loki's eyes widened, as if to keep the tears from falling. "I called for my mummy; I could hear her singing and laughing and my mummy wouldn't come for me. She never came; she _never_ came. My mummy never came for me, and I never knew why."

"Loki,"

"It felt like it would never end; it seemed like hours passed, and suddenly it was over. Then he was gone like that." Loki snapped his fingers. "But I was still there; ripped open, bloody and broken in two. I don't know what happened afterwards, except that I called for my mummy over and over again before everything went black. Everything just disappeared but the pain, and I never saw my mummy again. I got a new mummy, who sang to me and stroked my hair and took care of me when I was sick and when I was broken and split into two. And then I lost that mummy too; I lost her because she really wasn't my mummy. She never could be."

Silence fell heavily between them; a wet blanket that neither one of them could shrug off. Tony couldn't find any words to say that would ease the quiet between them. He wasn't even sure he wanted to either. It was the first time he was unsure of what to do with himself, and could only look to Loki for some sort of guidance.

"So there you are; the ugly truth. I imagine you have a differing opinion of me now."

"Shut up." Tony swallowed. "That's not true; it wasn't your fault. You were practically a baby; how would that change my opinion of you? How could it change my opinion of you when I already knew?"

The words rushed out of him; desperate and stupid and Tony knew he fucked up almost immediately. Loki froze in place; his eyes were still wide and owl-like, but there was something explosive behind them too.

"Come again."

"My opinion hasn't changed at all." Tony hurriedly replied.

"No, what did you say after that? Because I distinctly heard you say that you knew." Loki clambered to his feet. "How in bloody hell did you know? Unless, _Thor_."

"Babe, it wasn't like that; Thor didn't say a word."

"Thor was the only one who would have known!"

"No, babe; there was someone else." Tony held up his hands in a feeble attempt to pacify Loki; only to find his words had sparked something primal in him instead.

Outwardly no one would be able to tell how incensed Loki was; if anything he looked perfectly calm. His posterior was stiff but otherwise he could have passed as simply bored. He didn't make any rash movements or any sounds for that matter. He just stood there at attention, before his eyes closed for several tense moments.

"Amelia told you; she knew." Loki uttered, so self-assured that any denials would have been brittle in comparison. "She knew and never said a word to me. And she told you; told a reporter about something so intimate and private, that I hadn't even spoken about until fifty years later. My wife told you."

"Loki, you know I wouldn't have ran anything like that. I didn't; I wouldn't, obviously."

"My wife knew."

"The only reason she knew was because Thor got drunk one time and told her. She was pretty sure that Thor didn't even remember saying a word about it."

"And she told you."

"She tried to humanize you to me. I was going to leave; get on a greyhound bus and kiss the tour goodbye. You know that."

"So to justify my behavior, my wife told you I was molested as a child. And that's why you stayed on tour because you felt badly over my being molested. You felt badly for me; you stayed because of that."

"Baby calm down; it wasn't like that at all." Tony tried to grab for him, only for Loki to jerk away violently.

The next few moments seemed to pass by in slow motion; Loki stalked away from him, emulating a caged animal. He strode from one end of the couch to the next and back again. Words spilled from his lips; a mixture of English and potentially Norwegian. Whatever he was saying was mostly indiscernible, although Tony swore he kept repeating the words _my wife_ over and over again; as if it was some sort of mantra.

But that's when everything went to hell; in an explosion of movement that had Tony jerking away. Loki kicked the heavy and sturdy coffee table with all of his might, and easily sent it careening onto its side; throwing several Stark phone prototypes, television controllers, and more importantly that stack of paperwork Tony had yet to sign, flying every which way.

Tony gaped in shock, unable to say anything to placate Loki. Hell, he was positive that nothing would anyway; not with the knowledge that his deceased wife had told him, a former lowly Rolling Stone reporter, about the worst thing that ever happened to him. Not to mention that Loki hadn't even known that Sif was privy to that information either.

"Unbelievable," Loki yelled without any warning, before he stormed across the room and towards the lift.

Despite wanting to pursue him, Tony knew better than to try it. He was bright enough to tell when he was faced with a hopeless cause; so he could only watch, as Loki slapped his hand over the keypad and the elevator's doors seamlessly slid open for him. And still he could only stare as Loki disappeared behind those doors, leaving behind a broken coffee table and the ugly knowledge of his abuse in his wake.

Tony could only stare at the mess now on the floor, and curse himself for uttering out the truth. It might have very well cost him Loki.


	38. Chapter Thirty-seven :: Epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't expected to write anything on this; it probably sucks terribly, so yeah apologies.

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**Chapter Thirty-seven :: Epiphany**

 

* * *

 

Three quarters through the pile of never-ending paperwork, JARVIS interrupted Tony mid-signature. The elegant and oversized T stood beside a stout O and the scribble of an N, but the Y hadn't come into fruition yet; sitting in limbo between the tip of the ballpoint pen and his eventual hand strokes.

_"My apologies for interrupting you, sir; but you have a visitor."_ JARVIS announced emotionlessly as always.

"It's past ten o'clock at night; unless it's Pepper, which I highly doubt it is, tell this visitor to go fuck themselves. I'm busy." Tony jotted down the rest of his signature; feebly attempting to ignore the cramp in his fingers from filling each form out with as much care as he could manage.

On most occasions, Tony wouldn't even read half of what he was signing. He knew Pepper wouldn't put any form in front of them that wasn't already pre-approved by her and the board of directors. So he hadn't any fears of potentially selling off a portion of the company, or maybe even a kidney depending on the situation. But tonight he had been hyper-focused on the task at hand, in order not to think of his run-in with Loki earlier in the evening.

The results of the conversation hadn't been a surprise; anyone in Loki's position would have reacted similarly, and Tony supposed he hadn't a right to feel hurt by it. He hadn't revealed his deepest and darkest secret, only to find out that the person he told already knew about it. And to top it off that his wife had been responsible for telling the secret in the first place.

_"I find it highly inadvisable to speak to Mr. Laufeyson in such a way. Unless, of course, you are certain, sir,"_ JARVIS returned after several moments, which drew Tony's undivided attention.

"Mister, who; did you just say Laufeyson? Or am I going insane from hours of poring over paperwork?"

_"I am absolutely certain it is Mr. Laufeyson; shall I pull up the camera footage from the lobby?"_

"No, I trust you. Let him in; well, you know if he isn't packing any heat." He set down the pen and flexed his fingers one by one; suddenly overwhelmed by a slew of creaks and pains in his body.

He had been slouched forward over the coffee table for the past hour or so, having grown tired of leaning into the much too squishy sofa cushions; and now he was paying for it with twinges of pain in his shoulders and lower back. He should have been used to it by now, seeing as he oftentimes spent hours upon end in his workshop; consumed by whatever invention he was taken with.

Except the pain seemed to be insufferable now, as if Loki's arrival back at Stark Tower was a catalyst for even more misery in the future. He could only imagine the worst, after all; which caused all his muscles to tighten and tense, and simply wait in anxious anticipation for what was to come.

Stress like this usually called for a drink; a strong and overpowering drink, but he suspected Loki wouldn't take too kindly to that especially after he revealed the extent of his biological parents' alcoholism. Besides it would have been highly insensitive of him to smell of freshly poured scotch, considering he already smelled of stale beer and maybe a hint of vodka already too.

So instead of hurrying to the wet bar, Tony rolled his shoulders and stretched his arms over his head; trying to ease the stiffness that settled into his bones. It, however, didn't ease any of his anxiety, though; that remained as apparent as ever. It sat in the bottom of his stomach like a boulder, becoming more and more apparent as time passed by.

It couldn't have been any more than five minutes, despite it feeling so much longer; when the lift made its arrival known. The doors slid open with a soft mechanical sound, to reveal a hunched over figure with impossibly messy hair. Loki looked as if he'd gone on some sort of bender; ones that probably would have put his previous ones in his heyday to shame.

Tony lurched to his feet, all but ignoring his own aches and pains; before he crossed the room in record time to the lift. Loki staggered out of the elevator with both hands stuffed into his trench coat's pockets, and smelling of teeth-chattering cold and cigarette smoke. It smelled like Loki had smoked a carton within a matter of hours, and probably intended on smoking another carton if he could get away with too.

Without so much as a greeting, Loki moved past Tony and further into the penthouse. His steps were heavy but unsure, almost imbalanced. But he didn't fall or run into anything; he seemed to have a clear destination in mind, and Tony was only an obstacle to get from point A to point B.

"Loki," Tony called out to him, cautiously turning around to find Loki crouched in front of the artificial Christmas tree; basked in the rainbow lights that flickered and danced in a pattern that changed every twenty seconds or so.

Loki didn't respond though; his hands were still jammed into his pockets, and his tangle of unkempt hair fell in his face like a shroud. And that's how he stayed for several uneasy moments; unmoving and broken and slowly killing Tony with his silence.

"I had an epiphany." Loki suddenly announced, loud and bordering on obnoxious.

"Did you find Jesus since the last time I've seen you?" Tony asked, mentally kicking himself for automatic use of sarcasm and wit. But it was a defense mechanism.

Pepper knew better than anyone, he rolled out the red carpet for his witticisms whenever he was in between a rock and a hard place. He never truly intended on worsening an already bad situation; yet it was unavoidable sometimes. Sarcasm was his security blanket, and one he clung onto tightly.

There wasn't any immediate reply from Loki, except for a slight rocking of his body; before he swiveled halfway on his feet, still huddled into himself, and stared up at Tony like he'd never seen him before. That might have very well been the case by how blown out his pupils were; so blown out, in fact, Tony had taken several steps forward in concern.

"I had an epiphany." Loki repeated, enunciating each word slowly. "After I calmed down some and really thought of what you told me; I came to a conclusion of sorts."

"What might that be?"

"I never told anyone about what happened to me. Everything that people had ever heard was hearsay; my biological mother told the police about discovering me bloody and unconscious. The doctors were the ones that determined what happened to me, and the police eventually drew to their own conclusions." Loki sucked in a breath, although he sounded oddly calm. "That's why I was taken away and adopted by the Odinson family; they only knew about the medical and police reports; the details never came out. They never asked me if I remembered anything of the sort either."

Unsurprisingly Tony didn't have anything intelligent to say in reply. The topic was a difficult one, and he'd never really done well with serious conversations. Hell, how their conversation had ended only hours beforehand had been testament of that inadequacy.

"Finding out that Amelia knew and then conveyed the information to you, well that is the definition of a betrayal. I don't have any words when it comes to Thor, though. Obviously we aren't exactly fans of one another; hadn't been since the late sixties." Loki slowly, almost painstakingly, stood; although his disheveled appearance didn't lessen any. "I was so angry; I _am_ angry, angry at the bloody world. But I could never be angry with her; not now, not ever."

"Yet you can be angry with me."

"Oh yes, I'm incensed with you."

"I didn't ask for the information, you know. She kind of sprung it on me." Tony sighed, before he collapsed onto the arm of the couch.

"That's irrelevant to me." Loki frowned. "I can't be angry with Amelia; she isn't here to be angry with. You, on the other hand, are at least alive to hear this. And honestly, I would be only be too happy if she were here for I could yell myself hoarse at her for stupidly relaying such sensitive information to a reporter. But more importantly for never telling me that she knew about it in the first place."

The rawness of that statement neutralized any offense Tony might have felt. Loki needed to be angry at something or more precisely _someone_ , and none of the guilty parties were in the vicinity. For all he knew, Thor could have been long gone alongside Sif, and probably Loki's biological parents too. He just hoped without a doubt that the bastard responsible was six feet under, and had died a painful and torturous death.

"I spent a lot of time in a haze of rage." Loki turned back to the Christmas tree, gently touching one of the many baubles that hung from the plastic branches. "I couldn't even think properly; everything was just _red_. And so I did the only thing that could calm me; it's been months since I've done it, and I don't know why. I suppose when you're working for a famed architectural firm, it's inadvisable to drop acid frequently."

"You what," Tony blurted out, abruptly leaping onto his feet again.

That explained a lot; Loki looked as if he had raked his fingers incessantly through his hair, and maybe even stood out in the chilly and wet weather to cause his normally sleek mane to stick up every which way and curl on end. On further inspection, it even looked like Loki had tried and failed to get out of his clothing; seeing as his oxford was only tucked into his trousers on one side and several buttons had been undone, while others had been buttoned into the wrong slots.

Tony felt a mess of emotions suddenly; predominantly anger. Many of their previous issues had been condensed in substance abuse; Tony had used alcohol and marijuana almost daily back then. And it was already well-known he relied heavily on alcohol still, but not to the point where he couldn't go without it for a few days if he really wanted to. Acid, on the other hand, was shit that really fucked with your head and a fifty-odd year old man shouldn't be dropping it to calm down and for some spiritual enlightenment.

"Are you insane? Babe, I know you're pissed but dropping acid isn't the way to go about this!"

"You still drink." Loki practically spat out the sentiment, as he turned to face Tony. "And I like to think I've given you a perfect example on why alcohol isn't any better."

"I don't abuse it, I enjoy it."

"As do I,"

"No, that's different. I mean if you drink too much, of course you're going to do something stupid. But if I have a few drinks, I'm not tripping balls. I'm not seeing Puff the Magic Dragon in my kitchen, or reliving the heydays of the peace movement. Or having some sort of religious experience either." Tony argued; feeling more than justified by the dilation of Loki's pupils.

Maybe back in the seventies Tony wouldn't have batted an eye over this. He was a kid back then after all and Loki had been everything. He'd been the adult, regardless of his crazy antics; and well, no one was about to tell him to lay off the psychedelic drugs, even when he was climbing on rooftops and singing at the top of his lungs.

Phil had undoubtedly tried; Thor had attempted to beat the misbehavior out of Loki. But none of it had done any good; even Hamish couldn't really stop Loki from his destructive path. Loki did what he wanted and whenever he wanted. Now, however, Tony wasn't going to take this lying down.

"I know you're upset, but I would have preferred it if you stayed here and broke all my shit; screamed at me until my eardrums burst. But not this, Loki; I don't want you to cope like this."

"I had an epiphany." Loki glowered at him then. "I wouldn't have had this epiphany without the acid. And I will bloody well do what I please; I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions. So shut up and listen to what I have to say, and then by all means be a judgmental cad about it afterwards."

"Oh, this epiphany better be good and not something stupid like Deep Purple was the best band ever. Or that you want to become the next John Fogerty."

"Both are overrated; don't get me started on Creedence Clearwater Revival." Loki deadpanned, which almost made Tony choke on a laugh; _almost_. "As I was saying beforehand, I'm still angry and justifiably so. But like you mentioned, you couldn't have stopped Amelia from telling you that information either. It wasn't your fault and I can't be that angry at you, even if I want to."

"God, Loki. I didn't want to know, I really didn't. And how could I have brought it up to you?"

"You couldn't have; I would have killed you. I have no doubt about that; I really would have killed you back then."

"That's not funny."

"It wasn't intended to be funny, it's simply the truth." Loki muttered, on the verge of sounding guilty about that revelation. "I was so volatile back then; the wound was too raw. It still is, actually. But no, I couldn't have handled the idea of you knowing about what happened to me. I probably couldn't even handle the knowledge that Amelia knew; I want to say I wouldn't have hurt her, but I know that would have been a lie. And I'm almost relieved I hadn't known; I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

Tony's anger and disappointment immediately melted away, replaced by a suffocating desire to take Loki into his arms and never let him go again. He wasn't exactly sure if he could get away with touching him now; although his worries were wiped away by Loki approaching him and gently touching his cheek.

"Maybe you should stop with hurting yourself first." He reached up to cover the hand on his cheek, but was determined to stand his ground. "I don't want you doing acid anymore, Loki. I don't care if you can find out the meaning of life by taking a hit; I want you to promise me not to do it anymore."

"Only if you promise me you'll cut back on your drinking; that's non-negotiable." Loki replied, before resting his forehead against Tony's; no doubt exhausted by the emotional stresses he'd gone through. Or maybe he was still at the height of his hallucinations.

It seemed rude to ask, so Tony nodded in agreement. If Loki wanted him to cut back on his drinking then he could do that; alcohol wasn't that important in comparison to Loki anyway. And he'd known alcohol had been his crutch for the greater portion of his life; he had genetic predisposition to it, after all.

"I can do that; it'll be a struggle, I'm not going to lie. But so long as you knock it off with the hard stuff then I'll do it. Pot I'm cool with, though."

"Of course, you would be." Loki sighed. "But my epiphany was bigger than that. I know I want you, Anthony. There's no one else; there never will be anybody else. So give me time to hate you, and I'll love you even more than you can possibly imagine."

Tony chuckled half-heartedly; he knew both of them were emotionally wrung out, and whether they liked it or not, they needed to trudge through all the bullshit before they could be truly happy. God only knew how much longer it would take, and if either of them would continue to have the patience to deal with it. Yet Tony's determination was strong and he prayed it would never waver.

Slowly he wrapped his arms around Loki, and peered up into his dilated pupils that were almost comical if he didn't know why they were like that. Pain and distrust and betrayal were still evident in Loki's eyes too, and there was nothing that Tony could do but to let it run its course or it might be permanently transfixed there for the rest of their lives.

"You have to have somebody to hate for this."

"Everyone else is gone; everyone to blame for _this_ is no longer around."

"I don't mind being hated, you know. Because I know it's for the better good; I'm kind of a pariah, if you wanted to know."

"So self-sacrificing, my hero," Loki smiled. "Do you mind if I stay the night? The sofa will do, of course."

Tony pulled away from Loki, in order to get a better look at his face. He didn't know what exactly he should say or even feel for that matter. Only twenty minutes ago, he had been certain Loki would distance himself for a while; so he could sift through his thoughts, and get over the anger he essentially harbored for his childhood abuse being well-known. And now he wanted to couch surf on Tony's couch; more than likely because he was going to crash and burn from his trip at any moment now.

"I have a better idea; come to bed with me. Not in a sexual sense or anything, trust me."

"I haven't shared a bed with anyone in a very long time. I forewarn you of my need to stretch out."

"Please, I sleep in a California King; you could stretch out as much as you want, and you probably wouldn't even touch me." Tony unwound his arms from around Loki, and then took his hand into his. "Come on, you need to sleep this off. We'll have a more in-depth conversation about this situation in the morning."

Without waiting for an answer, Tony led Loki towards the hallway that led to the master suite. He walked past several rooms along the way, before he pushed open one of the double doors into the expansive bedroom that included a huge walk-in closet and an en suite bathroom with a beautiful view of the city. Of course, all of his bedrooms in the various locations he had them in had breathtaking views, and this one was no different either.

London sprawled out below the tower in a flurry of multi-colored lights. Snow had begun to fall again in heavy flakes, although Tony only gave it a brief glance and turned his full attention onto Loki instead. Neither of them said anything, as if the gravity of their ongoing situation was finally beginning to sink in completely. But it was pointless to try and talk things through at the moment; Loki still looked like he might have an itch for climbing onto the rooftop and belting out into song.

"I have a final request." Loki piped up softly, probably since the silence was becoming too much for him all of the sudden.

"You're not on death row, babe. But what's this final request of yours?"

"I haven't been held in a very long time; for good reason, I suppose."

"You want me to hold you?" Tony almost whispered out, consumed by both reluctance and excitement that knew no bounds.

"Unless, of course, that would seem too presumptuous of me especially since I am angry with you still. Maybe I should sleep on the sofa, after all."

"Come on, don't be silly." Tony pulled Loki closer to the bed and plopped down on the edge. "You're high and highly emotional on top of that too, no offense. So just come over here and make yourself comfortable."

With some hesitancy, Loki stepped out of his shoes; before he climbed onto the bed, and made his way into the center of the mattress. Tony followed him, after he kicked off his sneakers and made himself as comfortable as he could; despite the awkwardness that seemed to be on the verge of settling in between them.

Maneuvering into a more comfortable position, Tony wrapped his arms around Loki's disheveled and jacketed form. His heart leapt into his throat as curved around Loki's back, and felt the tension drain out of Loki's longer and ganglier body. Despite their obvious differences, they fit together like two puzzle pieces; even if the sentiment almost made Tony roll his eyes for its corniness.

"Comfortable," he asked, succumbing to temptation and brushing his lips against the nape of Loki's neck.

"Very," Loki replied as he rested his hands over Tony's.

"Good, me too,"

"The epiphany was, _is_ that you own my heart, body, and soul." Loki murmured softly then. "You are everything to me, Anthony."

"Yeah, well I had that epiphany too; earlier on to be honest." Tony whispered back; seized by a familiar warmth and contentedness that had been flickering on and off over the past few months. "I love you, babe."

"And I you Anthony,"

"Hey, look at us; we're making some progress. Just stay off the roof, okay."

"I'm not making any promises, now be quiet; I want to sleep."

"Yes, sir." Tony tightened his hold on Loki, and was surprised by how he easily slid into a dreamless and pleasant sleep.


	39. Chapter Thirty-eight :: Dream On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow I ended up writing this; it's not very good, but it'll do. And I just wanted to thank the individuals who've been reviewing still; I've gotten so many encouraging and beautiful messages that it's really staggering. So thank you so much; it's appreciated immensely and makes me very happy. :)

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**Chapter Thirty-eight :: Dream On**

 

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Tony woke to the smell of earl grey tea, cologne, and cigarette smoke, and gummy candies in his nostrils; a combination of scents that always had a way of making his heart ache. For years it had haunted him; an intangible entity always out of his reach, and a constant reminder of what he had lost when he was young, dumb, and naïve. But now it was so close he could almost taste it.

Blearily he opened his eyes, almost blinded by the grey-light that filled the bedroom. It must have been late morning by now; if not, he suspected Pepper would have already kicked in the door and woken him up for one reason or another. She didn't really like him sleeping in past a certain hour, and well he was powerless to stop her. For whatever reason, JARVIS deemed it worthwhile to betray him whenever Pepper was involved no matter how many system overwrites he attempted to do.

"Hey J, what's the time?" He grumbled out, before he stretched his arms over his head with a satisfying pop of joints.

_"Good morning, sir. It is nine fifty-two am; the current temperature is forty-three degrees Fahrenheit."_

"Snow today,"

_"Chances of snow around five pm; otherwise cloudy,"_

"Any word from Pepper," he yawned.

_"Miss Potts should check-in some time before noon. No doubt to retrieve the paperwork you have in your possession, in order to finalize the details of the Stark Expo."_ JARVIS informed. _"Would you have any further use of me, sir? Shall I call a cab for Mr. Laufeyson or will you have Mr. Hogan drive him home? Or perhaps he shall become a permanent resident?"_

It took only a moment for Tony to regain his wits; he rolled onto his side and came face to face Loki. But any sight of a scowl or a tight-lipped frown was nowhere to be seen; in fact, there was a peaceful almost innocent look on his face instead. Loki hadn't woken up yet and looked far too relaxed to disturb, which made Tony wonder how long it had been since he had a full night's rest.

Hell, it had seemed like years to Tony since he'd slept through the night without any troubles. He hadn't had a single nightmare or a brilliant idea that would have sent him directly to his workshop. Even when he'd been with Pepper, there was a restlessness about him that couldn't be tamed.

"Better yet you can go on silent mode; let me know when Pepper gets here, though." Tony lowered his voice, unable to suppress the small smile that made its way across his lips.

Not in a million years had he pictured Loki in his bed; no less in such a vulnerable position. Sex was one thing, but true intimacy was really achieved in moments like this. Loki trusted him enough to fall asleep beside him, and trusted that he would be safe in presence too; which was another huge step in the right direction.

Of course, they had already established an iron-clad trust between them. Loki wouldn't have confided his childhood abuse to him otherwise; he also wouldn't have come back hours after the fact. And that would have never happened in the past; Loki would have never come back to him in any capacity had he learned the truth of such a sensitive situation.

"Redundant but true." He murmured out, as he reached out to touch the sharp curve of Loki's cheekbone.

Loki didn't stir, although he already knew he wouldn't. His reputation as a heavy sleeper had been established many times over; so that gave Tony leeway to admire Loki without any interruptions. His fingers danced gently across his cheek and along the curve of his jaw; before his fingers traveled back up to touch his brow and push away an errant strand of hair back behind his ear.

Tony studied and catalogued the smallest of details about Loki. He marveled at the way Loki's eyebrows arched naturally and seemed to always have a speculative appearance to them. He noticed how his lips were downturned, as if ready to become a scowl at any given moment. And then there was the scar across his jaw, which was about two inches long and told a ghastly tale that his mouth would not.

Some things were better left unsaid, though. Loki had bared enough to Tony already, and he didn't need to know any more about some of the more difficult and intimate details of his life. As much as Loki didn't need to know every unsavory detail from his past either, and there were plenty of things he didn't want to share.

There were too many cringe-worthy moments to mention, and Loki really didn't need to know about his drunken antics and how he hired a male prostitute that one time, when he missed him so much that he couldn't take it anymore. Nothing would be gained by sharing those embarrassing and shameful details of his life. Then again, there were enough gossip magazines that probably detailed some of his more public humiliations at great length already.

Before he could lose himself down memory lane, Tony was drawn back to the present by Loki shifting beside him. The display was strangely hypnotic; even while stretching his long limbs, Loki was graceful and elegant. But nothing was as breathtaking as when he opened his eyes and blinked away the sleep from his vision.

Neither of them spoke immediately, as if they were both coming to terms with the whole process of waking up beside one another. Tony had already come to the conclusion, how he'd love to wake up to the sight of Loki beside him every day for the rest of his life; although he wasn't that bold to say so right away.

"Morning," he greeted, while trying to suppress the stupid smile that wanted to cross his face.

Loki turned his head away and yawned loudly, before he stretched again in a manner that was terribly reminiscent of how he writhed underneath Tony during some of their more intimate of moments. And it would be a lie to say the need to recreate it wasn't there, and right then and there.

"What time is it?" Loki asked in a gruff and sleep-addled voice.

"Probably ten now; maybe a little bit after."

"Too late for sleep,"

"Are you sure you're a world-renowned rock star?" Tony playfully shoved at his shoulder. "This is considered early for your kind."

"I'm not thirty and on a tour bus, Stark." Loki grumbled, as he rolled onto his belly, and buried his face into the duvet. "I'm fifty-three years old and I bloody well refuse to ever step foot on a tour bus again. I'm too old for that; too rich for it as well."

"That so," Tony flung his leg across Loki's body, unable not to smile. "What have the years done to you? Where's your work ethic?"

"I paid my dues."

"So you're just going to play one or two shows a year then?"

"Why not," Loki lifted his head, looking tiredly up at him. "No one likes being on tour, Anthony. If anyone told you otherwise, they are liars; poor liars at that. Months crammed onto an itty-bitty bus, _European_ sized buses with absolutely nothing to do before sound checks or rehearsals, well that is the definition of hell. Sometimes you never got to rehearse either, not if one of your insufferable bandmates had gotten too piss-drunk to perform."

"But being on stage makes up for that doesn't it? I mean I've been on stage at Stark Expo and the adrenaline rush is there, you know."

"We don't do it for anything else. Not the money, the women, or the fame." Loki closed his eyes. "Or at least that's what I told myself. Early on I hated it; it was only supposed to be temporary. But it snowballed into a phenomenon like this; or more accurately what it was. And now, well evidently I haven't had my share yet."

Tony took a moment to ponder that. He had known Loki's heart hadn't truly been in Odin's Sons; anyone with half a brain could tell that. But they really hadn't discussed it at length; god only knew what he would have published, if he had been privy to some of the juicier deets about the band's inner workings.

"I can't even imagine how it was to be an internationally beloved rock star; rock icon now."

"As you've mentioned, you've known what it feels like to be on stage. You're probably far more well-known than I am."

"Totally different; I only became a media sweetheart because of my old man's weapons company. The family business catapulted me into the spotlight; made worse by the fact, dear 'ol dad made sure his death wouldn't be known for an entire year after it happened. You know so stockholders didn't jump ship; a tactical move by a brilliant man and media magnet."

"You certainly didn't waste your fame, though." Loki yawned again, seemingly content with staying where he was with Tony's leg flung over his back.

"It's too early for me to tell if that's an insult or not."

"It's neither an insult nor a compliment; it's just an observation."

"No, I think this is the perfect time to be insulted." Tony arched an eyebrow, as Loki opened his eyes.

They stared at one another for several moments, until Loki made the first move. His long-fingered hand reached out and cupped Tony's jaw; all the while not betraying any of his thoughts, which was really getting old by now. Seeing as Tony wanted to dissect every quirk of his mouth, every crinkle of his eyes and know exactly what he was thinking at all times.

"Are we going to pretend as if last night hadn't happened?" Loki asked then, sounding suddenly very serious. "I think we already know what happens when we don't discuss things."

"I don't know what to say about it exactly. I don't want to throw salt in the wound, you know."

"Maybe it's better that way, instead of allowing it to fester and rot."

"I really don't know how Amelia dealt with you; you want to get all philosophical and serious first thing in the morning." Tony said, but quickly regretted it.

Loki, however, looked unperturbed by his deceased wife's name coming up into conversation. Maybe he had already come to terms with the fact that more often than not, they would have to say her name and reflect on her too. Whatever the reason, Tony didn't want to delve too much into it since it was still a delicate topic.

"She had plenty of practice. Maybe you will too, but not before we've discussed last night."

"I know I should have told you about what I'd known. I just didn't know how to go about it. God I don't even know if you remember the things you've said from last night."

"I remember, yes." Loki slid his fingers into Tony's hair and massaged his scalp. "I was angry for a reason; I'm still angry for a reason. But it doesn't change anything; you were right – you didn't want to know. If you were some god-awful reporter, you would have published every word that Amelia told you back then. Except that you didn't, and you held onto that secret for well over twenty years. Not many people could have done that, Anthony."

"You have a right to be angry, babe. What happened to you, well words can't describe it at all."

"I shouldn't have taken any acid, though. Even if it levels me out; I still shouldn't have taken it. Not in this situation especially."

"I'm not going to scold you about that, Loki." Tony touched his cheek gently. "I'm the last person on the planet to scold you about substance abuse. But I hope our deal stands; that you won't do any acid and I'll cut back on my drinking. I can't promise I won't slip up either; the same goes for you too, but in the very least we can still try and keep that promise."

A half-smile fleeted across Loki's lips, small but beautifully reassuring. Some of the tension that had been building up, unbeknownst to Tony until that very moment, ebbed away and left relief in its place. Tony even suspected that maybe Loki wasn't that angry with him, regardless of claiming otherwise.

There was no way Loki could be angry at him now; not when he was smiling at him like that. Because if there was one thing Tony knew about Loki, and that was his irreversible and terrifying anger; but that wasn't the vibe he was getting off of him now. This was comfortable and relaxing and almost loving too.

"Can I kiss you?"

"No."

"No? I thought we were having a moment here!"

"I'm sure you have an extra toothbrush I can use. Then afterwards, maybe,"

"Actually that's a good idea; teeth brushing then kissing. And maybe a joint shower should do the trick too. You know purely from a bonding experience; a trust exercise, if you will."

"Dream on, Stark."

"Dream until your dream comes true."

"Did you just quote an Aerosmith song?" Loki pulled away slightly.

"Guilty as charge," Tony grinned sunnily in return; hoping that it came off as cute.

With a scoff, Loki rolled away from him; still clad in his trench coat and disheveled and curly hair. Tony followed his movements as he clambered onto his feet, and pushed his hand through his hair which only made it stick up on end even more. It was oddly endearing with all things considering.

"You killed any chance of a kiss now, Stark." Loki started towards the en suite, seemingly at ease by being there.

"Hey, that was cute; sickeningly sweet even!"

"No, it was not."

"I'm adorable, you know it!" Tony called after him. "And there's an extra toothbrush in the top drawer underneath the sink! So you better brush those pearly whites until they shine because I'm coming for that kiss, Laufeyson!"

_"Pardon me, sir. But Miss Potts is on her way up to the penthouse to collect the paperwork. She has a luncheon with a client from Belgium, which is why she is so much earlier than planned."_

"I'm getting up, okay." He grumbled, before climbing haphazardly off the bed and onto unsteady feet. "But when I get back, I'm getting that kiss, Laufeyson! Mark my words!"

"Absolutely not," Loki yelled back, as he slammed the bathroom door closed with a bang.

"Jesus Christ, he acts like he owns the place already." Tony muttered as he made his way across the room; all the while smiling like a fool because that's all he ever wanted – for Loki to be comfortable with him and be happy to be with him too. And maybe actually feel like he was at home with him as well, and it seemed to be finally coming true.


	40. Chapter Thirty-nine :: A Steinway & A '59 Gibson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this; I was kind of inspired by a lot of Christmas music.

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**Chapter Thirty-nine :: A Steinway & A '59 Gibson**

 

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"Is this for me; is this _honestly_ for me?" Tony arched a speculative eyebrow.

"Of course, it's for you." Pepper glowered, as she shoved the festively wrapped package into his hands. "Who else would it be for?"

"Oh, I don't know; anyone in this room for example."

"I might make a very good living, but not good enough to buy every single person in the room a holiday gift."

"But it's Christmas Eve." Tony shook the box. "I thought you were going to make me wait until tomorrow to open my present."

"I'm feeling jolly tonight."

"I hope not too jolly; Virginia I'm kind of in a committed relationship right now."

"I wouldn't have guessed." Pepper rolled her eyes, before motioning for him to open his present.

Despite being in his earlier forties, Tony hadn't lost any enthusiasm about Christmas gifts (or any gifts at all for that matter). He hurriedly ripped the green and white holiday paper, and tossed the mess onto the floor to reveal a stereotypical velvet jewelry box; which only made him smile. Pepper always had impeccable taste in jewelry and a sharp eye for what would look good on him too.

He cracked open the box, only to grin widely at the Rolex wristwatch that was inside. While he had many watches, several Rolexes to be more specific, he always loved a nice piece of jewelry to wear; and Pepper knew that all too well.

"You are a star, Pep."

"I figured you'd want a new watch; you've been wearing the same one for a while now. I know, how scandalous of you." She crouched down to pick up the tattered wrappings from the floor with an annoyed grunt. "And you love jewelry just as much as I do."

"Even more, actually," he leaned in once she stood to her full height and pressed a kiss to her lips; which she reciprocated, before shoving him playfully away. "Thank you, Pepper."

"Unlike you I'll wait to open my gift from you tomorrow morning. Now excuse me, I have to mingle with some of the company's important clientele because you won't." She patted him on the shoulder, and called out to whoever had caught her eye that deserved her undivided attention and she left him with a smile.

Once Pepper had crossed the lobby, Tony peered across the crowd. The annual Stark Industries holiday party had been in full swing for several hours already. Regardless of the change in location, Pepper had been adamant about continuing the tradition especially since it would only strengthen their ties with their European clientele and business partners (or so she claimed anyway).

Which was the only explanation for why the lobby had been decorated to the nines; several live Christmas trees had been erected around the perimeter of the large room, dressed in clear fairy lights and white and gold baubles that hung from their branches. Pepper made sure that everything was beautifully and elegantly bedecked; down to the smallest of details which even extended to the serving staff's wardrobe too.

The only problem was the crowd, though. Most social events Tony attended nowadays were mundane affairs, made up of pointless chit-chat but more often than not business oriented conversation. None of which was exactly about the technology he created; or in the very least, the procedural side of it. Not many people could keep up with him on that front anyway.

He already had several bland conversations with businessmen from Germany, France, and even Serbia. While they had all been intrigued by the arc reactor technology, it was only on a business front. In the very least, everyone he'd spoken to had been excited about the Stark Expo and seemed ready to make some sort of deal for the arc reactor technology without seeing it with their own eyes yet.

That, within itself, was a great Christmas gift especially since so many business publications had decried Tony's decision to steer away from weapon manufacturing two years earlier. Not many people had believed turning the tides would lead to any success. But worse yet, there had been many individuals who had claimed that Stark Industries would inevitably flounder without Howard Stark or Obadiah Stane at the helm.

So at least he should have reveled in their inaccuracies, or it should have pulled some sort of Christmas cheer out of him from that. Except it seemed like an empty victory until several companies had actually signed contracts with Stark Industries, and true progress was forged by success; once the arc reactors were installed and proved to be a feasible alternative to other energy sources then he could celebrate appropriately.

Slowly Tony slipped the velvet box into the inside pocket of his tuxedo jacket, before he wandered on the edge of the crowd. Not many people paid him any immediate heed, which he was grateful for. He didn't want to make any small talk at the moment; he preferred for Pepper to take the wheel and make the company look good since he oftentimes wasn't the best on that front.

Everyone appeared to be enjoying the accommodations; many were nursing flutes of champagne, while others nibbled on hors d'oeuvre. Tony had forgone any of the food, already thinking about sending Happy to find him something edible and filling whenever he could get away; since he couldn't leave prematurely without getting an earful about it later from Pepper.

As he rounded the lobby, he paused long enough to pluck a glass of champagne off a passing tray. He took a sip from it and continued his trek, until the rotary doors came into view. The street outside was lit by passing headlights and was being covered in a thin veil of snow. Fat snowflakes fell from the sky and reminded Tony for the umpteenth time of his childhood back in New York; some of the better times of his life, truth be told.

But his walk down memory lane gradually drew to an end. Someone pushed their way through the rotary doors; a darkly clad figure, whose cheeks were a lovely shade of pink. Tony knew who it was almost immediately and couldn't stop the smile that split his face. Earlier in the day, he'd telephoned Loki and asked him to drop by but he hadn't gotten a confirmation or a denial from him. Then again Loki was always fickle like that.

Tony strode towards Loki, who was in the midst of pulling off his gloves; only to peek up at him when he drew closer. A stunningly beautiful smile appeared on Loki's lips at his approach, which only fueled Tony's already ridiculous smile even more.

"Why hello, Mr. Laufeyson; Merry Christmas to you," Tony greeted him once he was within arm's length. "I didn't think you'd be gracing my god awful party with your wonderful presence!"

"I've had many parties I had to attend today, Mr. Stark." Loki held out his hand to him. "But unfortunately I had to leave early because this one did take precedent."

"Good because I still have to give you your Christmas present." Tony took his hand and shook it, although he would have preferred to have linked their fingers together instead, and maybe even draw him into a kiss. "So why don't we skip this boring party and make one of our own upstairs."

"But I've only just arrived."

"Well, here have some champagne. Or just hold that for me, you know since you don't drink." He released Loki's hand, before handing over the glass. "Now upstairs; I promise it'll be way better than down here."

"We'll see about that." Loki smirked. "Which reminds me, I also have a gift for you; another that is. I suppose I've been in a rather giving mood of late."

Something about that statement prickled Tony's skin; burrowed down into his bones even. Instead of verbalizing any thoughts that he might have had, he chose to start his way towards the back of the lobby where the lifts were lined up like a row of tin soldiers. Thankfully no one stood in his way as he wound his way through the hubbub, but more importantly Pepper didn't catch sight of him either which would have been a disaster.

Once they made it to the lifts, Tony shot Loki another smile over his shoulder; before he pressed the up button on the panel beside the doors. It only took a few moments until one set of doors glided open, and they both stepped across the threshold. Tony slid out his card key from his trouser pocket and inserted it into the slot available to him.

 _"Good evening to you, sir. And good evening to you too, Mr. Laufeyson."_ JARVIS announced as the lift's doors closed, lurched underneath their feet, and started up towards the penthouse suite.

"Listen J, I want you to lockdown the penthouse. So that means _not_ to let Pepper up, unless you know she's on fire and I'm the only one who can put her out; me and Mr. Laufeyson need a bit of privacy. Gift exchange and all, you know the deal."

_"Tis the season, sir,"_

"Cheeky isn't he?" Loki pointed skyward, before he sniffed at the champagne glass in his possession.

"Well, you were my inspiration for JARVIS, baby." Tony winked and received a dramatic roll of the eyes as a reply.

The trip to the penthouse went by rather quickly, which it always did whenever anyone had access to the topmost floor. When the lift came to a halt, Tony motioned for Loki to step out first as the doors opened, before he followed suit and received the champagne flute from Loki. He took a hearty sip from it, as he crossed the room towards the artificial tree in front of the wall of windows.

Underneath the plastic branches and amid the other festively wrapped boxes, Tony found the reindeer patterned paper and decently sized box with a huge red ribbon on top with Loki's name written onto the gift tag. He set aside his champagne flute onto the floor, and then picked up the package with as much care as he could even if he really didn't have to; there wasn't anything breakable in it.

While he had his back turned, Loki had wandered further into the penthouse, and had settled onto the arm of the sofa; watching him curiously as he approached with the gift in hand. Tony immediately presented the gift to him and got another beautiful smile for his troubles.

"You didn't have to, Anthony. I think the birthday gift you've given me is enough."

"Your birthday's in October. It's not like your birthday's the day after Christmas. Besides I have plenty of money, you know if you couldn't tell. I'm not hurting now come on, take it. Be a sport about it." He waited for Loki to take it from his possession, and watched as Loki studied the box from top to bottom.

Once it seemed like Loki had gotten his fill of investigating the package, he balanced the box across his thighs and plucked the ribbon gently from the top. As meticulous as Tony had been while opening the gift Loki had presented him with weeks earlier, Loki too unwrapped his gift with as much care. He slipped one of his elegantly long fingers underneath the taped fold until it gave way, before he repeated the process on the other side.

The process lasted longer than absolutely necessary, but Tony wasn't about to complain. He felt a bubble of excitement in his chest, and an even greater bubble of laughter on the verge of overwhelming him at any given moment. That bubble only grew larger, when Loki finally stripped the paper way to expose the white colored box underneath it, and gave him a curious look.

"Whatever could you have possibly gotten me?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why don't you open it up and see."

"Hmm," Loki shimmied off the top of the box and peered inside, before he slowly looked back at Tony with a dramatic roll of the eyes that put his previous eye roll to shame. "You have absolutely no tact at all."

"Merry Christmas, baby," Tony grinned wider; somehow managing _not_ to laugh, even though he wanted to.

Without any further ado, Loki reached into the box and examined the black cowboy hat with narrowed eyes. He then shot Tony another annoyed look.

"I don't even know what to say about your gall; I'm honestly speechless."

"Oh come on, you look great with a cowboy hat on. Hand it over, come on." Tony reached for the hat, and then placed it delicately onto the top of Loki's head. "Damn, now that is just perfect; beau-ti-ful."

"Insufferable,"

"Honestly though, this is just a gag gift. Your real gift is at the bottom of the box; so, you know, take a look. Unless, of course you prefer the cowboy hat which I totally do."

"What could you possibly have hidden underneath this _lovely_ gift?" Loki grumbled, as reached back into the box and pulled out a Xeroxed piece of paper. "What is this? Why is there a baby grand piano on this?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to get a baby grand piano in a box that size. So I had to improvise some, and I also would have to have permission to get it into your house. I didn't think you'd appreciate a break-in much, even if I left behind a shiny new piano for you."

"Anthony," Loki looked up at him almost helplessly. "This is a Steinway. Steinways are incredibly expensive; astronomically expensive; too expensive."

Tony took the box and paper from Loki's hands, before he set them onto the top of the coffee table. He then reached out and cupped Loki's face between his hands and smoothed his thumbs across his windswept cheeks.

"I love you and you deserve nothing but the best. So why wouldn't I give you the best?"

"Both my gifts pale in comparison." Loki covered Tony's hands with his; only to press a kiss to the heel of his hand. "A Steinway and a 1959 Gibson in exchange for a bloody concert ticket, and…and an invitation to take me to your bed."

"W-What? What did you say?"

"I told you it was a piss poor gift."

"No, I need you to repeat what you said before; seriously." Tony swallowed hard, feeling his body simmer with heat that started at the top of his head and went all the way down to the soles of his feet. "I don't think I heard you correctly because it sounded like you said, you wanted to go to bed with me. And really I don't think you would have said that; I think I'm just projecting, you know."

"That's precisely what I said. Take me to bed." Loki peered up at him, as he placed another kiss to the heel of his hand. "Only if you want, of course,"

They stared at one another for several moments, until Tony reached out to take the cowboy hat from off of Loki's head. He set the cowboy hat back into its box and then took Loki's hand in his. He urged him to his feet and quickly pressed a kiss to his lips, as if he wouldn't get the opportunity to do so otherwise.

"A Steinway and a '59 Gibson are shitty presents compared to this, Loki." He murmured against his lips reverently. "This is the best gift I've ever gotten, you don't even know."

"Anthony,"

"I love you." He kissed him again, before he pulled away and led Loki towards the hallway to the master suite. And there wasn't any hesitation on either of their parts, which only made Tony believe that they were doing the right thing; that they both wanted it maybe even needed it.

He was convinced even more so of that when he heard a soft, almost intimidated voice whisper out _I love you too_ in return.


	41. Chapter Forty :: The Ballad of Tony & Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advanced if this doesn't live up to everyone's expectations. I tried very hard to make this good and I really believe I've fallen short; the first half of the chapter is god awful. ;(

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**Chapter Forty :: The Ballad of Tony & Loki**

 

* * *

 

They moved slowly; hesitant little touches, whispered words of encouragement, and a meeting of hands and limbs. Tony cradled Loki's face between his hands and pressed soft closed mouth kisses to his lips; as they swayed to a soundless melody, beyond the wild beat of their hearts and their hurried breathing. Which only seemed to intensify the many emotions that threatened to consume Tony whole, as if this was the singular most important moment of his life and he refused to look back for any reason; he wanted this more than he ever wanted anything else before.

Since he'd been a sixteen year kid, Tony had wanted Loki; every flaw and every perfection alike. He had wanted the man who had swung his hips to the gritty sounds of his former band, the man who had worn a three piece suit and drove the crowd mad with his theatrical performances. But even more than that, Tony had always wanted the man behind the glitz and glamour; the man who had a stupid predilection for rooftops and ledges and had an oral fixation and sang whenever the urge hit him, and who also had a fiery temper that could make anyone cower in fear.

He wanted Loki in every facade of the word. There wasn't any one reason, but many; too many even. It didn't matter that they had lost so much time or that they'd been scarred and battered by the world too many times to count. They were here now and Tony wasn't about to lose Loki again.

"I'm a little rusty." Loki murmured against his lips, almost timidly. "It's been a while."

"It's okay; it's been a while for me too."

"Do tell, Mr. Stark; how long as it been for you?"

"You know a couple of months." Tony chuckled, as he withdrew his hands to unfasten his tux jacket. "But in my defense, a few months is pretty long for me."

Loki didn't deign that worthy of a reply; he instead busied himself with shouldering off his trench coat, a different one than the one he slept in two days earlier. Underneath the coat, Loki wore a form fitting black oxford with a matching vest for added flare. His collar bone was exposed and unmarred, although Tony felt it was his duty to rectify that.

Once they both tossed aside their respected outerwear, they resumed where they had left off. Tony closed the distance between them, and found Loki's mouth again. Their lips melded easily but were far from demanding; they intended on taking things slow, regardless of the fact that Tony felt like his insides had been set aflame and needed to be extinguished by further physical contact. But the trust Loki was extending to him was so much more important than getting his rocks off.

Tony looped his arms around Loki's thin waist, which brought them chest to chest. Any space between them had been eliminated completely; almost in a poetic sense, it was like how they had crossed years and miles and hardships to find one another again. Nothing could keep them apart any longer and Tony tried to relate as much with glide of his lips.

Neither of them shied away as the kiss shifted from chaste to a tinge more passionate. Tony couldn't be certain who pressed further into the kiss, or if it was even intentional. What it felt like was a natural progression, though; a bodily need that bubbled up and took control, which simmered in his blood and shot an achy sort of want into his loins.

"Mm, very nice," Loki groaned as he broke the kiss again, before he worked both his hands into Tony's nicely styled hair; although he suspected it wouldn't look very dapper soon enough.

"It'll only get better, I promise."

"Why ever would you be this patient with me?"

"Broken record here, but I'm still going to repeat myself - I love you." Tony tilted his head and nuzzled Loki's cheek and inhaled deeply. "God, you smell good; you feel good. You're everything I've ever wanted."

"Maybe I was; our physical attraction was palpable back then."

"It's palpable now. Loki, you're doing horribly good things to me right now."

"Not to embarrass you, although you surely haven't any ability to feel shame, I can feel it." Loki slowly worked his fingers through his hair, pausing every few moments to massage his scalp; which sent a tingle of pleasure through Tony's whole body, including the body part that was very interested in the proceedings.

He was already half hard, but he controlled his primal need to rut against the lithe thigh currently at his disposal. He wanted to prolong the intimacy between them for as long as he could, and he wanted to ease Loki back into things as well. There wasn't any rush; they had the whole night to reacquaint themselves with one another and to draw pleasure from that.

"You're my favorite aphrodisiac, sorry." Tony kissed the corner of Loki's mouth, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face by the sigh of contentment that escaped Loki. "Okay, I'm not very sorry. But I'm going to be a good boy; I've been trained."

"Oh, we'll see about that." Loki turned to capture his lips again, effectively quieting any humorous jabs he might have had on the tip of his tongue.

Soft appreciative sounds slipped from their mouths, as they gradually built onto the kiss. Before long Loki's lips parted, less than a fraction of an inch, but it was a clear invitation for Tony to gently lick his way across the seam. He repeated the slow drag of his tongue across Loki's bottom lip and tasted the slightest hint of peppermint; almost along the lines of a candy cane.

As he repeated the action for a third time, he was permitted further access. Loki parted his lips but didn't dare to bring his own tongue into play, despite them having experimented with deepened kisses over the weeks. But it was apparent that he was nervous, even as he continued to trail his fingers across Tony's scalp and played with the dark strands that had been slicked back by several hair products.

Tony eased his tongue between Loki's lips, flicking the tip to trace along his thinner upper lip, as he was assaulted by Loki's taste. There was no denying Loki's sweet tooth had gotten the best of him some time earlier in the evening; his mouth was filled with the cool, crisp flavor of candy cane, but also something distinctly his own which was equally intoxicating.

Groaning, he traced his way across the uniformed row of Loki's bottom teeth; before he touched his tongue tentatively against Loki's. Only then did Loki respond in turn; his tongue brushed playfully against Tony's and continued to do so until things grew more heated between them. The playfulness dissipated and became more sensuous, as their tongues rolled and danced wetly together.

Heat shot every which way through Tony's body; brilliant bursts that threatened to sabotage his willpower. His hands dragged across Loki's back, feebly clinging to the silken fabric of Loki's vest; as if trying to cement himself into place. But the kiss was electrifying; the taste and roll of Loki's tongue was doing funny things to him and his body was reacting of its own accord, regardless of what his mind wanted.

His hips pistoned forward, seeking out some sort of friction; which he easily found at the junction of Loki's thigh; the sensation was enough to make him gasp, especially when he repeated the motion despite himself. Loki didn't deter him either, but continued to kiss him until they both were light-headed and desperate for breath.

They pulled away from one another, breathing raggedly. Their eyes immediately sought one another's and there was no denying what Tony saw in Loki's. His pupils were blown out, endless pools of black surrounded by the thinnest line of green and flicks of gold; and there was desire in them. Brilliant points of yearning that Tony hadn't been on the receiving end of for a very long time.

"Fuck, you are beautiful." He rasped out, as he drew his hands across Loki's sides. "Prettier than the last time I saw you twenty years ago."

"Don't lie." Loki replied, before he placed a chaste kiss onto his lips. "I was a deity then; maybe I was utterly mad, but no one could deny my ravishing good looks back then."

"Stop it; don't undermine me. I know what I see and I know what I feel."

"You haven't seen anything yet." Loki smiled sardonically. "In fact, you might not like what you see."

"Shut up; you're gorgeous, sex on two legs even." Tony reached forward to toy with the shiny buttons on Loki's vest; wordlessly asking for permission to unfasten them.

With a split-second of reluctance, Loki bobbed his head in consent. Nimbly Tony slipped each button free and could feel the tension rise off of Loki. When he finished, he peered up at him with a crooked grin; if only to ease any discomfort that might have developed over the past few moments.

"Tell me if you want me to slow down. Or you know tell me if you don't like some of the things I'm doing."

"Likewise,"

"Trust me, I like everything."

"You," Loki paused and then swallowed. "You didn't the last time we were intimate."

The memory was vivid and fuzzy; pleasurable and traumatic too. Tony didn't like to think of it very much; mostly because he was reminded of his stupidity after the fact. The actual physical act wasn't the scarring bit; it was everything that followed it and his unjustifiable behavior after the fact.

He shook his head, grappling with any explanation that would get things back on track. But every word seemed as pointless and useless as the next. They felt like excuses and cop-outs and he didn't want to tarnish the present with the past.

"When I was a kid, I was never a fan of broccoli; hated the stuff." He explained, as he spread his fingers across the fabric of Loki's vest. "But when I got older, I don't know why but I started to like it. Pepper convinced me to try it at some stupid gala dinner and I was really surprised by how much I enjoyed it. So yeah, time changes things; heals all wounds. Or some, it heals some wounds."

"Did you just compare anal sex to broccoli?"

"Well, when you put it that way it isn't as romantic."

"Pardon me." Loki shouldered off his vest, before he tossed it aside, and then began to unbutton his cuffs. "I didn't realize anecdotes involving vegetables were meant to be romantic. Mind you, I haven't dated in a very long time either; so this is brand new information to me."

Tony snorted out a laugh, as he followed Loki's example. He undid his cuffs and then loosened the bowtie around his neck. While he would have preferred to have undressed Loki instead, he chose to follow his lead and to make him as comfortable as he could.

Hopefully there would plenty of opportunities in the future to pursue that route, but now this would have to do. Tony pulled his button-up from out his trousers, and smiled as he watched Loki bend over to unknot his shoelaces. They had both forgone words and focused on undressing themselves; thankfully it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, rather it was almost companionable.

Soon enough, Tony stripped off his shirt and kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks; except he drew short of taking off his undershirt. He was keenly aware of the protrusion of the arc reactor, which felt like the elephant in the room. Normally he would have kept his undershirt on since it was so much easier that way; he had kept it on too whenever he and Pepper had been physical, but it didn't feel right to hide it from Loki.

Loki had bared his soul to him on multiple occasions already. He had told him things that he hadn't told another living soul beforehand, and well this could be his chance to make amends in a way. Or in the very least level the playing field; he had already allowed Loki to touch the arc reactor, so really showing him the thing shouldn't be too bad.

"Do you mind," Loki piped up just as Tony furled his fingers into the fabric of his undershirt. "That is I have a bit of a request. Could we possibly turn off the lights?"

"Turn off the lights? Why?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Anthony. You know why."

"Actually I don't that's why I'm asking. I'm not honestly trying to be obnoxious this time around."

"The years haven't particularly been kind to me; age has a way of altering one's appearance." Loki refused to look him in the eye, but still unbuttoned his oxford to expose a lily-white strip of skin. "Not too many flaws with my upper body; some but not too badly ravaged by age,"

The black oxford slipped down Loki's shoulders and his arms, to reveal his thin but nicely toned stomach. Loki was much thinner than what he had been in the past; his skin might have not been as taut either, but he was still breathtakingly beautiful. Even though, Tony had seen Loki without a shirt on only weeks ago, it didn't detract from the awe he felt now.

"You're beautiful; those will probably be my dying words at this rate." Tony cracked a smile.

"Please, the lights."

"Loki,"

"Anthony, I'm being serious."

"I want you to be comfortable with me, but I want to see you too; every part of you." He lifted his undershirt a bit then, before taking a deep breath and yanking it off as quickly as possible. "Besides it really wouldn't be dark; not with this clunky night light permanently embedded in my chest. And it isn't really a pretty thing either; so yeah, no reason to be self-conscious."

As to be expected, Loki's eyes zeroed onto the center of chest. Anyone with a set of eyes would have done the exact same thing; after all, not many people had something embedded into their body, no less an object that was lit up like a Christmas tree twenty-four hours a day.

Clenching his jaw, Tony watched as Loki took a cautious step towards him; as if he was a caged animal that would run away at any given moment. Maybe he would have, had he not built up some courage within the last few minutes; it would only be too easy to yank his undershirt back on and shut off the lights. But that was the last thing he wanted to do; if he wanted Loki to show himself in full then he'd have to do the same thing.

"May I?" Loki asked, now only a hair's width away; his hand hovered awkwardly by his side, giving away his intent.

"Yeah sure; just don't, you know, try and take it out. I kind of need it to live. But you already know that." He smiled tightly as Loki's hand draped itself over the center of the arc reactor.

Loki's fingers circled the outer casing of the reactor, ever-gentle and non-threatening. Tony felt his heartbeat gradually return to its normal speed, once his body recognized there was no imminent danger to be had. In fact, Loki's touches were closer to caresses; curious little touches that eventually fell away from the reactor and moved towards the scar tissue around the casing.

"My Little Stark is a survivor." Loki said almost reverently, as his calloused fingertips still danced around the scarring. " _You_ are beautiful."

Rather than verbally respond, Tony leaned in and captured Loki's mouth; hungry to show his devotion and maybe even to show his gratitude. His emotions were a tangled mess; relief, happiness, panic, and arousal enveloped him completely. And the only way he could express it was through action; through the insistent press of his lips against Loki's.

They kissed as if it was as essential as breathing. Loki's hand dropped away from his chest and found its way back into his hair; while the other one held loosely onto his bicep. Tony's hands found their way to Loki's belt buckle, and worked it open without any problem whatsoever.

Once he unbuckled Loki's belt, Tony made quick work of the button and zipper and immediately eased down the waistband of the trousers. Loki moaned obscenely into his mouth, as their tongues continued to tease one another until Tony's body returned to its former heat.

Loki's trousers slipped down to his thighs, giving access to Tony to ghost his fingers lightly over the swell of his bottom. Which led to Loki's crafty hands mimicking his previous actions, and freeing him of the confines of his trousers too; but they didn't pursue anything further and instead reveled in one another's mouths for as long as they could.

No matter how long he kissed Loki, Tony couldn't seem to get enough. The taste of candy cane and cigarettes was an odd combination, but one that he never wanted to stop experiencing either. He never wanted to kiss anyone else again; for the rest of his life, he would easily be contented with just Loki and only Loki.

"Mm, Anthony." Loki gasped as he broke the kiss, before he backed away in order to wriggle the rest of the way out of his trousers.

Without any finesse, Tony too disposed of his trousers but also hurried to strip off his underwear as well. His rapidly hardening member felt far better without the restraint, and he couldn't help himself but to stroke the shaft loosely. Especially when Loki reluctantly pushed down his underwear around his narrow hips and exposed his impressive assets that exceeded his memory's recollection; and Tony couldn't help but groan at the sight.

"I remember you were huge, but fuck."

"Come here." Loki beckoned him forward, as he backpedaled towards the bed.

They made it to the bed within a few steps, before they both climbed onto the mattress; eyeing one another from head to toe. Tony was mesmerized by the plane of pale skin that stretched across Loki's body and noted the swell of muscle and the grooves of bone; a testament to Loki's poor dietary habits and inevitable nicotine addiction.

It was only when Loki shifted off his knees to sit more comfortably onto the bed, that Tony took notice the crisscross of overly long scars that ran up and down his legs. They started right below the knee and stopped halfway down his calves; white and pink scars that were almost too painful to look at, since Tony knew where they came from.

Phil had mentioned Loki had broken one of his legs in the collision, but he hadn't really prepared himself for the extent of the damage. And yet he couldn't rip his eyes away from the intricate pattern of scar tissue; the raised skin and sheer imperfections that hadn't been there twenty years ago. Sadly the scars were now there and Sif no longer was, which was utterly unfair.

"Awful aren't they?" Loki laughed mirthlessly. "I told you that you might not like what you see. And you don't; really who could like these?"

"You're right, I don't like them." Tony leaned down to brush his fingers across Loki's knee. "It's not because they're ugly, it's because of what happened to you. We're both a little beaten up; not factory sealed anymore or even in pristine working condition. But you're still everything I've ever wanted, and a couple of scars aren't going to scare me away."

"Gravity has taken its toll."

"I think you've defied gravity; you were always such a rebel."

"Anthony, please."

"You know what? I want you to lie back and get comfortable; we're going to take things slow, get reacquainted with one another. So leave everything up to me."

"I…"

"You don't have a sound argument, okay. So please, let me do this for you. I _want_ to do this for you; now let me enjoy my Christmas present."

"I told you I'm rusty." Loki said delicately, but he did proceed to make himself comfortable against the many throw pillows stacked up against the headboard.

When Tony was sure Loki was as comfortable as he was going to get, he shifted so he could straddle him and planted a hungry kiss to his lips. But it was short lived, as there were many other places that needed his undivided attention still. He pressed his mouth to the sharp point of Loki's chin, slowly easing his way along his jaw and eventually to the side of his neck.

His tongue darted out to taste Loki's perfumed skin and the ever-present existence of nicotine. He traced his way across Loki's wildly fluttering pulse, before he nipped at the point where his shoulder met his neck, and drew out a sharp moan from Loki's lips. Which sent an electric jolt of arousal directly to his thickening sex that wanted nothing more than be relieved right then and there.

It would only be too easy to find release, but Tony was determined to pleasure Loki first and foremost. This was a crucial moment in both of their lives, after all. It was more than just a physical reunion, but maybe even a spiritual one. And he wasn't about to squander it away selfishly.

His mouth wandered up and down Loki's neck still; sinking his teeth into spots that were obviously sensitive and sucking away the burn quickly afterwards, until Loki moaned a deep and throaty noise that only fueled Tony's rapidly building arousal further. Since it was one of the most erotic sounds that he ever had the privilege of hearing; and he had spent his days and nights with many beautiful people and nothing really measured up to that sound.

By the time he moved to the unmarred column of his throat, Tony had left behind a trail of red love bites and plum colored hickeys. Some of which would be hard to conceal, unless of course Loki covered them up with make-up. But maybe if he made this night as pleasurable as humanly possible, perhaps Loki would actually want to wear them proudly.

That thought only fueled Tony's desire to please even more. He covered every square inch of pale flesh with attention; he licked down Loki's throat and traced the protrusion of his adam's apple with languid rolls of his tongue. The vibration of Loki's moans, worked their way through Tony's body and in between his legs. His cock twitched painfully but he ignored it still, as he clapped down onto Loki's adam's apple and sucked and laved it with attention.

"G-Good boy," Loki shuddered, as his arms wrapped around his body. "Such a good boy,"

There was something strangely erotic about that sentiment, which led Tony to suck harder on Loki's throat. Before he pulled away to recapture his lips in a scalding and messy kiss. It was the kind of kiss Tony remembered sharing so many times with Loki in the past; uninhibited and filthy kisses that were driven by the pent-up desire that they held for one another.

"God, I love you." Tony groaned, as he wrenched free; although his lips were wet with spittle and undoubtedly swollen too.

"Love me in every way imaginable."

"Fuck, that's more like it; that's the Loki I know."

"I'm trying." Loki murmured and gently scraped his nails down Tony's back, and urged him back into action.

His mouth found purchase on Loki's collarbone, except he only placed a few opened mouth kisses along it before the allure of a dusty colored nipple took precedent instead. He flicked the tip of his tongue across it, until it began to harden considerably underneath his continued efforts. Once it stood at attention, he closed his mouth around it and suckled it and groaned around it too.

Loki writhed underneath him; a series of jerky movements and rolling hips, which jarred his already delicate state further. His own hips stuttered, desperate to find some sort of friction again; yet he refused to give in so easily now. Even if he felt like his sanity was on the line.

Slowly he moved to the other nipple and tongued it to hardness, before he repeated his previous action and latched onto it and sucked gently. Words of praise fell from Loki's mouth almost immediately; a rambling list that sounded more and more incoherent as it went on.

"S-Stop Stark, stop," Loki managed to articulate, almost on the verge of being utterly desperate.

Despite wanting to continue, Tony lifted his head and gave Loki a curious look. His cheeks had gone a lovely shade of red and his normally thin-lipped scowl was replaced by an open mouth instead. There really was no better explanation than that; Loki was obviously overwhelmed, highly stimulated by the endless attention which was undoubtedly a victory in Tony's book. But he also knew when to stop when he was ahead too.

As reluctant as he was to cease his assault, Tony still shifted his straddling position and instead lied down and plastered himself to Loki's side; before he then cautiously draped his leg across Loki's stomach just so he could be close to him in some capacity still. And he was thankful that Loki permitted that affectionate move; he even curled his hand underneath Tony's knee to keep him rooted in place.

They remained like that for several moments. Loki's labored breathing began to taper off a bit and even out; yet it hitched when Tony laid his hand onto the center of his chest, and began to rub his skin that was already lightly dampened with sweat.

"You okay?" Tony asked, as he peered up at him.

"I just needed a moment; it was a little overwhelming." Loki stroked the underside of his knee. "Oh, how have times changed. It's bloody embarrassing."

"You're too hard on yourself. No one's laughing at you; I'm definitely not. God, I have a fucking painful erection right now; I'm surprised I haven't passed out from it. Since all the blood in my body went south,"

"I never thought I would be in this position again. I reserved myself to a life of isolation, of my own doing of course. But isolation nonetheless; a combination of age and sentiment, really,"

"Except you are here; you're here with me and I'm going to make it worth your while." Tony thumbed at one of Loki's nipples and gave it a pinch; which resulted in low-pitched groan coming from Loki's lips. "Do you think you've, you know, had your time to recover yet?"

"As much time as you'll allow, clearly."

"Hey, I can't help it. You're irresistible; you've always have been, though." He shifted his body, before kissing him again in a slow and sensuous way; one of his favorite ways to kiss Loki silly.

To be honest one of his greatest pleasures was kissing Loki; he hadn't always been that wild about something as simple as that. He had always found other things to be more of his forte. But there was something deeply gratifying of having Loki's taste on his lips, roving freely across his tongue. It was intoxicating and had a way of doing beautiful things to his body.

Their lips moved unhurriedly across one another's, taking their time to savor one another. The intimacy behind it was beyond any Tony had ever felt before. He felt completely consumed but also exposed, and he could only suspect Loki felt the same way as well.

Tony's hand dipped downward, drifting across the dips and bends of muscle and flesh and protruding bone. He touched the bits of Loki's stomach that weren't covered up by his leg; only for his hand to deviate to the side and trace over Loki's ribcage and slip underneath to touch his back lightly and knead at the muscle there.

They broke away moments later, although their lips continued to seek each other's out. Loki pressed soft and unobtrusive kisses to his mouth, as he slipped his fingers from their previous post, and caressed his thigh with firm strokes. He even went so far as to cup the swell of his ass with his palm.

"I could get used to this, damn." Tony laughed, as he pressed his swollen erection against Loki's hip and bucked against him.

"It's been far too long." Loki nuzzled his shoulder, before biting down firmly onto it.

The sensation intensified the sweet burn in the pit of Tony's stomach. His hips jutted forward and he rubbed his cock into Loki, but managed not to lose himself entirely to the feeling. He probably could have easily gotten off that way; with the warm palm of Loki's hand on his ass, and his teeth and lips on his shoulder. It was absolutely perfect combination of stimulation.

"Lie back down; you're tempting me too much like this."

"That was the point." Loki hummed, but lied back nonetheless; permitting Tony to readjust himself back onto his knees.

Loki's hand followed his progress, though. He reached between his thighs and gave the base of his cock a firm squeeze, which felt too good for words. Tony's mouth opened in a silent moan, as Loki's fingers circled around him and began to pump him experimentally. It was both timid and over-eager, as if Loki was reestablishing his former experience in the bedroom.

They found one another's eyes almost immediately, and that made the whole thing that much more pleasurable. Tony felt connected to Loki in ways he couldn't remember feeling beforehand. There was love and adoration between them, but more importantly there was a solid sort of devotion between them too. It wasn't about to crumble away over a few miscommunications or implode in their faces either. They had matured and they knew what they wanted, and they wanted each other.

Loki bit his bottom lip, as his hand glided upward to circle the engorged head of his cock, and brushed the pad of his thumb over the slit which was already wet and beading with precum. Every stroke made it harder and harder for Tony to breathe. He had missed those hands on him, even if they were hesitant and gentle; yet he really didn't know how he went twenty years without them.

"You manipulative bastard," Tony pushed at Loki's chest, urging him to let go; although it easier said than done.

With another firm shove, he forced Loki back into a supine position. Only to straddle him again and pin both his wrists above his head; if only to keep his wandering hands away. He smothered Loki's growing smile with another kiss; one that sent both their hips rolling to one another's.

Tony felt Loki's hardened cock against his belly; could feel the collected wetness at the tip too. Even as he pulled away from those red and beautifully swollen lips, Tony couldn't help but admire the way Loki's body writhed underneath him; desperate to be touched in some capacity.

"Settle down there; you'll get your fill."

"This is torture." Loki shuddered, as Tony dragged his hands away from his wrists and down along his arms; he then moved them across his sides too.

Eventually he moved down Loki's long body, planting kisses on patches of skin and into indentations from muscle definition and age alike; before he climbed into the space between Loki's thighs, where the smell of his arousal was palpable. Loki's erection was thick, swollen, and hard. Precum had dribbled onto his stomach and made something inside Tony ache.

While he had practiced and prepared himself for penetration, Tony wondered how successful this would be. He didn't want a repeat of the last time they had been together, and he actually wanted to enjoy it fully. He had been fairly diligent in the practice of late; he had used his fingers several times over and had even reached climax as he ground his erection into the mattress. But toys had proved too daunting to him still. Well, they were daunting but nothing compared to Loki's assets.

Most men would be intimidated by only seeing Loki's dick, so it was only natural that anyone who wanted to be fucked by him would be very worried. Yet no one could accuse Tony of allowing potential discomfort to get in his way, and it wouldn't happen this time around either.

Gently he slid his hands over the junction of Loki's thighs; ghost-like touches that made Loki's whole body convulse in delightful way. Soft rasping breaths and mewing sounds came out of Loki, threatening to unmake Tony. Especially since he hadn't imagined he'd ever hear those sounds again.

He reveled in the reactions he received, as his barely touched the ripple of muscle and kneaded at any visible knot that he found. He wanted to make Loki feel as good as he could; he wanted to show him how loved he was, and how grateful he was to be given the opportunity to do so.

Drawing away, Tony sat back onto his haunches before he urged Loki to bend his knee, and forced his leg up towards his chest. Which left Tony to inspect the scarring along Loki's once flawless skin; not many of the scars had faded with time, rather it seemed like many had only been newly inflicted instead of actually happening fourteen years ago.

They were far from beautiful; even he couldn't lie about that, as much as no one could say as much about the abomination in his chest. But that didn't mean he didn't want to touch the mangled skin and press his mouth to the rigid and swollen lines nonetheless. Just as his hand was about to descend onto Loki's leg, he heard a rather emphatic protest arise from him.

"Don't!"

"Do you trust me?"

"That isn't the point."

"It kind of is, so do you trust me?" Tony pressed, as his hand hovered; ready to touch. "Well, come on do you?"

"You know I do; I wouldn't be here otherwise."

"Just relax for me then, please."

"Oh fine, get on with it then." Loki shifted further into the comfort of the pillows, although he openly cringed when Tony touched his leg; which was understandable with all things considering.

No one had touched Loki in a very long, so no one would have seen the extent of the damage he received from the car accident. It was fairly extensive too; Tony could only imagine how much pain he'd gone through, no less how many months of recovery it had taken as well. It probably wasn't as extensive as Tony's own recovery but it must have been hell nonetheless.

His hand skimmed across the marred skin, followed the many crisscrossed scars; before he bent down to kiss over them and pay special attention to the most glaring ones. He could feel Loki tense and relax and tense again, whenever his mouth wandered from below his knee towards the midway point of his calf.

"I love you. _Fuck_ , I love you so much." He murmured against his skin, as he took a hold of Loki's ankle and eased it up; in order to lavish the underside of his leg with attention too.

Something akin to a whimper came out of Loki, which only inspired Tony to continue with his ministrations. He kissed and licked every inch of scar tissue; he then nuzzled the crook of Loki's knee, until he moved onto the other leg and showed it as much attention as the first. To the point where any tension seemed to have melted away and left Loki wriggling and panting underneath his attentions.

It was a beautiful sight; Loki's skin glistened with perspiration. His chest heaved, while one hand found its way into his damp hair and the other held tightly onto the duvet. And the expression on his face was priceless; he looked as if he was intoxicated by pleasure and it was all because of Tony. He had made that expression possible; no one else had even been given that opportunity for fourteen long years either.

Lowering the leg in his possession, Tony gave Loki a crooked smile; although he found the ache in his groin was becoming too much to handle. He suspected the same could be said about Loki too. Maybe the idea of prolonged foreplay was a bit too advanced for them now, especially since they both been without any recent intimacy.

"I don't know about you, but maybe we need to move onto the grand finale."

"I can't take very much more, sadly." Loki eased his legs open wider, wordlessly giving Tony permission for something he hadn't truly anticipated for.

It made sense, though. The last time they had been intimate, Tony had ruined everything by his petty reaction. Rather than try and explain his intentions for the rest of the evening, he instead crawled off the bed and crossed the short distance to the bedside table; where his more intimate of products were stored.

Once he was in close proximity to the table, he pulled open the drawer and sifted through its contents. He reached in for a newly opened bottle of lubrication; one he had perused the previous evening, in his attempts to loosen himself up, and he reached for a condom too. He shut the drawer quickly, before he climbed back onto the bed beside Loki, who had pushed himself onto elbows with a blown-out look about him.

Tony leaned in and kissed him briefly. Afterwards, he popped open the bottle of lube and poured a decent amount into the palm of his hand. He then reached for Loki's stiffened cock, and gave it a bit of a squeeze; which resulted in a throaty, melodic noise bursting out from him.

"What are you doing?" Loki said in between noises, although he didn't seem to care necessarily.

"Getting you nice and slick, for one; but I'm going to need your help, you know with getting me ready too."

"No," Loki rasped, as he managed to grab onto his wrist and cease his motions.

" _Yes_." Tony stressed, giving him a no-nonsense stare. "I've been prepping myself for this. I want this; I want _you_ , Loki. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want this. I'm not some dumb kid anymore; I know what I want and I want this."

There wasn't an immediate response; Loki's face turned stony, as he struggled to sit up. Reluctantly Tony released his hold on Loki's cock that was still painfully hard despite their conversation, and scooted forward so he was face to face with him. He honestly hadn't thought they needed to discuss the sexual positions they wanted to try. In hindsight, he supposed it would have been for the best even if it would have killed the mood somewhat.

"Why would you want this?" Loki asked, before he cupped his cheek. "I might not have been intimate with someone for some time; I nevertheless can bear the pain."

"Yeah, so can I; I'm ready for this and I want you, you know."

"You know," Loki repeated with an arch of his eyebrow.

"I want you," Tony took in a deep breath, and pressed his forehead to Loki's. "I want you inside of me. I'd never wanted anyone else like this, and I want you in every possible way I can have you."

The hardened expression slowly slipped away from Loki's face, replaced by what could only be described as a loving look. Tony's heart clenched and he couldn't help but lean in and kiss him again, as he looped an arm around his shoulders to grab onto the nape of Loki's neck.

This kiss was uncharacteristically tender, even in between the many they shared over the duration of the evening. Which only made Tony that much more secure in his decision; he wanted nothing more than to give every part of himself completely to Loki.

"I love you, my Little Stark." Loki pulled away. "Now it's your turn to get comfortable. I'll take over from here."

"Control freak," Tony chuckled, as he crawled towards the pile of pillows at the headboard, and collapsed onto his back, and spread his legs open widely.

Loki maneuvered in between his legs, and proceeded to drape his body over Tony's. Instead of leaning in for a kiss, Loki nosed at the bottom edge of the arc reactor. Surprisingly Tony didn't feel a sting of panic in his chest by the motion. In fact, he only felt warmth spread through him at the gesture.

He closed his eyes and relaxed underneath Loki's touches. Those beautiful and musically inclined hands danced across his sides, as his talented tongue flicked out to lave at the edge of the arc reactor. It moved slowly but surely around one side and then the next, which caused Tony's hip to lift and press his erection into Loki's awaiting body.

The contact sent sparks of light dancing behind his eyelids, and made him moan lowly. But even more than that, the feeling of Loki's mouth around the sensitive skin of his chest was too arousing for words. So arousing in fact, Tony had to open his eyes again in order to watch him in action, and marvel in the way Loki looked in the process.

Before very long, Loki's mouth had worked its way up the outer casing of the reactor, and moved towards the center. The blue light illuminated his face hypnotically; put some emphasis on the crow's feet around his eyes and the scar on the left side of his face, but it hardly detracted from Loki's overall beauty. In some ways it only accentuated it further, and made Tony count his many blessings.

Loki's lips descended onto the arc reactor, pressing sloppy and hungry kisses onto the surface; making it a point to implement his tongue into play too. Another moan reverberated out of Tony's body, and his hands reached for Loki's hair in order to keep him firmly in place. Because there was something strangely erotic about having someone pay so much attention to a part of him that always felt unnatural and inhuman. And maybe, at least he hoped, Tony had made Loki feel just as good when he kissed his scars.

As if things couldn't possibly get any better, something jolted Tony's whole body and caused him to hold his breath. Somehow or another, Loki had slicked up one of his fingers and trailed it across the cleft of his ass. He didn't try to breach him, though; he instead focused on caressing him, as his mouthed continued to work across every square inch of the arc reactor.

"Oh fuck yeah." Tony groaned and pushed into the feather-like touch between his legs. "I need it, babe. God, I need it."

Those seemed to be the magic words, since Loki pulled away and sat back onto his haunches. His finger continued to trace its way up and down the cleft of Tony' ass, but his other hand moved in to help the efforts. Loki opened him up and exposed his entrance for further stimulation, although he seemed to revel in the sight for a while.

Tony felt utterly exposed but in the best way possible. He loved the look on Loki's face; he looked so damned reverent, as if Tony was the most beautiful thing on the planet. And while he always known he was an attractive guy, no one had looked at him like that beforehand. Or at least no one had looked at him like that since Loki.

Loki's finger slide between his cheeks then, and touched the ring of clenched muscles. He put gentle pressure onto it, before he circled around it with timid little strokes. Which felt too good for words; Tony could only throw his head back into the pillows and arch his body to express himself. But even then it wasn't enough; he wanted to be penetrated.

The blunt end of Loki's nail scraped across his sensitive hole, resulting in a litany of colorful curses to burst out of his mouth and several words of encouragement too. He didn't know how much more teasing he could take, especially when all he wanted was to feel Loki inside of him in one way or another.

"Please, Loki; oh god give it to me!" He choked out, while simultaneously rolling his hips. "Stretch me open and get the fuck inside of me already!"

"Positively filthy," Loki purred, as he finally pressed a little more forcefully against Tony, and the muscles finally gave way and parted for his finger.

A familiar burn worked its way up Tony's spine, as he was breached; however the relief was far more prevalent. It felt so good to be worked open, and have someone else touch him so intimately. It almost stole his breath away and sent every one of his nerve endings on edge too.

With steady and confident movements, Loki pressed his finger further into Tony and wriggled the digit inside of him; stroking at his inner walls and trying to loosen and relax him. Before he withdrew his finger and pressed it back in and repeated the motion several times, and garnered a positive reaction from Tony.

He was familiar to the motions by now, after he'd been diligent with the practice. It never, however, felt this good; not in a million years. Loki fucked him slowly with one finger, while his other hand stroked his inner thigh and moved up towards his hip. His warm breath wafted across Tony's balls and cock and made him writhe even more.

"Gorgeous, my beautiful Little Stark; all mine." Loki withdrew his finger partway, only to work a second in and speed up his movements a bit more.

While the burn inevitably persisted, another wave of pleasure struck Tony harder than before. His hands scrambled to grab onto the duvet and hold onto it for dear life, as his back arched off the bed by the constant touch of Loki's fingers inside of him.

Those elegantly long fingers thrust in and out of him; determined to unearth that sensitive gland that Tony had only found once. But something told him that Loki would find it soon enough and make him see stars and blather out nonsense like a madman. And he was okay with it, craved for it to happen even.

His hips rolled helplessly as Loki worked him open; Loki parted his fingers which intensified the burn, but he was sure to thoroughly rub at his walls and cause Tony's whole body to shudder and convulse. Tony turned his head and moaned into the side of his arm, and lost himself completely to the sensations overrunning him.

"Oh, you've wanted me didn't you?" Loki twisted his wrist; managing somehow to press into him further than before and god did it feel heavenly. "You fingered yourself open and thought of me, didn't you?"

"Yes, god yes!"

"Did you only use your fingers? Or did you utilize something else to ready yourself for me?"

"Fuck, ah, I had," Tony moaned loudly, as Loki pressed another finger inside of him and hurried his thrusts.

"You had what?"

"D-Dildo, a dildo; shit, barely got it in, though."

"I'll get every inch of my cock inside of you; trust me." Loki growled possessively, while running his free hand up his torso and down again; stroking his belly but purposely avoiding his hard-on.

Tony bit back a cry, as he was spread open more and more; god only knew he would need it too. The thought of taking every inch Loki had to offer was both terrifying and thrilling. He knew he could take it, and he was far better equipped this time around. He knew it wouldn't be without pain; hell, he'd probably be walking funny for a while afterwards. But it would be worth it; Loki was worth it.

All sane thought suddenly left his mind; the relentless burn seemed to dissipate in one fair swoop and was overtaken by uncontrollable roar of ecstasy that he could hardly breathe. It whitewashed over him so intensely that he thought he might very well come prematurely; although an iron-clad grip on the base of his cock prevented that from happening.

It couldn't stop the shout that ripped free of his mouth, though; loud and unapologetic and almost inhuman. Exclamations that hardly made any sense whatsoever burst free from Tony, as his body jerked and leapt off the mattress as if he was having a seizure. Which continued to become more and more unbearable by the way Loki's fingers rubbed and prodded inside of him, more specifically against his prostate.

Even with that unrelenting grip on his cock, he didn't know if he could take anymore. He had been close so many times before that maybe he'd lose his opportunity to seal the deal. His whole body wanted to give into his base needs and yet Loki was keeping him on the edge, and refusing to let him go.

Thankfully Loki seemed to realize how far gone he was, because he gradually withdrew his fingers from inside him. But not before he rubbed them appealingly around his swollen hole, and cooed out some of the vilest things that had ever come out of a human being's mouth before.

"So good, Little Stark," Loki praised him, seemingly reluctant to stop touching him; although he did so nonetheless. "You can take so much, can't you?"

Tony chuckled weakly in reply, as Loki crawled up beside him and kissed along the underside of one of his arms, and even nosed at the hair there. His body shuddered again from the attention, which only made it that much harder to catch his breath and regain some sort of composure.

"I'm already fucked out and I haven't even gotten fucked yet." He chuckled again.

"I'll give you a few moments, but I want you badly; so, so badly." Loki murmured, as he stroked his throat and collarbone lovingly.

Regardless of being given time to collect himself, Tony found his heartbeat remained in his throat and the intensity of his arousal was still at its zenith. It really wasn't much of a surprise, though. Loki had been one of the few people capable of driving him wild. And even soft caresses and butterfly kisses were enough to drive him over the edge.

"Okay, I think I'm good." He finally announced, even though little had changed in his physical condition. "Lie back for me, baby."

"What are you up to exactly?" Loki nipped at the sensitive skin of his arm.

"I've always fantasized about riding you into the mattress, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. So how does that sound to you?"

"Positively erotic, but my concern is-"

"No overanalyzing; not now," Tony rolled away from Loki, in order to find the bottle of lube and the condom amid the disheveled duvet. "Get nice and comfortable; I imagine this'll be a rough ride."

With a devious smile, Loki moved into the center of the mattress, and pushed his hair away from his face and behind his ears. Before he reached down and pumped his flushed cock with long and languid strokes. It was enough to make Tony's mouth water, and made him that much more eager to move onto the main event.

Once Loki was fully situated, Tony straddled his thighs and ripped open the condom packet with his teeth. He spat out the excess paper away, and slipped his fingers inside to fish out the rubber. But he didn't get any farther than that.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to put a condom on you,"

"I don't think so; no, absolutely not."

"What do you mean absolutely not?"

"No condom; I don't wear condoms." Loki scoffed, as if offended by the notion of safe sex.

"You've never wore a condom? How aren't you disease infested? No less, how haven't you fathered a couple hundred children by now?"

"Obviously I wore them with women, you fool; even if I loathed it. But I know I'm clean and I imagine you are too; so no condom. I want to feel you."

"God, you make that sound so hot." Tony tossed the condom aside, before he popped open the cap on the bottle and coated his hand in lube again, and reached for Loki's cock.

His fingers furled around the ram-rod hardness, and pumped Loki; moaning softly at the open pleasure displayed on Loki's face by his ministrations. He thoroughly slicked up Loki's cock from shaft to head, and had to stop himself from getting carried away.

"Okay, I'm going to do this now."

"Let me," Loki panted and took himself into hand; clutching onto the base of his cock. "Now, sit up and position yourself over me. Yes just like that, so good."

Tony followed Loki's instructions, and took in several deep breaths to calm his wildly beating heart. He could feel the heat Loki's erection, as he pried open his own cheeks, and sank down. The bulbous and engorged head brushed against his hole; the wetness collected there made him shudder, and whisper out an expletive by how good it felt.

Steadily but cautiously, he sat down onto Loki; the head breached his body, slipping into his loosened hole but it stretched him open even more. The burn was enough to steal his breath away, but that didn't deter him in the very least. He wanted, no _needed_ , every inch of Loki inside of him regardless of the pain; which was exactly why he took more and more of him into his body.

Two strong hands grabbed onto his hips, as if anchoring him to reality still; while also guiding him as every pulsating inch of Loki's cock forced its way through the resistance of his muscles. Another flare of pain arched its way up Tony's spine, and made him balk for a split-second; halfway seated onto Loki's never-ending cock. But he forced himself to sit fully onto it, before biting his bottom lip and simply bearing the pain.

It had been a very long time since he'd been penetrated like this, that he couldn't fully prepare himself for how full and stuffed he felt. Loki's cock was heavy inside of him; hard and throbbing flesh that both felt foreign and familiar. And the pain was extraordinary too; it was enough to cause his arousal to falter and for the taste of blood to fill his mouth, where he'd bitten down too hard onto his lip.

"Beautiful, so beautiful and perfect," Loki, on the other hand, seemed to be drunk on their connection; his hands roved over his torso, circling the arc reactor and thumbing his nipples; before he eventually reached down to fondle his testicles and roll them in his warm and welcoming palm.

Tony groaned, as he tried to adapt to being impaled on Loki's dick. He tried to breathe slowly and distract his mind from the constant zing of pain that ran through the bottom portion of his body. So he focused on that hand playing with his balls, and the other one that was touching every square inch of his skin from back to front.

"D-Does that feel good, baby?" He asked, somehow managing not to groan as the cock stuffed inside of him twitched.

"Darling, you feel so, _so_ amazing." Loki murmured, looking so damn beautiful that it was breathtaking. "Such a tight fit, but perfect; I want to come inside of you."

For whatever reason that sentiment caused Tony's hips to jerk forward despite the pain; he wanted that too and even if his body protested the thought of moving, that didn't stop him at all. Pressing his hands palm down onto Loki's stomach, he forced his body to lift slightly upward and then sink back down.

Another wave of mind-numbing pain worked its way through him, but he diligently repeated the motion; until he built up a slow but effective rhythm. Loki threw his head back and let out a guttural noise, before he gripped onto his hips once more.

The look of sheer ecstasy on his face was the only thing was sustaining any arousal in Tony still. He focused on the way the tendons in Loki's neck popped, and the glisten of his skin, and the way soft and appreciative little sounds came from his open mouth. It had been far too long since he'd seen that beautiful sight, and he'd be damn if he didn't soak up every moment of it; pain or not.

"You have a big dick." Tony blurted out, as he sped up ever-so-slightly. "It's huge and fucking thick too."

"Mm, you feel perfect around it."

"Oh yeah, you like it?"

"Y-Yes, oh yes." Loki eyes opened, and gave him a smoldering look that made his blood boil.

His waning arousal seemed to be reignited by that look alone, which in turn caused him to move in a far more acceptable speed than before. He lifted himself halfway off Loki's cock, and then sank back down to the root and repeated it within seconds of each motion; until his breathing hitched from the effort.

Loki clutched onto his hips possessively and bucked underneath him. His enthusiasm only seemed to grow as Tony continued to ride him. After several rolls of the hips, Loki couldn't seem to contain his need to fuck up into him, and made him groan in pain; which Tony was determined to overlook, so long as someone was getting an iota of pleasure out of it.

"G-God, Loki," he rasped out, as Loki jerked up inside of him; while he tried to sink back down.

The pace had all but dissolved into an impatient chain of action; Tony slid partially off of Loki, before he was forced to take that thick cock back inside of him. He choked out a string of profanities, as he readjusted himself fully onto his knees, while Loki's hips snapped up and down and fucked inside of him like a madman.

Without so much as a warning, a mixture of pain and mind-blowing pleasure erupted inside of him that caused a horribly strangled noise to burst out from his mouth. His vision whitewashed for several incredible moments, as Loki's dick slipped in and out of him; brushing forcefully against his prostate until his whole body quaked from the sensation.

His hips stuttered against the constant assault, but he could do very little aside from allow Loki take full advantage of him, and draw the pleasure to an extraordinary high. But it wasn't enough and they seemed in sync enough to come to that conclusion within moments of one another.

The rough rhythm between them stuttered to halt, and ended with Loki pulling out of him; which was both welcome and unwelcome in the same breath. Tony gasped, only to be quieted by Loki's lips on his that hungrily silenced any protests he might have had.

"I'll take care of you now, my Little Stark." Loki whispered against his mouth, before he switched their positions, easing him onto the bed and down onto his back; he then bracketed his hands on either side of his head, once they were situated appropriately.

Tony peered up at Loki, and felt his heart clench for the umpteenth time. Loki looked beautiful; the overhead light haloed around his head and reminded Tony of when he performed on stage in front of thousands and thousands of people. Now, however, this sight was only for him and if he was lucky no one else would ever get to see this side of Loki again but him.

Loki slotted his lower body between Tony's thighs, and nudged the head of his erection back against his hole. With a roll of his hips, he pushed back inside of him and wasted no time whatsoever in fully sheathing himself in his ass again. It still hurt but more than anything, Tony just wanted to come already and he suspected Loki was on the same wavelength in that respect too.

The rhythm between them returned to a fervent almost hysterical burst of motion. Loki snapped his hips forward and plunged deeply inside of him, and caused Tony to clench around him involuntarily. Which only fueled those erratic thrusts even more so than moments ago; Tony shuddered by the rough treatment, although he made no attempt to slow Loki down. Not when his face was scrunched up with pleasure like it was now; he could withstand some pain if he got to see him that fucked out already.

Thank god the pain was quickly replaced by pleasure again. Loki angled his hips in just the right way and hit Tony's prostate dead-on, which caused his body to convulse once more. He heard an animal-like noise come out of him, followed by another one; as Loki fucked into him at an unforgiving pace and increased the already intense pleasure he was beginning to feel.

Clumsily Tony reached between their bodies and took a hold of his cock, and began to pump in time with Loki's thrusts. His breathing came in short puffs, sprinkled in with mews of appreciation every time Loki hit him in just the right spot. It became less frequent though, undoubtedly an intentional move on Loki's part to extend their intimacy even longer than it had already been going on for.

"Fuck Loki." He bucked his hips, overwhelmed by another shot of pleasure. "Just give it to me; don't hold back. Make me come; I want to come."

"You want to come, do you?" Loki chuckled breathlessly, as he continued to purposely miss his prostate.

"Come inside me, fucking do it. I want it so bad, baby."

"Mm, keep talking."

"Give me that fucking huge dick and fill me up. Bet you've stored up a lot; lots of come just for me." He managed to say, before Loki began to thrust into him deeper and faster; drawing out another throaty moan from his mouth. "Oh fuck, just like that baby; just like that!"

The mattress groaned underneath them due to Loki's renewed burst of energy, and it was absolutely perfect. Tony's ability to speak became completely compromised; reduced to keening noises that he couldn't ever remember making in his whole life. Then again, he was experiencing a different sort of pleasure that he'd only brushed the surface of by himself.

Maybe it had been this extreme in the past, but he really couldn't remember it too much. Not to mention, the added knowledge that this was it for Tony. He had found the one, and Loki seemed to feel the exact same way.

His hand moved rapidly across his cock, working himself into frenzy; as Loki pounded into him with faster and faster thrusts. It was becoming too much suddenly; his orgasm was on the verge of overcoming him, and he tried to push himself over the edge by rolling his hips, and grabbing onto Loki's ass with his free hand.

The expression on Loki's face was the definition of sex. His eyes were heavy-lidded and his mouth hung open in hurried pants, while his hair fell around his face. It was clear that he was close too; his hips jerked and ground against his ass desperately, and bringing them both to the end of weeks of sexual tension and frustration.

"Talk to me, Anthony; tell me how much you want this." Loki groaned, unrelenting now in his movements.

"N-Need it," he bit out, although sound thought was a thing of the past already.

"Tell me that you, ah, you love me."

"I love you so much, baby; god I fucking love you."

"I love you, Anthony. Bloody hell, I love you so much too." Loki kissed him hard and forced his tongue between his lips; muffling the sob that rumbled out of him.

Every part of his body that needed stimulation was now getting it in droves. Tony rolled his tongue with Loki's, as his hand sped up and thumbed the head of his dripping cock; while Loki fucked his ass with jerky and relentless thrusts. He was so close and he could only tighten his grip on Loki's ass, as he began to lose all semblance of his control.

With several more erratic thrusts, Loki wretched his mouth away from his and dropped his head to his chest, and let out a low and guttural noise; before he came with a shudder and several jerky movements. His hips moved lazily in and out of Tony still, as his cum painted his insides and in a copious amount too. And that made the drag of his cock that much more pleasurable, and caused Tony arch into the contact and babble out words of encouragement.

His hand worked faster on his dick, jerking himself off without pause; until everything finally came together with one perfect stroke. An expletive slipped from his mouth, as his orgasm took him with such an incredible intensity that his vision wavered around the edges; and it felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs.

He came hard across his belly and reveled in the sensation for as long as he could. It felt too good to let go of just yet; so he stroked himself through the aftershocks, while Loki slipped out of him and collapsed beside him on the bed.

"Brilliant, that was absolutely brilliant." Loki panted, as he pushed his hair away from his face. "I've forgotten how wonderful sex is; you were extraordinary, Anthony."

"I aim to please." Tony groaned, releasing his softening member, and turned his head to look at him. "God, baby that was fucking awesome,"

Laboriously Loki rolled onto his side, and pulled him to his chest; before his lips found his forehead and pressed a tender kiss against it, which made Tony's insides melt. His arms wrapped around Loki and held on for dear life; almost afraid this had all been an elaborate dream.

Except it felt feasible and real; Loki felt solid in his arms and his body heat was undeniable as well. There was no way he could have had a dream that vivid, and that filled him with a sense of relief to know this was truly reality.

"I hope I haven't hurt you."

"I'm sure I'll be walking funny for a while, but no one will bat an eye over it. I've hit the bottle a couple of times in my day, you know."

"I just hope that you aren't having any regrets, as you did…last time." Loki kissed his forehead again and then his temple. "I couldn't handle that, Anthony. It'll destroy me."

"I'm not an asshole kid anymore, Loki. I wanted that as much as you did; I wanted _you_. And I promise you that tomorrow morning all I'm going to want from you is more. Because you're my everything; my fucking everything and I'm not going to let you get away from me again. Not now and definitely not ever." He managed to shift his head so he could look directly at Loki, and felt his heart clench again. "Loki Laufeyson, I love you with all my heart; no joke."

"And I love you, Anthony Stark." Loki murmured back, before he began to hum a familiar song that he hadn't heard in any capacity since he stood in the audience of Loki's concert in Atlanta, Georgia.

It was _his_ song; the one Loki had written for him and debuted in front of thousands of people. He smiled stupidly up at Loki, and couldn't suppress his need to repeat his affections for Loki over and over again; especially once Loki began to sing the lyrics with particular care and gentleness that just felt right at that moment.

Those lyrics were the last thing he heard, as he slowly fell asleep; comfortably nestled in Loki's embrace and oblivious to anything else but his smell and his touch and the love that exuded off of him in waves. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that everything was perfect at last.


	42. Chapter Forty-one :: Christmas Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God the redundancy.

* * *

 

**Chapter Forty-one :: Christmas Morning**

 

* * *

 

Consciousness gradually crept up on Tony; a pinpoint of awareness that grew and grew, until his eyes finally slid open to the dreary light that filled the master suite. It seemed to be early still, an hour which he normally wouldn't wake up to. But the slow burn of discomfort that simmered in the lower half of his body was relentless.

Groaning, Tony rolled haphazardly to the edge of the mattress, and managed by some quick thinking maneuvering to set his foot firmly onto the ground; before he managed to pull himself free of the constructive linens and blankets. The pain had a field day, once he took several steps towards the en suite; which caused him to pause half a dozen times to breathe and will his brain to simply accept the cards it had been dealt.

Only when he made it to his destination and observed his nudity in the vanity, did the fog that settled onto his mind begin to clear. It wasn't especially rare that he woke up disoriented. In between his night terrors and hangovers, Tony had a knack for overlooking things; in particular why he had such unpleasant pain in the first place.

Thankfully his mind was quick to provide a very detailed picture of the previous night; more specifically the look of sheer ecstasy on Loki's face, when he had climaxed. God only knew how much Tony had missed that look, and how beautiful it looked even after all these years. Nothing had dampened it by an iota.

"Hey, baby; I'm going to hop into the shower." He called out in a gritty voice, before he hobbled to the glass shower stall in the corner of the expansive room. "You should probably join me."

There wasn't any immediate reply, but that didn't particularly bother Tony. He suspected Loki had been tuckered out by his non-stop schedule, and maybe he was finally getting the rest he needed. Which was just fine and dandy to Tony; he liked the idea of Loki sleeping in his bed, and being comfortable enough to relax and accomplish such a feat in the first place.

That only seemed to cement their relationship even more. Unlike their initial run, Tony was confident in the solidity and stability of their current situation. They hadn't rushed head-first into anything, and had been mindful to take things at a tortoise-like pace (or as tortoise-like as Tony could get).

Tony hadn't any regrets about it either. They had needed to overcome many things and do so with finesse. And that was why they could move forward, instead of dwelling completely on the past and the previous hurts they inflicted on one another. They were beyond that point, if it was any indication by the events of the previous evening.

Loki had wanted to take their relationship to the next level, without any outside prompting. He had made that decision himself, but Tony had chosen to be the one on the receiving end of things. And he didn't regret it, regardless of the pain that consistently made its presence known throughout his body.

It was a bearable sort of pain, a _good_ sort even. After you've had shrapnel embedded in your chest and underwent major surgery in a dingy cave in the middle of nowhere, this sort of pain was nothing in comparison. Besides there was a beauty attached to it as well. The beauty of reassurance that he and Loki had finally found one another and neither of them was going anywhere anytime soon.

That knowledge brought a horribly stupid grin to Tony's lips, as he managed to climb into the shower stall, and toy with every fixture within his grasp. Seconds later, lukewarm water assaulted him from every direction; cleansing him of old sweat and the stickiness of his and Loki's combined release.

Neither of them had even considered vacating the bed, once they had spent themselves. They'd fallen asleep minutes afterwards, wound protectively in one another's arms; which had seemed like the natural thing to do, if not the most important part of the whole act entirely. After all, Tony had waited diligently for the day to come when things felt easy and natural between him and Loki. And they had finally gotten to that point.

As quickly as he could, Tony washed himself clean from head to toe. He washed away the signs of the night before; although the love bites and finger-shaped bruises on his hips wouldn't go away for weeks (if he was lucky). He wanted to wear every mark like a badge of honor; a testament of what they had accomplished after so many trials and years of separation. He wanted people to know he was Loki's and Loki's was his.

Despite knowing how dangerous that idea truly was, it didn't change Tony's mind at all. If anything, he only wanted to be marked and claimed even more. His greatest ambition at that point in his life was to be Loki's, and hell he didn't see any problem with that at all.

When he was clean as he could get, Tony shut off the water and gingerly climbed out of the shower stall. He reached for the closest towel and dried his body, before wrapping it around his waist and going to the vanity. He went through his daily ritual of brushing his teeth, flossing, and tidying up his facial hair to its usual glory.

By the time he had finished and dressed in some casual attire, the gray light had filled the suite brightly. The city beyond the windows was dusted in snow and looked as glum as ever. But that couldn't dampen Tony's mood; not even that deep-seated ache that would remain with him for days to come.

"Time to wake up, honey," he announced and turned his attention to the bed. "It's Christmas Day!"

Tangled sheets and rumpled pillows were the only things on the mattress still. There wasn't any sign of a lanky Englishman with painfully good looks. In fact, the floor was cleared of any traces of him as well. Even Tony's tuxedo had been picked off the floor and neatly folded and placed onto a nearby chair.

Something akin to panic clawed its way up his throat. Maybe things hadn't gone as ideally as he thought they had. Or maybe Loki was the one who'd gotten cold feet this time around. Or maybe still, this had been a rouse of the worst kind just so Loki could exact some sort of revenge on him.

Thousands of horrible thoughts swirled in a non-stop loop through Tony's head, while he crossed the master suite and pushed open the door out into the hallway. There wasn't any sign of disruption down the hall, nor had any of the doors that lined the wall had been pushed open. Everything appeared to be untouched and hardly lived in, which seemed to be a running theme with every home Tony owned.

Dejectedly, Tony made his way out of the hallway and towards the more lived in areas of the penthouse. The smell of freshly brewed coffee assaulted him as he drew nearer to the kitchen; as did the twinkling sound of holiday music. JARVIS had compiled a lengthy list of songs for the holiday, mostly because of Pepper's insistence. Tony hadn't been particularly invested in maintaining the spirit of the season, though.

Shifting closer to the kitchen, Tony heard an impressive array of sounds. Not many people ventured into the newly renovated kitchen beyond Pepper. Tony had only passed through for the bare essentials; otherwise he avoided the space at all costs. Yet that really wasn't an option currently; he would have to face Pepper one way or another, especially since he had locked her out of the penthouse over the previous evening.

Once he pushed open the door, he stepped inside the kitchen to find an unusual sight. Pepper was nowhere to be found, but Loki was and was in the midst of stirring in a diabetic-inducing amount of sugar into his teacup; seemingly unaware of Tony's appearance.

"How do you have any teeth still?" Tony asked, before he peered towards his state of the art coffee maker; and then looked back to Loki, who offered him a sly smile in reply.

"Whoever said I do?"

"Poly-grip is some pretty high tech stuff. Did you make me coffee?"

"Through trial and error, but most of the praise should be directed to your AI." Loki lifted his teacup and sipped cautiously from it. "Not enough sugar."

Despite his attempt to play things as casually as he could, Tony couldn't deny the rush of relief that overtook him. His morbid and bleak thoughts had been proven to be false, and he couldn't ask for anything more. Well, aside from the blackest cup of coffee he could get, and a shot of sugar via Loki's lips.

"How did you sleep, darling?"

"Like a baby." Tony quickly grabbed a ceramic mug from one of the cupboards and poured a healthy amount of coffee into it. "Probably the best I've slept in a long time, to be honest."

"As for the pain…?"

"It's there, all right. But it's attached to an amazing memory. You're an animal in bed, baby."

"I couldn't help myself." Loki held out his hand to him. "Now come here and properly greet me."

A happy grin passed across Tony's lips, as he took possession of Loki's hand. With ease, Loki pulled him closer until the space in between them disappeared. Their lips met in a chaste kiss; one that thrummed through Tony's whole body, and led to several more that grew progressively heated as time went on.

Loki pulled away just as an ember of arousal settled itself in the pit of Tony's stomach. But it was probably for the best that he stopped; he couldn't imagine being up and ready for a second round of yet. God only knew he wanted to, though.

"Merry Christmas, hon." He beamed at Loki, before taking a drink from his mug. "Yum, that's what I call good coffee. Can you do anything wrong?"

"Plenty, I'm sure."

"I have to be honest with you. I thought you might have left."

"After last night, oh I think not. I would be a fool to leave you." Loki replied with a shake of his head. "You'd have to evict me by force."

There something oddly vindicating about that sentiment. Any residual panic Tony might have had melted away, and left a sense of security in its place. To be honest, he should have already been secure in their standing with one another; Loki hadn't given him any cause for concern. If anything, he had only reinforced their commitment for one another over and over again of late.

But old habits die hard, no less his well-established self-consciousness when it came to Loki. Every other aspect of his life, he had a tendency to be confident in; except when it came to his relationship with Loki, which was becoming exhausting to say the least.

"Well, I'm happy you had a good time last night." Tony looped his arm around Loki's waist, and then placed a kiss against his jaw. "Best Christmas gift I've ever been given."

"It's been a rather happy Christmas with all things considering. Unfortunately, I won't be able to stay much longer; I do have elsewhere to be, whether I like it or not."

"Oh yeah; where would that be exactly?"

"Morgana has personally invited me to her Christmas soiree this evening. I suspect she'll want me to perform too and colorfully at that." Loki furrowed his brow. "She always has been one for the theatrics; baby grand piano, make-up, and the three piece suit. I'll be her performing monkey tonight. But the performance will kick up interest by the record executives who'll undoubtedly be in attendance."

Tony bit back a noise of elation. While he had been beyond stunned and thrilled by Loki's return to the music industry, a part of him had sorely wished for iconic Loki Laufeyson and all his grandeur. He would have killed to be in attendance to that party, and he assumed he could pull some strings if he really wanted to. Although he wasn't sure if Loki would appreciate him showing up without warning, even if Tony had seen him perform like that multiple times before.

"Nothing wrong with a little bit of nostalgia if you ask me." He took another drink from his mug, if only to hide his rapidly growing smile.

"You wouldn't, would you?" Loki rolled his eyes.

"The seventies were the primo decade for music and the visual aspect of it too. I mean look at the nineties; everyone is so anti-theatrics, it's kind of sad."

"Were you asleep through the eighties?"

"High and drunk more like it. But hair metal did it all wrong; they tried to be more elaborate and failed at it big time."

"Yes, well they certainly were elaborate. No one could deny them that." Loki muttered, as he leaned down and pressed a hungry kiss to Tony's mouth.

Admittedly, the kiss made Tony feel light-headed and weak-kneed. He kissed him back as passionately as he could, and seamlessly slipped his tongue into Loki's mouth; tasting the sugary sweetness of his tea and that candy cane-like flavor that had recently become a permanent fixture on Loki's tongue. Tony could easily bet that Loki had eaten a candy cane already, and had a half a dozen more to get through before the day drew to a close.

Loki cupped Tony's cheek, as if to ensure he wouldn't slip away; which he wouldn't have imagined doing in a thousand years. He wanted to remain firmly attached to Loki's lips for as long as he could, while delighting in the taste that was solely his.

"I have a beef to pick with you, Tony Stark! How dare you-oh…oh!" The familiar sound of Pepper's heated voice, shattered the moment into tiny and itty-bitty pieces.

Loki jerked away and had the good grace to look embarrassed for a split-second or two. Except that impenetrable mask slid back into place without any trouble whatsoever; he even had the gall to smile genially at Pepper, who had shoved in the kitchen door and was rearing for a head-on fight.

"Merry Christmas, Pep!" Tony practically shouted. "Want some coffee? It's pretty good; internationally renowned rock star, Loki Laufeyson made it himself. And of course, daddy's little helper JARVIS did too. Didn't you, JARVIS?"

_"I only instructed Mr. Laufeyson with the basics of the coffee maker, sir."_

"So what do you say, Pep?"

"Firstly, Merry Christmas Mr. Laufeyson; it's a pleasure to see you. And secondly, you locked me out of the penthouse last night; I had to rely on Happy to find any open department store for I could buy the essentials. I had to stay at a hotel."

"It wasn't like you had to stay at some hostel. I bet you stayed at the Mandarin."

"On the company's bill," Pepper glowered at him, only to smile at Loki moments later; almost in a way that a mother would smile at their child, if they walked into an argument. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"I hadn't an idea my visit would be such an inconvenience. My apologies, Miss Potts; I'll be mindful of it next time." Loki eyed Tony, as he unwound himself from Tony's embrace with ease.

Whatever intimate moment they had previously been involved in had all but dissipated. Tony shot Pepper a disapproving look, although she hardly paid him any attention, and instead made her way to the coffee machine. Even without Pepper's vigilant stare on them, Tony realized how inappropriate it was to show any affection towards Loki currently.

So he reserved himself to watch Loki finish off his tea, and walk the cup, saucer, and spoon to the sink. Without being prompted to, Loki cleaned them out and then set them onto the counter; before he returned to Tony's side with an outstretched hand that he readily took in his unoccupied one.

"I'll call you later this evening."

"You aren't even going to invite me to this big Christmas party?"

"Maybe you should rest." Loki squeezed his hand gently, before he let go. "A nice soak in the bath will do you wonders, I imagine."

"Sounds like a lot of fun." Tony peered over his shoulder to spy Pepper, who seemed to be preoccupied with finding the best coffee mug that the penthouse had to offer in the cupboard.

Quickly he pressed a kiss to Loki's lips, although it did little in terms of quenching his thirst. If he had it his way, he would have dragged Loki back to the bedroom to fool around. Even though intercourse was definitely off the table right now, they could have still improvised and pleasured one another anyway.

"Feel better, Anthony. I'll check up on you soon."

"I'll hold you to that, Laufeyson." He smiled, as Loki passed him by, and slipped free out of the kitchen with a quiet goodbye to Pepper.

Once Loki had vacated the room, Tony reflected on the easy way they communicated with now. It felt like no time at all had passed; well aside from the fact they weren't actively trying to kill one another every few moments. But there wasn't any awkwardness between them at all. Someone could have probably mistaken them for two people who've been a relationship for years and were still happy too.

"Oh god, you are so hopeless Tony. When is the wedding?" Pepper suddenly blurted out, and brought him out of his thoughts.

"Well, there is the Stark Expo. That would be big news; bigger than the arc reactor, don't you think?"

"Tony, don't you dare make a spectacle of yourself at the Stark Expo. Or should I say, don't make a bigger spectacle of yourself than you usually do."

"Sorry Pep; I can't hear you over the wedding bells in my head." He whistled a cheery holiday tune, as he took his cup of coffee, and headed for the workshop.

He had work to be done, but more importantly he had a few calls to make. He suspected Bucky would be able to get him into Morgana's party somehow. After all, he had gotten Bucky backstage in '71; so he owed him one.


	43. Chapter Forty-two :: Gate Crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Roberta Flack's version of "The First I Ever Saw Your Face" while writing this. It was the number one song of 1972, and I thought it was appropriate for the chapter's contents. Also, I want to thank the individuals who continue to read and review this story. It's been particularly difficult to write of late, so I appreciate the continued support.

* * *

 

**Chapter Forty-two :: Gate Crashing**

 

* * *

 

"I certainly hadn't expected this."

"It's Christmas, Gwen Stacy. Since we're both strangers in a strange land, I thought it was only right to spend the holiday together; New Yorker to New Yorker." Tony smiled at the petite blonde beside him, as he led her towards the extravagant hotel in which the party was being held that evening.

Excitement filled Tony to brim with every step that they took towards the festively decorated building. Within the confines of that very hotel was Loki Laufeyson in full glam regalia, and ready to entertain hundreds of snooty and over privileged business types. And Tony would be damned if he didn't get inside to witness it himself.

After several hours of cat and mouse, he had finally gotten into contact with Bucky; whom had been in the middle of a holiday meal with his family. But Bucky had seemed more relieved by the telephone call than annoyed; well, that was until he heard Tony's request which led to a snarky back and forth between the two of them that lasted a good twenty minutes or so.

The fact that Tony still considered what he had done for Bucky in '71 was a debt unpaid, hadn't gone over very well. Bucky had argued that the debt had been repaid a tenfold, before he practically yelled over the line that he had fought for his country and by proxy Tony too. It was a solid argument, one that Tony couldn't even protest; although it certainly hadn't stopped him from trying.

In the end, Bucky had caved and agreed to sneak Tony into the party. Despite being overly worried that Morgana would somehow skewer him due to the break in security. Due in part because Loki's performance was meant to be a surprise of sorts; and since Morgana was officially representing Loki, she was determined to protect him with tooth and nail.

Word had it that Loki's comeback was projected to be one of the most profitable events that hit the music industry in years. If Bucky's excitable babble was anything to go by, Morgana believed that her company alongside the record company would make far more than the combined record sells of the previous year. But only if they could publicize Loki properly and not over expose him, which Tony believed would be easily accomplished due to Loki's obvious need for privacy.

As they drew closer to the entrance, Tony tried to keep his features schooled in a lazy and disinterested smile. He wanted to come off as cool and in control as he could, instead of the giddy mess that he really was on the inside. Besides he didn't want Gwen to witness something of that magnitude either; he still had a reputation to uphold, after all.

"So a holiday party," Gwen said, as they passed the doorman. "A swanky and over the top holiday party,"

"You're my date for the evening, kid. I wasn't going to take you to some little hole in the wall."

"Well, I figured as much when you sent me a party dress that probably cost more than I make all year."

"Couldn't have you being outshined by those haughty socialites," Tony winked at her, although he felt anything but calm as they finally made their way inside.

The lobby was, as to be expected, richly furnished and decorated. Every surface seemed to be covered in gold, even the majority of the baubles on the massively tall Christmas tree in the center of room was too. Somehow it didn't come off as gaudy, though; even with the cherub faced angel sitting on top of the tree.

Tony whistled softly as he led Gwen further into the building. There weren't too many people wandering about and the few that were, were dressed to the nines; probably party guests of Morgana's. Although technically speaking Tony and Gwen weren't party guests, but really would Morgana have the gall to throw out the one and only Tony Stark for slipping into her Christmas party? God he hoped not.

"Want to make yourself any more visible than you already have?" Someone asked him from behind, before grabbing him tightly around the elbow. "Jesus Christ, Stark; you aren't some nameless kid writing for Rolling Stone anymore. People do recognize your ugly mug now."

"Look at your own face, Barnes!" Tony protested, as he was jerked sideways and into the proverbial shadows with Gwen still attached to his other arm. "What the hell are you doing? You're going to end up making a scene and, you know, giving us away."

Bucky didn't say anything in reply; he instead led them into a hallway that blended unseen in the background. If he hadn't been manhandled into the narrow space, Tony definitely wouldn't have noticed it at all.

"What's going on here?" Gwen had forethought to verbalize what Tony wanted to know, although she sounded a tad panicked by the sudden turn of events.

"Some form of espionage, I think. His wife is Russian, after all."

"Not only did you want me to get you into this party, but you chose to bring a date too. Good one, Stark; do you want a marching band to announce your arrival too?" Bucky glowered at him, before releasing his arm with something akin to disgust. "Obviously, you couldn't just waltz in through the front door; Morgana's like a hawk. She's had her eyes on those doors all night."

"So we're taking the backstage entrance and trying to avoid the almighty one; got it."

"Unlike you, I don't have a billion dollar company to fall back onto. I actually would like to keep this job, especially since I quit my last one to be here in the first place."

"Now you've got me interested. What kind of job does an ex-soldier and roadie fall into?"

"I was not a roadie, for one!" Bucky scoffed, as he started down the hallway in hurried strides. "And two, it's hardly that interesting anyway. Unless translation work keeps you at the edge of your seat, which I imagine it does not."

Tony mulled over that tidbit of information, as he fell behind Bucky as they turned the corner. It appeared that they were the staff's portion of the hotel; if it was any indication by the one or two befuddled employees they passed along the way. No one else was decked out in finely tailored suits or an elegant party dress that did cost a considerable amount of money, if Tony remembered correctly.

Bucky led them around several more corners, down another hallway that seemed to stretch on endlessly; although he didn't explain how he knew the ins and outs of the hotel, or how he chose this brilliant movie-like approach to getting them into the party. Maybe he had thought of it on the cuff, which was why he still seemed annoyed after Tony's morning call. Seeing as this took a little more thought than slipping in through the front door.

But it was bound to be worth it in the end, in the very least to Tony. Gwen would probably get a thrill at seeing her former uptight boss in his natural state too. After all, she had been much too young to experience the phenomenon that was Loki Laufeyson in his heyday. And while it wasn't on the grandiose level that Tony had experienced seeing Loki almost twenty times over, it was bound to be a performance of a lifetime nonetheless.

"Just keep under the radar, will you. Don't make a scene; in other words - keep to yourself." Bucky spoke up once more, as they stopped in front of a pair of double doors. "Morgana will make her stupid little speech within the hour, which will be followed by-"

"Loki,"

"Right, Loki. So can I trust that you'll be on your best behavior?"

"I heard you the first time, Mom." Tony rolled his eyes. "I don't want to get thrown out in front of so many people, especially if that means missing out on Loki's performance."

"Loki's performance," Gwen repeated.

"Well, I guess Loki's former secretary is finally going to see what he's made of." Bucky lips quirked, as he pushed in one of the doors and held it partially open. "Ladies first,"

Hesitantly, Gwen looked to Bucky and then to Tony; only to cross the threshold and into the bustling room on the other end of the door. With a curt nod, Tony too stepped into the ballroom that had been filled with sharp and expensively dressed people. All of which was already so familiar to him since the day he was born.

Good 'ol dad and mom had indulged in fancy dinner parties all the time when they'd been married. More often than not, Tony had been given leeway to wander through entertaining spaces when the party was in full swing. And he'd been used as a prop, whenever a pretty lady had caught Howard's eye.

Later on, when his parents divorced, those sorts of parties became an infrequent occurrence for Tony. He'd been shipped off with his mother into one of L. A.'s suburbs and into a meager and dingy house compared to the family mansion; where there weren't lavish parties and well-dressed and wealthy party guests. Instead Tony had been subjected to kicking aside cheap liquor bottles, and checking every hour on his mother to make sure she was still alive.

That memory jarred him for the briefest of moments, but he pulled himself together as quickly as he could. Gwen stood flustered beside him, taking in the many sights and sounds of the party; which would have been overwhelming for anyone who wasn't used to this sort of environment. Yet there was one unique aspect that Tony couldn't say he'd experienced anywhere else – the usual dull classical music was replaced by a medley of the seventies best.

Janis Joplin played loudly across the ballroom; no one had taken to the dance floor yet, although many of the party guests swayed as conspicuously as possible to the music. Tony couldn't help but smile by the inventive way that Morgana was hinting at her announcement within the hour. He had to hand it to her; she had a sense of humor about her.

"Let's get some bubbly in you, Miss Stacy." He took her hand in his, and walked around the perimeter of the room; in search of the closest waiter with a tray of flute glasses.

"I want to get this straight; you aren't even invited to this party?"

"Nope, but I was owed a favor way before you were born. So that's why we're here now."

"You invited me to a party you aren't even invited to? Are you insane or something?" She asked with a mighty squeeze to his hand. "And what did that guy mean about Mr. Fenton?"

"First off, ow!" Tony pried his hand away from hers. "Secondly, that's Mr. Laufeyson to you."

"Why did you invite me along, so you could gate crash?"

"I'm not here to crash anything. I'm here because of Loki."

"You weren't invited, so I imagine Mr. Fenton, I mean Mr. Laufeyson, doesn't want you here." Gwen said harshly, as she plucked a champagne flute from a passing tray.

Tony snatched one too and leveled her with a no-nonsense look, but it didn't have the desired effect. He had never perfected that look, and it hardly caused anyone to bat an eye either. Most people weren't exactly afraid of him like they were Pepper. And they definitely weren't afraid him as they were Loki. Now Loki had a face that demanded unwavering respect.

"Listen, this party is a big deal. I might not have been invited, but in this very room you're about to see musical history being written. In this very room, Gwen Stacy, you're going to see Loki Laufeyson perform after fourteen years of inactivity. All these people in here, while they look like squares and yuppies, they were flower children and groupies and roadies and fucking Rolling Stone reporters. And they are going to lose their shit when Loki Laufeyson comes out here and plays; just you wait and see." He said.

Gwen looked about to say something, probably something that would have made Pepper proud, when the music stopped and the tapping of a microphone overrode the burst of curious chatter. On the other end of the ballroom Morgana stood beside a baby grand piano; she wore a form fitting gown, looking far more like a runway model than the head of a management company. She waved elegantly to her party guests, easily catching their undivided attention.

Blindly, Tony reached for Gwen's hand again; when he had it back in his possession, he led her closer to where everyone was now focused. As they made their way around the room, Tony spotted Phil, Fandral, Natasha, and Bucky at the head of the crowd; all of whom looked they were about to burst with anticipation. But there was no sign of Loki anywhere.

By the time, they had gotten as close to where Morgana stood, but far enough away to go unnoticed, she lifted the microphone to her ruby painted lips. She didn't speak immediately, though; as if she wanted to fill the room to the breaking point with curiosity and anticipation. Tony admittedly admired that in a person.

"Good evening and Merry Christmas!" Morgana said gleefully. "I am so glad so many of you could make it to my little party on such short notice as well! But unlike my late but beloved father, I'm afraid I have a tendency to be a little scatter-brained."

The audience politely chuckled at the line, which Tony suspected had more to do with their association with the late Heimdall than anything else. The man seemed to have been staunch and formidable all those years ago, and it appeared his reputation preceded him even in death.

"I must admit, I invited you all here for more than simple celebration of the holiday. In fact, I have an ulterior motive altogether; I invited you here because so many of you are close to me due to our shared passion for music. More importantly, our shared love for the bands and musicians of the late sixties through the seventies." Morgana continued. "And as many of you know, I recently convinced a very special someone to come out of retirement."

The mild-mannered crowd suddenly burst out in applause and excitable whispers. Tony had been spot-on about his assumptions about the tightly laced guests; they obviously had a soft spot for the same music that shaped his adolescence. But none of them could tote the nerve-fraying excitement that he was currently experiencing.

"Loki Laufeyson's comeback was not an easy one to orchestrate. It has taken me eight and a half years to convince him that his fans are plentiful and hungry for more. It has taken eight and a half years of downright begging to finally get him to come around. And while I had almost convinced him several times beforehand, it was only until May of this year that he agreed to come back in some capacity.

"Initially he only agreed to allow the record company to release his last album recorded entitled _Amelia_. But with enough poking and prodding, I managed to convince him that the world wanted Loki Laufeyson back; a new and updated version, but a Loki Laufeyson that still retained his unique charm and musical talent.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a tiresome journey. However, I couldn't be happier that Loki has decided to return to music; he still has so much to give and 1997 will be the year of Loki Laufeyson. Mark my words; you will be dazzled by what he has in store for you in the coming year."

Bursts of applause rang out throughout the ballroom again, which had a funny effect on Tony. He hadn't known that for almost nine years, Morgana had tried fruitlessly to convince Loki to return to the music industry. It had seemed so sudden, when in all actuality it had been a huge undertaking instead.

"Without further ado, I am privileged and honored to introduce to you the one and only Loki Laufeyson!" Morgana announced and motioned wildly to her right.

At first, there wasn't any sign of Loki. Tony whipped around and scanned the audience; many of the other party guests followed his example, busily trying to see any sign of the legendary Loki Laufeyson. Somewhere beyond his peripheral, Tony heard a woman gasp in a way that was oh-so similar to the past, and sent him spinning around haphazardly to see what the commotion was about.

Loki Laufeyson parted the crowd with ease; he stood taller than life, dressed in a black three piece suit that fit him perfectly. His hair was styled as it always was, slicked back and curled at the ends; while his face was painted in a way that Tony hadn't seen in the seventies. Loki had forgone his former half-painted make-up application, and instead had chosen a darker look. His eyes were ringed in a heavy black grease paint, and his lips were tinted a deep color of plum.

People practically tripped over themselves to allow Loki to the front of the room. All eyes were focused solely on him; entranced by how he moved with fluidity and feline-like grace. Loki didn't pause to greet anyone, even when numerous hellos were thrown at him in voices of awe and enthusiasm. He walked with a purpose and soon found his place at Morgana's side; she positively beamed as if it was truly a Christmas miracle, and in a way it was.

"I am honored and privileged to stand beside the one and only Loki Laufeyson!"

"Oh my god, that is Mr. Fenton. I mean I've known, but that's really him!" Gwen grabbed onto Tony's arm and held on tightly, almost bordering on painful. "Mr. Fenton really is Loki Laufeyson!"

"Yeah, he is." Tony couldn't contain his smile anymore, as he watched Loki bow his head in acknowledgement of Morgana's introduction.

"Loki has so kindly agreed to play a few songs for you tonight. And trust me; it took a lot of persuasion to make him agree to this. When did I ask you about this, sometime in September I believe?"

"Perhaps," Loki said softly into the microphone when it was pointed his way, before he took his rightful seat in front of the baby grand piano, and played a few keys in a nonsensical pattern; followed shortly by a bit of humming into the microphone situated in front of him.

"Please, Loki don't make us wait any longer. You've already tried our patience for fourteen years." Morgana laughed, as she stepped away from center stage; giving Loki the spotlight that he so rightfully deserved.

"Patience is a virtue, Hamish knew that well." Loki returned, only to launch into a beautiful melody that Tony was certain he had heard on a previous occasion. "Hello again, I am Loki Laufeyson and I will be playing a rendition of _The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face_ for you to begin with."

Silence fell across the room beyond the sound of the piano, and eventually the beautiful and smoky voice that Tony had fallen instantly in love with while he'd been holed up in his tiny bedroom so long ago. Regardless of the years and the obvious abuse Loki had done to himself, it hadn't affected his voice very much at all. His voice sounded crisp and strong, as the lyrics flowed from his mouth in maelstrom of emotion.

Loki's finger danced across the ivory keys with practiced ease; he made it look simple, as if anyone could do it. And yet that couldn't be any further from the truth. Loki was a master of his trade; a formidable presence in the sea of heavy hitting businessmen, who were the ones used to being the center of attention and weren't very keen on sharing it either. But even they had given up that primal need to Loki; mystified and fascinated by the man, who had disappeared for such a long time after setting the world on fire.

The pressure on Tony's arm loosened by a fraction, albeit no more than that; Gwen seemed as captivated as everyone else by Loki's performance. Maybe even more so, since many of the party guests must have seen Loki at his zenith and mentally prepared themselves for what one of his performances entailed.

Tony flicked his eyes away from Loki for a split-second, and noticed the look of pure awe on Gwen's face. Her lips were parted, as if she wanted to say something but the words had left her. It had probably been the same way Tony had looked back in '71, while basking in Loki's presence for the first time. And quite frankly, he wouldn't be surprised if he looked as affected by Loki's current performance now also.

Slowly but more important precisely, Loki sung the end of the lyrics. Each word became a little louder and a bit more emotional, in an attempt to convey the meaning behind the song; which sent shivers down Tony's spine. Hell, it probably sent shivers down everybody's spines. Because that was how powerful Loki was as a performer; he was otherworldly and so unlike his musical contemporaries in that sense.

Loki's voice tapered away, followed moments later by the melody. But the room didn't bask in the quiet for very long; instead it was consumed by a roar of applause and over-enthusiastic whistles too. It seemed so uncharacteristic of a fancy dinner party, yet that hardly deterred the commotion at all. Even Gwen joined the applause with that starry-eyed look on her face still.

Loki paid the attention very little mind, though. He remained rooted to the piano bench with his fingers hovering above the keys; before he launched into another song. This time around it was one of his own; one Tony had heard played plenty of times in '76. It had always been a crowd pleaser; many female fans had enthusiastically thrown their under things onto the stage, whenever Loki played it much to his chagrin.

For a solid half hour, Loki sat behind the piano and played. He played many of his popular songs interspersed by covers that ranged from Bowie to Zeppelin and even Crosby, Stills, and Nash. It was medley of all the songs Tony had loved throughout his youth, and were made even better by his rock idol and the love of his life.

By time the music ended, the crowd had loosened up considerably, and had become even more appreciative of the mini-concert they'd been invited to. The whistling became louder, followed by several hoots and shouts of gratitude; as Loki stood from the piano bench, and received a bland kiss to the lips from Morgana, who then took over the party once more.

Tony all but ignored whatever spiel Morgana started up with again, and focused all of his attention onto Loki. Loki had already slipped away from his place at the front of the ballroom, although he had barely gone a few steps before he was being circled by several guests.

"Time to meet the man of the hour, Gwen Stacy," Tony said above the hubbub of Morgana's monologue, before he forced his way through the steely bodies of the party guests.

It took some not-so-subtle elbows and shoulders jabs, but Tony managed to get him and Gwen through the greatest obstacle that stood between them and Loki in the end. Maybe it was the commotion that they managed to cause as they pushed their way through the crowd or maybe Loki simply was looking for a way out, because once they drew up closer Loki lifted his head and spotted them instantly.

Beyond his control, Tony felt his lips break into a stupid grin. Loki, on the other hand, didn't display any sort of emotion on his face. But he did excuse himself from the over-enthusiastic woman, who had taken to talking off his ear with whatever nonsense she deemed noteworthy to bother an international rock star with.

As kindly as someone of Loki's caliber could manage, he managed to get away from his admirers, and headed towards Tony and Gwen. Within a few short strides, Loki had broached the distance in between them and motioned subtly with a tilt of his head towards a quieter corner of the ballroom; before he led the way, all but brushing off the congratulatory comments and compliments alike as they went; as if they hadn't any sort of impact on him whatsoever.

Once they reached their destination, which would in the very least provide them with a little bit of privacy, Loki turned on Tony with a familiar glint in his eyes. Thank god it was a positive one instead of a negative one. Tony suspected it was a cardinal sin to fight with your loved one on Christmas day.

"You are ever the predictable one, Stark. But I hadn't expected you'd bring along Miss Stacy with you."

"We're Americans in a foreign land, we have to stick together!"

"The only one foreign is you. Miss Stacy, I'm sure, is used to London; she has lived here for several years already." Loki rolled his eyes, before extending his hand to Gwen. "I imagine you find this whole situation rather queer, Miss Stacy, with all things considering."

"It's a little strange, Mr. Fenton, I mean Laufeyson." Gwen took Loki's hand, suddenly turning an attractive shade of red. "But I think you might be a better musician than architect. I mean, that's not to say you weren't a good architect; I just think you might excel more at this. In other words, I thought you were brilliant."

"I think you might be right." Loki said, as he released her hand. "As for you, Stark; you'll positively infuriate Morgana if she finds you here. I don't want to know how you've snuck in, although I do have my suspicions. But it'll be for the best if you leave now."

"It's Christmas! Can she really be that much of a Grinch?"

"Oh yes, she can. Now come, I'll escort you out. And I expect you to take Miss Stacy out and make her evening worthwhile, especially with how you've made her an accomplice to your gate crashing."

"We did _not_ crash anything." Tony protested, but followed Loki all the same.

Rather than being escorted to the double doors in which they entered, Loki led them towards the main entrance. They swept by dozens of over-eager party guests; all who wanted a moment of Loki's time, but weren't permitted any of it. He was a rock star, after all; everyone else was peons in comparison, and they seemed to know it with the dismissive way that Loki carried himself with.

Unfortunately, many people had recognized Tony too. Some called him out by name, while others offered their hands; all seemingly wanting to talk business at the worst opportunity ever. As quickly as he could, without breaking stride with Loki, he referred them to Pepper and told them to call after the holidays.

It took far longer to get out of the ballroom than it did to initially get in. So many people blocked their way and none seemed to care that they were trying to leave in a hurry. Even Loki's bigger than life presence wouldn't cause them to back down as easily as they would have hoped. Thankfully though, they got to the main entrance without too much difficulty.

"It's always a pleasure to see you, Miss Stacy; Happy Christmas. I do hope Mr. Stark makes it up to you, after his hare-brained idea to drag you along to this party." Loki took Gwen's hand again, once they were beside the doors, and gently kissed her knuckles. "Do tell if he has made your holiday insufferable; you have my personal number."

"T-Thank you, Mr. Laufeyson," Gwen stammered, before she hurriedly crossed into the lobby. "I'll wait out here."

When they were as alone as they possibly could get, Tony laid his hand inconspicuously on Loki's waist, and furled his fingers. He beamed up at him and was graced with a tender look in return. They probably couldn't have gotten away with any other form of affection currently, but it would do for now.

"You know I had to sneak in here, but it was worth it. God, you were amazing. And you look amazing too; I never thought I'd live to see the day that Loki Laufeyson would emulate his former self, and for the entire world to see too."

"The world is hardly here, Anthony." Loki reached up and quickly grazed Tony's cheek with his fingers, before dropping his hand back to his side. "Besides, Morgana wouldn't have allowed me to perform otherwise. She is as nostalgic as you are."

"No one's as nostalgic as me, babe."

"How are you feeling?"

"Stupendous; the soreness isn't going away anytime soon. But I'm a big boy, I can handle it. So don't worry about that." Tony squeezed at Loki's waist. "Now let's get down to business; are you going to come to my place tonight?"

"Unfortunately, no; I'll be here most of the night, no doubt. I will, however, be available for your disposal on New Year's. It'll be my last quiet holiday for some time. Morgana will be working me into the ground this coming year."

"Shame,"

"You'll survive the night, I am sure." Loki muttered, as he reached into his pocket and extracted a candy cane from it. "Perhaps you won't have as much fun, but you'll survive."

"Have you eaten anything today?"

"I have."

"How many candy canes are we talking about?" Tony watched as Loki unraveled the plastic from the end of the candy cane, and slipped it in between his lips. Only someone like Loki could make something that innocent appear so damn erotic.

"Hmm, I'd say about eleven so far. But James gifted me with quite an assortment of candy canes and gummy candies to keep me occupied for the rest of the evening."

"I think I'll have to have a talk with him."

"Scolding your inside source? Now Anthony, you are only asking for trouble." Loki practically purred, as he pulled the candy cane from his mouth. "Off with you, you have a lady to entertain for the evening."

Before he could reply accordingly, Tony was assaulted by the candy cane. Loki pushed it in between his lips, and smirked as if he knew exactly what that action did to him. If he was perfectly honest with himself, Tony could already feel a stirring in his groin, knowing only a moment beforehand that the candy cane in his mouth currently had been in Loki's.

"I'll phone you later."

"Yes, sir," Tony managed to say around the candy cane.

"Happy Christmas, love," Loki winked at him, before he spun on his heel to rejoin the party.

Tony watched him go, and marveled in the way that every person in the room seemingly turned around and flocked to Loki once more. Of course, he had experienced similar reactions to himself too; but they couldn't possibly compare to how enthusiastic people were to be close to Loki.

Smiling to himself, Tony turned and stepped into the lobby. It was good to know that the most magnetic guy in a room full of yuppies was all his, and hopefully for the rest of his life too. It was the best Christmas gift he could have ever asked for.


	44. Chapter Forty-three :: Happy New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lifetime to write; I apologize to anyone who was waiting for this. I also think we're winding down in terms of chapters; I hoping it'll be done very soon.

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**Chapter Forty-three :: Happy New Year**

 

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"I wasn't about to offend the guy." Tony uncorked the champagne bottle with a loud pop. "Besides it is New Year's Eve, it's practically written in stone that I have to have a couple of drinks to celebrate."

"My apologies, Mr. Stark; I didn't know your alcoholism was a worldwide holiday."

"I am not an alcoholic. If I'm an alcoholic, you are a drug addict."

"My infrequent drug use is nothing compared to your drinking. When was the last time you've gone without a drink for a whole twenty-four hour period?"

"Infancy counts, okay." Tony muttered, as he poured himself a glass. "Besides you can't go twenty minutes without a cigarette."

"Tobacco does not impair the mind." Loki retorted hotly.

"Thank god! It only blackens your lungs and kills you instead!"

"I've outlived quite a few of my contemporaries; I'm not afraid of death."

"The good die young, not at fifty something years old." Tony pursed his lips in defiance, even if he immediately regretted what he had said.

It really served no purpose to antagonize Loki and his many destructive habits; even if he was only concerned that didn't excuse comments like that. And really, he had promised Loki that he would cut back on his drinking anyway.

"That was uncalled for, I'm sorry."

"Shut up, Stark. Drink your champagne." Loki shot him a narrow-eyed look, but didn't look exactly irate with him which was a good sign.

As he'd been instructed to do, Tony took up his glass and took a healthy sip from it. A business associate of his had sent the bottle over as a belated Christmas gift, and he hadn't wanted to offend by rejecting the gift. Seeing as Pepper would have skewered him for being so rude, which wasn't worth it in the end. He wanted to see the end of the year after he'd accomplished so much.

Not only had he made extraordinary progress on the arc reactor technology, garnering even more funds for the company, he had also accomplished the impossible – he had found Loki. But not only did he find him; he had somehow wormed his way back into his life again and built a sturdy relationship with him too. That was a lot to crow about, even if he abstained from the practice for once.

It had been a good year, compared to the many before it. In fact, Tony felt as if it had been the best of his life; although the best had yet to come. He hoped '97 would only bring even greater accomplishments his way; all while being side-by-side with Loki.

"I'll only have the one. So when I'm cold-stone sober, you better do something to entertain me."

"I have a few ideas in mind." Loki stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray Tony had bought with him in mind, before arching an eyebrow in a way that told Tony everything.

They hadn't been intimate since Christmas Eve. Or at least, they hadn't had full-blown intimacy since then. Days after they had had sex, they ended up messily finishing one another off by the use of each other's hands. Otherwise, it had been a bit of a dry spell; due mostly to Loki's endless list of business ventures.

Tony had been spared much of his responsibilities for the time being; although the new year was bound to get horribly busy. Stark Expo was on the forefront of everyone's mind at the company, especially his. There were projects to be tested, there were dioramas and displays to be built, and there was plenty of paperwork that Tony was solely responsible for that needed to be filled out and filed appropriately.

So if they ever hoped to find some alone time with one another, this was the time to do so. Especially since Pepper had been whisked away to ring in the New Year in Paris with some of her business friends. And it would be silly to dawdle away the opportunity by drinking like a fish.

"Well, why don't you tell me what you've got planned." Tony took another drink, already feeling a familiar burn in the pit of his stomach; which was a combination of the champagne, but more importantly Loki.

"I believe your bedroom is far more comfortable than here." Loki stood from the bar stool he'd been perched on, and casually walked towards the hallway. "Also these clothes seem rather stifling to me for some reason."

"Yeah, clothes definitely stifling,"

"Then let's rectify the situation, my love." Loki shot him a smoldering look over his shoulder, which was enough motivation to make Tony abandon his glass of champagne and the bar alike in a split-second flat.

Alcohol might have been one of his many addictions, but it was easily trumped by Loki. Loki was his number one addiction; something he simply couldn't live without. Twenty years without him had been the definition of hell, and he would be damned if he had to go through that horror again.

Even if it meant sacrificing his beloved scotch, occasional beer, and infrequent shots of tequila; Tony would give up anything to ensure he kept Loki by his side. And he could only hope Loki would eventually learn about proper nutrition before all his teeth fell out and he slipped into a diabetic coma; so they could actually have a relationship with some longevity.

Eagerly he followed Loki down the hallway, unable to divert his attention from the way Loki swung his hips. It was a subtle movement, maybe indiscernible to anyone else, but Tony knew Loki was doing it intentionally. Loki oozed of sex regularly without even trying; when he actually put an effort into it, the results were fatal and Tony didn't stand a chance.

Once they arrived in the bedroom, they found one another's mouths almost immediately. Loki's familiarity flooded Tony's taste buds, although he tasted mostly of tobacco than anything else. That, however, didn't dampen that heat that already begun to pool in the pit of his stomach, and the hunger that ran rampant through every part of his body.

His hands found their way to the narrowness of Loki's hips, while his tongue slipped undeterred into his mouth. They stayed like that for some time; their mouths connected and their tongues rolling and swirling against each other's, and hands scheming over body parts that were unfortunately clothed. Soon enough though, or so Tony could only hope, they'd shed any obstructions in between them.

"Best way to ring in a brand new year, if you ask me." Tony managed to say in between kisses.

"The celebration has yet to commence, my love."

"What did you have in mind, you little minx?"

"Perhaps we should get rid of our clothes first; then we can sort out the details afterwards." Loki reached for the hem of Tony's Steely Dan tee-shirt, and pulled it off and over his head; before proceeding to do the same with his long sleeved shirt that he wore underneath it.

Gracelessly he tried to extend the favor; his fingers worked at the buttons of Loki's oxford, although his success was limited. He managed to loosen every other button, which led to Loki assisting him. God only knew how long it would have taken to strip him of his shirt otherwise, if he'd solely been in charge of the task.

At least, he wasn't as clumsy when it came to stripping himself of his work boots, oil-stained jeans and boxer briefs. He was fully nude within a minute and his cock was already stirring in interest. Then again much of his youth had been painfully aroused by a certain dark-haired rock star; who was officially his boyfriend now.

"You certainly want to begin the celebration early." Loki teased, as he stepped out of his shoes and shouldered off his oxford. "What is the hour even?"

"The perfect time for you to get naked, so chop-chop,"

"Always the romantic, Stark,"

"You missed my romantic years; 1984 through 1991." He climbed onto the bed, before crawling to the top, and stretching out spread eagle; as if that would entice Loki to hurry up and join him. "You should have been there; spontaneous trips to Paris and Florence, candlelit dinners, and picnics under the stars - the works."

Loki shot him a look that said he didn't believe him for second, which was spot-on correct. Maybe he hadn't been very romantic; sure he had flown to exotic locations with Pepper, but most of those vacations had ended on a sour note. And many of them ended with him and Pepper taking separate flights to avoid any further confrontation with one another.

"Okay, maybe I was never that romantic. But there are always exceptions to the rules, you know."

"Well, we wouldn't want to start tonight." Loki finally removed the last of his clothing and stood proudly at the foot of the bed. "Have I satiated your need to see my nudity now?"

"Not by a long shot; now get over here and let's really get this party on the road." He beckoned Loki to join him, and couldn't suppress his smile when he did as he wanted him to.

Loki crawled towards him like a predator. His eyes were alit with mischief and shot undiluted desire directly into Tony's loins that only burned even hotter, as Loki dragged one elegant hand from his ankle to his hip. Goose bumps spread across Tony's skin and his nipples hardened by the time Loki's hand came to rest on the spot just below the arc reactor.

Something sparked in Tony; the gravity of his feelings for Loki suddenly struck him out of nowhere. No matter how many difficulties that transpired between them and the lost time too; nothing could dampen how much he truly loved him. There was no doubt in his mind, and by the way Loki was looking at him it was evident that he felt the same way.

Reaching up, Tony covered Loki's hand with his own and interlaced their fingers together; which caused a smile to tug at the corners of Loki's lips. They stayed that way for several moments, simply basking in the closeness between them until they pressed chaste kisses against one another's mouths.

"What will be your resolution this year?" Loki asked in between the soft glide of their lips.

"Simple – to be happy,"

"Will that really be a simple thing to achieve, I wonder."

"It will be if you stay around. And I'm pretty much your ball and chain now, so it'll be hard to get away."

"I wouldn't have it any other way either." Loki's fingers broke away from his and gradually curved under the arc reactor's casing; doing little but cradling it, as if it was the most precious thing in creation to him.

"What'll be your resolution?"

"To make you happy, of course,"

"When did you get so sentimental?"

"Age has a way of changing a person, I suppose."

"Well, I want to change my resolution now; revised version – I want to make _you_ happy." He pressed a firm kiss to Loki's mouth, before he managed to roll them both onto their sides; all the while managing not to break the kiss.

Theirs hands quickly found purchase on skin, as their arms wound around one another; in order to bring them chest to chest, and eliminate as much space between them that was humanly possible. The arc reactor pressed firmly into the center of Loki's chest, and would probably leave a mark behind; but that didn't seem to bother Loki, since he didn't make a move to pull away.

Tony dragged his tongue over Loki's lower lip, while his hands roved across his back, his bottom, and the back of his thighs. He couldn't get enough of Loki; every inch of skin he touched never seemed to be enough for him. No matter how many times he mapped the protrusion of his bones, the rise of scars on previously flawless skin; it never seemed to satisfy him.

It wouldn't have mattered if he had decades of exploration; Tony knew he would always want more. He'd always crave Loki's touch, the taste of him on his tongue, and the knowledge that he too was wanted so completely and without any hesitation whatsoever on Loki's side.

"God, do you know what you do to me?" He groaned as Loki broke the kiss, and began to lavish the underside of his jaw with nibbles and nips; before moving down over the curve of his neck.

His body was abuzz with heat and friction and an achy pleasure that thrummed through his semi-hard member; due in part by it being pressed firmly against Loki's belly. Loki's hands were also manipulating him in ways that threatened his sanity. His fingers raked down his side, kneading at his heavy muscles, and fleeting over his arms to rest on his biceps.

Soft sounds of approval left Tony, as he pushed his hips forward to temporarily relieve himself. It was enough for now, though; regardless of the fact that he would kill to have Loki's hand around him. And god only knew he'd go back to weapon manufacturing if he could feel Loki's slick mouth take him down to the root. But even more than that, he wanted to be inside of Loki; to re-experience how heavenly he had felt around him.

He was admittedly greedy. The more he thought about the possibilities, the more he wanted them to become a reality. With every drag of his dick against Loki's skin, he felt his urges grow more and more. His need to be inside Loki became suffocating, although he knew it would pass soon enough.

"Lubrication," Loki blurted out without any warning.

"Huh,"

"Get some; I intend on making this a worthwhile experience for the both of us. Sadly, I won't be able to let you fuck me just yet. But you do have fingers and I haven't been stretched in ages."

"I'm going to fuck you wide open, knuckles deep." Tony practically moaned and felt his cock twitch with excitement. "Until you're begging for my dick,"

Despite how it pained him to do it, Tony unfurled himself from Loki's embrace. He made a note to himself that he needed to keep lube close by, maybe under his pillow from now on. Because rolling to the edge of the bed and reaching for the bedside table was too laborious for him, especially when he was now fully erect and eager to work open Loki until he was a writhing and whimpering mess.

"Let's see if you have the Midas touch still, my love. Although, I must say I'm titillated by the possibility of you making me beg for you." Loki smirked at him, while loosely wrapping his hand around the base of his erection and began to stroke himself.

With a renewed incentive in mind, Tony yanked open the drawer, grabbing the bottle, and slammed the drawer shut when he was done. He rolled back to his former position; as he popped open the bottle with a flick of his thumb, and coated his hand from palm to fingertips until it was nice and slick.

Loki drew himself closer to Tony and hooked his leg onto his hip, which would make what they were about to do so much easier. Tony slid his lubed up hand across the curve of Loki's bottom, and eventually down the crease in between his cheeks; which resulted in a breathy gasp coming from Loki. It was music to Tony's ears and his determination to hear it again spurred him on.

His fingers pushed in between Loki's cheeks, and found the tight ring of muscle easily enough. With gentle, almost feather-like touches; Tony glided his fingertips across Loki's entrance, basking in the way Loki's leg tightened around his hip and the visible twitch of Loki's erection against his stomach.

"Have you, you know, done this in a while?" He asked, as he circled the pert little hole over and over again.

"Very little," Loki pushed back against his fingers; seemingly impatient and desperate to be penetrated already. But it was much too soon for that, even if Tony wanted nothing more than to be balls deep inside of him. They would have to work up to that eventually.

Despite the constant roll of Loki's hips, Tony didn't make any abrupt moves. He continued to tease at the muscles, adding a little more pressure to ease some of the tension that Loki had stored up in every inch of his body.

"You need to relax; you should know that more than anyone."

"I wasn't aware I was an expert on the subject of anal pleasures."

"Well, you taught me. And I'm pretty sure we had some amazing experiences." He pressed a kiss to Loki's mouth, and drew it out into a more passionate affair; that made Tony's arousal that much more intense.

Their lips melded perfectly together and their tongues moved and curled in a way that threatened to short-circuit Tony's brain. Every one of his nerve-endings felt like they were on fire; more so even, when he slid his leg in between Loki's and brought their swollen erections together snugly. Both of them began to cant their hips in an attempt to stimulate each other further and heighten there already rampant desire for one another.

Tony continued to press at Loki's hole until he worked the tip of his forefinger inside of him. Unsurprisingly, the muscles were taut and uncooperative; it took several determined presses before his finger sunk fully into Loki, although his insides were still uncommonly tight and it was strangely erotic. Maybe because Loki could have had anyone he desired, down to little Miss Gwen Stacy; but he hadn't and he'd chose instead, probably unintentionally, to be with him of all the people on the planet.

There was something between them that transcended time and tragedy and hardship. No matter how far either of them strayed, somehow they found one another again. As corny as it sounded, Tony believed fate had a hand in it; it was the only feasible explanation for why they were here today and about to ring in 1997 together.

Loki moaned softly against Tony's lips, as his finger manipulated and eased the tightness of Loki's muscles; before his other finger traced halfway around the rim of his entrance, and pushed in too. The move proved to be a little more difficult than he anticipated for, and required his utmost attention on top of that.

Breaking the kiss, Tony tried to focus on the task at hand; which meant his own pleasure became a secondary concern. His hips stuttered to a halt, despite a grumbled protest from Loki that eventually turned into a breathy hiss of pain; once Tony managed to slip a good portion of his second finger inside of him.

"Bloody hell," Loki spat out and gripped onto the swell of his bicep, as if it were his lifeline.

"I love when you get all Union Jack on me." He chuckled breathlessly, but was soon consumed with trying to open Loki up without causing any withstanding damage.

Of course, he didn't get away with his comment; Loki called him an ugly name that broke away into a series of grunts that persisted with every twist of his wrist, poke, prod, and parting of his fingers. The whole process proved to be a little stressful, mostly because he hadn't had to prep someone like this before. At least not as thoroughly as he had with Loki anyway, and god only knew he didn't want to hurt him because of impatient or over-eagerness.

For several minutes, Tony worked on Loki; drew his fingers halfway out of him, before plunging them back inside, and opening him up slowly but surely. Some of the tension ceased, but it would undoubtedly take some time before they could ever be intimate as they once were. And that would have been a problem if it had been with anyone else but Loki; because he knew that they had years to work out everything now, that there wasn't any set time this time around.

They weren't constrained by the length of a tour across America, or the time constraints that came with Tony growing the hell up and being prepared for something serious. They had all the time in the world (or at least a hopeful part of him wanted to believe that), and Tony would do things right this time around in every possible manner of speaking.

"Goddammit, I love you." He blurted out, when Loki made a throaty noise that seemed more pleasurable than pained; and his eyes fluttered closed in a way that haunted his dreams for decades on end.

Loki was still the epitome of beauty to him. His bone structure was still chiseled, his skin seemingly flawless and impeccable, and his hair an endless wave of black. While there wasn't any way to deny his thinness or the crisscross of scars that ran up the length of both legs, or even the softer bits of his body that had once been hard and impenetrable; Loki still was the most beautiful person on the planet to Tony especially when he was aroused.

"Keep your hand there, no, _there_." Loki managed to say and hiked his leg even higher onto Tony's hip to perfect the angle he wanted.

Everything seemed to slot into place then. Loki's temporarily flagging erection hardened once more against Tony's, and their hips found a slow but effective rhythm. Spikes of arousal and heat leapt up and down Tony's spine, burning him to the very core. Not because the act was overly stimulating, but because he was face to face with Loki and seeing the way his features contorted delightfully.

Before he knew it, Tony found his mouth back on Loki's; kissing in a needy but measured way. His tongue roved over Loki's palette that was heavily drenched in tobacco still, as his fingers moved in and out of his body in an unrushed fashion. He was completely immersed in Loki; drowning in him even.

His entire world seemed to be condensed into Loki; the feel of his lips on his, the velvety skin of his impressive erection, and the warmth and tightness of his insides around his fingers seemed to be the only thing that mattered in that moment. The world could have gone to hell for all he cared, so long as he was anchored to the spot by the man against him and would never have to let go of him again.

Happiness seemed to directly link itself to Loki, although not in an unhealthy way as it had before. Tony knew that while Loki could be his everything, he couldn't be the only thing that sustained him. Those sorts of thoughts, even when they cropped up in the heat of the moment, weren't realistic and certainly wouldn't sustain a relationship either. This wasn't hero worship, after all; he and Loki were equals now and their affection was real.

"Mm," Loki hummed as they parted from each other's mouths; his hand ran over the back of Tony's arm and downward still until he was running his fingers across the definition of his stomach.

Tony's skin prickled and it emphasized his growing excitement. Loki's touch was electric, burrowing deep under his skin and into his bones until he was dizzy for more. And thankfully he received just that, when Loki curled his fingers around the width of both their erections, and gave an experimental squeeze that caused them both to cry out simultaneously.

Their hips continued to roll and buck, as both their impatience began to show. Tony tried to split his attention equally to his own needs and Loki's, and hooked his fingers inside him in hope of finding that sensitive gland nestled somewhere deep in Loki.

"God, you don't know what you're doing to me." Tony rested his forehead against Loki's. "I don't even deserve you."

"Yes, you do. You've always have." Loki's eyes fluttered closed, when he pressed hard inside of him but it wasn't his prostate unfortunately.

Words, hundreds of thousands of them wanted to burst like a dam from Tony's lips in response; yet they never made it to the surface. The distant and emphatic sound of celebration roared outside in the city; the sound of fireworks bursting into brilliant displays in the night sky and the howl of excitement from nearby building rooftops, where even the chilly temperatures couldn't keep partygoers away, were somehow audible from this height.

Somewhere above him, Tony heard the familiar melody of _Auld Lang Syne_ that Pepper undoubtedly managed to program JARVIS to play when the clock struck twelve. It was the beginning of the New Year, presumably a clean slate after all the muck that he'd went through to be in the position that he was currently in. He and Loki were together for the long haul.

As that thought leapt to the forefront of his mind, Tony's fingers curled upward and caused Loki's whole body to seized up around him. His mouth dropped open in a low cry that rippled down into Tony's groin and ignited a powerful desire deep inside of him; the desire to be with Loki until he breathed his dying breath.

"I love you." He declared in a whisper against Loki's mouth, and felt the words formed against his own too.

Loki's hand worked frantically from the thickness of their shafts to the swollen and dripping heads and back down again. The rhythm drove Tony's hips forward, while his fingers rubbed furiously at Loki's prostate; invoking whimpers and mews that were too good to be true. But the most arousing thing was certainly looking unwaveringly into Loki's eyes and seeing the love reflecting from them.

Even as both of them worked diligently to climax, neither of them could tear their eyes away from the other. Heartfelt sentiments were murmured in between labored breaths and moans, which helped fuel the crescendo between their bodies even more; until Loki tensed up as tightly as a bowstring and his mouth fell open in a choked sob.

Tony felt Loki's muscles flutter and contract around his fingers, before his orgasm consumed him completely. The warm spurt of Loki's release sprayed onto Tony's stomach, and caused a domino effect to occur. Within seconds, he too was coming in a whirlwind of love declarations and expletives; before his mouth sealed firmly onto Loki's in a kiss that seared him to the bone.

Hips continued to cant forward and fingers stroked and prodded and thrust, but the heat of those actions had waned exponentially. Even when Tony's orgasm continued to thrum in his veins, it felt secondary to the emotional clutch the act really had on him. He couldn't help but smile at how flushed and satiated Loki looked, when they pulled away from one another.

"Happy New Year, baby,"

"Happy New Year, my love," Loki unwound his hand from their slowly softening members, before he wiped the excess cum onto the bedspread; and then rested his hand back onto Tony's bicep.

With a bit of maneuvering, Tony slipped his fingers from inside of Loki and flexed them. They ached from the pressure they'd been subjected to, but it was a good kind of ache; since it brought Loki a wealth of pleasure in the end. Any discomfort was worth seeing Loki sweaty and relaxed like he was now.

"The best way to kick start '97, don't you think?"

"The best," Loki confirmed with a lazy smile, before he began to hum an indistinct tune that progressed into a very familiar song that Tony had heard too many times to count.

"Do not even think about it!"

" _Shadows grow so long before my eyes,"_

"Jesus Christ, Loki; you are the worst human being on the planet!"

_"Don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait."_ Loki's voice grew louder and more forceful. _"Oh baby I love your way, everyday; wanna tell you I love your way, everyday; wanna be with you night and day."_

Disentangling himself from the cage of Loki's body, Tony reached for the closest pillow and struck Loki directly in the face with it. That temporarily silenced Loki, although a joyous burst of laughter echoed through the room and turned Tony into putty. He withdrew the pillow and felt even weaker than before by how tickled Loki looked, as if nothing could possibly be funnier than reigniting his hatred for Peter Frampton.

"You are unbelievable; every time I think I have you figured out, you throw me a curve ball."

"One of the many pleasures of loving me, rest assured." Loki grinned brightly and it seemed to be an open invitation to kiss him within an inch of his life.

"You're killing me here."

"Overdramatic as usual, my Little Stark,"

"And you're your usual jerky self, you know as usual." Tony tossed aside the pillow and took the opportunity to kiss Loki long and hard; which was easily one of the most satisfactory things he'd done of late.

They kissed until they were both breathless and their lips ached from the prolonged contact. But Tony wasn't about to complain and he knew Loki wouldn't either, despite his predilection for being disagreeable the majority of the time.

"Let's make this year our year, Little Stark." Loki said once he managed to catch his breath.

"It already is, babe." He replied with a wide smile, and he meant it too. This was the year of Tony and Loki.


	45. Chapter Forty-four :: The Secret Project

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing crucial happens in this chapter, however there hints of something to come. And this chapter takes place months after the last one, since we're rapidly approaching the end of this story/series.

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**Chapter Forty-four :: The Secret Project**

 

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The venue for the Stark Expo was impressive, to say the least. Various displays that housed the company's most inventive products had already been erected and were ready for public view whenever the doors opened. Tony studied every diorama and tweaked them if they weren't up to his standard; before he went onto the next point and fixed something new.

"So what do you think?" Pepper asked, swarmed by half a dozen suited colleagues. "Things have been coming together rather smoothly. I'm actually surprised that there weren't any major hiccups along the way."

"Well, I really can't complain." He admitted. "But that doesn't mean I won't. Virginia did you see the size of the stage?"

"I actually have; it's a behemoth. It can be seen from space."

"I want it to be seen from light years away. I want an alien race to see it and decide a trip to Earth has been way overdue; catch my drift?"

"Oh, I do and you are insane." Pepper enunciated, before she shot a sympathetic look to her posse which sent them swarming away in a hurried stampede elsewhere.

There had always been a point of contention between Tony and Pepper, when it came to the minor details. He always wanted to go big, extravagant, and over the top, whereas Pepper preferred some subtlety; although it was hard to come by when dealing with him on a daily basis.

"I have a vision, Pepper; I'm not going to alter it for budgetary reasons. And that stage needs to be extended by at least twenty feet."

"Absolutely not,"

"No, you're not listening – this needs to happen. We only have a week and a half before we open to the public; this is of the utmost importance."

"I know when the expo happens, Tony. But the answer is still the same – no. That stage is big enough for you, your scantily clad dancers, and probably the whole state of Rhode Island. It doesn't need to be any bigger just to boost your impossibly massive ego."

"That's why the stage should be bigger." He clasped his hands together in prayer. "We moved the expo all the way to Europe and you want to downsize it; that isn't a good business strategy if you ask me."

"Might I remind you that you insisted on moving the expo; in New York you had all you would have ever needed, but no you had to be here to be with your boyfriend. So here's my compromise, Tony; you get your more than appropriately wide stage and you get to live another day to be with aforementioned boyfriend. Got it?"

"You drive a hard bargain, Potts."

"I've learned from the best, Stark." Pepper arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Aside from the stage, do you have any complaints; more specifically any _reasonable_ complaints?"

There were minor details that bothered Tony, but overall the presentation lived up to previous Stark Expos. The team Pepper had hired had been diligent and thorough; they designed the space in a way that emphasized what the company stood for and the future of clean energy that the world would inevitably hear about everywhere, once the expo went live.

For all intents and purposes, things were perfect; the crowds were bound to be bowled over by the arc reactor technology, the sleeker and more portable cellphones, the array of well-powered computers, and the little project Tony had been tinkering with for ages. Pepper was none the wiser to it and he intended on keeping it that way. Hell, no one knew about what he'd been up to; not even Loki.

"Everything, for the most part, seems to be up to par. You know, except for that tiny little stage over there."

"That tiny little stage will serve its purpose; it might crumble underneath the weight of your ego, but I'll make sure it's reinforced properly so that won't happen."

"We could really knock the socks off the European market; it'll only take twenty feet, Pepper."

"If you can't convince hundreds of potential clients that the arc reactor technology is the way of the future with your charm alone, and without an extra twenty feet; well, I'd say you lost it Tony." Pepper clicked her tongue in disapproval. "Maybe you should take pointers from your boyfriend."

"Boyfriend sounds so juvenile; besides he's busy doing whatever rock stars do. Probably having a séance to call on Satan, so he can keep his good looks," he replied and started towards the stage, which was the epicenter of the oversized room.

Whether or not the stage was twenty feet longer, Tony knew he had the ability to control a room. He learned early on, when he officially became the face of Stark Industries, that he had the charisma that it took to win people over. Add alcohol into the mix and he was the life of the party.

The only reason he wanted the extra room was just in case anything went wrong. His hidden project wasn't exactly safe; he'd sustained plenty of scrapes and bruises, and maybe a cracked rib in January because he'd been running blind with his ideas. Luckily though, Loki hadn't been around to discover what he was up to.

They both had been busy with their separate business ventures. Tony had devoted the majority of his time to the expo and his secret project, while Loki had been swept away in his career's revival; which was surprisingly more involved than Tony had imagined it would be. Interviews, photo-shoots, wardrobe meetings, video shoots, record company meetings were only a few of the things Loki had been dealing with of late; not to mention he was knee deep in planning his concert revival too.

There hadn't been much alone time between them of late, which hadn't exactly been ideal. They had spent twenty years apart already, and now they were reduced to dry kisses in between running from one location to the next. Nowadays it was hard even catch Loki for a meal, let alone spend any quality time with one another.

Tony was as much to blame as Loki, though; he had been hyper-focused on his secret project, and he had plenty of meetings that could have easily lasted him a lifetime. So the problem wasn't one of them, but the combination of the two of them and their busy careers. And well, once the expo was over and Loki had performed his concerts then things might slow down temporarily again and they could finally have some alone time.

"So you hired my girls from last year?" He asked, as he climbed the steps onto the stage; where he could see the entire venue just fine.

"Everyone but the blonde; what was her name again?"

"Claudia or Chloe or maybe it was Carrie,"

"Well, I made it a point to keep her off the bill. We wouldn't want one of your crazy one-night stands to rear their ugly head during an important event."

"Yeah, we'd want to keep that confined to more casual affairs."

"That's why you don't sleep with the employees, Tony." Pepper joined him on the stage; as she flipped open the day planner she'd been carrying under her arm the entire time; acting very much like his personal assistant at the moment. "You're in luck; you don't have anything scheduled today. Tomorrow, however, is a different story. You have to meet with the board of directors for dinner at eight o'clock sharp."

Like many things he needed to get around to, he needed to find an efficient personal assistant pretty soon. The only reason Pepper was even keeping track of his current workload was because of the huge impact Stark Expo would have on the company all year long (if not longer, depending on how profitable the clean energy initiative ended up being). So it was essentially in her best interest to make sure he found his way to the places he needed to be; at least for now anyway.

"Sounds like an awful time; I hope you're going to be there."

"Of course, I will be. I don't trust you at the best of times." Pepper nudged him gently, as she scanned whatever was written on her day planner. "So I hope you don't have any plans with the boyfriend."

"Boyfriend is the worst possible word to use for someone like Loki."

"Man-friend sounds worse,"

"No one even suggested man-friend, Virginia." Tony rolled his eyes. "But boyfriend doesn't work; it's kind of insulting to him, you know."

"Okay, why don't you refer to him as the supreme ruler over your heart and soul then? That's pretty elaborate and over the top; I think it suits him perfectly."

"I dare you to say that to his face." He walked along the edge of the stage, in an attempt to judge how sturdy the structure really was. It probably would accommodate nicely for what he had in store, but maybe the dancers would have to exit the stage just to be safe.

Everything needed to go off without a hitch, if he wanted this year's expo to be a greater success than the last ones. Dear 'ol dad had built up the Stark name, and showcased the most advanced weapons known to man that had seen relentless action during the Vietnam War. And Tony wanted to dismantle that stigma once more, unveiling something that would awe and inspire the world.

He just hoped that the unveiling of his new project wouldn't lead to Pepper strangling him. He was already preparing himself for the earful he was bound to get, once the opening night came in ten days. But it would be worth it, so long as nothing happened to go awry.

"Will he be coming to the expo?"

"I invited him, but that doesn't mean he'll show. He does have his own thing going on."

"Is that a twinge of bitterness I hear, Mr. Stark?"

"I'm not bitter." He quickly denied. "I'm just not enthused by how busy we've both been recently."

In an ideal world, he and Loki would have endless time to be with one another. Their careers would be a secondary concern, instead of the main priority. And maybe Tony wouldn't be utterly infatuated by his own inventions to the point where he forgot to check in with Loki in the evening time.

Loki never complained about his scatter-brained tendencies, though; if anything, he never brought it up at all which technically could be a very bad thing. Yet, nothing had changed too much in between them; they were still affectionate and actively physical with one another pretty frequently. At least they tried to be whenever the occasion arose.

"After the expo, you'll have plenty time to catch up. But don't lose sight of the goal here, Tony." Pepper drew him out of his thoughts and back into the present where years of his hard work were currently on display.

"I'm fully aware of what I have to do." Tony swiveled on his heel and made his way back to the steps. "You seem to have everything in order, Miss Potts. So I'm going to leave you to it; I have a few gadgets I want to finish up. I think we can find a place for them somewhere."

"I'm sure we can, but don't wait until the last minute. I don't care if whatever you're working on is the size of a toothpick; we still need time to properly categorize it and put it in a suitable place."

"Don't worry; you'll have everything in hand soon enough." He waved dismissively over his shoulder at her; before he wound his way through the oversized room once more.

While he was excited for the world to see his inventions and genius, Tony was looking forward to when the month long mayhem would finally be over. Once all the accolades and money had been absorbed, then he could devote himself entirely to the research and development portion of the company again. And maybe he could also find a decent amount of time to spend with Loki too.

If luck happened to be on his side today, whenever he finished handling some of the more troublesome bits of his secret project; Tony hoped he could catch Loki and have a relaxing evening with him. But that really was dependent on if Loki wasn't swamped by his own initiative and if Tony could remember to drag himself away from his work long enough to call.

Work would eventually drop off as his primary concern; he just needed to get through the rest of the month and things would go back to normal (or as normal as it did with him). He just hoped the same could be said about Loki soon enough too.


	46. Chapter Forty-five :: Meant To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the individuals who've still been reviewing this story. It's really kept me going and I appreciate it immensely. I appreciate it even more because we're so close to the end, and to know you're still out there reading this crappy story means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

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**Chapter Forty-five :: Meant To Be**

 

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The bruise covered most of his back; an ugly black and purple mark that stood as a reminder to his over enthusiasm and stupidity. Tony should have caught that tiny little glitch; it was completely obvious, once he'd crashed into the wall, and slid unceremoniously to the ground. But he had been far too excited by the end result, that he hadn't bothered to double check his work.

Luckily, he had only blacked out for a minute or two. Because if he hadn't woken up any sooner, DUM-E would have probably sprayed him with the fire extinguisher he'd been given for emergency purposes; and JARVIS would have called for medical assistance, which he really didn't need. Especially if it meant his secret project would be revealed, and his closest of confidants would then try and convince him to abandon it.

He had come too far to abandon his work. Ever since his return from Libya, Tony had been outlining and brainstorming about this particular project. There had been several prototypes, inferiors ones of course; but this one had the potential for greatness. So long as he was mindful to not kill himself in the process.

While the arc reactor technology was a revolutionary invention that had the capability to change the world, this secret project also had the wherewithal to do the same. Which proved to be enough of a motivator for Tony to work relentlessly on it; even if he sustained a slew of injuries and drove himself to the point of complete exhaustion. He knew it would be worth it in the end.

Gingerly, Tony peeled off his muscle shirt; in order to reveal the extent of his injury. The motion within itself was a painful one, but nothing seemed to be broken and there only a few open wounds that would need to be cleaned. Happy could help him with that, and hopefully he would keep his mouth shut after the fact.

"Looks like I'll live to see another day after all, J." He announced to the empty bathroom, as he dropped his shirt to the vanity; and turned so he could assess how badly bruised he truly was.

The bruising extended from just underneath his shoulders and tapered downward to his tailbone; even one of his sides had started to blacken from the impact. Tony knew it would be difficult to move in the coming days, but he could only hope that it wouldn't ruin his plans for the expo. Whether or not he ended up showcasing his secret project, he would still have to be at the expo on opening night; there wasn't any way around it. Even if he was half-dead, he would find a way to make it.

 _"If I may intercede, sir; I believe it would be in your best interest to seek out medical attention still. While you appear to have not broken anything, it would be wise to have your injuries assessed by a trained professional."_ JARVIS chimed in just as Tony began to unbutton his jeans to see if he sustained any further battle wounds in the name of science.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen. Pepper would find out somehow, and it's already been a pain in the ass to hide what I've been up to from her. Besides, I'm not concussed and my ticker's still working; so a few bumps and bruises aren't going to hurt me much in the long run."

_"Might I suggest a soothing bath then?"_

"Noted," Tony slowly peeled his jeans down; pleased that there was very little bruising on the back of his thighs and legs. "And it'll probably help with all aches I'm feeling right now."

With as much care as he could muster, he attempted to undress himself fully; which proved to be far more challenging than it should have been. His movements were slow and cautious, and caused every muscle in his body to scream; although Tony managed not to make much noise beyond a hiss here and there, and a few uttered expletives that would make dear 'ol dad proud.

Once he stripped off everything, he limped towards the massive Jacuzzi bathtub that stood in front of a wall to ceiling window. The London skyline spread beautifully before him, and would have taken his breath away; had it not been for him already being short of breath from his injuries. He hadn't even bothered to use the bathtub of yet, since he really wasn't a bath kind of guy. But he was glad Pepper insisted that a tub be added into the design now.

Just as he began to toy with the knobs and sent a gush of warm water out of the faucet, Tony heard JARVIS speak up once more. Rather than offer another remedy for his current state, his A. I. announced the arrival of a frequent guest to the penthouse. Loki hadn't been present for a few days, since he'd been busy with rehearsals for his upcoming concert (or maybe it was some other detail that his job revolved around; god only knew).

"Excellent timing, Loki," he grumbled as he bent down to plug the drain, before moving as quickly as he could to locate some bubble bath; although that would only be a temporary fix, especially if Loki decided he wanted to spend the night.

Tony rummaged through the cabinetry and eventually found some bubble bath housed in what looked like a champagne bottle; which he popped open as soon as he crossed back towards the bathtub. As quickly as he could manage without causing himself any withstanding injury, he climbed into the tub and poured a healthy amount of the bubble bath into the water.

The bubbles began to form in a matter of seconds; filling up the bathtub with white foam. At least for now, Loki wouldn't know that he hurt himself and want to know how he'd done it on top of that. Of course, there were plenty of lies he could tell but none of them would be believable. And Loki wasn't so easily fooled by his lies either.

"Do not say a word about what happened, JARVIS." He demanded, as he leaned over to shut off the water and set aside the bubble bath. "The last thing you'd need is a complete overwrite, if you know what I mean."

 _"I believe I know what you're referring to, sir. I won't say a word."_ JARVIS replied.

"There's no reason to concern anybody. I'll be fine; it was my own stupid fault, anyway. I should have paid attention to what I was doing."

_"We are in agreement on that, I do believe."_

"Shut up, JARVIS." Tony grumbled and slouched as carefully as he could into the water. Unsurprisingly his back flared up painfully and made him bite down on his bottom lip to suppress any moans of discomfort that might come out of him.

It would be difficult to function come tomorrow morning. There were several meetings he had to attend, in order to finalize the finishing details for the expo. And the idea of sitting in a stiff-back chair for hours on end made the seventh level of hell seem more preferable in comparison.

He, however, persevered through even more trying conditions than this. Somehow he survived being stuck in a cave for three solid months, and spent a good chunk of time attached to a car battery. So sitting in a chair with a bruised back wouldn't kill him; even though he suspected he'd want to die by the end of the day.

For several terse minutes, Tony sat in the warm bathwater in anticipation of Loki's arrival. Beyond the bathroom, he could hear movement; which slowly became louder and louder until Loki finally appeared in the doorway with an amused expression on his face, except it looked borderline seductive on his painted face.

It looked as if Loki had come directly from a photo-shoot of some sort. His eyes were heavily ringed in eyeliner and his already pale skin was painted lighter with a product that made his face glisten. But what was even more telling was Loki's attire that consisted of a leather jacket with a white fur collar and an impossibly tight pair of leather trousers that emphasized his god given assets quite nicely.

"What on earth are you doing in the bath?" Loki asked in obvious delight, as he pushed away from the doorframe, and walked further into the bathroom. "You've never shown a predilections for baths before; unless, you've been hiding this from me for some reason."

"My decision to take a bath isn't the most outrageous thing in this room. Wow, look at those leather pants; are you sure you're getting proper circulation to all parts of your body? Or should I try mouth to mouth resuscitation on your dick?"

"You don't waste any time, my love." Loki leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to his lips.

"That's me, always a go-getter."

"We both have been horribly busy of late. So we better rectify the problem while we still can."

"Yeah, we should." Tony kissed Loki again. "But I can't; I'm just taking a quick break then back to work."

It pained him to deny Loki anything, especially when it came to the physical portion of their relationship. They had finally gotten back to how they were, when they first became intimate with one another. Unfortunately, they hadn't had much time to bask in the satisfaction of their adventurous sex life of late.

"You must be joking; I finally have an evening off, and you have to work?"

"Duty calls as it always does, babe." He sighed as Loki stood to his full height again. "I promise you after the expo's over, we'll have a lot of quality time together."

"You aren't the only one with a career, Anthony. You know as well as I do, I also have responsibilities and they don't end when your expo does."

"Sweetheart can we please not fight right now? I barely get to see you as it is; I don't want to spend the little time that we're together fighting."

"No one's fighting." Loki muttered dismissively, as he turned on his heel to leave.

Torn between shielding his bruised back and wanting to keep Loki in close vicinity, Tony forced himself to make a decision. Keeping Loki there was more important than hiding the damage he'd done to himself, so he staggered haphazardly out of the bathtub and snatched the closest towel that he could find which luckily was big enough to wrap around his waist.

The cold air struck Tony's skin like a whip; he bit his bottom lip and hobbled into the bedroom, where Loki had taken refuge temporarily. He had tossed his overcoat and his satchel onto the bed, and was in the middle of collecting both and none too happily either.

"Sweetheart, listen,"

"I have plenty of loose ends to tie up in terms of my work too. Foolishly, I assumed you'd like to spend time with one another."

"I do; you know I do."

"But on your own schedule, am I right?" Loki looked at him, before his face visibly dropped. "What happened to your side?"

"Nothing, it's no big deal."

"It's _black_." Loki dropped his possessions, and strode towards Tony with a purpose. It would be impossible to slip away now, especially if Loki was determined to find out what was wrong with him.

Tony stood his ground, despite wanting to flee. His mind worked rapidly, trying to think up a believable lie that would satisfy Loki for the time being. But all of them fell short; every single one seemed lamer than the last.

Within moments, Loki had closed the distance in between them; his eyes bore into Tony's side like two burning coals. The intensity of his gaze almost bowled Tony over, although it got progressively worse when Loki stepped around him to see the full extent of the bruises. He heard a sharp inhalation, before a gentle hand rested against the nape of his neck where the bruising wasn't that bad.

"It doesn't hurt that bad." He blurted out automatically.

"Were you in a car crash?"

"What? No, nothing like that; it's not that big of a deal."

"How can you say something so stupid?" Loki almost whispered. "You are black and blue; your whole back is a grotesque mess, and you want to tell me this is nothing?"

"Sweetheart, I understand your concern but I'm fine. Tomorrow morning I'll feel as good as new."

"Anthony Stark, what have you been doing?"

"I had a little accident in the workshop, that's all. It was my own fault; there's no one else to blame for it but me." Tony turned to face Loki. "It was a stupid mistake; it won't happen again, I promise."

Loki's expression was unreadable; of course, most of the time Tony couldn't see past Loki's poker face anyway. Even after all this time, now that their relationship was stable, there were things he still wasn't privy to.

"Why would you hide this from me? Why the bloody hell would you hide the fact that you're hurt from me, Anthony?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you over something so minor; it looks worse than how it feels."

"You are unbelievable; I know you won't actually see a doctor, so lie down on that bed right now and I'll look after you."

"Baby, listen-"

"On the bed _now_ ," Loki practically snarled and jutted his finger towards the bed.

There really wasn't any point on arguing with Loki. That would only make a contentious situation even worse, and Tony didn't want to fight. They'd fought enough to last them a lifetime in the seventies, and it hadn't been worth it back then either. It definitely wouldn't be worth it now, which was why he followed orders for once and cautiously climbed onto the bed.

When he was comfortable as he could get, choosing to lie on his stomach; he heard Loki leave the room, muttering something in Norwegian as he went. That wasn't a good sign; whenever Loki started speaking in a different language, it usually pointed towards him being unhappy. And that only made Tony feel even guiltier for trying to hide his injuries from him.

They'd established early on in their relationship that they wouldn't keep anything from one another. There had been too many secrets between them beforehand that it eventually led to the demise of their relationship the first time around. Secret keeping would only lead to trouble, but Tony knew it was the only way he could finish his project uninterrupted. And it was an important project; one that would benefit the public in the long run, so he had to take that chance.

He understood how selfish that was; sometimes being an inventive meant being self-absorbed and self-involved, and putting one's self in harm's way to accomplish something amazing. The truth of the matter was that both he and Loki were inherently selfish; they were both successful and that oftentimes meant being a narcissist to a degree.

What felt like an eternity passed by, before Loki reemerged from wherever he'd gone. Tony peered over his shoulder warily as his lover approached the bed with a kitchen towel in hand; which was undoubtedly filled with ice. The prospect of having that applied to his back didn't bode very well with Tony; if it was any indication how badly it hurt by letting the air touch his skin, he couldn't imagine how bad ice would feel.

"I'm not even going to ask you what happened, seeing as how pointless it would be." Loki announced, while climbing onto the bed beside him; he then applied the ice to Tony's back, which hurt like a bitch. "Don't even bother to struggle, Stark. One way or another, you will end up in the same position you're already in."

"For Christ's sake, it hurts! How should I react?"

"As cavalier as you were acting beforehand, when you didn't want me to find out about this,"

"So you plan on torturing me?" Tony dropped his head to the mattress, and tried to will his body to relax underneath the ice; thankfully it did eventually, although his discomfort was still pretty high.

"I don't have to torture you, Anthony. You do a fine job of that yourself; clearly your workshop is a torture chamber as well. And I also suppose that would make you a masochist, since you spend the majority of your time there."

"Once the expo's done, I won't be half as busy as I have been."

"Once your expo is over, you'll be going back to California." Loki shifted the towel in between his shoulder blades, and placed his hand gently onto a spot where Tony's back wasn't too bruised and achy. "We've discussed this already."

"Yeah, we have; I told you I wasn't going to hop a flight right away either."

"But you will have to leave; you've been here for too long already."

"I have to leave for business purposes, yes. And I do have a huge ocean-side property back in Malibu, which kind of beats out the endless rain here."

"The sun's overrated."

"Okay, Nosferatu." Tony felt some of the pain subside, although his conversation with Loki also helped to distract him temporarily.

They'd discussed the distance situation pretty regularly of late, and neither of them was willing to commit to a permanent move. Tony needed to return to Malibu, since his life was located there; whereas Loki hadn't any intentions of leaving London either. Both of them had every intention on visiting one another as much as possible, but it was all dependent on their careers.

"Could you possibly keep yourself alive without me?" Loki asked quietly.

"I'll try; besides I have a couple of babysitters already on the payroll. Pepper's coming back with me and then there's Rhodey and Happy. Then again Happy's just as bad as I am; forget Happy. But I do have JARVIS, don't I buddy?"

_"I advised Mr. Stark to seek out medical attention once his accident occurred, Mr. Laufeyson. He refused."_

"Wow, what a traitor,"

"You are a bloody fool, Anthony."

"That's why you love me, babe. Some things never change." He shot Loki a toothy grin, and received an eye roll in return. Some things really didn't change.

"I still think you should see a doctor; ice can only do so much."

"I'll see how I feel in the morning; I'm not going to make any promises, though."

"Which translates to me that you're doing something you shouldn't be doing."

"I'm an artist; you can't hinder my creative process. You should know better than anyone."

"The infuriating thing is I can't even argue with you. You'll, undoubtedly, bring up some incident from the past just to strengthen your point." Loki grumbled, before he bowed his head and pressed a kiss against Tony's arm. "And some of those things I probably don't even remember."

"I don't remember most of the eighties, so we're evenly matched."

"Match made in hell,"

"Way to make a guy feel special; here I thought we had a fairytale romance." Tony chuckled.

Loki didn't reply verbally; instead he planted soft kisses along his arm, until he reached his hand. Automatically their fingers interlocked with one another's; creating an iron-clad grip that no one could break. Too many factors had separated them before, but now nothing could tear them apart including each other.

They were in this for the long haul, despite the distance they'd inevitably have to face within the coming months. Somehow they'd make it work, though; if anything they were both resilient and stubborn, and they were both determined to make their relationship work no matter the circumstance.

"I hope you're aware of the fact that you're infuriating. And I will not lose you due to some science experiment gone awry."

"It's more of an engineering thing, but no I understand what you're saying." Tony caught Loki's eye over his shoulder. "Trust me, there won't be a repeat of this; it was a stupid mistake that I overlooked. Next time this won't happen; I promise."

"I expect you to keep this promise. You'll rue the day this happens again, Anthony."

"Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're intimidating?"

"You've told me how sexy I am when it comes to everything. I can't say I disagree."

"Of course, you wouldn't."

"Insufferable,"

"Narcissistic vampire rock star," Tony teased, before Loki kissed him an inch within his life; which he had been yearning for, for days now.

Soon enough they'd have more time for this. By the time the expo drew to a close, he should be fully healed and probably would have already weathered the storm of Loki and Pepper's combined fury after they'd seen his secret project. And while Loki would be busy with his career revival, at least they could make some time for one another without too much difficulty.

They'd make it work; they'd always make it work because it was meant to be.


	47. Chapter Forty-six :: The Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm contemplating on ending this story within one or two chapters; I haven't decided which yet.

* * *

 

**Chapter Forty-six :: The Future**

 

* * *

 

"You are insane, I hope you realize that."

"No, I'm a genius."

"A genius with a death wish, maybe,"

"No, a genius with a brilliant, revolutionary idea that's going to light the world on fire," Tony shot back at Rhodey, who'd reluctantly agreed to help him minutes before he was meant to take the stage at the annual Stark Expo.

Things had been utterly chaotic over the last forty-eight hours; Pepper had been breathing down his neck at every available moment that she could manage, which made transport of his secret project a tricky feat to pull off. He'd only been able to accomplish it when Pepper had gone to bed, and with the help of both Happy and a professional crew contracted to work for the company. Somehow they'd managed to relocate it to the venue the night before and luckily in one piece too.

It, however, had proven to be quite an obstacle to hide a decently sized crate without drawing any suspicion. Or at least, it hadn't been suspicious enough for someone to contact Pepper about it; which Tony was infinitely grateful for. Especially when he took into consideration how he'd gotten hurt more than once during the inception of this project, and he didn't want to be deterred now.

"You know you could kill yourself doing this." Rhodey sent him a weary look. "Or you could end up seriously injured; meaning broken bones, maybe even paralyzed. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"There's an ambulance on stand-by."

"That doesn't mean they'll be able to reverse the damage you've done to yourself."

"Have some faith in modern medicine, buddy." Tony raised his hand to pat Rhodey's shoulder, but thought better of it; choosing instead to shoot him a cheeky grin. "I'll be fine; this'll go off without a hitch. Trust me."

Despite his confidence in the final product, Tony knew there was a possibility that something could go awry. There was always a risk that there was a faulty wire that could short-circuit at any given moment, and send him hurdling to the ground at a high-speed velocity that could kill anyone. But he couldn't say as much to Rhodey or anyone else for that matter; not after he'd worked so hard and for so long for the final result. It was just a risk he'd have to take.

"You do know that your boyfriend is out there; he's trying to be inconspicuous, but he really sticks out like a sore thumb."

"Don't call him my boyfriend."

"What do you call him then?"

"The supreme ruler of my heart and soul,"

"I'm not even going to ask." Rhodey rolled his eyes, although the worry on his face was apparent. Tony tried not to let it eat away at him, because that would only reawaken his nerves; and being nervous would only cause unnecessary problems for him.

Refocusing his attention on the task at hand, Tony reached up to close the faceplate on the helmet he was wearing; pleased by how several lights flickered on and made up what he considered a rudimentary display that he'd undoubtedly expand on in the future. But it would be years, before any form of this particular project would be contracted out to any potential buyer (mostly government clientele, no doubt).

Several statistics cropped up before his eyes; followed shortly by a familiar voice. He had chosen to install JARVIS on a whim, and was glad that he did. His AI greeted him as genially as he always did, informing him of the minor details such as the weather conditions and precipitation level; but more importantly the battery life and function of each repulsor underneath his feet. Everything seemed to be fully functional and ready for its first official flight.

Over the thrum of blood in his ears, Tony could hear the crowd's excitable chatter; he also heard the boom of Pepper's voice, as she welcomed everyone to the expo. Her speech lasted for several minutes, expressing her pride on being a part of such a revolutionary company; whose purpose had shifted from mindless weapon making to clean energy and advanced technology that would make the everyday lives of normal people more convenient.

The speech was complimentary as it should be, although Tony couldn't keep his mind focused on it. His palms were clammy and sweat rolled down his back due the anticipatory spark in the air. Soon enough he'd be called onto stage; the lights would be lowered, the thrum of music above his head would begin, and a line of scantily clad dancers would kick their way into the back of the stage; giving him ample room to make his appearance, but not in a way that anyone could possibly imagine.

"You don't have to do this, you know." Rhodey murmured, almost inaudible above the wave of applause that suddenly broke out. "We can get this off of you, no problem."

"Don't be a party pooper, Rhodey. This'll be brilliant; watch and see, but importantly _marvel_ at my genius." He returned in a computerized voice.

"If you even think for a second that something's wrong, don't push it. I mean it, Tony; it isn't worth your life."

"Nothing will go wrong; I have my good luck charm in the audience." Tony grinned, even though it couldn't be seen. Yet it dropped off his face rather quickly, when Pepper's voice announced his name in all its flourish. "You might want to step back, buddy."

The lights in the venue blinked off one by one; plunging everything into darkness. Thankfully, he had the foresight to add in an infrared camera; the last thing he wanted to do was take out someone by accident. If he got hurt in the process, well that was different; and he'd gotten hurt plenty of times already. The bruises on his back were testament of that. But hurting another person wasn't something he wanted to do.

Taking in a deep breath, Tony instructed JARVIS to boot on the repulsors. Slowly but surely the rumble of the repulsors kicked on and lifted him off the ground by several inches. Before the loud, earth-shattering sound of electric guitars and thunderous drumming cut across the PA system; Loki's voice ripped like a bowie knife over the music, loud and vibrant despite the song _Valhalla_ being released over twenty-five years ago.

Without further ado, alongside a worried 'good luck' from Rhodey, Tony amped up the repulsors and lifted higher in the air; until he masterly tipped himself forward in a horizontal position, and flew through the black-out curtains that separated him from the stage. He shot out like a bullet; a roar of adrenaline encompassing his entire body, as JARVIS informed him that everything was still stable and working beautifully.

The crowd let out a startled, almost terrified noise; as he flew above the stage and observed how massive the crowd was. He gradually became bolder when he was certain that the suit wouldn't fall like a boulder to the earth anytime soon. So he took a lap above the crowd's heads, finally drawing out a loud round of applause and whistles; that split his face into a thousand-watt grin.

Flying never seemed like a possibility outside of an airplane. But with careful planning and execution, Tony had built onto the suit he'd used to escape his captors in Libya years before. The whole point of it being an alternative way to combat terror cells and other highly dangerous criminal activity; in essence, such a sophisticated piece of machinery was a weapon but it was the type that couldn't easily be replicated by terrorists or some homegrown anarchist that lived in their parents' basement.

Lapping the room several more times, as Odin's Sons still played in the background, Tony finally headed towards the stage and prayed that his landing would be soft. The dancers had somehow remained true to their routine, despite his show stopping appearance; and he made sure they were far enough away when he returned to an upright position, and demanded JARVIS to cut the power bit by bit.

Within seconds, he was hovering only inches away from the ground again; before he dropped with an enormous thud to the stage. He worried for a brief moment that the stage couldn't absorb the weight of the suit, but it did just fine which was a huge relief; and it only made his accomplishment so much sweeter in comparison.

Swelling with accomplishment, Tony reached up and pulled off the red and gold helmet; greeted by thousands of awestruck faces. Flashbulbs went off in quick succession; eager to capture Tony in all his triumph and he was more than happy to pose for any and all photos that he could, until the music tapered off and left him to speak to the audience.

Some mousy looking guy suddenly ran onto the stage, passing Tony a microphone; before he disappeared once more and left him to the public. Tony cradled the helmet underneath one of his arms, as he raised the microphone to his lips with a breathless and elated chuckle. The crowd shifted attentively against the stage, as if they were at a concert rather than an electronics expo, and wanted to get closer to the man who just blew their minds.

One individual immediately caught Tony's eye. Pushing almost violently through the audience was Loki; adorned in his trademark black fedora, long black coat, and a pair of eyeglasses that made him look stupidly regal. But the look on his face could curdle milk; that wasn't unexpected, though. He suspected Pepper had a very similar expression on her face too, which he really dreaded.

"Well, I think you've already been welcomed to the Stark Expo; so I'm not going to waste your time with those kinds of niceties." Tony shifted his eyes away from Loki, and instead focused on the natural high he was on and the adoring gazes of the people around him. "You already know who I am, obviously. So let's get down to business; you guys are here for one reason and one reason only, and that's to see what Stark Industries has been tirelessly working on year in and year out.

"Almost three years ago, I made the decision to shift directions in terms of the company's future. Stark Industries was world-renowned for being a weapons manufacturing company. We were contracted with the U.S. government and provided sixty-five percent of the weaponry used in the Korean and Vietnam wars. We also provided a healthy amount for the Gulf War; so obviously there were skeptics in terms of shifting the company's focus elsewhere. God only knows, I knew this whole thing could blow up in my face. But I was determined and resilient about creating a new legacy for the Stark name, and I think I've done just that.

"As you walk around the exhibits, you'll see that our research and development department has worked on providing better technology for the everyday person. There are computers, mobile phones, and even fax machines and beepers that we've perfected to the best of our ability. Not to mention, our biggest creation thus far is the arc reactor technology; which will undoubtedly make other energy resources obsolete soon enough. It'll change our communities big and small, and it'll make the future a better place for the future generation." Tony paused as an excitable chatter rose up from the crowd, and his eyes zeroed in back on Loki.

It was odd looking down on him from a stage, rather than the other way around. Despite the obvious disapproval that seemed to radiate off of Loki, Tony could still see something else underneath it all; almost pride and admiration, which made him grin even wider. Since it never occurred to them that maybe Loki would be proud of his accomplishments; not in the way Tony was in awe of his.

"Ah, I almost forgot; silly me!" He spoke back into the microphone in feigned ignorance. "Yeah, the suit; this is just a prototype right now, but the goal is to expand on the technology in the near future. This ladies and gentlemen is the future of terror prevention; while Stark Industries has moved away from its weapon making days, this level of technology cannot be replicated by a terrorist cell or even by the competition like some of our previous creations have been. I'll be damned if it can be, honestly.

"Preventive action is important, not only for the U.S. government but for our European allies too. And I have every hope that once these suits, which I fondly call Mark, are fully realized; we'll have another option to keep our citizens safe from extremists and lunatics. So this is another step in the right direction; if Stark Industries can make the world a better place, then that's our commitment to all of you. That's our goal and we'll continue to strive for it one way or another. Because nothing's more important than protecting our law abiding citizens; absolutely nothing." Tony ended his speech then and was met by thunderous applause, although he didn't bask in it too much; not when he knew he had a very angry redhead close-by that wanted his head on a plate.

Laboriously, he made his way to the side of the stage; where he knew Pepper was inevitably situated. Just as he stepped into the shadows, away from the crowd, and passed the microphone to same guy that had given it to him in the first place; he was met with the beet-red face of his CEO. Pepper looked close to exploding and not just in the metaphorical sense either.

"What in the hell was that?" Pepper demanded shrilly, only to wheel around on Rhodey a split-second later. "Did you know about this?"

"I only found out about it last night. I saw it in the flesh an hour beforehand." Rhodey said without any inflection whatsoever. "I tried to talk him out of it, but he was confident in the fact that he wouldn't die. And I guess he had reason to be."

"You could have killed yourself; you could have killed somebody else! What on earth were you thinking? This could have ended horribly!"

"Oh, I certainly agree with you, Miss Potts. What Anthony had done was reckless and thoughtless." Loki suddenly appeared from behind them; an obvious force to be reckoned with, even while in the shadows and shrouded in nothing but black clothing. "I know you'd like to scold him further, he deserves it no doubt, but if I could have a moment alone with him, I'd appreciate it greatly."

Pepper's face reddened even more, to the point where Tony was truly concerned about her combusting (even though there wasn't any solid scientific proof that human combustion was real). Thankfully, she chose to walk away without putting up a fight. She would more than likely tongue lash him behind closed doors soon enough anyway. But for now she was going to let Loki do the dirty work for her.

The bustle of people began to quickly disperse, once Pepper stormed away; no doubt for they could keep tabs on the exhibition and make sure the company's CEO really didn't explode. Rhodey shot him a sympathetic look as he too eventually disappeared, and left him alone with Loki who looked none too pleased by his over the top entrance. Then again, he probably wouldn't have been too enthused if Loki had done anything similarly either.

"That was quite a display, if I do say so myself; from one showman to another." Loki approached him, slowly walking around him; as if in an attempt to absorb every sophisticated piece of armor the suit had been constructed from. "Clearly this was why you were so banged up over a week ago; were you trying to fly, Anthony? Did it backfire on you? As it could have tonight and as your CEO so eloquently put it – you could have easily killed yourself or even someone else."

"I wouldn't have flown over the audience, if I wasn't one-hundred percent confident that the suit was going to hold up."

"Oh, really," Loki paused at his side, before he leaned in; almost to the point where his nose touched Tony's cheek. "You were one-hundred percent sure? But I highly doubt you were one-hundred percent sure about your own welfare. No, Tony Stark lives for the spectacle, doesn't he?"

"Loki, come off it."

"Well, I wouldn't want to show my concern for someone I care for. It's not like I've lost someone before; actually that would be positively absurd!"

"Sweetheart, please." Tony turned his head to peer at Loki; their height difference had been diminished due to the suit's extra inches, but he still felt small and insignificant beside Loki currently.

"No, you're right. Let's not fight, but if you ever pull a stunt like that again, Anthony Stark, I will not hesitate to leave you. Do I make myself clear?"

"This is my job-"

" _Do you understand me?_ " Loki enunciated each word, as his eyes widened almost comically to the size of saucers.

"I understand." He said in defeat, although he couldn't say definitively if his future project wouldn't be dangerous. That was just a part of being an inventor, even if the thought of Loki leaving him was heart-wrenching; he couldn't promise that he wouldn't be hurt in his workshop again.

Gradually, Loki leaned back and continued to stare at the suit. During the earliest phases of the Mark II, Tony had experimented with light-weight metal; only to shift gears to something better, more specifically titanium alloy. He'd played around with the color choices too, before settling on red and gold that looked pretty good in comparison to the other color combinations he tried.

"How do you get out of this thing?"

"Manually; Rhodey helped get me in, but you kind of kicked him out."

"Insufferable as you usually are." Loki muttered. "I can help you; tell me where to start."

Taking a deep breath, Tony explained in thorough detail how the suit came apart. It was a series of pieces that connected together to make the whole suit a reality. Loki followed every instruction with care, slowly pulling off one gauntlet then the next, which freed Tony's hands and proved to be helpful as they both worked on freeing him from the chest piece.

After almost half an hour, they had gotten the majority of the suit off. Tony slouched into a nearby fold-out chair, as Loki worked on the leg pieces and boots. One of which snapped open with a little bit of muscle behind it. The other seemed to pull off far easier, and joined the pile of disassembled pieces that would have to be rebuilt for transport soon enough. It was a pressuring concern right now, though.

"I believe I was just as effective as your friend, although I hadn't expected my night off would revolve around this. I assumed I would be familiarizing myself with your intellect instead of your idiocy, especially since I know of your idiocy so well already."

"You've witnessed my genius twenty minutes ago; hello, a titanium alloy suit that can fly and will help eliminate terrorist threats across the globe. That is impressive."

"It would have been more impressive, if I knew you hadn't gotten yourself injured while creating it."

"I told you I'll be more careful next time; besides now I know what I'm up against. You won't have to worry; this might be a prototype, but when I'm finished it'll be as safe as an airplane and car. Safer even,"

"You can never convince me of that." Loki furrowed his brow, before he took Tony's hand in his and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. "Maybe I overreacted; I hadn't bloody imagined you'd be in a flying suit tonight. No less to _that_ song."

"That song is one of my favorite songs on the planet; technically, the first time I heard it I fell in love with you."

"Fool,"

"I'm sorry for scaring you, sweetheart. Sometimes I just get stuck in my own head and I get carried away. No more surprises; if I plan on trying that again, I'm going to you first. Scout's honor," Tony looped an arm around Loki's neck and dropped his forehead against his. "But you do have to admit you were proud of me; I saw it on your face."

"Maybe just a little,"

"I'll take it."

"Now Anthony, you will be personally escorting me through this expo of yours. It's the least you can do for being an absolute cad."

"It would be my pleasure, babe." Tony pressed a kiss to Loki's lips, and then climbed to his feet. "I know I'm going to get laid tonight; you'll be so turned on by everything I've made even if I'm an absolute cad, as you put it."

"Like hell you will," Loki scoffed, but couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"You say that now, but once you witness the future you'll be aroused beyond belief."

"How do I even put with you? I need a reminder."

"To the future," Tony grabbed Loki's hand, and pulled him towards the stairs that led out onto the bustling expo floor. Even though they'd have to drop hands within seconds, both of them held on tightly to one another anyway. And maybe Tony's statement wasn't that far from the truth – they were headed to the future and for many glorious years to come.


	48. Chapter Forty-seven :: A Blessing & A Curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the last; the epilogue will follow shortly thereafter.

* * *

 

**Chapter Forty-seven :: A Blessing & A Curse**

 

* * *

 

The sense of nostalgia that struck Tony was indescribable. Things had undoubtedly changed over the duration of twenty years, there was something distinctly familiar about the situation too. Despite the enormous venue that spread out before him, so much bigger than any other theater he'd seen Loki perform in beforehand, it still felt like coming home.

Tony slowly sat into one of the hard plastic chairs in the VIP box, which provided him an excellent view of the barren stage. Unlike the last tour he'd witnessed, there weren't any props or glitz and glamour; instead it felt so much more authentic and gritty. There was an impressive drum kit constructed at the back of the stage, and several electric guitars and bass guitars lined up like tin soldiers on their respected sides. And then there was a microphone; singular and lonesome in the very center.

Come tomorrow night, Loki Laufeyson would be in front of that very microphone; singing and swaying his hips like no time at all had passed. He'd cast a spell on an audience of thousands. Loyal fans that had waited with baited breath for his return; the same individuals that waited in the sticky summer heat in floppy hats, denim bell-bottoms, with scraggily hair; passing joints in between each other and discussing in angry tones about the state of affairs involving 'Nam.

The world had changed since then. Vietnam wasn't even a bleep on anyone's radar anymore. No one protested the injustices of society as they frequently had; or even delved into the concept of peace and love. Everything seemed so much bleaker now, even without an ongoing war that threatened to tear everyone asunder. Because at least people cared; they cared enough to stand up to their oppressors, while this current generation was pessimistic and stony in comparison.

Music had changed too. Rock 'n' roll had been the life force for kids like Tony. It had been an escape from reality, which he had desperately needed. And for one glorious summer in '71, he'd been swept away with one of the most underrated bands of that period. He'd traveled the country with Odin's Sons; four talented musicians whose internal dynamics tore the band apart in the end.

Loki Odinson had been the only one to survive the explosion; he'd emerged from the ashes as Loki Laufeyson, and in so many ways he had destroyed Tony from the inside-out. They'd both destroyed one another; hurt and marred and broke each other, until they parted ways without a single goodbye. But at least the music had been good; the music had always been good and would always be good.

"Don't you have an expo to be at?" Someone spoke from behind Tony; soft and almost reflective.

Turning in his seat, Tony couldn't help but smile at Loki. His lover wasn't in any elaborate costume, as he had been of late; instead he was in a simple pair of black jeans and a white V-neck tee-shirt. The familiar glint of a delicate gold chain looped around Loki's neck, although the ring was tucked away from prying eyes underneath his shirt.

"I'm only the show pony. Pepper handles the daytime stuff."

"In other words, you're avoiding responsibility."

"Something like that." He chuckled, as Loki stepped down the stairs that led to the bottom of the box where he was seated.

"It isn't very elaborate, I have to admit. But I decided less is more this time around; my flamboyant days are behind me." Loki pushed his hands into his pockets, as he let out a tired sigh. "Everyone has been telling me how the world wants Loki Laufeyson in all his splendor. Phil and Morgana have been relentless about it, and I suppose that's why I gave in a bit; the make-up, the attitude."

Over the course of the past few months, Tony had seen the rebirth of Loki's career. His newest album had topped the charts; shooting to number one within a week of being released. His unreleased material had followed shortly thereafter. So Loki had capitalized on his good luck, and had released five music videos, sat down for radio and TV interviews; all the while dressed in black with a heavier look than he had previously.

It was an evolution of the times, really. Loki had a harder sound, a darker look; which happened to appeal to this current generation. Young kids had already latched onto the newly improved Loki Laufeyson, and there had been news reports of those kids waiting outside the ticket master to buy up tickets for Loki's three day engagement that would kick off tomorrow night.

"You have to appeal to the young ones, old man." Tony eyed the stage once more. "I bet manager extraordinaire's shitting himself because you don't have some over the top stage show happening this time around."

"Well, he certainly wasn't thrilled. But I had to put my foot down."

"You've become a pussy cat, Loki."

"Tired, Anthony; the word is tired." Loki muttered. "I've always been tired, though. Twenty-five years ago, I thought I was going to lose my mind. Twenty years, I knew I had. Currently, I'm so far away from sanity, I wouldn't know normality if it came up and bit me."

"Normal's overrated, sweetheart," Tony directed his gaze back onto Loki; who'd taken to leaning against the railing beside his seat.

Loki didn't reply to him; he looked far away. From time to time, Tony had noticed how Loki reverted inward without any warning. He never asked why nor did he bother to find out what Loki was thinking in those moments. It was probably something personal; too personal to share with anyone, and Tony tried to accept it for what it was.

Both of them carried emotional scars, which were complicated to bare. Tony had confessed to Loki about his awful experience in Libya, although they never broached the issue of his father's death. And there were still so many wounds Loki hadn't shared with him; so many unspoken things and pains that it would probably drive anyone to the brink of madness if they heard about them.

Loki never spoke about Sif anymore either.

"Even though I've performed in recent months, this is different. I haven't been on a proper stage since the early eighties. I can't remember a theater this large either; this'll be different, to say the least."

"You aren't getting cold feet, are you?" Tony teased half-heartedly. "You're going to be great, babe. You're made for performing; that's what you do."

"I always thought I was meant for something more. I ran away from this and pursued the career that I thought I was built for. But even that was wrong."

"What's going on? Why are you, you know, over-thinking things now?"

"Because," Loki slipped his hands free from his pockets, choosing to cross his arms instead. "It's all coming back to me now. Those selfish, insufferable bits of me are coming back to the forefront of my mind. And the memories; things I've all but forgotten for years are coming back to me."

"You aren't contemplating a detour to the nearest roof, are you?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Loki, you're getting lost in your own head." Tony reached out for Loki; pleased when he took his hand automatically. "You're going to be amazing; people are going to love you. They've always loved you."

There was a moment of uncertainty and vulnerability that slipped across Loki's face, before it disappeared again. It hadn't occurred to Tony that maybe Loki would be worried about how people would perceive his upcoming performances. While it had been years since Loki had taken a stage, there wasn't any doubt in his mind that Loki was going to blow everyone away. Rusty or not, he'd seen Loki perform at Morgana's holiday party and saw how enthralled the crowd had been with him.

"I never gave a damn when I was on stage, initially." Loki laughed abruptly. "It was just a stupid hobby; Thor wanted me to front his awful band, and I bloody couldn't care less about it. Then things started to happen; they snowballed and snowballed, until we were touring Europe and eventually North America. But I still didn't care; I went out there without any ambition, without a care in the world. And that only changed when I became a solo artist; I cared about the finished product then, although I can't say I've ever cared as much as I do now. Because I don't want to be viewed as some fool trying to revitalize a dead career,"

"Do you really think anyone thinks that? Sweetheart, your music is being played everywhere again. The new stuff and the old stuff; your face is plastered on magazine covers, and MTV can't stop raving about you." Tony squeezed his hand. "You know what's going to happen tomorrow night? You're going to put on the best performance of your life, and you're going to remind every single person in this room why you're a fucking god. If they forgot about you before, they definitely aren't going to forget about you again."

Another unsolicited laugh erupted from Loki's lips, as if he found the whole idea to be preposterous. Maybe he did and the only way it would inevitably be remedied was when tomorrow night rolled around. Once Loki got off stage then he'd know how good he was and beloved he truly was.

Loki squeezed his hand firmly, before he let go, and walked down to the very end of the box; where he could stare at the mostly empty stage without any obstructions in his way. Tony didn't bother to get up, already sensing that Loki wanted some space. And he didn't want to impede on him unnecessarily, especially now.

"How did everything come to this? The good, the bad; everything seems to come back to this. Music is both a blessing and a curse." Loki said aloud, although it sounded as if he was speaking to himself more than anything else. "The one constant in my life has been music. And I'm terrified of it; this isn't stage fright, no it is terror."

"Loki,"

"Music makes me remember things; the performance itself does, Anthony. Because I'll be right there," Loki pointed at the microphone stand. "And I'll be looking for _her_. Every time I was on stage, I could always count on her to be there; especially when I went solo. She was always there; always behind her camera, always. But she won't be there anymore; she won't be there and it's not fair. It's not bloody fair! She should be here!"

The sound of Loki slapping his hands against the bars, echoed loudly almost painfully in the dead air. It sounded like Loki's heart was breaking all over again; messy, disjointed pieces of an organ that spent years pining away and loving a girl that was the epitome of perfection. Tony couldn't hold it against Loki either; he didn't feel any jealousy or disquiet when it came to Sif anymore. How could he really?

Several tense moments ticked away, before Loki turned around to face him. His eyebrows were knitted together and his mouth was set in a tight line, in a way that revealed how conflicted he really was. But nothing ever remained on Loki's face for very long, and that look too disappeared after half a minute.

"I'm sorry; my emotions got the best of me."

"You don't have to apologize about thinking about Sif, I mean Amelia." Tony leaned back in his chair and tousled his hair. "I'm not stupid, Loki. I know what she meant to you; what she still means to you. And I'm never going to be a dick about it. She deserves to be remembered and loved; if you didn't feel that way still then I'd think you were a callous bastard."

"Then you'll forgive me for tomorrow night."

"What do you mean by that? What are you going to do?"

"Something special," Loki smiled sadly, as he climbed up the steps and stopped beside the seat Tony occupied. He then reached out and took his hand, and kissed each knuckle with gentle care. "Tomorrow's my beloved wife's birthday; she would have been forty-five years old. And I'm dedicating the show to her."

Before Tony could say a word, although he suspected he wouldn't be able to anyway; Loki released his hand with that same sad smile, and started back up the steps. His footfall was quiet on the concrete, yet his words were heavy and powerful in comparison. They hit Tony hard in the chest because he was reminded for the umpteenth time that Sif was no longer around, and wouldn't be able to watch as Loki set the world on fire again.

She would have only been forty-five years old, which was the most tragic thing about the whole damn situation. And Tony couldn't help but feel a heavy misery deep inside because she was gone and he'd never gotten the opportunity to say goodbye. So he would gladly share Loki's heart with Amelia for the rest of his life because she deserved it. She always deserved Loki, but he did too.


	49. Chapter Forty-eight :: Wish You Were Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to several songs during the conception of this chapter; most notably being: "Helter Skelter" by the Beatles, "Gold Dust Woman" by Fleetwood Mac, "The End" by the Doors, "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac, "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd, and well every conceivable David Bowie song you can think of.

* * *

 

**Chapter Forty-eight :: Wish You Were Here**

 

* * *

 

 

How I wish, how I wish you were here.  
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,  
Running over the same old ground.  
What have we found?  
The same old fears.  
Wish you were here.

 

* * *

 

The venue had been sold out for months. Every seat was occupied, as was every available standing spot in front of the stage. Hundreds upon hundreds, maybe close to a thousand people had filtered into the enormous room over the course of two hours.

Excitement sparked in the air; a small buzz that slowly became more and more apparent as time passed by. Tony felt it down to the bone; an electrical current that was all too familiar to him. It had been a very long time since he was possessed by this sort of anticipatory sensation. Because no one else but Loki Laufeyson, initially Loki Odinson, was able to affect him quite like this; and he had seen many legendary bands during their prime too.

Shifting fitfully in his seat, Tony glanced at Pepper who sat on his left then to Rhodey on his right. On the other side of Rhodey was Gwen Stacy and on her other side was Happy. With a little bit of intimidation, he'd managed to buy out the whole box. Phil hadn't appreciated all the calls he received over the duration of a week, but he eventually caved in despite his obvious chagrin, as if no time at all had passed in between them.

"Will you please stop fidgeting?" Pepper demanded, before resting her hand firmly onto his knee; threatening to squeeze it hard enough to hurt.

"Sorry," he replied absentmindedly, as his eyes darted to a motley of fans down below. "I just, well, it's been awhile."

"What on earth do you expect to happen?"

"I don't know; something amazing. But he was nervous and I guess I'm nervous too; second-hand nervousness." He admitted. "But it's a good kind of nervous, you know."

"Just stop fidgeting already." Pepper released his knee, while she stared directly ahead of her.

The stage was lit dimly; crew members, scraggily old-timers that could have possibly worked on previous engagements for Loki, were working non-stop. They constructed the drum kit masterfully; while others wired the stage for sound. Bucky crossed the floor at one point, carrying the microphone in hand; while the other wound into the accompanying cord. Loki had always seemed to have a predilection for long-corded microphones, especially in the early seventies.

Only twenty minutes earlier, the opening act had finished their set. Tony hadn't paid much attention them, though; the only thing he could truly ascertain from their set was that they were an upgrade from the previous bands Loki had had on the road with him. But they too were a throwback to the good 'ol days of rock 'n' roll and had warmed up the audience decently enough for the main event.

Construction continued at a diligent pace, even as some of the seasoned roadies laughed and pushed one another good-naturedly. Bucky seemed to be one of the few single-minded ones, however. He slipped the microphone into place on the stand; before he tapped on the top; when no sound came out he spread his arms open in annoyance and pointed directly ahead of him at wherever the sound engineers were hidden.

Several attempts passed by until the venue was overtaken by the loud 'boom boom' of Bucky's finger on the microphone; although it was shortly followed by a shrill whine that caused a collective shudder to run through the crowd. None of the crew members seemed remotely perturbed by it though, and continued their work without pause. Bucky too didn't seem to mind the noise, despite it erupting once more after he tapped on the microphone for a second time.

"Testing, testing; one, two, three," Bucky said into the mic. "One, two, three; one two…it's too loud, Henry. And one, two, three…lower it but don't go crazy. One, two, three – there, right there,"

Once Bucky seemed satisfied with the sound; he then readjusted the microphone stand to cater to Loki's greater height, and stepped back to observe if everything appeared to be up to par for his boss. After a moment or two, he turned away to help with some other tasks; which were menial in comparison. But they stoked a heavy sense of nostalgia in Tony nonetheless; it had been a very long time, since he'd been immersed in a concert scene, and he found he missed it.

Back when he was a kid, Tony couldn't really appreciate the assembly of the stage. It had always taken what seemed to be a lifetime; he'd always been so anxious for the performance that he ignored the rest of the atmosphere around him. In a way, he almost yearned for the cramped theaters, standing shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers; smoking their weed and hearing Sif's voice in his ear, calling him that obnoxious nickname daddy-o.

For a split-second, he could recall everything vividly; the sterile and cheap light that covered the small stage, the burly and mean looking roadies as they set up instruments and plugged in amps and Sif beside him with cheery but exasperated smile. She had always looked exasperated, though; after hours of trying to placate Loki and Thor simultaneously but rarely complaining about it, even if she had a right to.

The memory jarred Tony. He jerked in his seat, transported back to the present; where the smell of weed, perspiration, and cheap perfume was only a figment of his imagination. Pepper shot him an annoyed look, while Rhodey's was a little more concerned about his welfare in comparison. But he was quick to brush away any questions by announcing he was fine; except for the fact that Sif's smile was a little too clear to be of any real comfort. And that made him wonder about how well Loki was handling things now, especially so close to show time.

Another half an hour passed by, before the roadies finally began to filter off the stage. One by one they gathered any spare equipment they'd brought along with them, and disappeared from sight. Bucky was one of the last who lingered still; he approached the mic stand and shifted the microphone down for easier access for Loki. When he was done, he gave a thumbs up to the engineers, and hurried off the stage like he were twenty years younger and a ball of unspent energy.

Tony took in a deep breath, suddenly consumed completely by nervous energy; which only heightened once the lights turned off. The room was veiled in darkness and the loud clamor of the hundreds of fans reached a deafening degree. Rhodey squeezed his shoulder, undoubtedly sensing his nerves; although he really couldn't explain why he felt the way he did. Maybe it really was a case of second-handed nervousness, after all.

Darkness slowly let way to a flicker of red and then blue light. Thick columns of light eventually extended across the length of the room, and danced from one corner to the next. The audience let out a collective scream; one that Tony felt down to the bone. The vibrations of it moved down his spine, one vertebra at a time; tapping into that heady sensation that had been dormant inside of him for so long.

Lights of every color in the rainbow came on; purple, green, and yellow joined the red and blue and roved lazily overhead. They spun and spiraled in an endless display; drawing out more and more excitement from the crowd, and made way for the beginnings of a chant. Loki's name erupted down below, accompanied by a surge of applause; growing louder and louder and more forceful with each passing moment.

The noise was overwhelming; deafening in its insistence. Tony was swept away in it, as he had been when he was just a kid. Every memory became so much sharper; the nostalgia worked its way up his throat, and he felt both elated and horribly sad. Because he shouldn't have been there, dressed in a sleek two piece suit, sitting beside Pepper, Rhodey, Gwen, and Happy. He should have been shoulder to shoulder, side by side with Amelia Laufeyson instead.

That anticipatory air should have been theirs to share; the mounting excitement and pride for Loki getting back on stage after so long should have been theirs. It shouldn't be Tony's alone; yet it was and it wounded something deep inside of him to know the truth of that unequivocally.

As suddenly as the lights flashed into life; each one fell back into darkness, until only the red one remained. Its reach diminished, soon becoming only a pinprick in the dark, a pulse that matched the beat of Tony's heart; before that too guttered out without any fanfare. And that brought on a heavy bout of silence; an undulating and lively silence that only hundreds of people could pull off.

Every single person seemed to have held their breath, as they were consumed by the electric current that was in the air. Tony bit his bottom lip and clenched his fists, trying to futilely see the stage despite it being lost to the shadows. There wasn't any hint of movement; not a sign of life at all. And then it happened; so sudden like a gunshot that he was temporarily disoriented.

The thunderous boom of the drums split through the silence; loud and powerful, and soon followed by the screech of an electric guitar, and the vibrations of the bass. But more importantly than all of that, Tony heard the low growl of a familiar voice that evolved into a roar, and brought the lights on in a huge explosion that lit up the whole theater. Everyone leapt to their feet in union; Tony saw from his peripheral that Pepper bolted out of her seat at the same time he did, and everyone in the box soon followed suit.

Standing center stage, dressed in a three piece black suit, was Loki. One side of his face had been painted as it had been during '76, and his hair curled and coiffed perfectly. His mouth was pressed firmly against the microphone, as he bellowed out the lyrics to his current hit. Both hands grasped the microphone while his hips swayed obscenely to the music that was being masterfully played by the band.

Fandral stood on the left side of the stage as he had during his Odin's Sons days, thrumming on the strings of his bass guitar almost violently; but capturing the viciousness of the song spot-on. While the other musicians, Loki's band during his solo years, played just as wildly and uncontained as was needed of them. And it rocked the crowd into a frenzy of movement.

Tony's heart jumped into his throat, as his eyes and ears zeroed onto Loki. Everything else seemed to fade away and became secondary in comparison. He knew that feeling all too well and it was exhilarating; it was earth-shattering and mind-numbing, and Tony lived for the beauty of Loki's voice. Loki's voice was crisp, passionate, and sounded as good as it did in the seventies; maybe even better. No one seemed to think any differently either.

The audience drank in every lyric, every pivot of Loki's hips. They danced and swayed and sang; completely possessed by the music, and Loki manipulated them like a puppeteer. He pulled on everyone's strings, drove them into a ruckus with a lofty sort of ease that came so naturally to him.

Soon the song hit its crescendo; Loki struck a note that made Tony's whole body break out in goose bumps. It was strong and powerful, and in no way revealed a man who'd been smoking cigarettes for the better half of forty years. God, it was the most beautiful sound that Tony had ever heard before; because it meant Loki was back, really back.

The music wavered in between fury and softness, teetering on the line of madness. Back and forth it went; fueling Loki's every move until it died away. Even before the crowd could properly absorb what they had just seen, another eruption of sound overtook the theater. It was another new song, as loud and angry as the first one. But it was wonderful anyway and continued to rile the hundreds of fans into wild frenzy.

Happy hooted loudly somewhere to his right, reminiscent of his own crazy band days. If anyone could appreciate good music and an even greater performance, it most certainly would be him. Gwen seemed to be swept away the atmosphere too; Tony heard her sing along to the lyrics of the song, and dancing in a way that would drive any sane man to the brink. Pepper and Rhodey, however weren't as enthralled but they appeared to enjoy the performance all the same still, at least.

No one appeared to be immune to Loki's wiles. Everyone was engrossed by him; every word that rolled off his tongue seemed to be law, and the combination of guitar, bass, and drum only solidified the message further. It was overwhelming, overbearing but most of all – it was liberating.

One song bled into another; the newer material tumbled out of Loki's lips for some time, until finally he withdrew from the microphone. Without a word, he backed away and started to shrug off his coat, and tossed it carelessly behind him. He then rolled up his sleeves, exposing two thin and pale forearms; one that was branded by an elegant cursive that read Amelia, and drew Tony's eyes immediately.

Once he finished such a familiar ritual, Loki pulled the microphone free from its confines; using his other hand to set aside the stand, he then wrapped the cord around it, before taking in a deep breath that could be heard over the sound system. A roguish smile crossed his half-painted face, before he uttered the opening monologue to one of most popular songs from the seventies – _Valkyrie's Flight_.

The theater practically exploded; the noise in the room went up several decibels, and Tony couldn't help but contribute to the cacophony like everybody else. Without further ado, Loki launched into the song; oozing with even more confidence than he had with his newer catalogue of songs. Probably because he had sung that song so many time, and knew without a shadow of a doubt that people absolutely loved it.

Loki prowled the stage with long and confident strides; his eyes narrowed in obvious amusement as he peered down at the crowd. He knew all too well what he was doing to every person in the room, and he was proud of himself; cocky and intensely deserving of being so. If anyone deserved this type of fanfare, it definitely was him.

The lyrics echoed back to Loki, as hundreds of voices recited them verbatim. Tony sang along too; while he couldn't carry a tune to save his own life that really didn't matter. What ultimately did was that he, and everyone else, could project how much Loki meant to them. For well over twenty years, Loki had entertained a generation; he mystified and marveled them, and no one truly had forgotten him. Not really anyway.

Life might have taken precedent; ties and briefcases and kids and finances might have overrode their passion for rock 'n' roll. But at the very core of each fan was still the same thing – they were still the wild-haired, free thinking, flower children of the sixties and seventies who worshipped rock stars like they were deities. And it was obvious why – they were gods. Loki was a bona fide god.

As one song ended, another well-beloved song took its place. Loki sang powerfully, putting his body and soul into his performance. He didn't hold back any punches; he swayed and danced to the music, and teased the crowd by creeping towards the end of the stage and falling back before anyone could even attempt to reach out for him.

Hands shot up into the air; some held tightly onto lit lighters, while others wanted a piece of Loki himself. None of them were successful, though; a few came close, but they always fell short. Loki proved to be a force much too great to be coveted by any number of hands. He was a supernova, a time bomb ready to explode but in a good way.

When another song died on Loki's lips, although in no way timidly; the stage went quiet. The audience was howling, screaming, whistling, and clapping endlessly. No one seemed to be able to hide their enthusiasm or wean off the adrenaline that taken over them. They hollered and yelled on and on, until they finally noticed Loki standing back from the front of the stage with his hip jutted out, and his impossibly long fingers pointing the microphone away from his face.

Wordlessly, Loki tilted his head backwards; which lit up the screen in a ghostly light. Grainy footage came into view gradually, displaying a hallway that was clearly a venue's backstage section. Someone pushed open a door down the hallway, a guy dressed in a brown suede suit (none other than manager extraordinaire) and held the door open widely so several people could pass through.

Loki was one of the many that strutted out confidently; his coiffed hair was anything but. Instead it was long and wavy but somehow uniformed nonetheless. He wore his trademark oxford but only a few buttons were done up in the center. But what was even more telling was the woman beside him, whose hand had twined with his. Her chestnut hair was long and curled, and she wore a form fitting forest green dress. Her smile was sunny and bright, as it always had been and undoubtedly always would be too.

 _"Oh, must you?"_ Loki asked in exasperated annoyance.

 _"Documentation is important, Mr. Laufeyson!"_ The man off-camera said cheerily. _"Don't you agree, Mrs. Laufeyson?"_

 _"My husband's career should be well-documented, of course! His head needs to be bigger than it already is! I've been wanting a new house, you know!"_ Sif laughed, which lit up her face even more than it naturally had been.

 _"Behind every good man is a good woman. And behind her is a very good house, I suppose."_ Loki looked down fondly at Sif, and was meant with an even fonder look in return.

_"My birthday's coming up, you know! April 7th 1952; don't forget, John. I expect a very nice gift!"_

_"I'd never forget, Mrs. Laufeyson; Mr. Laufeyson wouldn't let me!"_

_"Can't buy this one a nice mink coat or a holiday abroad; she wants a bloody house. Luckily this tour is lucrative or we'd have one unhappy lady on our hands."_

_"April 7th, 1952,"_ Sif repeated, before Loki led her around the camera; which quickly whipped around to record their retreating backs as they walked up the hallway. But Sif turned around nonetheless and waved over her shoulder and said goodbye; before they disappeared around a corner.

As the film reel ended, a hush possessed the crowd. Loki tilted his head back, in an obvious attempt (obvious to Tony at least) to keep his emotions in check. It took several moments until he righted his head and brought the microphone to his lips; although words seemed to elude him temporarily and left him floundering.

"April 7th, 1952," he finally said and smiled with all teeth, but no happiness. "This is for you, my love; wherever you are. This is for you."

Abruptly, the room was plunged into darkness; which seemed to indicate that the show had since come to an end. People exploded into forlorn wails, some boos even peppered the air; even if Loki probably had performed for close two hours. It hadn't felt like that much time had passed, though. And Tony knew that he didn't want the concert to ever end either.

Seconds ticked away and ushered in the same chant before Loki's performance. Loki's name filled up the theater; it was loud and pleading and more than one person in Tony's box joined in. Tony didn't follow the mob mentality, and instead attempted to dissect the darkness; in hope of seeing the stage crew or something, especially after the emotional film reel.

Nothing was visible still, unfortunately; even when the chant grew louder and louder, there wasn't any indication that the show was over or if there was even more to come. They were literally and figuratively left in the dark and it seemed to go on and on for ages. To the point where Tony heard Happy yell out "what the fuck" more than once.

"Oh, we are not done just yet." Loki's voice suddenly split through the riotous noise, followed by a melody that made Tony's hair stand on end, and kicked the air right out of his lungs.

It couldn't be; there was no way, and yet when the lights turned on all at once – it was. Loki had taken his place in the middle stage, having stripped off his tie and waistcoat. Several buttons had been undone on button-up to expose his collarbone, and his face had been cleaned of his trademark make-up. Fandral was still in place, playing his bass with a brilliant grin on his face; but two members of the band had been changed.

A rotund man with wild red hair streaked with white and an even wilder beard, sat behind the drum kit; playing with a force that the former drummer couldn't emulate even if he tried. Then there was the guitarist; the guitarist's blond hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail, although several strands fell over one of his eyes. His face was finely lined but still handsome and still purely _Thor_ that it didn't seem possible.

Only a few weeks ago, Tony had flown over an anticipatory crowd of his own; while playing his favorite song by Odin's Sons over the sound system. Now it was being played live and in person by the original line-up. Loki belted out the lyrics of _Valhalla_ confidently and moved like he had when Tony had first seen him. None of them looked like fifty something year old former rock stars; they looked like how they had in the summer of 1971.

Volstagg pounded away on his drum kit, while Fandral plucked away on his bass, and Thor thrummed his electric guitar like it was his life force. They somehow looked young and lively and like a band that had never separated twenty odd years beforehand. And it hit Tony with even more throat-tightening nostalgia; the screen at the back of the stage was illuminated once more, dancing with old footage of the band in their prime and their bubbly number one fan – Sif.

Much of the footage revolved around Sif; Sif dancing in empty music halls, and Sif fondly hugging each band member, and Sif sticking her tongue out at the camera and walloping Fandral unceremoniously over the head with a pillow. Her likeness flashed palely on the screen, really not doing her any justice. She was so much more vibrant than that; her hair had smelled of sunflowers and her laugh had been infectious, and Tony missed her something terribly.

The newly reunited Odin's Sons had whipped the audience into hysteria. It was worse than even when Loki was performing his older songs; seeing as no one could have suspected that these four surly Englishmen would ever step on same stage as one another again. The break-up had been a brutal and very public one, and as far as Tony knew those bad feelings had persisted over those twenty years apart. Maybe there still were bad feelings between the band mates for all he knew; but for now they had put their petty fights aside to perform as one cohesive unit again.

Loki moved across the stage with a beat to his step, and this time he took hands; allowed the public to touch him fleetingly, before he moved to the side closest to Tony and Thor alike. Thor met Loki head-on; they faced one another, as Loki sang out the lyrics with a ferocity that would have probably devolved into a fist fight between the two of him ages ago. Yet nothing violent occurred, instead Loki held out the microphone to Thor and let him sing the ending line with a power that matched Loki's.

When that song ended, none of them hesitated to perform another. They worked flawlessly with one another like a well-oiled machine. Tony was swept away with every song; reminded with painful vividness about being a fifteen year old kid (going on sixteen) and being on the road with a rock 'n' roll band all the while being in love with the lead singer that didn't give a damn about him.

He remembered the sweaty summer afternoon and Natasha in her floppy hat; he remembered the pretty girl that smelled of sunflowers that dubbed him daddy-o. He remembered the angry blond guitarist, who boomed with laughter even when he looked ready to throttle Tony on first contact. He remembered the redheaded drummer and his suave blond bassist companion. And he remembered the evasive, tea obsessed, Loki Odinson.

Memories long since forgotten overtook him. He remembered that impromptu meeting with Loki in a diner in Phoenix, and he remembered buying cowboy hats with Sif in Austin. Then there was his birthday celebration in New Orleans, his meeting with Amora in St. Louis, and being caught in the act in Chicago. He remembered his nasty conversation with Thor in Pittsburgh, meeting Bucky in Newark, and Loki making him a promise on a rooftop in New York City.

Tears welled in his eyes; he was both happy and sad simultaneously. He couldn't believe Odin Son's was performing in front of him now, and how good they sounded. But he was also sad because he missed those days. He missed Sif. Her likeness continued to play in the background, and the knowledge that she had been gone for fourteen years was hard to swallow and probably always would be too.

That summer in 1971 had been one of the best, no less confusing, of his life. Five years later, he had faced so many trials that tested his very sanity and cost him the love of his life. Now, however, almost twenty-one years later; Tony had found Loki and found the happiness that had eluded him for so long. He had finally gotten it right for once, although he'd never get to apologize to Sif and say goodbye; or even hug her one last time for that matter.

The music slowly faded away, ebbed into absolute nothingness; replaced by the whine of an amplifier and the crackle of the old film footage. The lights turned off one by one again, but the screen was still alive and dancing. Sif's smile took up much of the screen; her eyes big and bright.

 _"How would you say Odin's Sons first American tour went?"_ Someone asked off-screen.

 _"Well,"_ Sif blew out a heavy breath and laughed gaily seconds afterwards. _"It was eventful, to say the least! But boy did the band put on some stellar performances!"_

_"Not only did the band put on some legendary performances; they also were honored with the opportunity of being interviewed by Rolling Stone magazine. Rumor has it they'll make the cover too!"_

_"Oh yeah; they'll definitely make the cover!"_ Sif beamed with obvious pride, staring directly into the camera. _"It's all thanks to Tony Stark. Thank you, daddy-o; you're the best, and I'm going to miss you! The band's going to miss you, but we'll meet again; guaranteed! Don't forget that!"_

The film footage faded away then, plunging the room into darkness again. That was when Tony let his tears roll down his face. No one had called him daddy-o in almost twenty-one years. And it was bittersweet, but he was happy because in a way it was the goodbye he'd been looking for.

"We'll meet again, Siffy; guaranteed."


	50. Epilogue :: Now & Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of sad to write; I, again, listened to "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack on repeat. And well, this is a huge thank you to the readers of this series; it had taken over a year to complete, and thank you for hanging in with me. But more importantly, thank you to the reviewers; you made this journey so much better than it would have been otherwise.

* * *

 

**Epilogue :: Now & Forever**

 

* * *

 

Adrenaline fueled Loki; despite his achy limbs and sweat covered skin, he felt heady and alive. He'd forgotten how it felt to perform; not just in swanky hotel ballrooms or on sound stages, but to really perform in front of hundreds of people and bask in the enthusiasm that he somehow invoked from them. Truth be told, it was a rather addictive feeling; one that management had a knack of taking advantage of rather frequently.

Only several steps off stage, he was bombarded by too many people to count. Familiar faces, many old friends, raced up to him with congratulatory words on their lips. Some patted him on the back and others squeezed his shoulders, while a few even drew him into excitable embraces. Phil, Bucky, and Morgana had taken that privilege with him, although Phil seemed especially emotional by his performance.

No one had really been the wiser to the impromptu reunion of his former band. Fandral had suggested the possibility months ago, and with some back and forth (but no true contact between him and old bandmates); they had eventually reached an agreement. Although, he and Thor hadn't spoken beyond business; in fact, he hadn't any reason to want to converse any further than that anyway.

The bad blood in between them hadn't lessened any, regardless of not seeing one another for almost twenty-six years. Both of them had plenty of reasons why they continued to hold a grudge; Thor's most notably ones being the end of Odin's Son, no less his convoluted betrayal at Loki marrying Amelia. Whereas, Loki hadn't forgotten the financial issues between them; but more importantly, he hadn't, and never would, forgive Thor for not attending Amelia's funeral.

Some of their spats had been petty, while others had been exceptionally more serious; yet things couldn't be resolved just because they performed together after so many years of separation. Music had been the catalyst for their falling out in the first place, and Loki highly doubted it would bring them back together again. Not for very long anyway.

"You have to admit that felt good; to be on stage with one another again." Thor cut through the rambunctious and bubbly crowd with ease; smiling that small, little smile that always spelled out trouble.

"Don't get any ideas; I invited you to perform during my comeback show, not Odin's Sons."

"Didn't you see how the audience reacted to our performance?"

"Oh, yes." Loki muttered, feeling his adrenaline levels begin to even out once more. "I'm not blind nor am I deaf. But I do know for a fact, I haven't forgiven you. I'll never forgive you, Thor. And any silly notion that we can recapture history in a bottle is delusional. Because we can't and we won't; Amelia was too important to me, and I'd always suspected she was too important to you too."

"You stole my girlfriend, Loki. The very first day you saw her, you wanted her."

"I never stole her, Thor; never. But I do admit to the fact that I wanted her, completely and hopelessly." He smiled mirthlessly at Thor; at the stranger he once called brother. "You had been unfaithful to her, and you had broken her heart. That was out of my control."

Thor didn't immediately reply, although a spark of anger flashed across his face for a brief moment. Thankfully, that hadn't proven to be an invitation to relive their former fist fights. Most of which that led to Loki being decently injured, and Thor walking away with only a few scrapes and bruises.

"She wouldn't have wanted us to fight."

"Well, she wouldn't exactly be shocked."

"No, I suppose she wouldn't be." Thor smiled sadly. "You made her happy; if you hadn't, she would have let everyone know."

"I loved that woman with all my heart; my soul. I still love her and I'll never stop loving her; not until I take my last breath."

"And what of Tony Stark; yes, Fandral told us all about it."

"I'm allowed to love two people, Thor. You made that perfectly clear." Loki took a chance and patted his former brother's shoulder, before he fled from the mayhem that had taken hold of the section directly off the stage; and he luckily wasn't followed either.

His feet carried him seamlessly down the non-descript hallway, which wound towards his dressing room. He knew he'd have a visitor waiting for him, and there was something he had planned to do for weeks now; although he suspected it had been brewing in the back of his mind for months now. He just hadn't paid it any heed until he knew he was ready to make such a commitment a reality.

Mentally he had been preparing himself for this moment, and he finally knew that it was the right time. He had contemplated and spent many hours psychoanalyzing himself; but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was the best course of action. And while it was stressful situation, it would inevitably be for the best in the long run.

Within minutes, Loki found his way to his dressing room. His name had been typed out in bold, black letters; in a way that most people could easily assume that he was of some sort of importance. For years a mundane placard had hung outside his office door at the architecture firm he had worked at, and he never felt any form of satisfaction because of it. But that plain piece of paper did the exact opposite to him.

Reaching for the doorknob, he twisted it and pushed. The door slid open on quiet hinges to reveal an orderly room. There was a single clothing rack pushed against the wall opposite of him; filled with finely pressed suits, while the bottom was lined with matching shoes. The vanity that stood perpendicular to the door had various cosmetic products stacked onto its surface; alongside several hair products too. However, the most notable sight was undoubtedly Tony; who'd taken the spot in front of the vanity.

Tony smiled at him; a beautiful display of perfectly straight teeth. His eyes were bright and happy; even though it was apparent he must have shed a few tear sometime during the evening (and he supposed he could pinpoint at least one instance in which he had). But Loki knew better than to draw unwelcome attention to that, especially now.

"Do I even have to say it?" Tony asked.

"That I was extraordinary, debonair, and I've surpassed all your previous expectations? No, my beloved you do not. And while I would love to bask in your praise, I'd like to do something first. It won't require any commentary on your behalf either."

"That's your subtle way of telling me to shut up."

"Precisely," he agreed with a nod of his head as he closed the door behind him, and crossed the distance in between them.

Wordlessly, Tony shifted in the chair he was seated on until he was sitting sideways on it; which proved to be ideal for what Loki intended on doing. He stepped in between Tony's outstretched legs, and rested his hands onto his shoulders; taking a moment to reflect on the boy reporter Tony had once been, and the eventual reckless young man he'd fallen in love with so many years ago.

Things had been awfully dysfunctional back then; nothing good had come of their relationship back then, but now they had fixed that. They were far from perfect, of course; they still had underlying issues in between them still, and they probably always would. Yet, they really had an opportunity to be happy with one another for once.

"I've thought long and hard about this, Anthony." He began slowly. "You are fully aware of the fact that I don't make decisions without some calculation, particularly nowadays. So I want you to know this isn't a petty gesture."

"You know I wouldn't think that at all." Tony interjected, only to lift his hands in a placating manner. "Oops, I forgot that you wanted me to be quiet; my bad. Please continue."

With a roll of his eyes, Loki slipped his hands off of Tony's shoulders; before he reached up to fumble with the fastening of the gold chain he wore around his neck. His fingers suddenly began to tremble, as if every single one of them was aware of the magnitude of his actions. He took in a shaky breath and focused, until he felt the clasp come free; and the chain shifted away from his body.

His hands continued to shake, as he fastened the clasp once more; and held up the necklace for Tony's eyes. The wedding band twinkled in the sterile lighting; it was a simple ring, but it held so much significance to Loki that his heart felt like it might very well burst at any moment. Because it was one of the last ties to Amelia that he had; it was, in fact, the most significant one he'd ever have now.

"I haven't worn this very diligently of late; not because I haven't wanted to, but it felt disrespectful to you, my Little Stark." He began. "Not because you said anything about it, mind you; it was just my opinion. And well, I've thought about the significance of this ring every day for the past, almost, twenty-six years.

"This was the ring that Amelia gave to me on our wedding day. This was the ring I was so scared to take off after her death, and I wept when I did take it off. I cried harder than I ever imagined I would because of it; I hadn't cried like that since her death, but I knew I had to take it off in order to move on.

"I cheated by wearing it around my neck, however. It gave me comfort to have her so close to my heart still; not just figuratively either, but physically too. Because this is all I have of her still; it'll always be the last thing I have of her, and I…" Loki felt a powerful constriction in his throat, which temporarily silenced him. "And I know I have to truly and honestly let her go. That's why I want to give this to you; I want you to wear it for the both of us; not only in memory of Amelia, but as a token of my love for you.

"I love you, Anthony Edward Stark; my Little Stark, my beloved. I love you more than I can even put into words, both spoken and sung. And I want you to have this because it is the most precious thing I own, and I never want you to forget how much I love you now and to the end of time."

Tony looked up at him with wide and watery eyes, before a beautiful but vulnerable smile spread across his face. For several moments, neither of them did or said anything; not until Tony took up the incentive and managed to get to his feet, and reached up to cradle Loki's face.

"I love you too; I love you as Loki Odinson or Loki Laufeyson or William Fenton or William Madden or any other name you might have had. And I'm going to love you forever; beyond forever, even if that's impossible. I'll find a way to change that. Because I'm a genius and if I can create a fully functional AI and a titanium alloy suit that can fly, you bet I can find a way to love forever."

Loki laughed wetly, as he unfastened the necklace once more; and proceeded to place it around Tony's neck. When it was in place, he pressed his forehead to Tony's, and closed his eyes. He felt the tears gather behind his eyelids, as his hands found their way to Tony's cheeks that were already damp.

Somehow or another, their lips found one another's; which seemed to seal what would inevitably be the commitment they had made to each other at that very moment. No matter the impossibility of their love from start to finish, it would continue on infinitely. Their ballad would always go on; now and forever.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Meeting Mr. Fenton](https://archiveofourown.org/works/806054) by [goldenwatcher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenwatcher/pseuds/goldenwatcher)




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